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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Beyond - Legends 'Till Death Do Us Part: (Back From the Dead L/M Challenge): Chap 10 Up 7/13

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Irish_Jedi_Jade, Mar 12, 2016.

  1. Irish_Jedi_Jade

    Irish_Jedi_Jade Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2007
    Replies & Thanks!


    Thank you girl!!! I'm glad you liked it! [face_love]

    Thanks so much!! I really appreciate the kind words. [:D]
     
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  2. Irish_Jedi_Jade

    Irish_Jedi_Jade Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2007
    Chapter 8:



    “I’ve never rested this much in my life. I hate that I have to…and I hate that I’m enjoying it.” She mumbled, throwing him a small, ironic smile as he fluffed her pillow. Settling back onto the bed, she took a deep breath and let it out in a contemplative sigh.


    Luke kissed her on the forehead, and murmured that he loved her. She sent him a small pulse of acknowledgment and warmth before she slipped into the glassy embrace of a healing trance, her mind becoming as smooth as a pool of mercury. Luke settled into his chair, looking at his chrono. Ben was taking the opportunity to go get some food that didn’t come from the cafeteria while his mother rested, and had promised to bring him something back. He stared out the window as silence settled over the room, and he let his thoughts drift down the roads that he had been pondering frequently since Mara’s return. He was beyond thrilled that her condition had improved so much in the last few days, since Ben had arrived. She had listened to every story he had told, had asked him questions about his escapades. Pride had burned in her eyes as he had recounted their time traveling the galaxy as father and son, to know he had chosen his family over anything else. She had started making a few wry comments in with the occasional eye-roll, and Luke had felt his heart warm, and Ben’s similar feelings to see his mother trickling back. Mara had been such an empty shell since she had woken up—and he wasn’t sure what was walled off in her mind that kept her so blank. But Ben had brought her out just a bit…and it was enough. It was enough to tell him that she was still there deep inside.


    That gave him hope.


    They had agreed not to tell Ben about the extent of what she had endured. Mara had been adamant, in that blank but unyielding way that their son would not know. He had inevitably broached the question…and she had told him the very basics: Jacen had somehow taken the Force from her during their final battle, and taken her to the asteroid. He had tortured her, tried everything to turn her, but had failed, so he had put her in stasis…and that’s where she had been until a piece of the ceiling had cracked and fallen on the pod, short-circuiting systems and bringing her out of suspension. Ben hadn’t pressed her, but had been consumed with such heartbreaking guilt that he hadn’t known that it had washed over them both like a wave. Mara had spent a considerable time consoling him, and attempting to convince him it wasn’t his fault. He had argued in the typical self-assuredness of a young adult that he should have…he had seen how far Jacen had fallen, had probably been closer to him than anyone for a period. If anyone should have known, it should have been him.


    She had, in the end, cupped his cheek in her hand and looked him deep in the eyes, and asked him to believe her. She had said that she wasn’t angry, and that she wanted more than anything for him not to feel guilty, because then he would have won. Ben had nodded slowly, his sense in the Force still troubled, and she sighed before asking, Can we leave the past behind, and just be thankful we have right now? Because I won’t let him take away any more of our time together, or cloud what we’ve stolen back. Ben had sighed, chewing on his lip, before shaking off the feeling and nodding, shutting the door to the negative feelings that were clamoring in his mind, and smiled. They had moved on to other topics, but Luke could feel the devastation swirling in her that evening at having to unearth even that shallow of a memory from her
    time in captivity.


    Taking his eyes from the window, he looked at his wife as she healed. She looked more vulnerable than he had ever seen her, pale and fragile, swathed in white sheets and a crisp hospital gown. His heart clenched in his chest as he wondered again why Mara was so…closed off from him. She had staunchly refused to speak to the Ithorian, and so he could only discuss with Adelay what little Mara had told him and what he could sense in her. They talked about his confusion at the way she would sometimes flinch when he would touch her, but then other times would be uncharacteristically clingy, trembling when he went out of her sight. He told her about Mara’s first words in the trader’s ship—do you hate me? Are you going to hurt me?—and he had found himself trying to hold tears back as he recalled the way she had spoken the words. Her voice had been soaked with fear, but under that was…expectation. Familiarity. Almost like she was asking the question even though she had known the answer, like she had heard it a thousand times.


    But what troubled him most was that she had been expecting him to say yes.


