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Before - Legends To Save a Jedi- JA- Obi angst Complete 5/04!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obi_ew, Mar 29, 2003.

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  1. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    Title: To Save a Jedi

    Author: obi_ew

    Timeframe: JA

    Characters: Obi-Wan,Qui-Gon,OC

    Genre: angst

    Summary A fellow prisoner decides to rescue Padawan Kenobi,but is he too late?


    Authors note I found this old story of mine on another web site and decided to post it here,so that all of my stuff is on these boards.It was written a long time ago and not written very well so brace yourselves! :D Take special note of my lack of dialogue! :p

    Disclaimers- George owns all things Star Wars ,I'm borrowing his beloved characters! :)



    CHAPTER ONE

    The large metal building was hidden deep in the lower levels of Coruscant. Local residents over the years had come to the conclusion that it was used for some type of illegal storage and had long ago lost interest in the little activity that took place there. In reality the non descript building was a large prison and also housed a torture chamber that implemented the newest and best devices in the galaxy.

    The prisoners who were held there were all quilty of one crime.Angering in one way or another the man known only as the Dark Lord. No one knew exactly who he was, only that he was a person of some importance above.

    His captives fell into two distinct categories. A handfull were kept alive because they may sometime in the future be of some unknown use to the Dark Lord. The other less fortunate ones had angered him so deeply that death was considered to be too good for them. Instead they had the rest of their miserable lives to sit in a small poorly lit cell knowing they had no future or hope of escape.

    The prisoner in cell number 6 was one of the latter. A giant behemoth of a man Gregor was a Corellian pilot who had dumped a shipment of illegal weapons the Dark Lord was sending to the Trade Federation. The man hadn?t been the least bit interested in hearing the pilots explanation of being boarded by a party from the Judicial Department. Instead the Dark Lord had destroyed Gregors ship and slapped the pilot in this hell hole for the remainder of his days. After only three years in captivity the Corellian prayed he died a young death. The endless monotony of each day was rarely broken up by anything remotely interesting. At least until three months ago.

    A new prisoner had been put in the cell directly across from Gregor. The day he arrived the Corellian had known right away from his dress and hair cut that he was different. The thin gold collar around his neck had only reinforced the pilots suspicions. Gregor was aware of only one other prisoner who had been forced to wear a collar.That prisoner had been considered extremely dangerous and had been executed quickly.The boy was Jedi. Almost against his will Gregor had found himself drawn to the young man and had quickly fell into conversation with him. Since the guards had left the young man in peace his first week of captivity they had plenty of time to get to know one another.

    His name was Obi-Wan, he was eighteen years old and a Jedi student. He had been attacked in the market place while running errands for his Master and had fought bravely but was vastly outnumbered. He knew of no reason why the Dark Lord would be angry at him particularly since he had never heard of such a person. Gregor found the young mans quiet heavily accented voice vastly soothing and prodded the boy to tell him about himself often simply so he could hear the cultured voice.

    The hardened pilot didn?t know if it was this Force the boy spoke about often , or was simply the boy himself but a light seemed to surround the boy and left you feeling as though you had been touched by something special. Large blue-grey eyes stared out at you from a face that could only be described as beautiful giving the boy an air of innocence that was probably very deceiving. Although he had a quick sense of humour and an impish charm Gregor was sure that if need be the boy could be deadly lethal . This became evident when their peace came to an abrup
     
  2. astroanna

    astroanna Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2002
    Obi-ew... :mad:

    If this is "not written very well", I think I'd have to just give up, because this is better than most of what I've written....

    Such a great start, and I can't wait to find out where this goes...

    My poor Obi! :(
     
  3. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    astro You are too kind! :D Just wait! There is no plot line and it ends very quickly! Only about 4 or 5 chapters if that! Thought about re-writing it but decided to leave it as is.Hopefully someone lurking will compare it to my current fics and take heart that they too can improve.If it inspires a closet writer to try their hand then I will be very happy! :) And don't you dare compare your talents to this! :mad: You are truly gifted my friend! :)
     
  4. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi

    Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 9, 2002
    Gripping post obi_ew. I hope that it's not too late for our Obi

    More soon!!
     
