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Before - Legends Torment--an Obi-Wan Kenobi piece

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by BlindMan, Oct 7, 2004.

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  1. BlindMan

    BlindMan Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 25, 2001
    TORMENT


    Obi-Wan Kenobi awoke slowly, his entire body aching. His surrounding were a blur that gradually resolved into a stone-walled, domed room. Small, high-set windows let in shafts of bright sunlight that sparkled in the dusty air. It was not a place he recognized, though his mind was still a bit foggy. How had he gotten here?

    He realized he was lying on his back, and tried to sit up. Something bit into his wrists and ankles. Craning his neck, he saw that he was manacled to a stone slab in the center of the room. He also noticed a rack hanging on one wall, filled with a variety of sharp instruments--all of which bore disturbing reddish-black stains on the blades.

    Suddenly, the memories came flooding back. He'd been part of a strike team that had been called in to infiltrate and neutralize an evil presence on Obilon 7. But they'd been ambushed near the mountaintop citadel of their target, and Kenobi had gotten hit by a stun bolt. But was he still on Obilon 7? And what about Master Qui-Gon and the others?

    Even as he pondered this question, the door to the chamber opened, and in walked a slim man in black clothes, roughly Qui-Gon's age. Scars criss-crossed his sallow face, and malice glittered in his eyes as he grinned at Kenobi.

    "I see you've awoken, young padawan."

    "You." Kenobi put every ounce of distaste he could into the word.

    "Indeed." He stopped beside Kenobi, who struggled against his bonds. "Pitiful fool--you and your little task force had no idea who you were up against, did you? You thought to simply stroll into my domain--into my very fortress--and capture me?" He shook his head. "Now you shall pay the price for daring to challenge the one and only Gen'Eric Vill-ain."

    "Do your worst, fiend," Kenobi said. "I'll never break."

    "We'll see about that," Vill-ain said. He leaned over Kenobi, his head hovering a foot or so above Kenobi's face. He cleared his throat with a loud hawking sound, but didn't move. Kenobi braced himself.

    Then it happened. Slowly, a bit of yellowish-white spittle began to seep out from between Vill-ain's lips. Kenobi watched in morbid fascination as it congealed together, growing bigger and bigger--and then it began to descend. Slowly, oh so slowly, suspended on a streamer of rancid saliva, the glob of goo made its controlled plummet toward Kenobi's face, cruel, cruel gravity complicit in the torment.

    Kenobi tried to turn away, but Vill-ain's hands grabbed his hair and held him pinned. Kenobi cursed himself for his perfect coif and vowed to shave his head like Master Windu if he ever got out of this.

    The loogie touched his face, and it was all Kenobi could do not to scream. His flesh cringed from the touch. And then--when Kenobi thought he could take no more--it vanished, slurped back into Vill-ain's smirking mouth.

    "You...you fiend," Kenobi shuddered.

    Vill-ain grinned. "I know!" he said with barely contained glee.

    Then the loogie came again. And again. It was on its fifth descent when Kenobi blacked out from the sheer horror of it.



    When he came to, Kenobi found Vill-ain still standing nearby. From the position of the sunbeams coming through the window, he couldn't have been unconscious for very long.

    "Back for more?" Vill-ain rubbed his hands together.

    "The others...what happened to them?" Kenobi asked.

    Vill-ain gestured non-chalantly. "Oh, they got away. I've got my droids out hunting them down. Won't be long until they're joining you."

    Well, at least there was the hope of a rescue, Kenobi thought. But would it come in time?

    As if reading his thoughts, Vill-ain stepped closer, bringing one claw-like, jagged-nailed finger in front of Kenobi's eyes. Was he going to pluck Kenobi's eyes out? the padawan wondered. Claw his face?

    Quick as a flash, the evil finger moved--into Vill-ain's mouth. Then the moistened finger shot back out and before Kenobi could react, it plunged into his right ear.

    "Wet willy!" Vill-ain crowed, twisting the finger around and around.

    Kenobi cried out with the shock of the violation. Was nothi
     
  2. Phoenix_Reborn

    Phoenix_Reborn Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 23, 2003
    ROTFLMAO

    very vrey very funny! Laughing too hard to say anything else!
     
  3. Layren

    Layren Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 28, 2003
    ROTFLOLOLOL!!!!!! Oh BlindMan, that was hilarious!!!! Great job!!!!!!
     
  4. JediMaster_Jen

    JediMaster_Jen Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2002
    I agree. ROTFLMAO. That was positively hillarious.

    Brava. =D=
     
  5. Durhelediel

    Durhelediel Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2004
    [face_laugh] OMG!! Blindman is now my hero!! :[:D]: Wow! I absolutely positively loved it! ROTFLMBOAS (rolling on the floor laughing my butt off and snorting)
     
  6. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Really funny once I got past the disgusting part. Great job dancing around the rules!!! LMAO.
     