    Luke had been raised by simple but honorable people, and their morals were something he had always seen as ironclad and unassailable. One of the things his uncle had almost literally beaten into him was to never hit a woman. He had found that out when, as a child, he had thrown one of his toys at his Aunt in a fit of rage when she tried to make him leave them to help with chores. He had never forgotten the look of shock in her eyes, or the fury in his Uncle’s. So the idea that she would even think him capable of such a thing offended and hurt him in a way that he hadn’t realized until Adelay had gently pointed it out.


    He thought about the Ithorian’s insight about Mara’s unexplainable questions. She said that something so unexpected indicated a deeper trauma, that something so horrible had happened to Mara that her mind would make her believe such a thing was a possibility in lieu of the truth. Luke wondered again what could have been worse than what he already knew she had endured.


    Tracing the lines of her face, he considered his wife…the person he had promised to love and protect…the person he had failed. Adelay had been deliberate to ask him questions about his own feelings, his own struggles, his own heartbreak and confusion. It was a shock that his wife—who he had mourned and cried for, who he had thought he had buried—was miraculously returned. Adelay had asked if any part of him was unhappy at her return, and he had protested almost angrily that was the farthest thing from the truth, and he had meant it. But they spent quite a while after that discussing the feelings that were in his heart. Fear that she was forever changed, that she would be so damaged he’d never see the peace in her eyes when he said he loved her, that she’d never smile at him again. Anger at Jacen—fury like he hadn’t felt in years—that he would hurt his wife this way. Confusion and hurt at Mara’s treatment of him. But most of all, he was haunted by guilt that he hadn’t known, that he hadn’t saved her. It was eating at him: every time she would touch her scars absently, every time she woke with tears in her eyes, every time her breath hissed out when she moved and her injuries stabbed at her.


    All these thoughts swirled together as Luke watched her sleep, still as beautiful to him as the day they met.


    ~//~



    Mara clutched Ben’s hand, and Luke could see the pain on her face, feel it roiling in her mind.


    Their son needed to leave. He and Ben had discussed it at length, one day while Mara had been asleep. The call had come in that the mission that Ben had recently completed—and had left him in quarantine—had rekindled, and all their work was unraveling. Other Jedi had been sent to assist….but the planetary officials had specifically asked for Ben, Luke found out, because he had saved the governor’s child from a delicate situation. They had discussed simply giving their apologies and saying that he was unavailable…but that had sat poorly with them both, considering Mara was in no danger and would be in the MedCenter for a while…and that they weren’t sure how she would take to them shielding her like that.


    So they had broken the news to her, and she had taken it well…but Luke could see the way she had kept her eyes riveted to his face, and how she tried to stay awake longer to spend time with him. Luke had spoken to her when Ben had left to get food to sate his cavernous hunger, softly asking her if she was alright. Her voice had shaken only the slightest as she whispered yes, but he had felt how her heart was clenched in her chest.


    Now it was the day. His small bag was packed, and by the door. He sat on the bed next to her, holding her hand gently, rubbing his thumb against her skin.


    “Do you want me to stay?” Softly his words floated through the silent white room, filled with tentative care.


    She shook her head. “No.” Raspy still, her voice was strong, and Luke’s heart filled with awe at her fortitude. “Go be a hero.” She gave him a small smile. “I’m so proud of you.”


    He grinned at that. “Well…I’ll fix it so good, it’ll never break again and I’ll be right back here to you.” She nodded, and closed her eyes as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.


    At that, he rose and hugged Luke before picking his bag up. Turning at the door, he blew a kiss at his mother, and then left.


    As it whispered shut, Luke looked back at Mara. Her eyes were closed, and a single tear was making its way down her face. Stepping back to the bed, his heart crumpled as she curled in on herself, like a flower thrown on a flame, and her mind shut him out resoundingly.
     
  3. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Exquisite and very real - a breathtaking balance of the upbeat with what is concerning.

    Mara's physical healing; alternating of herself being all back with them - snarky, amused, affectionate with an almost instinctive shutting out. :( [face_worried]

    Luke's jumble and tumble of emotions: his joy at a second chance, anger at the true villain, guilt, and fear that some things cannot be healed, some wounds too deep and permanent.

    =D=
     
  4. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Mara has a long way to go. Parts of her old self are showing but oh my she has been tortured.
     