  5. PadmeSolo

    PadmeSolo Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 3, 2002
    OE, you actually think you could write something "not so good"? :eek: *faints*

    Aww... poor Obi... :(

    _PSK_

    EDIT: It is a good idea to go through and revamp it if you want. But believe me, this is hardly bad, you should see some of the stuff I wrote when I was in fifth grade. Now that stuff is just downright ugly! ;)
     
  6. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    I think it has a good premise. If it bother's you that much, take the time to flesh it out and make it great. It would be worth the effort!
     
  7. Sheila

    Sheila Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 6, 2002
    I think I remember reading this story quite a while back when I was new to fan fiction. I don't know what site I found it on however. I always enjoy your writing and even your earlier work is gripping. You have a great imagination and think up original and intriguing storylines. I will be following this repost since I am sure I never reviewed the story when I first read it. Glad you decided to repost so I get the chance to remedy that mistake. :D

    I like the premise of this story where both a fellow prisoner and a guard come to Obi-Wan's aid. However, I hate what has happened to poor Obi-Wan. It seems someone is always trying to snuff out that beautiful light that is within him. :(
     
  8. Jedi_Nifet

    Jedi_Nifet Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 8, 2002
    A very interesting start, obi_ew. You are definitely underestimating your writing skills. It is wonderfully written. And the story is original too.
     
  9. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    Arwen_Jade_Kenobi :) Thank you!

    PadmeSolo I know how bad I was in the beginning! :p

    Padawan_Kitara :) I went back and realized that there is no way I can post it as it was!You guys would laugh me right off the boards.Therefore I'm going to take your advice and doodle with it.It will still be fairly short I think but I am going to add to it.Not sure how often I'll update since I want to get Dreams rolling regularly! Thanks!

    Sheila It was archived at General Kenobi .I'll try to make it a little better! :D

    Jedi_Nifet Thanks! I promise I'm much better at this now! I hope! :D


    Chapter Two

    Gregor entered the packed, noisey bar and quickly made his way to the stairs at the back of the room. Once free from prison he and the Wookie had sought refuge at the bar which was owned by a client of the Corellian?s. The man had also put them in contact with the young pilot Chrito who often provided transport for the Jedi. He had reluctantly agreed to find out what he could about the boy.All they could do now was wait.

    At the top of the stairs the pilot rapped once on the door and waited until it was opened a fraction. A large hairy face peered at him before quickly throwing the door wide and pulling him inside before slamming it shut once again. He gave the Wookie a sour look before shoving the bags he held into the giants arms.

    "What are you afraid of you big oaf?" he asked.

    His question was met with a very unpolite snort before the Wookie began going through the bags. A loud growl of delight informed him that his new friend had found the sweets he had managed to sweet talk from a young female Twilek. He couldn?t help but chuckle as he watched the huge Wookie move around the small kitchen area putting together a quick meal.

    "How is the Little Jedi?" he asked.

    The Wookie gave a sorrowfull growl and shook his head slowly. Gregor nodded in understanding before pulling a bundle from the last bag and moving into the living area. He stopped in the doorway and simply stared at his young charge for several minutes before taking a deep breath and moving over to the couch.

    "Well Little Jedi I brought you a gift. Even though you are making us very angry by being so difficult to get along with," he chatted cheerfully as he pulled a large brown blanket from out of the bag and unfurled it for the boys inspection.

    "See its a new blanket to keep you warm. The merchant says that the material it?s made out of is the warmest in the galaxy. So what do you think?" he asked.

    Silence was the only response he got, or expected. Undaunted he approached the silent figure and pulled long elegant fingers away from the death grip they had on the shredded filthy blanket that had been wrapped around the boy for a week now. From the doorway the Wookie watched gravely as Gregor was finally able to pull the blanket away from the Jedi and throw it to the floor. He slowly walked over and picked it up. As he turned to walk away with it the pilot looked over his shoulder at him.

