1. Welcome to the new boards! Details here!

  2. 2019 Favourites of Fanfic Festival has begun!

    Submit your favourites HERE!

    This week's categories are... Style

Beyond - Legends Timoritus (Mara Jade Skywalker Angst) **Complete** , Huge Thanks! 7/29

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ginchy, Dec 3, 2005.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 5, 2004
    Okay, I'm way behind! But I'm loving this! =D=
  2. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Nov 30, 2005
    ?Have you come for me?? she whispered, to Luke and Ben, wondering if they could hear her, and answer. ?Have you come for me after all??

    Oh, how poignant. To think that her best hope is that they could forgive her after she dies. :(

    Mara tuned him out, mind in overdrive. Poison, fear?NOT death?she hadn?t murdered?

    Is she actually being executed? Is she hallucinating? Or is she getting a message that she's being executed for a crime she was framed for? :eek:

    Oh MAN! Now I have to know more! What a cliff-hanger!=D=
  3. Jedi Trace

    Jedi Trace SouthEast RSA star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Dec 15, 1999


    Wait! What DP said: Is she dreaming? Is she living in a fear-induced alternate state of reality? Who got poisoned? Arrgh!

    Excellent update! You're killing me here, ginchy! :_|

    More? Soon? Please? [face_praying]

  4. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 27, 2005
    [:D] So glad you posted. See, you didn't have anything to be worried about!

    All she could do, it seemed, was remember--the warmth and thrill of Luke?s gentle touch, and the pleasant ache she would feel deep within her throat when Ben would wrap his pudgy arms around her neck and tell her that he loved her, his Mommy.

    That is so simple, but it really illustrates the depths of despair Mara has sunk to - where even her fondest memories of Luke and Ben cause her grief and deep regret. And the image of little pudgy-baby Ben hugging Mara and telling her he loves her - that is heartbreaking.

    Why fear? Was it Luke?s fear that I would do what I did, to him and our son?

    Poor Mara - and so in character - that she would think of Luke's fear rather than her own. And the fact that she is so insecure as to actually believe Luke would think that...just...:(

    Love Mara thinking of Han in one of her last moments - and the ability to find some humour in the situation - and the droid's insistence that she speak her last words - that's protocol for you ;)

    And Evil Cliffie! :D I even know what happens and i'm still on the edge of my seat ;)

    Great job! =D=

  5. jackyyy17

    jackyyy17 Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 12, 2006
    Wow, that was good.





    I'm at a loss for words here.

    Just please, please update soon. Please.

  6. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Game Host Who Loves Fanfics & RPGs star 7 VIP - Game Host

    Aug 31, 2004
    Sheesh! Read up through chapter 3. My that's intense. Putting all the pieces together, it looks like Mara and Luke were on a mission gone wrong, and that this is a fear induced dream, or a time/space warp where one different action causes a chain of events good or bad, and in the original continuum, things are at a cross roads, and you go back to the original timeline and have to prevent this other future from happening.Yup, ;) guess you can tell I've read my share of time travel stories, and watched my share of Star Trek where past and present and all kinds of futures merge in a crazy pattern. Even Mara's reactions to the med-droid and to Karrde and the fact that Luke and Ben were suddenly there is typical of dreams.
    Can't wait for the finale!! Mara's gonna need some serious TLC and actual therapy to get over this traumatic situation.
    On the other side of things, I wonder what Luke's been experiencing while she's been going through all of this? o_O Was he poisoned too?
  7. ginchy

    ginchy Jedi Master star 4

    May 25, 2005
    MirandaFair: Thanks, lady! :) So interesting...even in a GFFA, there's capital punishment. LOL, you know, I thought of that after I wrote the fic. Maybe in their society they don?t have capital punishment. I guess I?m so used to it, here in the US, that I didn?t even really think of that before! Ooo-I'm a sucker for symbolism. Loved the parallel between Chapter 2, Luke and Ben being reduced to dust and the dust on the floor. Hooray! I?m so happy you liked that part and it didn?t seem too hokey. I just thought maybe Mara?s subconscious may be trying to tell her something? Can't begin to think what this all means. Well, I hope I?ve done a fair job of explaining it all in this last chapter! Thanks so much for reading, gal!

