Before - Legends Turning Point ('07 Diary Challenge) Xanatos/OC -- COMPLETED 11/13

Author: NYCitygurl
Title: Turning Point
Timeframe: pre-JA
Characters: Rachael (OC), Xanatos, Qui-Gon, Jocasta Nu
Summary: Rachael, a Jedi padawan, is bewitched by Xanatos, who is questioning his place in the Order.
Notes: For the Diary Challenge. I can't believe I did this, but everyone else is and it looks like so much fun This is a plot bunny I've had for a while, and I just converted it to diary form to fit the challenge.


1/6/07

I?ve seen him before. He comes into the library sometimes to do research, and sometimes just to do it. Sometimes to see girls who are here to do research. He?s notorious for spending time with girls, even though the Jedi Order forbids attachment.

His name is Xanatos, and he is the apprentice of Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, who himself is known for breaking the rules every so often. He seems to allow his apprentice to flaunt them as well; there is no way he doesn?t know of his padawan?s reputation or exploits.

Not that he would ever so much as look at me. I may only be three years younger than he is, but I?m too shy to attract much attention. I much prefer the records and histories I spend most of my time with. I love learning about the Jedi of old. I know my way around the library better than anyone except Jocasta Nu. That?s why she chose me as her apprentice five years ago. Though I?ve never been on a mission like most Jedi, I have no problems with that.

I looked over again to see him flirting with one of the padawans. She?s tall and skinny, with long, blonde hair. She?s beautiful, and I can?t blame him or being attracted to her?or her to him, for that matter; he?s gorgeous.

It?s just as well that the Jedi Order forbids relationships. No one would want one with me, anyway.

 

It?s just as well that the Jedi Order forbids relationships. No one would want one with me, anyway.




Awwwww, she doesn't have much in the way of self-esteem does she? Poor girl. Very interesting start you've got here, Nat Diaries are fun, aren't they?

 

i love a good depressing story.

Good job .

 

I hint of abit of jealousy, markings of a great read and story.

M-O-E

 

Oh, a great start! I feel sorry for her already.

 

Awww....Rachael sounds like the typical, insecure teenager.

It's too bad she set her sights on Xanatos - that can't be good.

Very nice start, I look forward to more

 

No, not much. Thanks!!! Yes they are I'm glad I started it

Thanks Though it won't be depressing all the time; I love to write angst, but I also like romance

Yep Thanks!!!

Thanks!! Don't worry, it won't all be angst and misery

Yes, she is, and one who had no experience with boys. Xanatos probably isn't the best person for her to be crushing on, but this will be an AU, so complete doom isn't certain Thanks!!!


1/8/07[/i]

I suppose I should tell you a little about myself.

I don?t know my parents or where I came from; the Jedi came for me when I was only six months old. I don?t know if I have any siblings, or if my family is even alive. That might sound sad, but I?ve spent my whole life here. The Jedi are my family; I never knew my real one to miss them.

I wouldn?t mind having a big sister or a mother, though; someone to ask my really private questions to. My Master, Jocasta Nu, is very kind to me, but I don?t feel close enough to ask some of the really personal ones?like what to do about the dashingly handsome Xanatos.

I am 5?4? with plain, straight brown hair that I often tie back in a messy braid and eyes of the same shade. I am seventeen years old. My name is Rachael.

I love the histories, though I know I?ve said so before. Most of the library in the Jedi Temple is stored on datacards, but at the very back is a private section, only available to those on the Jedi Council and my master?and through her, me. Inside are books?real books. I love when Master Jocasta lets me go back there. I love running my hands along the spines and flipping through the delicate pieces of flimsi. They have a musty, old smell, but I adore it. There?s nothing in the whole galaxy like opening one of those books and smelling that musty scent, seeing the curves and curls of the handwriting of Jedi dead for centuries.

I never want to leave.

 

1/13/07

The library is always busy. Master Jocasta and I are constantly answering questions and looking for references in the fast databases. I know plenty about missions that are supposed to be kept a secret. I also know many Jedi, though few of the younger ones seem to remember my name.