    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha likes this.
  5. Irish_Jedi_Jade

    Irish_Jedi_Jade Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2007
    Thanks lady! I'm glad you noticed all that, because that's what I was going for! Mara's a strong woman, she'll make it.

    She went through a lot...but she won't stay down! Thanks for reading!!
     
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  6. Irish_Jedi_Jade

    Irish_Jedi_Jade Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2007
    Chapter 9
    A/N: It's been a long journey, but now the story starts to head up a bit. Mara's a fighter, after all!! Thanks for reading, friends!! [:D]



    After coming out of what was hopefully her last stint of Bacta, Mara had begun therapy to strengthen her now-healed but still severely weak body. Her shattered leg was now fully repaired, but still pained her enough to cause her to limp. Every other day she would go to the therapy room, and struggle with movements that had previously come so easily to her, starting to build muscles that had languished during her nearly five years of stasis. The most challenging task was to bring mobility back into her joints—those had suffered some of the worst damage, and the doctors had warned her shoulders and hips might be permanently affected from being restrained for so long.

    Luke had watched as she struggled to work the life back into her muscles, range of motion back to her joints, and strength back into her movements. Stretches, light weight training…it was all a challenge now, and he felt how it grated on her to be so weak, to find that her physicality—which she had always maintained fastidiously—was gone. But she doggedly persisted, sometimes causing the therapists to shake their heads when she did more than she should have. He knew that while she was frustrated that this was even something she had to do…she enjoyed having something that she could fix. She had continued to resist speaking to him about what she had endured, and had refused in her blank way to speak to the counselor, Adelay. Luke felt like she knew she needed to…but just couldn’t face it yet. So she worked hard at her therapy, because it was something she could do without having to poke the slumbering memories that she kept so tightly locked away.

    But every day that she didn’t have therapy, she would be brought a hover-walker and would do a lap around the medical wing—once in the morning and once at night. Luke would always come, walking next to her. He would sometimes talk to her about some of the stories the staff would tell him, or about Ben’s latest report, or about what Han or Leia or Jaina were up to. She had finally agreed to see them, and they had indicated they would try to come visit the following week. He was excited, but at the same time concerned for the visit, for Mara’s sake. They had talked about that as they walked, about her feelings about seeing them, and he had filled her in on their activities over the years.

    Eventually, towards the end of the lap, she would inevitably become tired. He would rest his hand on the small of her back, and sometimes she would flinch almost imperceptibly, but then immediately tamp down the feeling and send an apologetic pulse through their bond. Other times, she would wordlessly ask him for help, abandoning the hover walker in favor of him slipping an arm around her waist to support her. These divergent responses puzzled him, but he held himself back from asking and would content himself with the positives: she was recovering, and was willing to let him help.

    One day when they returned from her evening walk, the sun was just setting, painting her room in brilliant golds and pinks and purples. He helped her into bed, and she rolled to her side to face the window so that the fading light bathed her in its ruddy glow, peace suffusing her. Luke pulled his chair around so that they could both enjoy the sun’s final rays, and she rested her hand on his shoulder.

    When the last of the light had faded and the stars began to come out, Luke looked back at her. A pained look had settled on her face as she stared out at the darkness.

    “What is it?” He asked softly, tentatively, turning to take her hand. “Are you feeling alright?”

    She nodded, eyes staying on the sky outside the window. He felt like she might say something if he stayed quiet, so he waited.

    “I missed sunsets. I didn’t see the stars the whole time, never saw anything but the room where he kept me. I used to think about the sun and the wind, about feeling a breeze off the ocean again. He…” Her voice caught, and she looked down. “He kept me in a pitch black room for…I don’t know how long. I was strapped to a table, and I couldn’t move. All I could do was lay in the dark. It was so black, I didn’t even know if I had my eyes open or closed. I’d think about sunsets.” She squeezed his hand. “And I’d think about you.”

    He squeezed back, wishing he could take the pain away. “You never have to go back.”

    She nodded. “I know.” Her eyes returned to the softly-falling darkness outside the window, and he could feel her steeling herself to ask something. “Are you…I know it was a shock, me coming back. You built a new life. Do you wish…did you have someone?…because I’d understand if you did.”

    Luke looked at her, thunderstruck. Standing, he walked away from the bed and stared out the window, his back to her. He could feel her flinch over their bond, and her pulse of regret that she had asked before she pulled away from him. The speeders and traffic whizzed by outside unnoticed as her question galloped around his head. Running his hand through his hair—it was getting long—he turned back to her, and sat down on the bed.

