Saga Twelve Past Victory (H/L, H/L/L friendship, post-ANH) Updated 09-12 (FINISHED!)

The next post comes on THURSDAY, right? You're not gonna make us wait an extra day to see what happens next, are you?

...grimaces at thought of Han's date from Hell...

Great work, Moone!

 

?I?m not going to buy a flix,? Han muttered. ?I hate flixes. They ruin your furniture?I mean, look at what happened to my ship.?

LOL! Great last line. I like the lightness of this fic. Fun to read.

J_Girl

 

Fabulous, so far!! I love that this is being written mostly in Han's POV. His is so interesting. It is so sweet that Han already has a crush on Leia. Rule 6 isn't working too well, which is great for us readers.

 

She was glaring at him with a look reserved for the fiends of hell who dared to come in and steal all of her hair-pins.

I LOVED that line! Poor Han! Now Luke knows he has a crush on the Princess!

 

He had specifically chosen a spot next to their table to dance so he could hear what they were saying, and then they refused to talk loudly enough for him to hear. It was just plain inconsiderate. All the trouble he went through the eavesdrop, you?d think that they could help him out a little.

*sighs dramatically* I hate when that happens!

Who wouldn?t want to be a sparkly tinsel-toy wrapped in his arms?

He's so eloquent.

I have no idea, Han. I'll be your sparkly tinsel-toy any time you want, darlin'.

He was half-hoping that Leia would tackle the glitterstim-dream in his arms and slap her across the face and start yelling that the girl couldn?t dance with Han.

You put things so vividly, L_M. It's lovely. Well, not the vision, but the way you describe it... *coughs* Yeah.

He wiped away the lipstick and found that he could actually hear Leia?s glare intensifying. It was a very interesting auditory phenomenon.

Not to mention the glare on him must feel extraordinary.

nameless spray of glitter

*cracks up*

As Han nodded and turned the corner, the thought occurred to him that he was starting to get soft. He had just trusted a farmboy straight out of Anchorage with a secret crush that he had on a royal princess with a mouth the size of a Star Destroyer. He wasn?t sure which one was worse?the trust or the crush. Probably both. The rumors were going to be wild about him, he could just imagine it. ?Han Solo! Yeah, I knew him. Used to be tough stuff, but then he joined the Alliance and started hanging on after that princess of theirs. Rumor has it, he?s looking for a steady life with an even two-point-three children, a nice backyard, and a pet flix. Soft as Hutt slime.?

Can't... talk... laughing... too hard.

WONDERFUL POST, L_M!!!!!!!!! I cannot fully describe how much I am enjoying this fic!

 

If I ruled the universe, Han thought, I wouldn?t stamp out the Jedi, I?d stamp out any remaining collections of chartreuse mascara. There can?t possibly be a girl in the galaxy that makes that work. Well, maybe Leia. They say that love?s blind, anyway.

If only our dear Captain could see that this isn't the way to make Leia jealous. He needs someone a lot more like her to make that idea work.

 

Han evaluated his dancing partner. If she looked like one of Palpatine?s infamous courtesans that flew in and out of the Imperial Court, then he felt a little sorry for the Dark Lord. All of his money and power, and the best he could do woman-wise was this living tube of lipstick?

Only instance I can remember where someone felt sorry for Palpatine! Both of the last two 'hours' were so funny, L_M. This has got to be one of the most hilarious things I've read in a long time. Great job!

 

?She seems like exactly his type,? Leia said tightly. ?Beautiful and brainless.?

Come on, she?s not beautiful! She?s about as beautiful as a neon refresher. Bright and sparkly enough, but when you get right down to it?

Well, a toilet bowl.

Harsh, but true.

I can see Han making such a comparison. It's exactly his style.

That was a great post. I really enjoyed this line: If she looked like one of Palpatine?s infamous courtesans that flew in and out of the Imperial Court, then he felt a little sorry for the Dark Lord. All of his money and power, and the best he could do woman-wise was this living tube of lipstick? It truely would be sad if that was the best that Palpatine could do.

Your doing well with this fic. keep up the good work.

 

I was out of town and missed out on a post, so let me first comment on The Second Hour.

And that was when he fell head-over-heels for Leia Organa.

And then he fell head-over-heels thanks to a puddle of spilled alcohol.

Loved this! Poor Han!

There was actually a reason for that?since the last time he?d had one, he?d blacked out all night and had awoken soaking wet, wearing a pair of high heels, and with red paint smeared all over his face. Not to mention the fact that he?d somehow broken two fingers and Chewie hadn?t talked to him all week.