    Kidan: Hey, you! Thanks for reading! :D

    SpiritofEowyn: I was going for confusion, as I think that?s what Mara is feeling, too. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy the last chapter! :)

    RedGold: Thanks for reading! Well, not so soon? but, it?s finished now! That?s good, right? ;)

    Feng_Huang: I hope I?ve explained the poison well. Thank you for reading! :)

    ThePariah: A pretzel?! I think I turned my own brain into one trying to keep this all straight in my head, actually! LOL I hope you enjoy the ending! Thanks for pushing me to finish? I saw your note on ?In the Flesh? and decided I had to get this done, and soon! (LOVE your ZOMG?I can just *hear* that in my head!) :D

    Chilla: Thank you! I hoped the excitement, and drama of the poison scene would play out. I will be happy to PM you! :)

    mavjade: Hey, gal! Thanks for reading! This part really got me... I had tears running down my face! Especially "He deserved no less." Just... WOW! Amazingly written! WOW! Thank you for telling me that! I just am always so uncertain when I try to write something serious, as I feel I?m better with the happy sort of cute stuff. You?ve made my night! I can't wait for the next part! (Which is the last?? That makes me sad!) Ahh, but there is a sequel in the works? :D

    VaderLVR64: Thanks for reading! [:D]

    divapilot: Thank you for reading! Oh MAN! Now I have to know more! What a cliff-hanger! Oh, I felt horrible leaving it there, but that?s where the muse ended! I hope this last chapter answers your questions! [face_peace]

    Jedi Trace: Hey, lady! Thanks so much for reading! Excellent update! You're killing me here, ginchy! Eeep!! Don?t die, I?d miss you too much! [:D] (And I?d really love to see an update on ?Mother?s Heart?? [face_praying]) This story has been gut-wrenching to me, too? Mara really spoke to me in this one.

    JadeLotus: [:D] Thanks so much for reading and all your excitement and encouragement over this fic, gal. It?s meant so much to me! Love Mara thinking of Han in one of her last moments I really love the bro-in-law, sis-in-law relationship between Han and Mara. I may need to write more on that subject, actually?.ack! MORE plot bunnies! ;) And Evil Cliffie! Okay, see? YOU?VE corrupted me. LOL Evil-cliffies and all! Pretty soon I?ll be writing Mara/Lando? naaahhhhh :p [face_laugh]

    jackyyy17: Thanks, jacky! So glad to have you reading! :D

    Jade_eyes: Do you know that you?re just one of my favorite people on the boards? I look forward to your posts not only in my fics, but on everyone else?s, too! [:D] You have practically hit the nail right on the head? all but the time-travel. I?m glad the dream-like state I was aiming for came through? thanks for letting me know! Can't wait for the finale!! Mara's gonna need some serious TLC and actual therapy to get over this traumatic situation. Psssssttttt?? there will be a sequel along these lines?. :D

    Wow, thanks so
  8. ginchy

    ginchy Jedi Master star 4

    May 25, 2005
    Thank you so much to everyone for reading this fic! A special thank you to my girl, JadeLotus for all her encouragement and beta work. I?ve said it before, and will again, but you?re the best, gal! [:D]

    Timoritus, chapter 4 of 4


    ?Mara?? A voice in the darkness.

    ?Mara,? Luke?s voice, she would know it anywhere.

    ?Mara,? again, he spoke, but Mara didn?t dare open her eyes, lest she lose the sound of his voice.

    ?Daddy, why isn?t Momma waking up?? A tiny voice stage-whispered next to her ear? Ben.

    Mara?s heart seized in her chest. Ben, Luke! Her lips trembled. Was she still waiting, on the edge of execution?

    Hesitantly, she opened her eyes.


    ?Mara, oh, Mara??

    Mara reached out, grasping, needing the connection only her husband and son could provide to her. Something was attached to her arm? the execution device!

    No, came Luke?s voice, through their bond, that bloomed to life around and in her, Mara, you are safe.

    His hand grasped hers, and Ben leaned forward to place a kiss on her fingers.

    Moisture fell from her eyes then, clouding her vision, bringing her throat to ache.

    ?Shhhh?? Luke spoke, aloud. ?Rest now, love. We?ll be here.? His hand moved, allowing her to twine her fingers with her son, as he began to stroke her hair, and send calming waves to her through their bond. ?We?ll be here.?

    Unsure, but no longer frightened, Mara slept.


    Mara broke consciousness to the sound of a familiar voice. ?Master Skywalker? How does your wife fare this evening??

    ?She is doing much better, thank you,? Luke answered. ?I have been monitoring her with the Force and she appears to be sleeping peacefully.?

    ?Good, good?? the familiar voice said, moving to the foot of the bed she lay on. Mara heard him pick something up.

    She opened her eyes to see her Twi?lek guard standing at the foot of her bed, scrolling through a datapad.

    Her eyes widened and she found that she still couldn?t put all the pieces together?

    Luke felt her panic, and immediately took her hand, sending her comfort and love through their bond. ?Mara, I see you?re awake again. How are you feeling??

    The Twi?lek looked up at Luke?s words, lekku twitching.