    "Burn it," Gregor commanded grimly.

    As soon as The Wookie nodded and moved away the Corellian turned back to his charge.

    "I?ve left you alone for a week now Obi-Wan but now the fun is over. You are going into the shower, into clean clothes and then I am going to tend to your wounds. Understand?" he asked.

    All he got was silence and an unblinking stare. With a deep sigh he stood and pulled the thin, broken body into his arms and moved into the Fresher.He swore softly at how light the boy was.

    As he turned the water on and set it at an agreeable temperature,he silently hoped his contact would have some information for them soon.Stripping the filthy rags from the boy's painfully thin body,he carefully pushed the young Jedi under the steaming spray.

    He winched in sympathy,when a small choked cry of pain broke from the chapped lips,as the crusted wounds were brutally re-opened.

    "I know,and I'm sorry but it has to be done," he whispered gently.

    His only
     
  10. PadmeSolo

    PadmeSolo Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 3, 2002
    Obi!!!!!! :_| :(

    OE, glad to know you're going to rework it a little. Knowing what I do of your current writing, I'm sure it will turn into a wonderful masterpiece. ;)

    *shudders* I tend to try not to remember how bad my writing was way back when... :p

    _PSK_
     
  11. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi

    Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 9, 2002
    :_| Poor Obi!! Get well soon!!

    More more more more!!
     
  12. Sheila

    Sheila Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 6, 2002
    Poor Obi-Wan! :_|

    I like the two who are caring for him, they are very compassionate.
     
  13. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    I'm glad to hear that you will tinker with it. It think it is well worth it!
     
  14. Lurkalidth

    Lurkalidth Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2003
    Ooh! This is very interesting. Your OC's are very life-like and personable.

    Can't wait to see how this goes.

    Thanks for posting it.
     
  15. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    For one of your first attempts, as everyone else has said, this is really great, obi_ew. My first stories were under-developed garbage compared to this. ;)

    I really love it so far, and can't wait for more.

    But, let me add in readers' unison: Poor Obi! :_|

    Great job, obi_ew.
     
  16. Jedi_Nifet

    Jedi_Nifet Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 8, 2002
    And adding to the chorus: Poor Obi!

    I like how those two help him. And the wookie here is just on the right place.

    And, obi_ew, if you can improve the story, it's just the better. I guess everything can be improved since there's no perfection :)

    Nifet
     
  17. Jedi_Suzuran

    Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 22, 2002
    Echoing the others with "Poor Obi!" :_| :_|

    Regarding the fic overall, you think this is bad? Bite your tongue master, that is far from the truth! :p
     
  18. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    PadmeSolo Masterpiece? Naw! I consider Sky of Dust my pride and joy so far! :)

    Arwen-Jade_Kenobi :) Okay! Another posty today!

    Sheila They are pretty nice guys! :D

    Padawan_Kitara Let's hope! ;)

    Lurkalidth Thanks! :) Working with OC's is still fairly new to me.

    LE :) Thank you! The original draft is pretty... well thin! :D

    Jedi_Nifet I know I have alot to learn still! ;)

    JS But you're my Padawan ! You have to say nice things about it! :D

    CHAPTER-THREE

    An hour later the Wookie finished eating his meal and went to see if he could help with the Jedi. He found a freshly bathed and clothed boy sitting on the couch with Gregor trying in vain to unsnarl the long braid. Hearing a rough chuckle from the Wookie the pilot threw him a dirty look.

    "Do you think you could do better?" he demanded angrily.

    The behemoth rambled over and gently removed the snarled mess from Gregor?s clumsy grasp and gently began working his large fingers through the ginger strands. Gregor shot him one more dirty look before picking up a med kit and applying bacta to the wounds on the boys wrists, and chest. He nodded slightly at the softly growled question from the Wookie.

    " I did what I could with his back wounds. He needs more then what we can give him. I hope we can get word to these Jedi soon," he said grimly as he lightly ran a finger along the gold collar.

