Before - Legends Turning Point ('07 Diary Challenge) Xanatos/OC -- COMPLETED 11/13

master_jade: Me too Yep

M-O-E: Thanks!! Glad you like ? I love fans


10/21/07

?I thought you might be here,? he said conversationally. I couldn?t move. I had no idea what to say, especially after the argument I had witnessed.

He sighed. ?Do you want me to leave?? he asked, taking my silence as a sign of unfriendliness.

I shook my head and finally found my voice. ?No, stay,? I invited. I gestured to the stacks of holodiscs I was supposed to put away. ?Want to help??

?My pleasure.? He picked up the first stack and followed me to the first slot.

We were halfway through the second before either of us said anything. Finally, I couldn?t bare the silence. ?Why are you here?? I asked.

?Company,? he replied shortly.

?You?ve got plenty of friends,? I pointed out, wondering why he had chosen to come to me. ?So I ask again: Why are you here??

Xanatos sighed and twiddled with one of the discs. It was a long time before he answered, and I thought I had offended him and that he wouldn?t.

?You?re quiet,? he said. ?You?re not nosy.? I blushed, because I had been, but he added, ?You asked me why I was here not because you wanted to know what was bothering me, but why I had chosen to spend time with you.? Perceptive as well as handsome. I nodded in affirmation.

?It?s peaceful here,? he added. ?I can see why you like it.? He sighed again. ?The Council is sending me on my Trial.?

I was shocked. Xanatis was only seventeen! Usually the padawans were five to ten years older. ?Why?? I couldn?t help but ask.

Xanatos shrugged. ?I kept pushing. I thought I was ready to be a Jedi. But . . . I?m not so sure anymore. They?re sending me home.?

?Home?? I repeated dully.

Xanatos nodded. ?I was found when I was several years old. I still remember my father; quite well, actually. For the Trial, Yoda has decided that I?m to go home to Telos to see him. I don?t know anything more than that, but something feels wrong.? He shivered, though the room wasn?t cold. ?I?m scared,? he whispered. ?I?m scared about what I?ll find there.?

Without thinking, I put my arms around him. He leaned against be and rested his head on mine. I was surprised at both our actions, but I stayed quiet and just held him for a while.

Before long, Xanatos moved his head, though he kept his arms around me tightly. I tilted my head up to see his face, intending to ask him what he was doing, but before I could, his lips pressed against mine, and he was kissing me.

My first reaction was to run, but his arms were around me so tightly that I couldn?t move. I tried to remind myself that this was not okay, that attachment was forbidden for Jedi, but his lips moved against mine, and it felt so good. Before I realized what I was doing, I kissed his back. His only reaction was to hold me tighter.

I pushed aside the little voice in the back of my mind that was telling me to stop and for once I stopped being the perfectly behaved Jedi and acted a little bad.

 

10/24/07

It became a ritual: Xanatos would wait until the library had closed and Master Jocasta had gone to bed. Then he would sneak into the library, and we would go find a comfortable seat in the back of the stacks and kiss. I knew that it went against everything that I had been taught, but it felt so right. Why shouldn?t I have this?

Xanatos was always kind; he never pushed me further than I was willing to go. Surprisingly, I was willing to go pretty far. He made me lose my inhibitions and the barriers I had put up around myself. With him, I could say or do exactly what I wanted. I could be me.

We had a week before he and his master left for Telos, and we spent every night of it together. The last night, we held each other for a long time. I didn?t want him to leave, and he was nervous about going.

?I love my father,? he said. ?I can?t wait to see him. But something?s wrong.? He had said that every night, and every night I could detect a little more nervousness in his voice.

?I know,? I whispered. ?I don?t want you to go. I want you to stay here, with me.?

Xanatos kissed the top of my head. ?I?ll come back to you,? he promised. ?I care about you so much, Rachael.?

That scared me a little, but it also gave me a nice warm feeling. I liked having someone care about me. Oh, I knew that Master Jocasta did on some level, but she was hardly warm. Xanatos surrounded me with affection, and I was happy to give it back.

He kissed me again, harder this time. ?I want you,? he whispered, his breathing ragged. ?I want you so much, Rachael.? I loved the way he said my name, the way his hands felt sliding up my back, under my tunic, against my bare skin. He made me want to . . . but I knew that we shouldn?t; it was forbidden.