    Luke, picking up on her jumbled thoughts and feelings, squeezed her hand. ?This is your healer, Elav?Distombe. He?s been with you since you were brought here. He?s one of the premier specialists on the topic of poisons.?

    The healer smiled at her. ?We?ve had some interesting times, you and I,? he said, humor lacing his words. ?I don?t think you like me very much.?

    Mara stared at him. In her memory, she remembered him as cruel, causing her pain, taunting her, referring to her as a murdress. And yet, here he was, gently teasing her, friendly with her husband, apparently her savior.

    Blinking to coalesce the images of her Twi?lek guard/healer, a vision of Luke?s face swam before her eyes. She backtracked and remembered his face as she lay suffering after the attack, when she had read his lips, while he said, ?poison.? She looked to her husband. ?I?? her voice cracked from disuse. ?I was poisoned.?

    ?Yes,? Luke said, reaching his left hand towards her neck. ?A tiny dart hit you here, and unleashed the poison on you.?

    ?It?s amazing you?re alive at all,? Healer Distombe said. ?Most infected with the Timoritus poison die within hours. You?ve been here, fighting it, for three days.?

    ?Timoritus,? Mara said. She looked at Luke. ?Fear,? she said, thinking of the word?s root.

    Luke nodded. ?The poison acts almost as a hallucinogen. It generally projects a person?s greatest fear into their minds, making the person ?live? through their fear. The poison ultimately shuts down a person?s body, one organ at a time.?

    ?But how am I--?

    Healer Distombe answered her unasked question. ?Master Skywalker managed to find out the poison from those who attacked you. There is an antidote, and it is effective if administered
  9. Path_Of_The_Oreo

    Path_Of_The_Oreo Jedi Youngling star 1

    Jan 23, 2006
    Yay! She didn't do it! That certainly would be scary, harming those you love the most without meaning to!

    Very Scary, I think you did a good job of it. :D

    JEDIFLYSWATTER Jedi Master star 3

    Dec 10, 2004
    Good job! I kind of figured out were it was going but kept my big mouth shut. I am really glad that you finished it and being a paramedic and loving gross things, I would love that future PM story. Wonderful.=D= @};-
  11. Maul Brady

    Maul Brady Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 12, 1999
    Man that was intense. Had me there for a second!

    Great fic!
  12. jackyyy17

    jackyyy17 Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 12, 2006
    That was really good. I'm so happy that it was all a result of the posion and not a reality. But poor Mara to have to deal with that. But she really needs to talk to Luke about it. I have a feeling that he will understand.

    Very good fic.

    And can I get the pm chapter when you write it?

  13. Chilla

    Chilla Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 30, 2005
    Wow, that was scary! =D= Great job!
  14. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Game Host Who Loves Fanfics & RPGs star 7 VIP - Game Host

    Aug 31, 2004
    Thank you for your sweet reply to my reply. :D This chapter was wonderful all the way around. =D= The characterization was right on target. I can feel Mara's relief and happiness but the lingering fear and uncertainty is there too--because of what her greatest fear turned out to be.
    Just because that is her greatest fear doesn't mean it's likely or even possible to happen. Those kinds of ruthless tendencies are likely to be turned against her enemies or the ones who attack her family. Mara does need to get some mental and emotional clarity on that point. Her past has made her stronger and courageous. But she's also capable of deep, loyal, tender love and commitment. That's why she's perfect for Luke--and the only one I ever wanted him to be with either. [face_laugh]
  15. Jade_Pilot

    Jade_Pilot Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 10, 2005
    Woo hoo! [face_dancing] How did I miss this? Great story and I am so relieved at the ending. You had me going!

    Bravo! =D=
  16. RedGold

    RedGold Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 29, 2004
    Ah, it all makes sense now!!!

    I can really see that as Mara's biggest fear considering her past and the baggage she carries with her.

    I would love the PM when you finish, I am a sucker for those kinds of psychological things!

    Maybe you could post it at SWFF?
  17. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 27, 2005
    I told you already, but great chapter, girl! @};-

    I really love that everything Mara experienced in her dream was influenced by the outside - the guard/healer, the visit with Jaina and of course Luke and Ben being able to snap her out of her dream and give her the will to fight and live.

    I cannot wait for the sequel - oh, the psychological issues and angst! I'm such a sucker for that kind of stuff ;)
  18. Jedi_Lover

    Jedi_Lover Force Ghost star 5

    Nov 1, 2004
    Well you truly succeeded in making a creepy story. To be honest with you, after the first chapter I stopped reading this story. Not because it was not good, but because I just couldn't take the angst/sad plot line.