There are many times when Jedi, especially those on the Council, ask specifically for Master Jocasta to help them. They are always very polite, but I know that they are looking for something that they don?t want everyone else to know about. Not that I would gossip, but I understand their wariness.

The children are my favorite visitors. They come in sometimes to do research for a class or to find information about a long-ago Jedi they became interested in. They?re very sweet, always saying ?please? and ?thank you.? They never forget my name, and are always very happy to be helped. They?re often more polite than some of the Masters.

By favorite little one is a little boy named Obi-Wan. He?s about seven years old, and always comes into the library, looking for information about famous Knights who did heroic deeds. I?m always more than happy to show him to the information.

I?ve known him since he was a tiny little thing. He was always a serious boy, spending a lot of time by himself. I?m the same way, so I suppose I felt a connection with him. He?s been coming into the library for years in search of stories; in fact, I was the one who taught him to read. He holds a special place in my heart.

He came in today trying to find stories about the founding of the Order. Some of the older texts, the ones in actually books, I can?t show him, but we spent a pleasant time finding any relevant discs.

Xanatos was in the library as well, talking to the same leggy blonde. His master came looking for him today. Qui-Gon Jinn is a bit odd, but I?ve always liked him. He has never been anything but kind and polite to me. He didn?t even get mad at his padawan. He just had a disappointed look on his face, and I felt bad for him as he led Xanatos away.

Obi-Wan stared after them. ?I?m going to be a Jedi just like him,? he said to me.

 

1/20/07

I looked up from the main desk when Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn walked into the library. ?I?m looking for my padawan,? he said to me. He sounded tired, and I could see the winkles on his face. He looked very tired.

?He?s in the back,? I replied, jumping up. ?I?ll go get him.?

Master Jinn shot me a grateful look and look a seat on one of the benches against a wall. He leaned back and closed his eyes. ?Thank you, Rachael,? he said.

I hurried to the back of the library, intent on finding Xanatos. He had come to the library with his friends, though I knew they weren?t studying. It was lucky for them that Master Jocasta was in a Council meeting; she would have kicked them out.

They were in the back, hidden between two stacks of datacards. They stopped talking and laughing when they saw me. ?What?? one of the older boys asked, smirking at me.

I ignored him and met Xanatos?s eyes. ?Master Jinn is looking for you,? I told him. ?He?s up at the front.?

Xanatos unfolded his legs and stood up gracefully. ?Thank you,? he said. He rolled his eyes at his friends, annoyed that his Master wanted him, and followed me to the front.

Master Jinn opened his eyes and stood up as we approached. ?There you are,? he said quietly. ?We need to talk.? He turned to me. ?Thank you, Rachael,? he said again.

I smiled. ?You?re welcome.?

Master Jinn turned and walked silently from the library. Xanatos followed.

I was surprised, though, when he turned around quickly and gave me a wink before the door shut behind him.

 

nice, diary posting. Now that you have me curious, i hope that you add some more. Very nice idea this could be a great story.

 

I'm glad you're enjoying it!! I enjoy writing it


3/3/07

?Rachael, isn?t it??

I looked up. I hadn?t seen Xanatos for over a month, and the local gossip (the little of it I heard) reported that he had been sent on a mission with his Master.

?Yes,? I replied, surprised?and more than a little pleased?that he knew my name. ?Can I help you??

?I?m supposed to do a report.? He wrinkled his nose, showing his distaste for all things academic. ?The founding of the Republic??

?Right this way,? I said, heading toward the back of the library. The founding of the Republic had happened millennia ago, and most of the documents were in flimsy and bound. However, there were some things that had been translated to data discs for the use of the Jedi, mostly students.

I started humming softly to myself as I looked at the case labels, trying to decide which discs would be best for him to use. I completely forgot that Xanatos was there. I loved going through the library records. Helping people find things and teaching them was my greatest joy.

He laughed. ?Are you enjoying yourself?? he asked.

I blushed, remembering that I wasn?t alone. ?I love the library,? I confessed.

He grinned. ?Then you can do my report for me,? he teased. He shrugged. ?I don?t understand loving history, but I do understand loving things.? I flicker of pain flashed across his face, so quickly I wasn?t sure it had been there at all.

