JCC Transgender, nonbinary, genderqueer

Been meaning to stop by here to report some good news...my nephew (age 20) was able to get his top surgery a few weeks ago! Recovery seems to be going well so far. I am so hopeful that this will have a significant positive impact on his dysphoria, though I know he will still have significant challenges ahead.

Just wanted to share.

 

That's great!! How's he doing emotionally? A lot of people go through a period of depression while they're still debilitated. Somehow, no one ever seems prepared for how hard that surgery knocks them on their ass.

 

I've had an appendectomy and that sucked ****. It's gotta be rough.

 

Ok, I think. I've called/video chatted with him several times since the surgery and he said he already feels better just getting dressed every day/looking in the mirror, etc. He has ongoing mental health challenges, though, (ADHD and OCD), and he was also being treated for depression in the last several years, so I'm anxious to see how much the surgery will help with the depression in the longer-term (because pre-surgery, he himself had said that he felt most of his depression was stemming from his chest dysphoria and the desperation of not knowing when/if he would be able to get the surgery).

I know it can't be a "magic bullet" for him, but I'm just really hoping that it will make a significant difference and help him to move forward with his life (things have been very difficult for him in the past couple of years).

 

How much relief from depression he'll get probably depends on the sort of depression he has. I had terrible chest dysphoria, and not having that anymore is a huge relief. I don't hate my body anymore. I'd say my overall level of misery has been cut by about 20%, which is great, and makes the surgery totally worth it. I have lifelong major depression, though, and unfortunately surgery didn't touch that. Not surprising, really--I was depressed before I ever got boobs, so it makes sense that I'd be depressed after. Your nephew may see better results, though. Depression has all kinds of causes.

 

Yes, absolutely. And of course I have no idea of the extent to which his recent difficulties have had causes other than his dysphoria. As I said, he himself was saying pre-surgery that he felt that a lot (most?) of his depression was due to it, so that's why I'm hoping he'll be in a much better place going forward.

I'm just relieved that he was able to get top surgery this (relatively) "soon" (although of course I realize that waiting even just the 2+ years since he came out was agonizing for him, and that his dysphoria was a serious problem for him long before even he himself was able to fully understand/articulate his trans identity). His father has been completely unsupportive and, while his mother is certainly far more supportive by comparison and was the one who arranged and paid for his surgery, she's still having difficulty processing his transition (still hasn't switched over to "he/him," for example), so I was worried that he might have to wait a lot longer than he did.

 

(apologies for the double post but in rereading my post above, I realize I left something out)

just wanted to add, @poor yorick, that I am very sorry about your depression. You've been very open about it here on the forum, and I sincerely admire that and am sure that it helps others to be open about their mental health as well, which is so important in terms of letting others with similar challenges know that they are not alone. I am also really glad that your top surgery relieved you of at least some of the burden you'd been carrying. I continue to value your posts around the JCC as you always add something interesting to the conversations here.

Anyway, I just wanted to add the above because in rereading my earlier post, it struck me as perhaps coming off as insensitive to what you were expressing.

 

Nah, not at all. . I wasn’t looking for sympathy—just saying your nephew’s mileage may vary, but don’t assume that because my depression didn’t change much that his won’t. Mine is unusually intractable, is all.

 

Transitioning has helped immensely in combating my depression, but it’s fun to discover deeper problems when you were only expecting it to be that while getting help.

 

First-ever transplant on transgender man being considered at Boston hospital

 

Interesting. There aren’t currently a lot of good options for trans men who want lower surgery.

Of course, if sex organ transplants for trans people become a thing, a lot of cis folks are going to lose their goddamn minds. People refusing to donate their organs for fear of their naughty bits ending up on someone they disapprove of, etc.

Of course, trans people have long been wishing they could donate their unwanted sex organs to someone who actually wants them, so maybe that could work.

 

A lot of my transmasculine friends are cautiously optimistic about the prospect

 

So I have a pap smear tomorrow. Absolutely hate it, makes me think about the babies I absolutely do not ever want in my body... Blech.

 

Today actress Ellen Page announced she is now a trans man and changed his name to Elliot Page.



Clearly the most famous personality/celebrity to assume himself as trans.

 

Good for Elliot, but all your wording in that post was terrible so I won't like it.

 

Yeah, that wording was all sorts of ****ed up.

 

People play roles. I don’t see why anything should change unless he is no longer comfortable with it.

 

If it were me I'd want them to make my character trans as well, at least non-binary since Elliot's ok with 'he' or 'they'. But obviously that's up to each actor.

 

If I were in that writers' room, I would be adamant that the choice should be Elliot's. Yes it's an established character. But things change in adaptations. If Elliot is fine playing a woman, then keep it as is. But if he's not, a change should be made. It should be his choice. Creatively, they should be able to work with whatever they're given.

 

There was a film Page was in a few years back called Into The Forest that I really enjoyed. It was a very intimate, feminist post-apocalyptic story and I'll have to revisit it knowing that he's trans. It's a very interesting phenomenon, actors playing roles that are not their own gender. It sometimes feels like a gimmick, like when Allison Williams did Peter Pan, but Page has always been a serious, impressive actor imo, and revisiting his many roles will be interesting.

 

Page's imdb bio has already been carefully re-edited for the appropriate pronouns. I'm not sure I'm ever going to get used to "they" as a singular pronoun. It's never going to read as anything but plural to me.

"With their breakout role in Jason Reitman's hit comedy Juno (2007), about an offbeat teenager who finds themselves unexpectedly pregnant, Page received Academy Award, BAFTA, Golden Globe and SAG Best Actress nominations, and won the Independent Spirit Award for their performance. They followed up that turn with the lead in Drew Barrymore's directorial debut, the roller-derby comedy-drama Whip It (2009), Christopher Nolan's psychological thriller Inception (2010), the independent film Peacock (2010), and the dark comedy Super (2010), opposite Rainn Wilson and Liv Tyler."

To me "they" seems alienating. Like a royal "we" except for people with mental health problems. I don't see how it helps embrace or accept anyone for who they are. It should be possible to completely accept the nonbinary/fluid nature of someone's gender identity without grammatically referring to "them" as two or more people.