Can't stop laughing at that one!

Now, for The Third Hour.

...and then they refused to talk loudly enough for him to hear. It was just plain inconsiderate. All the trouble he went through the eavesdrop, you?d think that they could help him out a little.

How dare they! LOL

She was glaring at him with a look reserved for the fiends of hell who dared to come in and steal all of her hair-pins.

That line is absolutely priceless!!

My type is sitting directly across from you, looking like she swallowed the Death Star and it got stuck halfway down. And you want to know the absolute kicker? I still think she?s beautiful.

Awww! That's so sweet! *sniff*

Can't wait for the next post!

 

QueenOfAces--Yep. And it's a very bad crush, at that. I feel sorry for the poor guy.

bobill--Thanks! Yep, you caught the flix mention. Have a chocolate Han. And yes, they both deserve our pity. I'm mean even when I'm doing humor!

LadyPadme--Yes, in fact, it's going up in just another minute. Great way of describing Han's date. I'll have to agree with you there. She was a piece of work.

J_Girl--Aw, thanks! It is a light piece. Fun to write, hopefully fun to read.

Solo_Fan--Rule Six is utterly failing, and isn't it fun? And yes, Han's perspective is great. It's very interesting--one of my favorites to explore.

GreatOne--Luke figures out all the best secrets. Let's just hope he keeps them.

Sunshine--I don't understand it either. I'd be more than willing to be Han's tinsel toy, too. We Earth women are cheap. And I made you temporarily unable to form words! That's definitely cool. I've laughed that hard before. Great fun.

starwarsfan68--He was making her more angry than jealous, wasn't he? None of his plans go right!

Jedi-2B--Thanks. Yes, mark this up as Palpy's one pity-moment--just the one. And I'm glad you're having a good time.

alhana_antilles--Thanks for the quotes. And yes, either Palpatine's taste is abominable, or he really is to be pitied. Occasionally, on holidays. Thanks!

Gina--Nice to see you back! Thanks for the sweet and funny comments. They really make my day.

Okay, the post is going to be up in just a minute while I do HTML...

 

The Fourth Hour

Most difficult confrontations could usually be resolved by either getting very drunk and thus bumbling through it?but not caring?or pretending that you were very drunk and were bumbling carelessly through it. Unfortunately, even in Han Solo?s life, there were a few things that he could not just dismiss like this. In other words, he was definitely not drunk enough to barge into a women?s refresher to talk to Leia Organa.

For one thing, the entire prospect of a women?s refresher made him nervous. He wasn?t ten anymore, ignorant of any kind of difference between men and women, so he knew that the basic things would be the same. But? still. There would probably be copious amounts of pink, and that was enough to make him jittery. And scented containers of soap. And rolls of tissue that were both pink and scented, the dastardly duo. And, what was worst, was that there might be?things. Female things. Bearing names with many syllables and having devious purposes to fulfill. Probably also colored pink. And gods forbid, scented.

He shuddered. His imagination was getting the best of him. Surely there was some law restricting the display of such horrifying items in a public room. Then again, there were laws restricting the very existence of the Alliance, so he didn?t know what to expect after all.

He wondered if it was a single-person refresher. That would be nice. He could just knock on the door and when he heard Leia answer, and then he could mimic a high-pitched, elderly voice assuring her that he was just a harmless old lady who wanted to make room for another beer. Though, a harmless old lady probably wouldn?t say that. He?d have to think of something better than that. Harmless Old Lady needed to fix up her face. She needed to get away from that ?horribly loud music.? She was pregnant and needed to have her child in relative sterility. Leia would be sure to let Harmless Old Lady Who Was Really Han inside, and then he could stop her from closing the door in his face when she realized that he was neither harmless, nor old, nor female. That was his option for a single-person refresher.

A multi-person refresher offered up fresh horrors that were as terrifying as certain pink and scented items from hell. If she was the only one inside, when he knocked, she would know that a man was getting ready to enter?probably him or Luke, and she would have time to bash him on the head with a handy pink-and-scented complimentary club. If he didn?t knock, and she was the only one inside, things would go well. If he entered and she happened to have company, he felt sure that he would be lynched before he could make it as far as the sink. He didn?t want to die hanging from some tasteful light fixture, or having his head knocked in with a soap container.

He had a right to think about all this. Alliance women?with the possible exception of Miss Glitz ?n? Glitter?were tough.