?Can I take these back to my quarters?? he asked in a very subdued voice.

I nodded. ?Come up to the front and let me check them out for you.?

?Thank you?Rachael.?

After he left, I became busy with other students who needed resources, but I didn?t forget that he had remembered my name.

 

Yay! Another story with Xan!
I like Rachael too, I guess we're quite similar in many respects ,for example we both love books...not only reading, but touching and smelling them...it's a bit crazy, but so I can understand her perfectly...
And we both like Xan...

I'm looking forward to next entries!

 

Thanks!!! Glad you enjoyed I love touching and smelling books too Glad I'm not the only one who loves them so much


3/25/07

The next time I saw him was a couple weeks later, right after his report was due. It had been a busy couple of weeks; it seemed like all of the students in the Temple needed research materials.

He walked right up to me at the desk in front, right after I had finished dealing with an unruly bunch of eleven-year-olds. He gave me a smile, and I smiled back, bushing my hair out of my face. Brown stands of hair had fallen out of my braid and into my eyes. I looked like a mess, and I was a bit embarrassed for him to see me like that.

He handed back the data discs that he had borrowed. ?Busy day,? he observed.

I nodded and started scanning them into the library?s mainframe, entering my code onto the datapad that the check-in had been authorized. ?Very,? I agreed, not really looking at him. ?Were these helpful??

?Yes, thank you.? I caught a glimpse of his nod out of the corner of my eye.

He stood in silence for a few minutes as I finished checking the discs back in. I set them on a pile of discs that had to be put back. The Jedi Library was open at all hours of the day, so I would just have to find time to put them away. So far I hadn?t, and the discs had been piling up all morning.

?Is there anything else I can help you with?? I asked after I finished.

Xanatos gave me a long, steady look. His eyes were entrancing, but I was most caught by the serious look on his face. It was an unusual one; even though our acquaintance was merely that, an acquaintance, I knew that he usually looked more friendly and jovial.

?No,? he said slowly. ?Thank you.? And he walked away.

I stared after him, completely confused at his change of mood. He was a strange young man, and I found myself wishing he had needed something else. Something in me wanted to get to know him. I found myself blushing at my own thoughts. Attraction was not allowed for a Jedi; everyone knew that.

I saw Master Jocasta watching me, so I quickly looked away from the exit and hurried over to the discs.

 

Yay! You've updated!

I know it took me a couple of days to respond, but I had a situation at work similar to the one Rachael had at the Jedi Library...

I would just have to find time to put them away. So far I hadnâ??t, and the discs had been piling up all morning.
-well, maybe in my case it weren't discs, but still...

I wonder what is troubling Xani... Is it something about his family on Telos? (How close is Your fic to the original story from the "Jedi Apprentice"-series?).

And I can perfectly imagine madame Jocasta being a local version of Cerberos...

Thanks for the update!

 

Yep!! That's okay

It's been a while since I've read the JA books, but I'm going to try to stick as closely as possible to the background (where he's from, his father, etc., though the outcome is going to be different).


Short update

4/4/07

The datacards wobbled in my hands and fell before I could catch them. That?s what I got for trying to carry so many at once.

?Here you go.? The datacards were lifted off of the floor my an invisible hand and returned to me in a neat pile.

I turned around and almost dropped them again. I hadn?t heard Xanatos come up behind me. ?Hello,? I said softly. I wished that I had a free hand to brush the hair that had escaped my braid out of my face, but I didn?t want to drop the datacards again.

?Hello,? he replied with a small smile. I thought he might be teasing me.

I cleared my throat. ?Can I help you with anything?? I asked politely, feigning disinterest.

Xanatos looked as though he was about to say something but changed his mind. ?Nope,? he said pleasantly. ?Have a good day, Rachael. Be careful with those datacards.?

I watched him walk away, wondering what I had missed.

 

nice update. xani seems to be waiting to say something. I wonder what he has in mind? who know xani might even start to enjoy the library. can't wait to see what you have in store for your next update

 

Stop beating about the bush, Xani!


.............


...........Just go and tell her You need someone smart to write Your term-papers for You!

Joking

 

Hey hey! No implying that Xan isn't smart enough =P. He's obviously around for an entirely different reason...right?