  7. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 20, 2002
    I liked the end the best. :p

    And those names! [face_laugh]
     
  8. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    OMG! I think I hurt something from laughing so hard. Seriously, this could be bad. It hurts now when I do this...Hey, isn't anyone gonna give me sympathy here?

    That was so funny! Words can't begin to describe how funny that was.

    "Indeed." He stopped beside Kenobi, who struggled against his bonds. "Pitiful fool--you and your little task force had no idea who you were up against, did you? You thought to simply stroll into my domain--into my very fortress--and capture me?" He shook his head. "Now you shall pay the price for daring to challenge the one and only Gen'Eric Vill-ain."

    Torture by loogie, purple nurple, and wet willy! Oh the HORROR! Will it never end! Please, we need more sensitive masculine tears. There, that's better.

    Ouch, I still hurt. Maybe I better quit reading this. You should put a warning label on it or something...
     
  9. SarkaVrae

    SarkaVrae Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 3, 2004
    oh
    my
    goodness!!

    How funny! I think I woke up some neighbors I laughed so loud and long.

    H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!!!
     
  10. Enji

    Enji Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    May 14, 2002
    "You can't do any more," Kenobi croaked. "It's against the rules."

    "What are you babbling about, Jedi?" Vill-ain scowled.

    "Only three torture incidents allowed," Kenobi said. "Rules of Engagement, page 324, paragraph two."


    Absolutely great! [face_laugh]
     
  11. jeday

    jeday Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 4, 2004
    Can't stop laughing! [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
     
  12. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    That was totally freakin' hilarious indeed!!!! *SNRK!* I so loved it!!!!! hehehehe [face_laughing]

    Man I loved the name Gen'Eric Vill-ain hehehehe that was juz priceless!!!

    hehehe loved the 'torture' scenes! hehehehe

    Excellent work!!! and the bit with the 'blond Jedi' was great!! hehehe and sooooooo her too!!! ;)
     
  13. red rose knight

    red rose knight Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 3, 2001
    [face_laugh] ROTFLMAO

    That was so funny. Brilliant. [face_laugh] I absolutely needed a good laugh and that was OMG! =D=
     
  14. LukesTheMan

    LukesTheMan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 30, 2004
    Quick as a flash, the evil finger moved--into Vill-ain's mouth. Then the moistened finger shot back out and before Kenobi could react, it plunged into his right ear.

    "Wet willy!" Vill-ain crowed, twisting the finger around and around.

    Kenobi cried out with the shock of the violation. Was nothing sacred? By the Force, did this man's villainy know no ends?!

    The left ear was next. Then the right ear again. Then the left. And then the torment ended as Kenobi slipped into blessed unconsciousness again.


    I'm with Kenobi, I hate those things! Hilarious take on this situation. I think we all needed a good laugh. This was perfection!
     
  15. Jedi_Chani

    Jedi_Chani Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 30, 2004
    I can't remember the last time I read something so damn funny.
     
  16. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Geez! [face_laugh] That was fantastic.
     
  17. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Community Squirrel Whisperer star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Blindman-- I had so hoped you were serious on the Torture Limit thread. I didn't see this till now, but the title had me saluting the air because I just knew I could expect brillance. I was not disappointed!

    Thank for the best laugh!
     
  18. MY-T-Chewbacca

    MY-T-Chewbacca Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    May 10, 2004
    [face_laugh]

    Totally freakin' hilarious!
     
  19. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    LMAO. [face_laugh] Great job. :D
     
  20. vader_incarnate

    vader_incarnate Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 29, 2002
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    LMAO! Genius. :D
     
  21. Arin_Atona

    Arin_Atona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 10, 2004
    *gx*
    *snrx*
    *pfft*
    BWAHAHAHAHAHA [face_laugh]
     
  22. Fate

    Fate Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2003
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    *clutches stomach*

    Too... much... can't... breathe...

    BlindMan, I haven't laughed this hard in ages. Thank you. :p

    *remembers that she never finished the infamous Monologues and immediately sets off to rectify that fact*



    [hl=pink]For freedom. For justice. Viva la Rebellion.[/hl]

     
  23. VadersMistress

    VadersMistress Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 7, 2004
    *clutches sides desperately* Can't....breathe... need...oxygen. *faces turns slightly blue*

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] That was beyond hilarious. This was priceless. Perfect!!

    I love the names!!!
     
  24. Stormtrooper_Shrink

    Stormtrooper_Shrink Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 11, 2004
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    I think I strained something. :p

    Brilliance -- positive genius!
     
  25. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Registered:
    Mar 26, 2001
    oooooooooooooooh, force! Kenobi closed his eyes. "Thank you, Mod," he breathed.

     
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