    “Mara, of course it was a shock. I saw your body, I saw it disappear. I have no idea how Jacen did that but…I mourned you.” He put his hands on her shoulders, willing her to look at him, silently begging her to believe him. “But that doesn’t mean that I ever let you go. I thought about you every day, missed you every day. I never even thought about finding someone else because…I’m still married to you.”

    Her eyes were shadowed as she met his gaze, and he tried to keep too much reproach from creeping into his words. “You’ve been holding yourself back in our bond. I can feel it, and I’ve respected it. But I want you to know, I won’t intrude into anything you don’t want to share yet, but I think if you open yourself up, you’ll know how I feel. If you’d been doing that all along, you’d know that’s how I’ve always felt.”

    ~//~



    There was a room of stone that looked like it had been hollowed out by hand. Turning from the blank wall with the insipid slowness that seemed to characterize dreams, the rest of the room came into view, and his heart froze in his chest.

    She was tied to a maze of ductwork and pipes, arms and legs stretched taught at painful angles. Her brilliant hair was matted and hung around her face like a grimy curtain, and her body was a canvas of pain and suffering. Bruises formed a multicolored backdrop for angry burns, weals and lacerations, and blood slowly oozed from her split lip. Her eyes were filled with fear and longing as she looked at the door that slowly ground open, and Luke gasped as he saw who stepped through.

    It was him.

    He watched in disbelief as the copy of himself stalked towards Mara, and he could feel the way her heart twisted with fear at what she knew was coming, but also felt the agony of recognition. The copy drew back a hand and slapped her hard across the face with a sound that reverberated in the small room like a thunderclap. Her head snapped back, but with a grunt she brought her face back to stare at him, a trace of fire in her eyes.

    “You’re not him.” Her voice sounded like it was trickling around rocks, through spaces filled with sand and gravel.

    “Aren’t I?” His own voice drifted to him, along with the snap-hiss of a lightsaber activating. The familiar green glow bathed her trembling form, and he could feel Mara’s resolve shudder for just a moment as the spitting blade inched its way towards her skin, then began to hiss and steam as it made contact with her flesh. Her scream slammed into him like a meteor, thrusting him back into blackness as the sound followed, echoing…

    Awareness flooded him as he bolted awake. His hair was plastered to his sweat-drenched neck, and his hands shook as he covered his face, blood pounding in his ears. Fragments of the dream clattered around in his head, stabbing at him and taunting. A sound drew him from his stern battle for control, and his head shot up to look at his wife.

    She was still, unmoving on the bed in the dark room, except for her chest which rose and fell with an uneven tempo. Her face was a mask of control, and her jaw was clenched as tightly shut as her eyes.

    She was trying not to cry out.

    In that moment, Luke decided it was enough. Adelay had continuously cautioned him not to push Mara, not to force her to confront something she wasn’t ready to face. She had explained that most beings processed trauma in their own minds far below their own consciousness, in ways that didn’t make sense to anyone but themselves. Mara’s nightmares had seemed to fade as she healed…but now for such a dream to be holding her in a thrall so deep that it had invaded his own sleep, Luke realized that he could no longer let her fight her pain alone.

    Adelay might know a lot…but nobody knew Mara like he did.

    Standing, he walked to the bed and sat down, the surface dipping under his weight. He took her hand…and she squeezed it, fingers tightening around his. He sent a calming tendril towards her in the Force, trying to extend peace and well-being into her mind like a lifeline. She took it, and they drifted into a light meditation trance as the pain of the dream beat at her mind, pulling him in.

    It was like a tornado of thoughts, images, and memories that were swirling behind a glass wall. Luke stood on the outside, and couldn’t comprehend what he saw—only Mara could as she stood in the middle of the storm. In his mind’s eye, he saw her, hands outstretched as if to push away the memories as they swirled around her like a hurricane. But he could send her calm, he could give her his own strength to fight the battle. Her eyes met his briefly through the cloud of memories, and he could sense her grim determination to not be cowed, and her silent thankfulness for his presence.

    Eventually they broke the contact, and their eyes opened and met. Luke brought her hand to his mouth, and kissed it softly.

    “How much did you see?” Her voice was soft, almost ashamed.