    But today I saw that you had completed the story and I decided to check you the reviews at the end, and seeing all the MJSFC people praising your fic made me reconsider reading it. I am glad I did. This is an excellent story. I would think this experience would haunt Mara. I know we all say it is good to face one's fears, but it has to be disconcerting to realize you actually fear you are capable of harming the ones you love.

    Great job!!

  19. Ariapaige

    Ariapaige Jedi Youngling star 2

    Feb 25, 2002
    *delurks* hi
    i just wanted to pop in and say that this was tuly a worthwhile read. you managed to get Mara spot-on, i think. i can't see her being afraid of the things that go bump in the night either, but this was more than plausible. and very scary. i would like to see the sequel, if that's alright.

  20. Mirax-Jade

    Mirax-Jade Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 7, 2003
    I uh, just cried. Wow.

    This fic killed me dead. I loved it.
  21. Jedi Trace

    Jedi Trace SouthEast RSA star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Dec 15, 1999

    *falls over in a heap of relief*

    I think you put gray hairs on my head with this one, ginchy!

    I was hoping it would be something like that and re-reading the whole story - yes, it all does make sense now. Marvelous challenge response!! =D= Seriously, as a wife and mother that had to be one of the most horrifying things I've ever read - in a good way, a Halloween know what I mean. *shivers* ;)

    I haven?t written it yet, but it?s in my head and I hope to have it written soon. Let me know if any of you would like the PM when it?s done.

    Yes, please! :D (And there is that challenge over on SWFF. ;) )

  22. Feng_Huang

    Feng_Huang Jedi Master star 2

    Apr 17, 2005
    That was creepy indeed! good response for a challenge. I really hope Mara will tell Luke about her nightmarish experience or it could make the next love-making session a bit... weird, for lack of a better word. I'd like the PM chapter too, please!
  23. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Sep 10, 2005
    WOW, ginchy! Amazing job! =D=*Standing Ovation* =D=

    At the end of the last part I really didn't think this one was going to pull out with a happy ending, but you did it! :D

    Never once did the thought cross my mind that she had been poisioned! You did a wonderful job with missdirection!

    I feel bad for the healer... he seems like such a nice guy, but getting on Mara's bad side, is a scary thing! :p

    ?Thank you, Healer,? she said, finally.
    I love how she said that... very simple, yet very sincere! :)

    Mara raised his hand to her lips and held it there, finding comfort in the small act she allowed herself. After a moment she pulled their hands back and settled them at her breast.
    This really made me smile... for some reason, this is where I really knew things were going to be ok! :)

    I love the way you wrote Ben... he was just the cutest!

    The mental image of all three of them in the bed together was so sweet, I loved it, and it made for a perfect ending! [face_love]

    Wonderful job with this whole story, ginchy!

    And I would love the PM! :D
  24. ThePariah

    ThePariah Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 24, 2003
    ZOMG, you finished it! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!11!one1oneone [face_dancing] [face_laugh] [:D] :* [face_love]

    This is one of the awesomest Mara fics ever. Props to you for scaring the crap out of all of us. :p And I must be on that PM list. [face_mischief]
  25. MirandaFair

    MirandaFair Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 13, 2005

    ginchy, I finished this chapter earlier today. But I wanted to have enough time to write my response. Oh the dark places you took us! I'm so relieved it was all a toxic-induced hallucination and that Mara, Luke and Ben are all right. You did an exceptional job tying things (nightmare and real time) together. Wonderful completion to a difficult challenge. This is one of the best L/M drama/angst fics I've read in a long time. While I'm sad to see this end, I give CHEERS to a sequel and CONGRATS on completing a fic! =D=

    Mara was overwhelmed. The relief was coursing through her body, unchecked. She hadn't murdered her husband or her child, what she had perceived to have happened over the last few days, Jaina, Han, Leia, her execution? nothing more than the byproduct of a malicious poison that had invaded her body. ?Thank you, Healer,? she said, finally.

    As a reader, I was right along with Mara in her sigh of relief that the horrible things she thought had happened, didn't. Her "thank you" stood for so many things she must have been feeling at that moment. Yes...I'm guilty. You made me tear up! :_| [face_blush] ;)

    Inclining her head she smiled to see Luke with his head rested against the side of the large chair he sat in, his mouth hanging slightly open just as his son?s. In his lap lay the holonovel he had been reading for more than a week.

    Lovely image. Simply beautiful. [face_love]
    There is so much more I wish I could say, but can't find the words to type on. Whenever I finish reading a story, I always hope for resolution, an emotional response (relief, in this case- lol) and the hope for future possibilities. A great ending. Take a bow, my friend...amazing, amazing work. =D= =D= =D= @};- @};-
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.