Before - Legends Those Eyes! [re: 2008 Dear Diary Challenge; OC; Romance; Angst;Drama] Update 12/21

Title: Those Eyes!
Author: Alexis_Wingstar
Note: This is a companion diary to Freedom in Bondage, and is also a response to http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/27816976/p7/?170]Dear[/url] Diary Challenge 2008. It is told by Asta's POV. We'll see if I can keep up 4 diaries all year.

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Entry 1:

Hello Diary,

I tried to keep a diary once, but I was always too busy to keep it up. I don't know if I'll keep up this one, but, I just had to write some things down. You see, I don't have anyone to talk about how I'm feeling. My mom left dad a few years ago, and though dad makes me visit her a few times a year, I hate her for leaving. How could she do that to dad? He loves her! I asked, and she gives some lame excuse.

"We grew apart."

What the hell is THAT supposed to mean? If I ever get married, it will be 'til death do us part... unless he has other plans. I will not be the one to break a vow.

Well, that's not why I came to write to you, Diary. You see, there's this boy dad bought. Stang, even though I know dad only buys slaves to free them, I wince every time I think about buying a living being. Dad has raised me to hate slavery. He told me everything about Aunt Asta... the one I'm named after... and I hope I can live up to his memory of her. I feel as though I come short so many times.

That's not why I'm writing, either. It seems I have more to work out than what I originally planned to tell you about! The boy... young man... that's what I want to tell you about. His name is Meb. He's lived at my dad's estate for a couple months now. When he first came, he was so skinny and malnourished! He flinched everytime anyone reached out to touch him. No one in this household would raise a hand to harm him. I hope he realizes that by now. He's filled out nicely since he's come here... he works out when he's not studying, and instead of being scrawny, he has a nice set of pecks. If my dad saw me watching him work out, I'd be so embarrassed, but until that happens I'm going to keep enjoying watching Meb. He moves like a sand panther. He's so beautiful.

He's got so many scars though, all over his body. The worst is the burn scar from the brand one of his former masters gave him. It's on his left shoulderblade on the back... I can't believe people brand their slaves like cattle. Then there's the jagged scar on his face. It looks so painful. I wish I could run my finger along it and make it disappear. However, I know that is nothing to the scars he must have inside. When I look into his eyes, I see such pain and sorrow... anger, too.

There's something else though. There's a gentleness there as well. I can't explain it, but I see it when he interacts with the younglings of Caen and Telma... servants that were both slaves once... they married when my father freed them, and asked if they could stay on... they're loyal to my father. Anyway, they have two small children, Goel and Felmon, who get into much mischief. Meb looks after them even though no one asked him to do so.

When I look into his eyes, I want to hold him. I want to take away his pain.

Stars, I can feel myself blushing as I write this, Diary... I long to have him hold me.

Well, I have to go now. I'll hide you under my matress. I don't think anyone will snoop... except for Goel and Felmon, but they can't read yet... but still... I'll be back later to write more.

 

Hey another one and I like to follow it. Please give me a PM when you update.

 

Well it was nice to know what was going through her head. A great companion piece, and please pm me with any updates!

 

Lovely! Please put me on your PM list for this one!

 

PM List

earlybird-obi-wan
angry_bendu1
VaderLVR64

Thank you for reading. You will get a PM really soon.

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Entry 2:

Meb saved my life today! We were walking together, and talking... I wish he felt comfortable enough around me not to stutter. I don't know why he always seems so nervous when I'm around. Does he like me and is shy, or isn't interested in me so when I show interest in him I make him uncomfortable and he's not sure how to get me to bugger off.

Anyway, as so often happens on Tatooine, a sudden sandstorm blew into town. When I stumbled and fell, he helped me up, and he kept a hold of my hand as we fought against the wind.

His hands are so strong, Diary. Strong and calloused. I wouldn't mind holding his hand more.

I don't know what hit me, but, something banged against my head, and the next thing I know, we are at the door to my home and Caen is lifting me off Meb. I felt too weak and disoriented to say anything, then, but watching as Meb tried to stand and collapse made me want to go to help him, but I couldn't.

