Before - Legends Torment--an Obi-Wan Kenobi piece

TORMENT


Obi-Wan Kenobi awoke slowly, his entire body aching. His surrounding were a blur that gradually resolved into a stone-walled, domed room. Small, high-set windows let in shafts of bright sunlight that sparkled in the dusty air. It was not a place he recognized, though his mind was still a bit foggy. How had he gotten here?

He realized he was lying on his back, and tried to sit up. Something bit into his wrists and ankles. Craning his neck, he saw that he was manacled to a stone slab in the center of the room. He also noticed a rack hanging on one wall, filled with a variety of sharp instruments--all of which bore disturbing reddish-black stains on the blades.

Suddenly, the memories came flooding back. He'd been part of a strike team that had been called in to infiltrate and neutralize an evil presence on Obilon 7. But they'd been ambushed near the mountaintop citadel of their target, and Kenobi had gotten hit by a stun bolt. But was he still on Obilon 7? And what about Master Qui-Gon and the others?

Even as he pondered this question, the door to the chamber opened, and in walked a slim man in black clothes, roughly Qui-Gon's age. Scars criss-crossed his sallow face, and malice glittered in his eyes as he grinned at Kenobi.

"I see you've awoken, young padawan."

"You." Kenobi put every ounce of distaste he could into the word.

"Indeed." He stopped beside Kenobi, who struggled against his bonds. "Pitiful fool--you and your little task force had no idea who you were up against, did you? You thought to simply stroll into my domain--into my very fortress--and capture me?" He shook his head. "Now you shall pay the price for daring to challenge the one and only Gen'Eric Vill-ain."

"Do your worst, fiend," Kenobi said. "I'll never break."

"We'll see about that," Vill-ain said. He leaned over Kenobi, his head hovering a foot or so above Kenobi's face. He cleared his throat with a loud hawking sound, but didn't move. Kenobi braced himself.

Then it happened. Slowly, a bit of yellowish-white spittle began to seep out from between Vill-ain's lips. Kenobi watched in morbid fascination as it congealed together, growing bigger and bigger--and then it began to descend. Slowly, oh so slowly, suspended on a streamer of rancid saliva, the glob of goo made its controlled plummet toward Kenobi's face, cruel, cruel gravity complicit in the torment.

Kenobi tried to turn away, but Vill-ain's hands grabbed his hair and held him pinned. Kenobi cursed himself for his perfect coif and vowed to shave his head like Master Windu if he ever got out of this.

The loogie touched his face, and it was all Kenobi could do not to scream. His flesh cringed from the touch. And then--when Kenobi thought he could take no more--it vanished, slurped back into Vill-ain's smirking mouth.

"You...you fiend," Kenobi shuddered.

Vill-ain grinned. "I know!" he said with barely contained glee.

Then the loogie came again. And again. It was on its fifth descent when Kenobi blacked out from the sheer horror of it.



When he came to, Kenobi found Vill-ain still standing nearby. From the position of the sunbeams coming through the window, he couldn't have been unconscious for very long.

"Back for more?" Vill-ain rubbed his hands together.

"The others...what happened to them?" Kenobi asked.

Vill-ain gestured non-chalantly. "Oh, they got away. I've got my droids out hunting them down. Won't be long until they're joining you."

Well, at least there was the hope of a rescue, Kenobi thought. But would it come in time?

As if reading his thoughts, Vill-ain stepped closer, bringing one claw-like, jagged-nailed finger in front of Kenobi's eyes. Was he going to pluck Kenobi's eyes out? the padawan wondered. Claw his face?

Quick as a flash, the evil finger moved--into Vill-ain's mouth. Then the moistened finger shot back out and before Kenobi could react, it plunged into his right ear.

"Wet willy!" Vill-ain crowed, twisting the finger around and around.

Kenobi cried out with the shock of the violation. Was nothi

 

ROTFLMAO

very vrey very funny! Laughing too hard to say anything else!

 

ROTFLOLOLOL!!!!!! Oh BlindMan, that was hilarious!!!! Great job!!!!!!

 

I agree. ROTFLMAO. That was positively hillarious.

Brava.

 

OMG!! Blindman is now my hero!! :: Wow! I absolutely positively loved it! ROTFLMBOAS (rolling on the floor laughing my butt off and snorting)

 

Really funny once I got past the disgusting part. Great job dancing around the rules!!! LMAO.

 

I liked the end the best.

And those names!

 

OMG! I think I hurt something from laughing so hard. Seriously, this could be bad. It hurts now when I do this...Hey, isn't anyone gonna give me sympathy here?

That was so funny! Words can't begin to describe how funny that was.

"Indeed." He stopped beside Kenobi, who struggled against his bonds. "Pitiful fool--you and your little task force had no idea who you were up against, did you? You thought to simply stroll into my domain--into my very fortress--and capture me?" He shook his head. "Now you shall pay the price for daring to challenge the one and only Gen'Eric Vill-ain."

Torture by loogie, purple nurple, and wet willy! Oh the HORROR! Will it never end! Please, we need more sensitive masculine tears. There, that's better.

Ouch, I still hurt. Maybe I better quit reading this. You should put a warning label on it or something...

 

oh
my
goodness!!

How funny! I think I woke up some neighbors I laughed so loud and long.

H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!!!

 

"You can't do any more," Kenobi croaked. "It's against the rules."

"What are you babbling about, Jedi?" Vill-ain scowled.

"Only three torture incidents allowed," Kenobi said. "Rules of Engagement, page 324, paragraph two."

Absolutely great!

 

Can't stop laughing!

 

That was totally freakin' hilarious indeed!!!! *SNRK!* I so loved it!!!!! hehehehe [face_laughing]

Man I loved the name Gen'Eric Vill-ain hehehehe that was juz priceless!!!

hehehe loved the 'torture' scenes! hehehehe

Excellent work!!! and the bit with the 'blond Jedi' was great!! hehehe and sooooooo her too!!!

 

ROTFLMAO

That was so funny. Brilliant. I absolutely needed a good laugh and that was OMG!

 

Quick as a flash, the evil finger moved--into Vill-ain's mouth. Then the moistened finger shot back out and before Kenobi could react, it plunged into his right ear.

"Wet willy!" Vill-ain crowed, twisting the finger around and around.

Kenobi cried out with the shock of the violation. Was nothing sacred? By the Force, did this man's villainy know no ends?!

The left ear was next. Then the right ear again. Then the left. And then the torment ended as Kenobi slipped into blessed unconsciousness again.

I'm with Kenobi, I hate those things! Hilarious take on this situation. I think we all needed a good laugh. This was perfection!

 

I can't remember the last time I read something so damn funny.

 

Geez! That was fantastic.

 

Totally freakin' hilarious!

 

LMAO. Great job.

 

LMAO! Genius.

 

*gx*
*snrx*
*pfft*
BWAHAHAHAHAHA

 

*clutches stomach*

Too... much... can't... breathe...

BlindMan, I haven't laughed this hard in ages. Thank you.

*remembers that she never finished the infamous Monologues and immediately sets off to rectify that fact*



[hl=pink]For freedom. For justice. Viva la Rebellion.[/hl]

 

*clutches sides desperately* Can't....breathe... need...oxygen. *faces turns slightly blue*

That was beyond hilarious. This was priceless. Perfect!!

I love the names!!!

 

I think I strained something.

Brilliance -- positive genius!

 

oooooooooooooooh, force! Kenobi closed his eyes. "Thank you, Mod," he breathed.