 

Thanks!! Yes, he is Sadly, the next update doesn't reveal it. Maybe he will

I actually got hit on once by a guy who wanted me to edit an essay for him

Maybe


Sorry for the shortness; I hurt my shoulder and it still isn't fully healed, so long updates are out.


4/22/07

Master Jocasta keeps a journal.

I?m not sure what she writes in it, but could you expect otherwise from a librarian? She lives with the records of Jedi long dead; it makes sense that she keeps one of her own.

I?m not as good with that, but I decided to try. Not that I think that future generations will want to know what a seventeen-year-old padawan who spent her life in the library had to say, but it?s worth a shot. Some of the masters say that writing it like meditating: it relieves the stress of the day and helps clear your thoughts.

I don?t think it?s helping. No matter what I write, I can?t stop thinking about him.

 

It's been months since I've posted anything here, and I feel a little guilty because I do want to finish it. Herer's a much longer post, and a promise to try to update once or twice a week, at least unil school starts again.


7/15/07

I saw Xanatos quite a bit after that day in the library when he?d picked up my datacards. The sight of him sitting there, talking with his friends or looking at datadiscs, stopped surprising me. I even grew comfortable with the fact that I often caught him looking at me wit a small little smile on his face, as if he had a secret and I was part of it.

Most of the time I ignored him, though if he was alone I would often smile back. We rarely exchanged words. I wouldn?t want to, especially in front of his friends, and he never seemed to need help, so he never approached me.

It?s lonely, being a librarian?s apprentice, and the fact that I?m shy and tend not to talk much doesn?t help my position. I hadn?t had a real friend since I was small. Now there are just people I know. I stopped staying in the cafeteria for meals; instead I bring the food back up to my room. Most of the time I enjoy the peace and quiet, and I?m away from any stares that might be directed my way. However, it does lead to a lack of a social life, even though padawans usually have small ones anyway.

I enjoy working in the library, even if it means that I never get to go on missions. I don?t think I would be good at them. I?m competent with a lightsaber, though I?m probably very out of practice. Master Jocasta is often busy and leaves me with myself, not worrying about most Jedi skills. She and I are both in the library every day.

It?s a big library; one of the biggest in the Republic. It has a wide variety of subjects: historical records, mostly, though there are texts on technology, astronomy, ships and vehicles, and much more. All Jedi, padawans included, have access, though the padawans use it for research for assignments more than anything.

The general public has to get a special pass, but oftentimes Senators are allowed some, and they research past records to help with deciding a bill. I?ve learned a lot about the government and the Senate that way, since more often than not I?m the one showing the materials.

Today was a particularly busy day. Jedi in and out, doing research for missions; padawans doing research for assignments, and other, non-Jedi people, mostly from the government, needing help.

I was dealing with a huge pile of datadiscs. Padawans will many times check them out and take them to their rooms. It?s allowed, since the system has many copies and back-ups, but it?s a pain when they all decide to return them at once ? usually a few hors after a paper is turned in. I can always tell when a large group has finished an assignment, because I have to deal with the mess.

Xanatos was sitting in a chair. He was holding a datapad up and was pretending to read, but I could feel his eyes on me. I met them and spoke to him for the first time in many months. ?Either stop staring at me or come over and give me a hand with these.?

I was surprised at myself. I usually have trouble making the right words come, especially to boys. He seemed surprised as well that I?d actually spoken to him, but after a moment he put down the datapad and walked over.

I handed him a stack of datadiscs. ?Follow me,? I instructed. I wasn?t about to let him put them away by himself ? Master Jocasta would kill me ? but he could help sort and carry.

He made himself useful during the afternoon, following me around and helping. We rarely spoke; I just told him what I wanted done and he did it, only asking questions every once in a while. A few hors later, after we?d been interrupted numerous times by people who needed help, we were done and there appeared to be an end to the earlier rush.

?Thank you for helping,? I said, flouncing down into the chair behind the main desk near the front of the library.

?You?re welcome,? he said with a slow, easy smile. His voice sent a chill down my back, but I

 

I'm so glad You've updated this!