Well, dad took us both to the hospital, and I got bandaged up. Meb's leg is broken. He must have dragged me to the stairs to my father's house and fallen with me down the steps. Right now we're back home. Both of us were ordered by the doctor to rest in bed for the remainder of the day... but, I just have to go check on him. I want to thank him for saving me.

Maybe I can hold his hand for a little bit.

 

lovely she is falling in love?

 

I think it's safe to say 'yes', but, there are... complications... DUN Dun dun dun!

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Entry 3:

Dear Diary, I am so confused and torn!

This morning I went to the spaceport to meet Undar, a dear friend of the family who came for a visit. Undar and I have always been close... like brother and sister. I was so excited to see him. We haven't seen each other in two years, though we wrote each other regularly.

Diary, he's grown since then.

Really grown... he's tall now. Before I was taller than he is, but now he towers over me!

Another thing is, he's gorgeous! Oh, he was cute before, but in an adorable little boy type of way. Now he's cute and... WOW! Like a holo-vid star. His wavy strawberry-blonde hair frames his face just right, and those emerald green eyes sparkle so prettily. His nose still wrinkles cutely when he smiles. He still has that hilarious laugh that I can't help but laugh right along with him.

Even with seeing how handsome he is, he was still my sweet buddy. I couldn't wait to introduce him to Meb. I wanted them to get along. Well, as I walked home with Undar, I was tell him about Meb. He joked with me about being jealous about hearing me talk about another guy. At least, I thought he was joking. Then I caught sight of Meb, just as he fell. We rushed over to help him, and I introduced the two of them. Though Meb seemed uncomfortable as usual around me, the two seemed to get along pretty well. Meb was quiet all during dinner, and I noticed he hardly ate, which is unusual for him. I hope he isn't coming down with anything. There is a stomach bug going around.

After dinner, I walked with Undar to the hotel he was staying in with his uncle... he didn't come to Tatooine alone, but his uncle wasn't hungry and opted to check into the hotel. Actually, I don't think Undar's uncle and my father like each other very much, and that's why he didn't come. Anyway, when he said good night to me, he kissed me... on the lips.

Not just a little kiss. It was a long, passionate kiss.

And I kissed back.

Diary, he took my breath away!

My heart beats harder as I'm telling you about it, even though what happened afterwards made me so angry. When we finally pulled away, he told me he loved me.

I was so flustered. I'm not even sure what I said, but I know how Meb feels now when he stammers.

That's when Undar said, "What, you'd rather be with your pet slaveboy?"

I was so shocked, diary. I couldn't believe Undar would say something like that! Even as I raised my hand, I could see in his eyes his own shock and regret at what he'd said. That didn't keep me from slapping him though... hard. The palm of my hand burned after slapping him, and I left a nice red mark on Undar's cheek... not that he didn't deserve it, regret or no regret.

He apologized imediately, but I just said goodbye and turned to leave. He followed me, apologizing repeatedly and asking for forgiveness. I turned to him and told him I had to cool down before talking to him again and that we'd talk tomorrow.

Diary, I know Undar said it only because he was jealous. He's really not that way. He's a very sweet, kind person. I... I have always loved him like a brother. I thought that's how he viewed me... only as a sister... but, now I have to wonder how long he's felt in love with me. And how do I feel now? I... enjoyed that kiss, though it took me by complete surprise.

Can I forgive the fact that he said such a hateful thing about Meb? Should I? Everyone can say something in the heat of the moment that they regret afterwards... and I know he regretted it.

Then there is Meb.

Gods, how can I love them both?

I feel so ashamed.

 

Oof, she is in for a difficult choice

 

Uh oh. There be rough waters ahead.

Great update.

 

She is indeed. Thanks for reading.

Not on Tatooine!

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Entry 4:

Dear Diary, Undar didn't come over yesterday or even call. I tried calling him, and his uncle answered. He said Undar wasn't available at the time but he'd tell him I called.

He didn't return the call.