    "I've tried everything but this thing won't budge," he told his partner.

    "I?m afraid it may be too late for even the Jedi to help him," he announced sadly as he pulled the blanket tightly around the young man.

    Long elegant fingers slowly curled around the edges and the chills that had wracked the frail body seemed to gradually slow. The Wookie held up a perfectly braided length of hair and crowed proudly.

    The rude comment Gregor was prepared to deliver died on his lips as there was a knock on the door.They exchanged a worried glance before quickly moving into position by the door.The borrowed blasters were readied as Gregor called out.

    "Who is it?"

    "It's Chrito.I have some news for you," a disembodied voice told him.

    The Corellian and his new partner shared another speaking look,before Gregor activated the doors control panel.As it slid open,the young pilot's eyes widened at the sight of the blasters leveled at his chest.

    "Hey!Is that anyway to greet your only source of information?" he exclaimed.

    The Wookie pulled him into the room,while Gregor did a quick scan of the hallway.Once certain that no one had followed the pilot,he closed the door once again.Turning to face the young man,Gregor holstered his weapon.

    "Sorry.We're a little jumpy," he apologized.

    "I can understand that.Especially after what I found out today," Chrito commented.

    Gregor and the Wookie eyed him worriedly.

    "And what was that exactly?" Gregor asked.

    "May I?" Chrito asked,as he gestured toward the young man who sat staring blindly at nothing.

    At Gregor's reluctant nod,he moved to stand in front of Obi-Wan.After studying him in silence for several moments,Chrito nodded and turned back around to face Gregor.

    "Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi.He's apparently of some importance.The Jedi have had people out searching for him ever since he vanished," he told them.

    "Good!" Gregor exclaimed."Then it will simply be a matter of turning him over to them."

    Chrito shifted uneasily,drawing their attention.

    "Only one rather big problem with that plan," he said.

    Frowning,Gregor shrugged,"Such as?"

    "Whoever this Dark Lord is,he was none too happy about you freeing all of his prisoners.Especially his prize Jedi.His men are tearing the planet apart in a search for you," Chrito explained.

    "But...how could he know it was me?" Gregor asked.

    "He caught up with a prisoner who had a cell next to your's.With a little encouragement he got the guy to talk.The instant you try to contact the Jedi,this guys men will have you,"Chrito told him.

    Gre
     
  19. Sheila

    Sheila Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 6, 2002
    They are going to take him off planet?! He is just going to get farther away from the help he needs! :_|

    I still love the ones taking care of Obi-Wan. Never do they contemplate just abandoning him.
     
  20. Jedi_Suzuran

    Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 22, 2002
    *echoes Sheila*

    Gee, nice way to care for him. [face_plain]

    And master, I don't have to say nice things about it. I say nice things about it cause I think it is nice. :p Bite your tongue again! :p
     
  21. PadmeSolo

    PadmeSolo Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 3, 2002
    *Iky, Iky* Sticky situation they have there! *Shudders* Thinking about what kinds of 'encouragement' might have occured makes me slightly sick. :(

    I suppose you're right, OE. That is truly one heck of a masterpiece! ;) :D

    _PSK_
     
  22. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Aw. [face_love]
    Another fantastic update, obi_ew.


    Obi's rescuers are extremely likeable and caring. This fic is great, I don't care what you say! :D
     
  23. PadawanKitara

    PadawanKitara Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2001
    Listen to LE She's right!
     
  24. Nikita

    Nikita Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 14, 2001
    oh yea! I was almost going through withdrawls without two stories from you, one wasn't holding me over! hehe


    Who is this dark sith lord, I'm gonna kill him for hurting my little Obi!


    more soon... now... please?!?!?
     
  25. PaddyJuan

    PaddyJuan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 15, 2002
    eeeeeee!!! you hid this from me!!!!

    but i found it anyway and have devoured all the chapters so far in one huge gulp.

    burp.

    excuse me.

    anyway, good wookie and gregor rescuing obi.

    corellia is good. lively place. maybe they'll find a jedi or two away from teh dark lord.
     
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