Now I'm really curious what's troubling Xani- he acts extremely weird for himself- helping Rachael with carrying datacards and such stuff... (Or maybe he's just fallen in love and thus such an odd behaviour? Might be, might be. Love do this with people sometimes... )

I'm looking forward to the naxt chapter (as always). May the Force be with You!

 

Glad you're enjoying For the falling for her part than anything else


7/18/07

After another long, busy day at the library, I was in the cafeteria getting some dinner. I usually took the tray back to my room, but after I had grabbed a drink, I turned around and found my way blocked by a tall, handsome padawan.

?You know,? Xanatos said in a conversational tone, ?I don?t think that I?ve ever seen you down here.?

?I don?t eat here much,? I mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

?Well, you should.? Before I could protest, he grabbed my tray. ?Come on.?

He started walking away, so I had no choice to follow him or starve. He led me over to a table crowded with talkative teenagers, several of whom I recognized as the loud group he spent time with.

I tried to get my food back and leave, but Xanatos pulled out a chair and put his hand on my shoulder, guiding me into it. The feel of his hand on my shoulder, even through my robes, was electrifying.

?This is Rachael,? he announced. There were a few ?Hello?s? back, but there was a general disinterest in me ? for which, I had to admit, I was grateful. I was far from comfortable with all of the people.

Xanatos took a seat in the next to me, keeping his hand on the back of my chair. ?How has your day been?? he asked, starting to eat with his other hand.

?Erm . . . mine,? I managed, picking at my own meal.

Xanatos was soon drawn into conversation with his friends. I tried to eat, but my stomach was doing flip-flops, and not just because of how close he was to me. I couldn?t think of anything but that I wanted to get out of there.

After a while, Xanatos started to notice, and he grabbed my tray and his. ?See you later,? he said to his friends, standing up. ?Come on, Rachael,? he said quietly to me.

He dumped our trays and returned them, then escorted me back to the library. ?I?m sorry,? he said quietly as we approached the door. ?I didn?t mean to make you that uncomfortable.?

I shook my head, not looking at him, and played with the tip of my braid. ?I?m not used to being around lots of people.?

?You are in the library,? he corrected.

I looked up at him. ?That?s different!? I protested. ?I?m helping people . . . and only one or two at a time. Nothing like,? I waved my hand behind us, in the general direction from which we?d come, ?that.?

?I?ll know better next time. You sure you?re okay??

?I?ll be fine. Thanks for inviting me to sit with you, though. That part was nice.? I returned the smile that appeared on his face and slipped inside the library.

 

Short post; the next will be longer.


8/5/07

After that day, I made an effort to go down to the cafeteria once a day to look for Xanatos, but I didn?t see him. He never came to the library, either. I hid my disappointment for several weeks.

It was a while before I saw him, and the next time I did, I made sure that he didn?t see me.

I ran across him in a usually quiet hallway on one of my infrequent trips out of the library. He was talking ? well, arguing ? with his master.

?I?m ready, I know I am!? he said.

I quickly hid behind a corner, though I continued to eavesdrop.

?The Council deems that you are not ready to face the trials.?

?Damn the Council! They?re a bunch of old fools.?

I could hear the reprimand in Master Jinn?s voice. ?Xanatos, you will not speak that way.?

I decided that I had heard enough, and snuck away.

I couldn?t get the conversation out of my head. The thought of Xanatos fighting with his master and the Council over taking the trials to become a Jedi was disturbing, to say the least. Padawans weren?t supposed to fight for it; it will just happen when we?re ready, and it?s different for every Jedi. I didn?t know what would happen for mine.

I spent the evening thinking about the argument I had overheard, and I was very surprised when, right as I was closing down the library for the night, Xanatos walked in.

 

I love angry Xan.
"Damn the Council" hehe
Will he talk about his disappointment with the Council's decision with Rachael? I wonder whether she'll support him or defend the Council's point of view... (If the second guess is correct, she may either make him realize innapropriacy of his behaviour or enrage him further...That shall be interesting to see...)

 

Finally I've had time enough to catch up with this story again, its been fantastic NYCitygurl thus far. Keep up the great work, you've made a fan out of me on your story


M-O-E