I spent the whole day swinging back and forth between being angry with Undar, concerned for him, and worrying that he was angry with me. I hardly slept last night.

This morning after breakfast, Meb asked me if I was feeling all right. I guess because I was so tired, I was a bit overly emotional... I started crying and hugged him, putting my arms around his waist. I could feel him hesitate before putting his arms around me, but when he did, it felt so good to be in his arms. He said nothing, just held me, gently rubbing my back until I stopped crying and pulled away from him. I apologized to him for the sudden tears.

"It's ok," he said, "I'll hold you anytime." Then his eyes widened and he stammered, "I'i mean a-any t-time you need to cry, I-i'll b-be here for you." He blushed and looked away.

I blushed as well when I thought, ?Ah sweetheart, you could hold me anytime!? As I took his hand and thanked him, the doorbell rang. Caen answered it... it was Undar.

I never realized I could feel so many different feelings in the matter of one second, Diary! I felt happy and relieved to see him, anger that he hadn?t tried contacting me, resentment at the look of jealousy on his face, and annoyance that he showed up just at the wrong time. I guess the anger and resentment were the strongest of those feelings, for I suddenly placed both hands on either side of Meb?s face and kissed him full on the lips.

If Undar is going to be jealous, he might as well have something to be jealous about, after all.

I felt Meb stiffen, then he relaxed and kissed back.

Damn his lips tasted sweet. Then I did something I had longed to do for quite awhile? I ran my fingers through his dark curly hair. It is so soft, and I love how his curls played around my fingers.

Then I pulled away and looked defiantly at Undar. I felt a sense of satisfaction as I saw his jaw working back and forth. ?Hello, Undar.?

?I came to speak with Meb,? he said after clearing his throat. He looked at Meb. ?Could I speak with you outside, please.?

Meb shrugged and went with him.

I stared after them, wondering why Undar wanted to speak to Meb.

The look Meb gave me before going out the door broke my heart though. I had used him. He knew it, and was hurt.

There are no words for how much I hate myself right now.

 

And who to choose? Hmm? Meb is nice.

Great update

 

Uh oh. I think there are going to be hurt feelings all the way around.

 

They are both nice, but both very different.

Yes, it isn't an easy situation for anyone.

Asta's diary actually covers the same ground as Meb's journal, only from her perspective... kinda like "Side by Side" with Obi-wan and Padme, only they aren't in the same thread.

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Entry 5:

After writing you this morning, Diary, I started to walk to the gardens, but heard someone in the excercise room. I peeked in and saw it was Meb. I was nervous as I walked into the room and sat on the bench next to his. He didn't say anything to me when I spoke to him. The way he was ignoring me made me uncomfortable.

I couldn't blame him for being angry, but I was trying to apologize!

"Meb," I begged, "please speak to me."

He allowed the weights to clang down and sat up. Those wonderfully expressive dark eyes were so intense as he yelled at me. "What do you want me to say? Huh? Thank you so much for giving me the pleasure of placing your lips against mine so you can make your pretty boy jealous? Thank you for blubbering all over me one minute and throwing me aside the next?"

It wasn't lost on me that this was the first time he's spoken to me without stuttering. I guess he was too angry to be self-consious. When he was finished yelling, he got up and walked away from me. I think he was crying.

Oh Diary, I can't stand that I caused him such pain. I was willing to take everything he said. I deserved it. I went over to him and placed a hand on his sweat soaked back as I said, "I'm sorry, Meb."

Next thing I know, I was on the floor, my nose hurt, and my dad was kneeling next to me, holding me.

"Master... Asta... I'm sorry!"

I looked up to see Meb looking so terrified, and I realized he'd hit me. I could not be angry at him for it. It's what I deserved for treating him exactly like what Undar accused me of... actually, Undar's comment last night was just as much a dig at me as at Meb now that I think about it... and Undar was right. I treated Meb like he was some sort of pet... a slave. This realization hurts me so much more than the punch Meb gave me in the nose.

"Get out of here, Meb, before I do something I regret!"