But kind words and soft kisses won out against forbidden.

It hurt a little ? a lot, actually. But he was gentle, and I forgot then pain. And then there was perfect bliss.

After, we stayed in out little corner, holding each other. I was hot and sweaty, but so was he, and he didn?t seem to mind. I liked the way his arms felt around me, and I started idly playing with his shoulder-length dark hair.

After a while I started to grow sleepy, so we got dressed and he walked me back to my room. We were quiet, so we wouldn?t wake my master, who had the room next door.

He kissed me. ?I?ll miss you,? he whispered.

?I?ll miss you too,? I replied fiercely. ?Promise me you?ll come back to me. And promise . . .? I trailed off, too shy to finish.

?I promise I?ll come back to you,? he repeated, ?and I promise I?ll still want you. I?ll always want you, Rachael.?

I blushed; he had known, somehow, what I was thinking. The promises were enough for me. We kissed again, hard and passionate, and then he turned and left, and didn?t look back.

 

10/27/07

Something was wrong; everyone knew it.

I waited for several weeks for Xanatos to come back, hoping that he was doing well on Telos, that he was passing his Trial and that there was nothing to fear. But the weeks passed, and I couldn?t help fearing that something was terribly wrong.

The ship that Xanatos and Qui-Gon Jinn had taken to Telos came back. I wanted to run to the landing pad to meet him, but I knew that that would only be met with disapproval, so I stayed in the library and waited for Xanatos. I didn?t need to; he wasn?t there.

Master Jinn was the only one who came back, haggard and alone. If he told the story of what had happened on Telos, it wasn?t to anyone that I would overhear gossiping about it. None of his friends or any other padawans ? or the Knights, for that matter ? seemed to know, either.

Whatever happened, it couldn?t have been good, but I knew that Xanatos was still alive. I would know if he had died; I think a part of me would have died with him. As it was, I couldn?t get any more information. Master Jinn did not leave the Temple. I caught a glimpse of him from time to time; he always looked old beyond his years, and very weary. I never got up the guts to talk to him.

While I was waiting for some news of Xanatos, life went on at the Temple. I stayed busy with my usual duties. A month passed, then two. I had noticed the first time I missed my monthly courses, but that was normal. The second month should have worried me, but I was too busy with a bout of sickness. I couldn?t stomach breakfast, and I threw up almost every meal. Master Jocasta was worried, and insisted that I see the Healers, but they said that I probably just had the flu, and to wait it out.

But it didn?t leave, and the third month I noticed that I missed my time. I stopped and counted back, and realized that I hadn?t bled since Xanatos had left. And my constant nausea . . . I might be naïve, but I wasn?t stupid . . . and we hadn?t used protection.

I was pregnant.

 

Yikes, thats heavy stuff! I love it NYCitygurl! Very intense indeed, i can't wait for the next chapter!!!


M-O-E

 

Thanks!!!


10/31/07

I didn?t need the Healers to confirm that I was pregnant, but they did, and I want instantly the gossip of the Temple. Where before no one seemed to know who I was, now everyone seemed to.

Master Jocasta didn?t know what to do with me. I was in the med bay after my test, waiting for her; the Healers had insisted that I call her down. I heard them tell her, and then silence. I turned my head away from the door and tried not to listen.

After a while, she came in to see me, but I couldn?t bring myself to look at her. Neither of us spoke for a long time.

?It?s that wayward padawan of Qui-Gon Jinn?s, isn?t it?? she finally asked, breaking the silence.

I turned to look at her for the first time. She kept her face expressionless, but I could feel the disapproval and disappointment radiating from her. ?How did you know??

?He spent an unusually large amount of time in the library. That boy has never been interested in learning.? She sniffed.

There was a long silence again. ?What happens now?? I asked quietly.

?I don?t know.?

And then suddenly everyone knew. Some were curious, others disdainful, the rest sympathetic. I wanted none of it; I just wanted Xanatos. But the weeks passed and he didn?t come, and I was alone.

There was no question of aborting the baby. For some reason, I grew attached very quickly. There was a little life inside of me, depending on me. This baby would love me unconditionally. I couldn?t abandon it.