    “Enough.” Softly he stroked the back of her hand with his thumb and then covered it with his other hand. “Mara, I know I said we didn’t have to talk about it, when you first woke up…but I think it’s time we did.”

    Her hand began to tremble, just the slightest movement, in his…and he had an idea. “Come on. Let’s go for a little field trip. I think it’ll help.” Swathing her in blankets, he gently slid his arms under her body and lifted her up. He continued to send a steady flow of calming thoughts to her, and felt her mind tremble against a memory as he settled her in his arms and began to walk from the room. For a moment he doubted his hasty plan…but then he felt her push it away, and she laid her head on his shoulder, peace suffusing her. They entered a turbolift, and rode up in silence. The doors hissed open…into the night.

    Cool air whistled around them as he stepped onto the roof. It had been made into a simple area for patients to get some fresh air, and look at the sky. Stars twinkled above their heads, and the glow of speeder lanes moved like lines of fire below them. A small fountain gurgled on a side table placed near a gathering of chaise lounges, the type usually found next to seashores or under a covered cabana. He gently laid her on one, tucking the blankets around her and asking if she was warm enough. She nodded, eyes closed as a gentle breeze stirred her hair, and so he sat down next to her on a chair of his own, considering the sky above them.

    “I think sometimes it’s easier to talk if you have something to look at.”

    Her mind was like an ocean during a storm—choppy and buffeted with waves of pain and fear, but she unearthed a hand from her blankets and he took it gently.

    Face upturned, she stared at the stars as they twinkled softly through the atmosphere. Her voice was soft. “You may be on to something.”

    Luke sat, silently…and waited. He knew she could sense his confusion, and the questions milling through his mind like a tornado. There were a million things he wanted to know, a thousand questions that had been flooding his mind since she came back. He felt a gentle assent from her, almost like a mental sigh, and he asked the question that had been haunting him, that made him fear for the future.

    “Why are you afraid of me?”

    Her hand stilled, fingers going rigid…and then she pulled it out of his and nestled herself back into the cocoon of blankets. Luke started to apologize, but he felt her caution him to wait through their bond. She stared at the stars for a long while, until her tongue darted out to moisten her lips, and she spoke, her voice contemplative and almost conversational.

    “You know, the funny thing is I’ve always been very good at seeing through illusions. Of knowing when something wasn’t true, even when all my senses told me otherwise. I’m good at realizing the trick and then deconstructing it, proving it to myself once my gut tells me something’s a fake.”

    She took a deep breath, and the timbre of her voice changed, the words coming out haltingly and with a slight tremor. “Jacen used the Dark Side to make a projection of you. I think it was similar to what Leia fought that she thought was Alema. It was…very convincing.” Her voice hitched, and she paused for a long moment, throat working. “He would send it in, and it would torture me, over and over, and the whole time I’d be hearing your voice telling me you hated me, that I was the worst thing that ever happened to you, that Ben was dead and you hated me for it.” Her eyes remained fixed on the stars above, their immovable calm a stark counterpoint to her own internal heaving. Luke felt her inner turmoil echoed in himself, his heart clenched in an iron vise of horror and tears spilling down his cheeks.

    “The first time it walked in…I thought it was you. I had imagined it so many times, you swooping in to save me. How you’d pick me up”—a smile flitted across her lips as the memory of him carrying her up to the roof moments ago flashed between them—“and you’d wrap me in your cloak and carry me out, past his corpse.” She shifted a bit under her blankets. “But it wasn’t you. It was the worst thing, the first time it started to hurt me, I couldn’t figure out what was going on…but then finally, I did. I realized it wasn’t really you, and then…” her voice became so soft that he had to strain to hear her words. “I realized that you weren’t coming.” She looked at him now, and her face pinched to see the pain he knew was written plainly across his features. Her hand came out of the blankets again, and he took it, trembling with emotion. “You couldn’t have known, Luke. Don’t beat yourself up over it. But you asked, and that’s why. I’m not afraid of you. I know who you are. I just have to…well, I just have to remember every time it really is you.” She finished, and was silent for a long moment, just looking at the sky. Two words floated to him across their bond.

    I’m sorry.

    He flinched at the shame that flowed with them, at her anger that he would be subjected to her weakness, and at her agony that the unwanted fear still kept her from feeling safe, despite the fact she knew it was over. He searched for the right thing to say…and then realized there wasn’t anything. No words from him would take away what she had endured. As much as his heart ached to simply take it away, or bear it himself, he couldn’t. But then it dawned on him: that wasn’t what she needed. She needed to know that he hadn’t changed.