I never saw my father so angry. Even though he said it quietly, his voice sounded like the roar of a Tusken Raider, and Meb ran out so fast.

"Meb, wait!" I called out as I got up. Then I got dizzy and sat back down. I rubbed my nose, and discovered I was bleeding... quite a bit!

Dad made me sit still and he called for Caen and had him bring an icepack.

"Daddy, this is my fault, don't be angry at Meb!" I was going to tell him what happened, but I found I couldn't. I was so ashamed, and I didn't want him to be disappointed in me. So I wimped out and just said, "It's all my fault."

"I don't know what's going on, baby girl, but there is no excuse for him hitting you! Absolutely none!"

I broke down crying. I didn't want dad angry at Meb, but I was afraid to tell him what all happened. I knew he would be very disappointed in me. He might even send me to live with mother. Dad pulled me into his lap and held me like he did when I was still little, rocking me back and forth. I felt safe, warm...

...and loved.

After I stopped crying and my nose stopped bleeding, dad let me get up, and we walked out of the excercise room. It was in the kitchen that we discovered Meb's journal. I watched as dad read it, and I could see both anger and sorrow mix in his expression.

"Damn it, Meb!" Dad threw down the journal onto the table. "CAEN!" When Caen came in, my father said, "Meb has left for the spaceport, we have to get him before it's too late!"

I was ready to go too, but dad turned to me and spoke sharply, "You've done enough, stay here!"

I swa

 

Oh please let those two come together

 

That was great! Poor thing, so torn between two people.

And yeah, the change is funny.

 

Well I was mad at her when I read the other journal, but it's good to know that she is remorseful.

But she is digging a really deep pit for herself!

She'd better figure it out soon!

 

Okay I've been lurking on this since it was started and I just have to say I am loving it. Do you have a posting schedule? Keep up the good work this is way to good not to be completed.

 

I can't promise anything... but, she is leaning more towards Meb.

I almost forgot what change you were talking about.

I think she will.

I don't have a strict posting schedule, but I'll be slowing it to 2 - 3 posts per month.

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[b]Entry 6:[/b]

So much has happened since this afternoon, diary, I'm not sure where to start.

Well, Meb came back home with daddy and Caen. I am so grateful they found him before he left Tatooine! I don't know if I would have been able to stand the thought of Meb out there all by himself... well, I have a feeling he could take care of himself. I think he could do anything he sets his mind on doing. He's strong, smart, and even if he doesn't believe so himself, he has a certain charm about him. Actually, I think part of his charm is he [i]doesn't[/i] believe he has it. But still, he has this vulnerability, too, and I hate to think of him being by himself where no one cares about him... and loves him.

Yes, I love him, diary.

How can I not? He is so sweet! When he came home he apologized to me... at the same time I apologized to him. He forgave me. Not only that, he told me he loves me. He was so sweet and tender. He was also very sorry for hitting me, even though I deserved it. He says I didn't, but I know I did. I was so insensitive to him. How can he love me?

I guess I'm lucky, diary.

I let him read you, diary. He didn't want to at first, but I begged him to. It's the least I could do for reading his. Well, he calls his diary a journal. I guess it's a guy thing to call a diary a journal. Anyway, he smiled when he saw I had drawn a heart around his name. That was kind of embarrassing... but it was kind of nice to share that part with him. He even held my hand when I became embarrassed, and kept holding my hand while he finished reading.

He was about to say something when he finished reading, but that was when Caen came in and told us daddy wanted to see us. He held my hand until we came to daddy's study. I'm not sure how to explain this, but it's like we both knew without asking each other that we should stop holding hands when we went in.

Diary, I was so nervous! I was convinced I'd done something so bad, daddy would hate me. I hated myself... not sure I don't anymore. I... hate that I could do things that hurt those I care about so easily. At least I know now daddy doesn't hate me.

Sorry, diary, here's what happened.

At the beginning of the conversation between my father, me, and Meb, I broke down crying. I couldn't help it. Daddy looked so sad. I couldn't stand that I'd disappointed him. Meb was so sweet, he got on his knees and begged me not to cry. That's when daddy asked him to wait outside while he spoke to me alone.