As my stomach grew, I grew into a habit of talking to it when I thought that no one else was listening. I would find myself rubbing it gently throughout the day, as if giving my little baby love and support. I was scared beyond belief, but the baby gave me strength.

I continued to work in the library. Master Jocasta rarely spoke to me, and I stopped referring to her as ?Master? since she winced when I did. I knew that she saw me as a big failure. I had not been called before the Council and admonished or punished or thrown out of the Order. I was in limbo as everyone waited for the baby to be born. Then, I knew, my future would be decided.

 

If xan knew about the baby he never would have stayed at telos and followed the dark side.

I hope he come back to the temple.

 

Right -- but he didn't know, and now he's gone. as to if he's coming back . . . my lips are zipped


11/4/07

I looked up from the stack of discs I was fiddling with one day to find that I had a visitor. Qui-Gon was watching me, and when he realized that I had seen him, he stepped over to the front desk.

?You?re Rachael,? he said quietly.

I nodded. I hadn?t spoken to him in many months, since before the trip to Telos, and I wasn?t sure what to say.

He gazed at me quietly, as if measuring me. ?Jocasta said that this baby is Xanatos?s.? I nodded again, and he sighed. ?I?m very sorry,? he said, sounding weary. ?I . . .? he trailed off, unsure of what to say.

?Where is he?? I asked, pleading. ?What happened??

He met my eyes, and I could see how much he was feeling his padawan?s loss. ?He?s not dead.?

?I know.?

?But he?s gone.? He wiped his hand over his eyes. ?He failed the Trial, horribly ? I don?t think he?ll come back.?

?He promised,? I insisted stubbornly. I was surprised at my self, but I pushed on. ?He promised that he would come back to me.?

Qui-Gon looked even sadder. ?I hope he does come back to you,? he said. ?You seem like a wonderful girl. I think you would have made him happy. I know you comforted him a little.?

He turned to go, then turned back. ?Congratulations,? he said. ?A baby is a wonderful gift. I hope you keep him.?

I put a protective had across my rapidly-swelling belly. ?I would never give him away.?

?Good.? He turned to go, and this time he didn?t stop.

It was a brief encounter, but I felt buoyed by it, as if I had been given approval for my actions at last. And that night, when I went back to my room, tired and with an aching back, I found a bouquet of flowers on my bed.

 

11/7/07

The months passed, and the baby grew bigger and bigger. I knew he was a boy, but I had yet to pick a name. My time drew closer, and I waited for Xanatos, but he didn?t come.

I was in the library one night, as usual, when I felt a wetness run down my legs. I had been told what to expect by a disapproving Healer; I was giving birth.

I rushed to the med bay and checked myself in. Before I could think. I was thrust into a bed and told to be ready.

I wasn?t ready for the pain. Having a baby hurts. Even though I tried not to, I screamed and twisted and gave everyone, including myself, a very miserable time. Finally, after far too many hours, my baby kicked his way into life.

Even though I was exhausted, as soon as I heard him scream, I sat up, my hands held out for him. I wanted to hold him so badly. They put him into my arms and it was love at first sight. I adored his wrinkled, red face and his curly dark hair and his small little fingers with their tiny little nails. He felt warm and good against me. I never wanted to let him go.

I let the cleanup process go on around me and ignored it, concentrating on my baby. I couldn?t believe that he was finally here, in all his tiny perfection. I hadn?t planned on having visitors.

The first was Jocasta. She stared and me and the baby before she spoke. ?Are you all right??

?Yes,? I replied. I didn?t tell her that I was a little lonely, that I would have liked to have someone there, holding my hand. I had no right to expect support from her, and even if I had, she wouldn?t have know how to give it.

?What?s going to happen to us?? I asked. I clutched my baby closer to myself, and she knew that I wasn?t talking about her and me.

?The Council has decided that you may remain here at the Temple for the next six months, until we determine if the baby had potential to be a Jedi. After that, you?ll be sent offworld to the AgriCorps. You?ll be healed enough by then.

I held my baby so tightly that he screamed. ?I won?t let you take him away from me,? I snarled fiercely, the first time I had ever done so. But I would not let them have my son.

Jocasta sniffed. ?As you wish.? Without another word, she left.