    Speaking slowly, emotion making his voice rough, he turned to face her, with his eyes on her hand that he held cradled in his own. “You have nothing to apologize for, Mara. I understand why…my presence would be so hard. I promise that I’ll do my best to understand, and I don’t want you to think that I’m upset. But…” He rubbed his thumb over her hand gently. “If it’s too much right now…I can leave.”

    Her head snapped to the side to stare at him as his gaze moved up to hers. For a long moment neither spoke, his words hanging between them like a phantom. But then she squeezed his hand with more strength than he thought she had, and her eyes came to life with a spark of their old fire.

    “No.”

    Green met blue, and he felt a snap of the determination that had always made her the most daunting woman in the galaxy…and the only one for him.

    “I won’t let him take you, too.”
     
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  7. Briannakin

    Briannakin Former Manager star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 25, 2010
    Oi! I missed an update. BUT YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS FIIIIIIIICCC!!!!

    Luke is just so kind and caring in all his subtle ways. And he knows Mara so well that he knows when to push her. Great stuff lady!
     
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  8. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    *purrs* You are superlicious with the L/M stuff, the things spoken and not, the wonderful ways they nurture and support one another, giving fully while also accepting what the other is emotionally ready for.
    Mara's candor, resolve, and vulnerability all blend together into a very courageous, resilient, lovable whole!!! =D= And Luke is just adorbs. Duh! ;)

    ^:)^
     
  9. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    love how Luke supports Mara, giving her strength and how she is determined to win
     
  10. Irish_Jedi_Jade

    Irish_Jedi_Jade Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2007
    Thank you my friend!!! I would never have made it this far without you! I'm glad that Mara has such an understanding farmboy to take care of her [face_love]

    Aww, you're the sweetest! Mara is a fighter, she'll make it through with Luke to be there with her!

    I'm so glad you enjoyed it! And yes--she's not going to let anything get in the way of being whole again.
     
  11. Irish_Jedi_Jade

    Irish_Jedi_Jade Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2007
    Chapter 10
    A/N: Huge thanks to Briannakin for helping me with the characterization in this chapter! Couldn't have done it without you!!! Thanks to all who are reading, for sticking with me. Things are going to look up a bit, after all the sadness [face_love]



    It was a cloudy day, with rain pattering softly against the window. Luke noticed Mara was playing with the tape on the back of her hand that her medical port in place. It was a tic he had learned to clue in on, as a hint that she was nervous or struggling with emotion. It was just one more way that she had changed—the old Mara had never had any nervous habits, beyond the occasional drumming of her fingers as she waited. But even that, he had suspected, was a result of boredom, rather than nerves. Now she would fiddle with the tape on the back of her hand, or pick at her cuticles. The thing that unnerved him the most, however, was her long bouts of staring into nothingness. She had never before sat, lost in thought…so deep that sometimes he would have to simply sit and wait for her to come out, even though he had said her name over and over. The old Mara was always thinking, always planning, either in the moment or already on to the next…but not anymore. It reminded him of how much she had weighing on her that she would become lost in the labyrinth of her own memories, her own pains. It broke his heart.

    Green eyes flitted up to him, and she comforted him with a quick smile. He smiled back, thankfulness seeping into the space between them. She had been trying to…let him in wasn’t quite correct. Right now, it seemed like she was making a conscious effort to not block him out. While it was less than what his heart ached for…it was a start. Ever since her return, she had kept a constant connection with him, but it had been very one-way. At first he had felt slightly frustrated at her action, feeling it was a bit selfish. He had ignored the emotion, and stars was he glad for that…now he understood it was just her way of constantly reminding herself that he was real. After her revelation that night on the roof, he understood, and was grateful that she making an effort, no matter how small it was.

    Her head lifted as a familiar presence washed over them both, and she took a quick breath that was just short of a gasp. The door slid open and Jaina barreled through, not even breaking stride as she ran to the bed and wrapped Mara in a hug. Luke stepped forward, his heart clenching in worry that his niece’s reaction was too sudden, that it had startled Mara…

    He couldn’t have been more wrong.

    The two women held each other, rocking and crying and whispering things that would forever be just between them. Mara’s face held joy like he hadn’t seen since Ben had left, but more than that he felt…camaraderie.