Meb almost made me laugh... I'm laughing about it now as I write about it... but anyway, he was so sweet... he stood up and asked daddy not to be mad at me. He said I was a good person... he said I was like my daddy, only better looking. Oh, diary, that was so sweet and funny. I could have hugged him if I hadn't felt so bad right then and afraid father was going to send me away.

Then when Meb left the room, I tried to stop crying. I looked up at him as tears still were in my eyes as I spoke, "Please don't hate me daddy! Don't send me away to live with mother!

 

Lovely and a perfect match with Meb's diary. Those two together hmm?

 

Meb almost made me laugh... I'm laughing about it now as I write about it... but anyway, he was so sweet... he stood up and asked daddy not to be mad at me. He said I was a good person... he said I was like my daddy, only better looking. Oh, diary, that was so sweet and funny. I could have hugged him if I hadn't felt so bad right then and afraid father was going to send me away.

 

Thank you, VaderLVR64 and earlybird-obi-wan.

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Entry 7:

The funniest thing just happened, Diary. I was thinking about Meb, and closed my eyes picturing him when suddenly Undar's face appeared... kind of juxtaposed on Meb's.

I just realized, they kinda resemble each other... sort of.

It's wierd.

 

and it is not weird if she reads Meb's diary

 

Entry 8:

Dear Diary,

If there was any doubt about who my heart belongs to before, there is none now. Meb holds it in his hands, and it would stop beating if he ever wanted to give it back.

I heard a knock on my bedroom door just after my last entry, and was surprised to see him standing there looking close to tears. He asked if we could talk. Diary, he looked so sad and vulnerable, I couldn't deny him. I took his hand, guided him into my room, and shut the door before asking him what was wrong.

He stood there looking down at his feet as he spoke so softly I could barely hear him. "I'm thinking about going to live with my family."

"What?" I heard him, but I couldn't wrap my mind around what he said. He had said before that he had no family... he'd described himself as a mutt, which broke my heart when I heard it.

"You don't know?" He looked up at me with those big brown eyes that made my heart melt.

I shook my head in confusion, and he told me what he learned from both my father and Cain. I stood there in stunned silence as he spoke. Suddenly things made sense... the vision I saw just before he came to my door of his and Undar's faces... they're brothers! I don't know why I didn't see this before.

"I... don't know what to do, Asta." His bottom lip trembled as he said that.

I reached out and caressed his cheek and he began to cry. I took him in my arms and held him. Next thing we were sitting on the bed and he had his head buried into my bosom. I ran my fingers through his hair and my heart pounded wildly as he wept.

Gods, I would have let him make love to me right then if he wanted to.

As his sobbing calmed, I whispered, "Whatever you choose to do, I'll always be here for you, Meb."

I feel his body stiffen then, and he slowly pulled away. First, he was looking at where his face had been, blushing, but then he looked into my eyes and swallowed.

"I love you," I whispered, and damn it if my voice didn't shake.

I saw him swallow as he reached up and caressed my cheek. He then got up as he said, "I'd better go."

I stood up and held his hand as I asked if he was ok.

Meb's smile was shaky as he nodded. "Yes, thank you." Then he kissed me.

On the lips.

It was soft at first, but as I responded... wow, it felt like my heart was exploding, and every nerve was tingling pleasantly.

Diary, I don't know how long that kiss was, but I still feel his lips and his body pressed to mine.

And I know he feels the same way... because, well... let's just say there are signs that point to a man's desires.

Yeah.

Anyway, when he pulled away, he said he loved me then left the room.

I don't know if he's going to stay here with my father and me or go stay with his family. Even though I hope he stays, I can't fault him if he decides to go.

I'll miss him, but as I told him, I will always be here for him.

 

Anyway, when he pulled away, he said he loved me then left the room.

I don't know if he's going to stay here with my father and me or go stay with his family. Even though I hope he stays, I can't fault him if he decides to go.

I'll miss him, but as I told him, I will always be here for him.