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Saga Thy Endless Wait (poem) [ongoing]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by DaenaBenjen42, Jan 29, 2006.

  1. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    Title: Thy Endless Wait
    Author: DaenaBenjen42
    Characters: Everybody
    Timeframe: All over the place...
    Genre: Poetry
    Disclaimer: Don't own 'em.


    On a lone star ship
    Passing through the
    Maw cluster
    A man waits

    Waits for a sign
    For life to improve

    On a lone star ship
    Touching down on Kessel
    A man waits

    Waits
    for a sign
    To see
    The light
    Of day

    On a lone star ship
    A man waits

    Waits
    For a sign
    To believe in

    On a lone star ship
    A man waits
    For life to begin
    To see the light of day
    To believe

    ~*~*~*~

    On a lone planet
    Off in the outer rim
    A boy waits

    Waits
    For life to begin
    For a future

    On a planet
    Where the rain
    Never falls
    A boy waits

    Waits
    For adventure

    On a lone planet
    Where even the weather
    Is hostile
    A boy waits

    Waits
    For life to begin
    For a future
    For adventure


    TBC...
     
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  2. jackyyy17

    jackyyy17 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 12, 2006
    That was cute, and easy to read. I don't like reading poetry too much because I tend not to understand it, but this I could.

    You did a good job, but I feel that the poem stopped short. The two need to meet.

    Maybe a sequal will be posted?

    jacky
     
  3. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    jackyyy17: Thankyou. :) It will be continued.
     
  4. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Beautifully done! =D=
     
  5. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    VaderLVR64: Thankyou.

    As requested, by my wonderful padawan, a continuation!



    Off in the outer rim,
    on a planet
    where the rain
    never falls
    a boy
    and a man
    are about to meet

    The long,
    endless wait
    is coming
    to an end

    High above the planet,
    a battle
    and evil
    is winning

    a princess
    two droids
    stolen plans
    to a battle station

    Last hope
    kindly couple
    Two driods
    a message
    going nowhere

    a runaway
    an old general
    the message
    mission given

    the boy
    message recieved
    guardians dead
    adventure begun

    inside the cantina
    a man waits
    waits for a sign
    a sign
    to believe

    An old general
    a young boy
    two droids
    stolen plans
    on a mission


    TBC...
     
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  6. americantragedy

    americantragedy Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 6, 2005
    very cool. its good to see poets around here. there aren't many of us.
    i'll echo the other replies in saying that is was very easy to understand. you didn't get all jumbled up on huge words that made no sense and i really like that. =D=
    -mia-
     
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  7. Gina

    Gina Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2003
    That's beautiful! Excellent work! =D=



     
  8. BrentusofGath

    BrentusofGath Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 12, 2005
    Good poetry.

    Good feeling.

    Good execution.

    Good work!
     
  9. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    americantragedy: Thankyou for reading. Yep. Simple is good.

    Gina: Thankyou. Glad you enjoyed it.

    BrentusofGath: Thankyou, I do. :D
     
  10. padawan lunetta

    padawan lunetta Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    May 15, 1999
    Ooh cute and nice poem! I love it :D
     
  11. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    padawan lunetta: Thankyou! :)


    the endless wait
    seemed like forever
    from the table
    of great pain
    to the battle station
    where unknown
    family met

    Wether by the
    will of the force
    or not,
    family found
    and friends gained
    the light of good
    has returned

    Once a general,
    now an old hermit
    he waited
    for the day
    now it's here
    and now
    it has begun

    once a hero,
    now a villian
    anger festers
    with a feeling
    familliar

    Fire lined
    and stone walled
    four people caught
    in an alcove


    TBC...
     
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  12. emeraldshadow

    emeraldshadow Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 7, 2005
    =D= Fantastic. I have such a respect for those who can write poetry. When are we going to get more of this?
     
  13. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    emeraldshadow: More? Well, now... hereth you go! :D (Thankyou.)


    in the cantina
    a man watches
    watches a boy
    get shoved to the floor

    in the cantina
    a meeting takes place
    a meeting for the ages

    in the cantina
    as patrons watch
    and drink
    and talk
    a man
    and a boy
    meet face to face

    in the cantina
    the timeline turns
    a meeting
    a boast
    and all at once
    destiny is assured

    in the cantina
    an old jedi
    a farmboy
    a smuggler
    a wookiee

    in the cantina
    where droids
    are not allowed
     
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  14. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrel Wrangler of Fun & Games star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    I really like how it started with everyone waiting and now how it's going through movie. Exeptionally done DaenaBenjen!
     