    Then it struck him. Here were the only women in the galaxy who had been strong enough to defy what Jacen had become, and take the step to stop him. Mara had been the first to pierce the veil of lies, and been the only one to try to stop him despite the absence of belief from anyone else. She had paid dearly for that courage. Jaina had shouldered the awful burden of her birthright. She had been the closest person to Jacen since the beginning of their existence, and because of that, she was the only one strong enough to take him down.

    Two women who had dared to do what was right and had paid dearly for that fortitude.

    Jaina had always been the most forthright of the Solo children. Never one for emotional subtlety or hiding her feelings, she had almost instantly taken to the idea of Mara joining their crazy family. They had bonded immediately over piloting, and Luke knew the joy and pride that had burned in Mara’s heart when Jaina had asked to become her apprentice. He realized ruefully that for all his overprotectiveness and preparatory talks with his remaining family members…Jaina of all people would never follow any of it.

    At that moment, he thanked the Force she had ignored him.

    Mara was wiping tears from her eyes, smile lighting up her face like the candles on a Winter Festival tree. She took Jaina’s hands, and for a long moment they just stared at each other. He felt peace ripple over them both, like a long-held question was being answered, or a million-to-one bet was paying off. He could feel something click into place in Mara’s heart, and the answering void being filled in Jaina’s.

    “Oh Mara…” Jaina said, voice slightly awed. “If anyone could pull the greatest “up yours” in history, it’s you. I can’t believe it.” She clasped Mara’s hand tightly, and a shadow seemed to dim the Sword of the Jedi’s light. Luke moved towards them, and yet still could just barely make out Jaina’s words, remorse filling them with lead. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there with you, when he took you. That I didn’t see it.” Mara’s eyes shot up to meet Luke’s and then she closed them for a moment, before lifting Jaina’s chin until their eyes met.

    “I’m sorry I didn’t ask for your help.” Her eyes flickered over to Luke, and he felt her plea for his forgiveness echo into their bond. “I never should have gone without you. Either of you.”

    He made it to them and knelt down, looking up at two of the bravest women in the galaxy. His smile was filled with the pain they had all endured, but also eternal thankfulness. “We all should have done things differently. But we’re together now—that’s what matters.” Mara smiled
    at him, eyes full of unshed tears.

    A grin split Jaina’s face as she threw her head back and laughed, pulling them both into a hug, and her voice was jubilant. “Force around us, Mara, I can’t believe you’re back!”


    ~//~


    After several hours of Jaina’s stories and laughter floating around them like a breeze, her eyes unfocused for a moment, and then snapped to Luke before moving back to Mara.

    “Mom and Dad…they’re here.” Mara’s hand tightened around her former apprentice’s fingers, and Jaina squeezed back encouragingly. “Don’t worry, they’re really—“ Whatever she was going to say was lost as the door slid open and Han and Leia walked into the room. For a split second there was silence, as they both stared at their long-dead sister-in-law. Han glanced at Leia, who stood frozen in shock, and then the lopsided grin they all knew well worked its way across his face.

    “Hey there, Mara.” His smile was genuine, filled with warmth and what may have been a tear in his eye. “Leave it to you to fool us all into being dead.” A grin quirked the corner of her mouth, and she shrugged in a self-deprecating way. But then all eyes fell on Leia, who was staring at her with an odd look, lips pressed together—not quite shock, not quite sadness, not quite happiness.

    Leia walked towards the bed, eyes riveted on her sister-in-law. Her eyes flicked over to Luke for a moment, then like a nexuu tracking its prey, her eyes locked back onto Mara until she reached her side. Leaning forward, Leia reached a hand out and rested it on her shoulder, brown eyes coming level with green.

    “Is it really you?” Leia’s eyes were filled with hope, but also fear.

    Mara reached out and took her best friend’s hands, and something passed between them. A ripple in the Force, like a current arced between them.

    Leia smiled, but there was a shadow over her happiness, and everyone in the room could feel it. Luke moved to her side, and placed a hand on his sister’s arm. She turned to look at him, and took a deep breath, steadying herself. Her eyes moved back to meet Mara’s, and she finally lifted her head and spoke with the bearing of royalty and the weight of a ruler.

    “Can you ever forgive me? For not seeing it?”