My next visitor was far more kind. Qui-Gon entered my room with a soft knock and a smile. ?Congratulations,? he said.

I smiled back. ?Thank you,? I replied.

He came to stand next to my bed and peered down at the baby. ?He seems very healthy.?

?He is.? I preened a little, despite myself. ?He?s a good little boy.?

?Do you mind if I hold him??

I was surprised, but please. ?Of course not.? I carefully handed him the baby.

For a man who had probably never spent much time around babies, he knew out to handle one. He bounced my son a little, and the baby stayed calm in his arms.

?He?s beautiful,? the Jedi Master said. ?What?s his name??

I blushed. ?I haven?t had a chance to name him. I have an idea, but . . .? Qui-Gon knew what my idea was, and where it had come from, and nodded.

He handed the baby back to me. ?You?re a good girl,? he said, ?and if you ever need help, ask me.?

?Thank you,? I whispered, tears of gratitude coming to my eyes. I suddenly realized how exhausted I was. He seemed to noticed too, back after a quick goodbye, he left.

I put the baby in the little cradle that had been set next to my bed. He had already fallen asleep, exhausted after our ordeal. I longed to follow him, so I shut off the lights and laid down in bed.

I looked up when I heard footsteps, wondering who my third visitor would be. I gasped when I saw his face. I had longed for him to come for nine months, and almost given up hope that he would.

?Xanatos!?

 

Ack!!!
What happens next?
Ack!!!

Great Story!

 

Thanks!! Glad you're enjoying


There's only one more post after this, which will be up whenever I get it written.


11/10/07

He crossed the room quickly and sat down on the bed beside me. ?Rachael,? he whispered, running his fingers through my hair. ?Rachael.?

I sat up and pulled him to me. He crushed me against him and buried his face in my hair. ?You came,? I whispered. ?I knew you would come.?

?I never break promises,? he replied fiercely. ?I came back for you.?

I pulled my face away from his shirt and wiped my eyes; I hadn?t realized until then that I was crying. ?Where have you been?? I asked. ?I needed you.?

His fingers traced the outline of my face. ?Ah, Rachael, I?m so sorry. I wasn?t sure . . . I ended with Qui-Gon on bad terms. I?m not welcome here.?

I gave a half-sob. ?Nor will I be, soon.?

?Why? Rachael, why are you in the med bay? I . . .?

He seemed to realized that his leg was bumping into a cradle. He leaned over and saw my baby ? our baby ? sleeping there, unaware of his father?s entrance.

?I see,? he whispered, pulling away from me.

?We need you,? I pleaded. ?Xanatos, don?t leave.?

?We . . .? he repeated.

?Your son and I,? I confirmed.

He looked at the cradle again. ?That?s my son??

?Our son, yes.?

Xanatos bent over the cradle and ran his finger against the baby?s silky face just had he had done to mine only moments before. ?We have a baby.?

?Yes.? I couldn?t stop myself from smiling.

He turned to me. ?Can I hold him??

?Of course.? I watched, content, as Xanatos picked up the baby and held him against his chest, rocking him gently.

As he sat back up, I caught a glimpse of a scar on his cheek. I reached out a touched it. ?Xanatos, what happened??

He didn?t look up for a long time. When he did, I saw that there were tears in his eyes. ?My father,? he choked out. ?He started a civil war on T-Telos. My job was too s-stop him.?

I scooted over and wrapped my arms around him, careful not to squeeze too tightly and crush our son. ?I?m so sorry,? I whispered.

Xanatos continued, ?I couldn?t stop him.? He seemed to gain strength from me, because he was able to force words past his tears. ?I didn?t know what to do. He and Qui-Gon started fighting, and Qui-Gon . . . killed him.?

I kissed his cheek, the one with the scar. ?Xanatos, I?m so sorry.? He just hugged me tightly.

After a few minutes, when he was able to speak, he continued, ?Qui-Gon cut through his ring. I . . . picked it up while it was still hot and put it against my cheek as a reminder. Then Qui-Gon and I fought, and . . . I left. Said I wanted nothing to do with the Order ever again. It?s true,? he added. ?I don?t. The only reason I came back here was to see you.?

I snuggled closer. ?I?m glad you did. I?ve been waiting for you.?

He kissed the top of my head. ?I?m sorry I?ve been making you wait.?

