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Before - Legends To My Heir . . . Ultimate Poetry Challenge response (Kipling's "If")

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by JediNemesis, Feb 22, 2007.

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  1. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Title: To My Heir
    Author: JediNemesis
    Genre: Sith philosophy
    Era: I put this in the pre-Bane era; what I think of as the 'classical' Sith period. Although it's fairly arbitrary.

    Summary: A Sith Master gives his apprentice some advice.

    Notes: For the Ultimate Poetry Challenge set by Rogue_Pilot_2347. The rules don't specify that the response had to be a poem itself, but I was having too much fun :p The rules did require that four genuine lines be included; they are lines 10, 17, 21, and 23.


    [b]DISCLAIMER:[/b] The Sith were the brainchild (brainchildren?) of George Lucas; no money has changed hands. The poem this was based on is, of course, [link=http://www.kipling.org.uk/poems_if.htm]Kipling's "If..."[/link]. Apologies for defacing it :D

    [hr]

    [b]To My Heir[/b]


    If you can keep your head when all around you
    Are weakening from doubt, or sick with fright;
    If you can stand and smile when trouble's found you,
    And do what must be done to win the fight;
    If you can make your name a word for fearing,
    And make yourself a plague, a scourge, a curse;
    If you can lie without a trace appearing,
    And only speak the truth when truth is worse;

    If you can do - and not let deeds content you;
    [color=red]If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;[/color]
    If you can kill - and not let guilt prevent you,
    And feel no grief, and never think of shame;
    If you can meet with mercy, and forgiveness,
    And treat both with the scorn that they deserve;
    If you can use the time that has been given us
    To learn the powers of the Dark you serve;

    [color=red]If you can wait, and not be tired by waiting,[/color]
    And turn your pent-up powers on the Light,
    And hide your hatred till the time for hating,
    And hold your hand until the time is right;
    [color=red]If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew[/color]
    To speed again when pain has made them slow,
    [color=red]And so hold on when there is nothing in you[/color]
    Except the will that says "It shall be so" -

    If you can draw your blade against your Master,
    And risk your life and soul on that one duel,
    Or, beaten, snatch a triumph from disaster,
    And live to win, and take the throne, and rule;
    If you can use the gift the Force has lent us,
    And hold fast though the Dark Side bleeds you dry,
    You'll make a Sith one day, my young apprentice,
    And - though you do - your name will never die!

    [hr]

    Feedback appreciated as always :)

    Nem
    >
     
  2. Star-Foozle

    Star-Foozle Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Oh, excellent!

    A superb entry. I love the poem formatting for this, and the lines from the original fit seamlessly into this one. Nice work!

    =D=
     
  3. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Amazing! =D= But that's no surprise. :p
     
  4. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Community Squirrel Whisperer star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Just wow!!! That is the perfect description of Sith!!

    I am in awe Nem[/]!! =D= =D=
     
  5. Rogue_Pilot_2347

    Rogue_Pilot_2347 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 16, 2005
    That's really neat. Freaky....but neat. Very cool entry. Good job!
     
  6. azizah

    azizah Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Sep 4, 2006
    Lovely twist on the original. I especially liked:

    And only speak the truth when truth is worse

    Great job!



     
  7. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Hello :)

    Star-Foozle Oh, excellent! Thanks [face_blush] A superb entry. I love the poem formatting for this, and the lines from the original fit seamlessly into this one. Nice work! I was dissecting the poem, looking for lines that weren't too self-contained, and was hit by a juggernaut of a bunny as to how they could be misconstrued. Six lines later I was having too much fun to stop :p

    VaderLVR Amazing! Why thank you :D But that's no surprise. I'm honoured. Thanks [face_blush]

    Leona Just wow!!! That is the perfect description of Sith!! I like writing about the Sith. I also imagine a substantial body of Sith literature, because with such a fragmentary Order you couldn't rely entirely on word of mouth. I am in awe Nem!! Wonderful! Thanks for clicking :D

    Rogue_Pilot That's really neat. Freaky....but neat. [face_laugh] Story of my life, that. Very cool entry. Good job! Thanks!

    azizah Lovely twist on the original. I especially liked: And only speak the truth when truth is worse Great job! Thanks for clicking. I'm glad you liked it :)

    Nem :D
     
  8. Persephone_Kore

    Persephone_Kore Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Oh, wow. Well done! The strong resemblance to the original -- not just the quoted lines, but the same form, and a number of lines reworked and word choices reused and rearranged -- really intensifies the comparative twist of the actual content.
     
  9. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Hi :)

    Persephone_Kore Oh, wow. Well done! Thanks! [face_dancing] The strong resemblance to the original -- not just the quoted lines, but the same form, and a number of lines reworked and word choices reused and rearranged -- really intensifies the comparative twist of the actual content. Now you mention it, I suppose so. I didn't realise I'd reused so many of Kipling's words. I suppose it just goes to show how completely opposing philosophies can be described in the same terms . . . Thanks for reading :)

    Nem
     
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