Title: "This is not the way": A Kylo Ren meets Mando story Author: gizkaspice Timeframe: During the Mandalorian Characters: Mando, Grogu (the Child), Kylo, Blackie and sand Genre: Parody, Comedy Summary: With the help of his trusty kitten, Blackie, Kylo Ren finds a mysterious wardrobe aboard the Supremacy back in the story The Cat, the Kylo, and the Wardrobe. Now, he has traveled back in time by falling into a totally different wardrobe where Mando has the misfortune of dealing with him. Notes: Nothing makes sense. This is the way but it's actually not. Or maybe it is. I have no idea. This is just for fun! Tagging @AzureAngel2 for interest Follow along the theme song to these lyrics for more madness! 1:10: Here's a man who’s an introvert; Doesn’t like droids or small talk Will kick your butt if you say one word ; Against his little green weird kid He has no idea....that someone's coming their way..... He's just a single dad; Who is minding his own business Suddenly this guy appears; And changes history Who the hell is that? ...it's Kylo Ren! And he comes from a totally different dimension He has a cat named Blackie; Who’s a girl cat, so he says No, she's a boy. He's a girl; He's a boyirl, she's a girboy I'm so confused!? What will it take for him to leave Mando alone?! He's a child in a mask; Who thinks his cat is a girl cat Dude, it's been an hour! Why don't you go away!? And leave Mando alone; And that your cat is a boy And you're annoying and so our story begins…. Do, do, do do, do do do do...Meow meow meow meow meow meow. Chapter 1 "This is not the way." Kylo Ren smacked his lips from under his helmet as he mused. Blackie, his black kitten, was sitting on his helmet shifting his eyes suspiciously. "Umm. What's not the way?" he asked the Mandalorian standing before him on some weird desert planet. He had a hovering crib beside him with a funny-looking green baby inside. "Look, Kylo, I don't know who you are or where you came from, but where I come from we don't greet people by shoving our cat's butthole into other peoples' faces. It’s a huge insult to my people." “Okay, Mango,” said Kylo. “It’s Mando,” snapped the Mandalorian and then sighed. "Why do you choose to be difficult?" "Just a habit, I think." "Anyways, I keep telling you your cat is a boy. You're a man. You should know your own equipment." Mando paused for a moment as though uncertain of that statement. "You are a man, right?" "I'm Kylo Ren." He signed. "Somehow I don't think that answers the question..." "Blackie's just special. She has these radio transmitters to help her navigate the world. Many have tried to take away her manhood. All have failed. They were fools for trying." "Absolutely nothing you just said made sense," said Mando before turning his attention to the Child and waving a gloved finger in warning. "And this is why you should never, ever, eat any hallucinogenic mushrooms off the ground. You're going to turn out like this guy talking about his cat’s special butt. He's clearly delusional." "You're wrong, Mango," said Kylo from under his helmet. "Stop calling me Mango. Look, even this kid is a boy. I checked his diapers. The signs are there." "This doesn't apply to Blackie." Now he was getting a splitting headache from this guy and Grogu was confused and becoming uncomfortable from the presence of this strange Dark Side man in front of them. And after a moment of silence, a yellow liquid dripped down from Kylo's helmet. "Your cat is peeing on you." Kylo shrugged. "Yeah, she does that sometimes." Mando helmet-palmed. "Okay. What will it take for you to go away? How about we make a deal?" "Let's hear what you have to offer." Realizing that he was probably dealing with some kind of a manchild, he searched his pockets quickly. "I'll give you this expired pack of Cracker Jacks and my half-eaten tuna sandwich if you go away and leave us alone." The desert wind blew softly against Kylo Ren's black cape as he remained standing and considered the offer. Blackie shifted his eyes suspiciously and stared at the sandwich with great interest. "I can work with that." Mando heaved a sign of relief. He threw the expired snack pack and the sandwich to him. Kylo caught the Cracker Jacks and sandwich with the Force and put the snack in his pocket. He gave the tuna sandwich to Blackie who devoured it like a hungry piranha. The black kitten arched his back and sat sprawled on Kylo's helmet like a leech. "So....," began Mando, realizing the idiot was still there. "The way a deal works is that the other person needs to fulfill their part.....of the deal." "Huh," said Kylo, looking up from playing video games on his comlink. "Oh yeah. Okay, whatever. Let's go, Blackie. This place sucks anyways and that green baby leprechaun freaks me out." The Mandalorian and Grogu watched Kylo and his cat disappear back into a weird wardrobe that also vanished. And calm once again returned to the land. "Probably should have just kicked his ass when I had the chance," said Mando, deeply regretting his actions. Grogu was now mumbling something and looked up to his adoptive parent with concern. "I agree," said Mando, not sure what he was agreeing to. "That guy was a total douchebag. Let's hope we never see him again." Suddenly, he took out his comlink and positioned it away from them with one hand and caught them both together in the image. "Okay, time for a selfie." And he saved the file as My_Funny_Little_Green_Jelly_Bean_and_me.jpg. THE END--ACTUALLY, I LIED. There's a prequel leading up to this below.