I tilted my head up. ?What have you been doing for the past nine months??

?Ending the civil war.? I saw him grimace. ?It wasn?t easy, and at first I didn?t really have the heart, but it was my responsibility, and I did it. Telos is safe.?

?Are you going to come back??

?To the Jedi?? He shook his head. ?No. I?m done with this. The Order isn?t for me. And you?? he asked. ?You said you won?t be welcome here soon. Because of the baby??

I nodded. ?They?re going to send me off to the AgriCorps. They want to test him for Jedi potential.?

Xanatos tightened his grip on us. ?Never,? he vowed. ?They?ll never get him.?

?That?s what I said.? Xanatos loosened his grip a little. ?Do you want to go to the AgriCorps??

?No, but I haven?t really got a choice. I have to take care of him.?

Xanatos took a deep breath. ?You could come with me back to Telos.?

He sounded hopeful, and scared that I would refuse. ?Yes,? I breathed happily. ?Yes, that?s what I want.?

Then he was kissing me, and I was happy.

 

This is the final post. I have to say, I'm pretty glad -- this has been hard to get through. I went through a couple stages where I didn't write anything for months, and the last half-dozen posts were all written at one time when I had a couple hours.

I didn't really do justice to the characters, but I still had some fun

Thanks to those of you who read!!


10/13/07

Epilogue

I decided not to tell Xanatos about our visitor. Though everything, Xanatos had not quite reconciled his feelings about the man who had raised him and killed his father. Nevertheless, I would never turn Qui-Gon away, especially after he had been so kind to me. So when I got word that he had arrived on Telos, I kept it to myself.

When he arrived at the manor, I greeted him and let him inside. I was curious as to why he had come, but he answered my unasked question soon after we sat down together.

?I needed to see him again, even if he doesn?t want to talk to me,? Qui-Gon said quietly. ?I raised him, and no matter what happened, I love him, and always will.?

I nodded. ?I can understand that.?

?I take it he doesn?t know I?m here??

?No, but you can tell him if you?d like. He?s outside.?

Qui-Gon shook his head. ?I don?t need to; I don?t want to cause bad feeling. I would like to see him, though.?

I led him out to the balcony, which overlooked the expansive backyard. Xanatos was playing with our three-year-old son in the grass, rolling around like a fool. My heart swelled; I loved to see him this carefree and happy.

It hadn?t been easy. Xanatos had taken it upon himself to undo the damage that his father had done. He had worked tirelessly to put the war-torn planet back together. He had done a marvelous job. The people had slowly come to trust him, and had even put him forward for political office. He had turned it down, though. He had enough to do, running his father?s company and having a family. It was a good life for us, and we were happy.

Qui-Gon watched his former padawan play with the boy for several long, silent minutes before he asked, ?Are you happy, Rachael??

I nodded and smiled. ?Yes, very.?

?No regrets??

?None.?

He gave a sad little smile. ?Good. I?m glad.?

?How . . .? I hesitated to asked, but I gathered my courage. ?How is Master Jocasta??

?The same. Stoic and silent.? We shared a smile; that was Jocasta, all right.

?I think she misses you,? he continued. ?She thinks she failed you.?

?She didn?t.?

He nodded. ?I know, and I?ve told her that. I?ll tell her again, if you don?t mind her knowing that I was there.?

I shook my head. ?No, tell her. She deserves to know.?

Qui-Gon nodded and turned his attention back to my husband and son. ?He looks happy,? he mused.

?I hope so. He?s certainly busy, but we?re happy here. He?s done good work.?

?From what I?ve heard, he certainly has. I?ve been keeping an eye on the situation here. He?s grown into a good man.?

I put my hand in his shoulder. ?You did that,? I said. ?You raised him and turned him into that good man.?

Qui-Gon smiled and covered my hand with his. ?Thank you,? he said simply.

He stayed for another few minutes, and then said it was time for him to go. I escorted him to the door so he could go inside and gather his coat, but he stopped for a moment.

?I never asked ? what did you name your son??

I shook my head. ?I didn?t name him; Xanatos did.?

?What is it??

I smiled. ?His name is Qui-Gon.?

 

That was a fantastic ending, splendid NYCitygurl!!!!


M-O-E