  15. Palpy560

    Palpy560 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 11, 2005
    This is great. [face_dancing]
     
  16. BrentusofWrath

    BrentusofWrath Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2006
    Great pottery- er, poetry!
     
  17. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    Healer Leona: Thankyou. :)

    Palpy560: Thankyou.

    BrentusofWrath: Pottery? Uh-huh... Thankyou. :)


    It's cold in space
    a blanket's warmth
    and a gesture
    of comfort
    in a time of loss

    Family found
    though they
    do not know

    Grief interrupted
    battle fought
    lives lost
    in the blackness
    of space

    With little fanfare
    Hope has returned

    TBC...
     
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  18. emeraldshadow

    emeraldshadow Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 7, 2005
    You see? This is what happens when I forget to keep checking on all the stories I review. I miss stuff.

    I loved both poems. The one about the scene at the cantina painted a very clear picture. I could just see the scene from the movie in my mind's eye.

    Family found
    though they
    do not know


    I really liked these lines from the second poem.:)

    Great job, padawan.
     
  19. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    emeraldshadow: Thankyou, master! :)



    In a lonely cell
    on a battle station
    in a star system
    with one less
    planet
    a woman waits

    Waits for a moment
    that may never come

    waits for hope
    for life
    to grieve
    for the lost

    In a lonely
    dimly lit
    cell
    a woman waits
     
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  20. emeraldshadow

    emeraldshadow Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 7, 2005
    You did a good job capturing Leia's despair here.

    Now it's time for the rescue. *rubs hands together in anticipation.*
     
  21. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    emeraldshadow: Alrighty then... One rescue, coming up! :D (Thankyou, master.)


    In the observation room,
    a melee ensues

    In the observation room,
    an old general
    says goodbye

    In the observation room,
    a discovery is made
    a plan is formed
    a deal is made
    a wookiee is handcuffed
    by a friend

    In the corridor
    a roar is sounded
    a mouse droid is startled

    In the turbolift
    the obvious
    is stated

    In the cellblock
    confusion
    and chaos

    In the cellblock
    an entry
    a statement
    the moment is here
    hope has arrived

    TBC...
     
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  22. emeraldshadow

    emeraldshadow Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 7, 2005
    I know, I know, I'm late (as usual:p ).


    In the turbolift
    the obvious
    is stated

    [face_laugh]


    the moment is here
    hope has arrived


    Hooray![face_dancing]

    ;)

     
  23. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    emeraldshadow: Late? Nah, you weren't late. ;) Thankyou, master.


    fire lined
    and stone walled
    four people caught
    in an alcove

    incomplete plan
    princess with blaster
    in hand

    regardless
    of unknown danger
    down they go
    into the muck

    TBC...
     
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  24. MirandaFair

    MirandaFair Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 13, 2005
    Oh! :eek: I really must stop by Saga more often. See what I've been missing?! :oops:

    These are really wonderful. You capture so much emotion and action with minimal word usage. A gift and a reason why I love poetry. The first poem was surprising in that I loved how Han and Luke's tale fit together laterally. (It's late..I hope I make sense.)

    The cantina, Leia...all are moments you captured beautifully.=D=

    In the observation room,
    a discovery is made
    a plan is formed
    a deal is made
    a wookiee is handcuffed
    by a friend


    The pacing in this is so telling. Adds even more to the action. If it's not too much to ask, could I receive PMs? Thank you!
     
  25. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    MirandaFair: [face_blush] Thankyou. Glad you like it. (Yep, you made sense. :) )



    At the edge
    of the Dune Sea
    a man waits

    At the edge
    of the Dune Sea
    a man watches

    Waits
    for a time
    that is not
    yet here

    At the edge
    a man waits
    and thinks
    and mourns

    Loved ones lost
    Opportunities missed

    At the edge
    of the Dune Sea
    in the Jundland Wastes
    a man waits


    TBC...
     
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