    No one needed to ask what she meant, and all eyes turned to Mara. She was staring at Leia’s hands clasped around her own, silence stretching between them. When she met her sister-in-law’s gaze, her eyes held unshed tears and for a moment the pain in her mind and body leaked through her barriers. Leia flinched and started to pull her hands away, but Mara held them tightly, and shook her head.

    “There’s nothing to forgive. He was your son, and his choices could just as easily have been Ben’s. But you were his mother. If anyone shouldn’t have seen it, it was you.”

    Leia took a shaky breath, and for the first time Mara saw the grey in her hair, the new wrinkles and worry lines, the pain in her eyes. But underneath it was the face of the strongest woman she had ever met.

    ~//~


    The door hissed shut, and Luke turned to his wife with a wry grin. He moved back to the foot of the bed and flopped down, bouncing a bit as his body thumped down. Blowing his breath out, he opened an eye and looked at her. “Well, I’m exhausted, how about you?” She smiled, a faraway look in her eyes. Han and Leia had returned to the Falcon, and Jaina had gone to stay with Wes Janson’s family, pleading that his sister had threatened to dismember her if she ever came to Tanaab again without seeing them. He smiled, the idea of a female version of Wes filling him with more than a bit of fear, and waited for Mara to speak.

    “I had hoped Leia wouldn’t feel guilty for…him.” Her gaze remained unfocused and far away. “Did you know?” Luke shook his head mournfully as Mara’s eyes fastened on him for a moment, but then they drifted back off into the past. “I used to think about her, you know. I would worry about what she was thinking, how she was dealing with what he had become. Anakin’s loss hit her so hard, I couldn’t imagine the pain of losing her last son. I wondered what I would do in her place, if Ben ever fell…” Her eyes came back from infinity. “I don’t know how in the galaxy she could feel responsible for…what I did.”

    Luke shook his head as Mara settled back into the bed, and reached to push the button to lower the incline so she could lie down. Leia had also asked asked for his forgiveness in that quiet, steely way that seemed so regal but also so brittle. She had whispered she had felt so guilty for the pain that had engulfed him after Mara’s “death.” That it was her son who had taken his soulmate, while she still had her own to comfort her through the pain. Luke had been too stunned to speak but had simply hugged his sister until he found the wherewithal to whisper in her ear, too low for anyone to catch but her, the fault isn’t yours, Leia, please know that.

    The scene finished replaying in his mind, and he looked down at Mara. Her eyes were closed, but peace had settled over her like a low-lying cloud. He could sense that no matter how painful the reunion had been, it had filled her with joy, especially seeing Jaina. The pain and hurt was still there…but for now it slumbered under blanket of contentment, white as snow.

    A familiar question bubbled up in his mind, one he ached to ask so he could have similar peace for himself, so he would know. The answer he had been aching to understand since the day his world ended, that Mara had reminded him of during her apology to Jaina.

    Why didn’t you wake me?

    But Mara had drifted asleep…so he pushed it down once again. He tried to remind himself that he had gone five years with no hope of an answer. A little more time wouldn’t kill him.
     
  12. Briannakin

    Briannakin Former Manager star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 25, 2010
    Ugh, I just love Luke so much! He is just so caring (as he should be).

    This is now my canon. No one can tell me it isn't.
     
  13. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Yes, my canon too. Luke and Mara united forever and with the caring of Han, Leia and Jaina all will be alright
     
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  14. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Wonderful and touching reunions!!! Full of remorse and affirmations! Yeah that is the question isn't it? :eek:
     
  15. Jedi_Jade-Skywalker

    Jedi_Jade-Skywalker Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 8, 2000
    Hey Irish_Jedi_Jade. No you're not talking to yourself.;) Its just me wondering when we might get a bit more of this. I love this fic so much, I bookmarked it!
     
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  16. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 21, 2016
    I feel so bad for Mara and the the nightmare she's having to deal with, but there's another part of me going, "Yes! PTSD in the GFFA!"

    You know what I mean?
     
  17. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    I second that emotion. Truly. L/m is more of a necessity now than ever ever they were before, and they were pretty much like oxygen when the only canon was Legends [face_laugh] L/m experts rule with the snark and mush combined & you're toppers Irish_Jedi_Jade ...
     
  18. Darth_Drachonus

    Darth_Drachonus Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Can't wait for this to be updated! Add me please!
     
    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha likes this.
  19. Darth_Drachonus

    Darth_Drachonus Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 2005
    This hasn't died has it?