Well?he couldn?t stand outside there forever, as comforting a thought as that was. Sooner or later, he would have to go in, and face the light, atmospheric music he was sure was pumping from pink speakers. And he had always been a take-charge man?he would just open the door and step right in, not giving Leia the option. Right.

Hard grin in place, chin squared, entire course of action decided, Han pressed his hand to the control panel.

It turned red. Locked.

His course of action shattered on the rocks, and he stared in disgust at the bright red color. Red. Figures. Pink derived from red, right? It was all some sort of twisted scheme. Every woman he?d ever offended or left when they started talking about commitment had joined together in an alliance of their own to trick him first into falling in love, and second into attempting to infiltrate the most frightening of all places. Which was, naturally, the female refresher.

He knocked.

If he had been hoping for Leia?s voice to be shaky or undecided, he was disappointed. It came out strong and a little irritated. ?What?

 

YIPPEEE!!! First Post!

What a lovely pink-and-scented post!

I love the image of the two them, after only having known each other for a few hours, already yelling at each other through a door. Just goes to show how quickly a person can get under your skin.

Can't wait for the next post!

 

Man, when Han is drunk off his rocker, he is VERY drunk.

LOL, Moon!

 

Very funny stuff, Lady_Moonbeam!

I particularly liked the line:

Something hit the door, probably her foot. Though, judging by how hard the collision sounded, it might have been her head. Yes, that was undoubtedly it. The dignified Princess Leia Organa had head-butted a refresher door. He had to
bite his lip to keep from laughing. His face was on fire.

Hey, with that dual bun hairstyle, she might be mistaken for a ram.

Well done!

 

Oh wow, Han REALLY is blowing it this time! Charging after a girl in a refresher!

And, what was worst, was that there might be?things. Female things. Bearing names with many syllables and having devious purposes to fulfill. Probably also colored pink. And gods forbid, scented.

ROFL!!! To think that Han was a bit older than that!!!

And the whole painting toenails thing, hahaha! Gee Han has such a great knowledge of women, eh?

 

Another great post!

There would probably be copious amounts of pink, and that was enough to make him jittery. And scented containers of soap.

That entire paragraph had me in stitches!

She isn?t you.? Let her know that you?re falling in love with her. Tell her! His normal half replied, Like hell! I'll only say...

Arrgghhh!! Tell her!!! Makes you just want to shake some sense into the guy.

?She must have had feelings,? Leia said. ?Underneath all of that, and she?s probably going to hurt you. I think that she could.?

Hmmm. Am I sensing a little foreshadowing?

Can't wait for the next post!

 

Loved Han's musings over the different ways to react to a single-person refresher versus a multiple-person refresher. Made me think maybe things would have been more interesting in the Rebel Alliance if they had unisex bathrooms (like there was on 'Ally McBeal'.) Then, Han wouldn't have to worry about whether he should go in or not. Just a bizarre thought!

 

all the pink and scented toiletries. Hilarious. It's a good thing the door was there or Han could have been hurt.

 

Hello! I just found this, and I am thoroughly enjoying it! I love all of Han's mental discussions with himself. The part about going into the women's refresher was particularly amusing!

 

I loved the last line about demoting her! LOL Leia is probably just about ready to kill him now!

 

Most difficult confrontations could usually be resolved by either getting very drunk and thus bumbling through it?but not caring?or pretending that you were very drunk and were bumbling carelessly through it.

Words to live by.

In other words, he was definitely not drunk enough to barge into a women?s refresher to talk to Leia Organa.

A wise decision- Leia might murder you on the spot.

L_M, Han's thoughts about the ladies' room is priceless.

Forget about commenting. Han's whole thought process is too hysterical for me to endeavor a comprehensive commentary.

He had a right to think about all this. Alliance women?with the possible exception of Miss Glitz ?n? Glitter?were tough.

They're only in a war...

L_M, do you think you could rent out your muse to me? Because you are a masterful comedienne...

?Go away.? Her voice was cold. ?Find your slinky little partner and take her for another spin. Maybe if you ask really nicely, she let you sleep in her room tonight.?

The mental images of that alone were scarring.

Ahhh. Imagine waking up next to... forget it. He's right. *is scarred*

Addendum duly noted.

Rouge on life-support. Hmmm. Gives a person pause...

?Well, I want to see you. Be considerate. Or I'll be forced to..." He tried to think of a decent threat. "Demote you. In my head."

Her voice was dry. "And I fear your mental demotion, Captain." Curiosity got the better of her a moment later. "What would you demote me to?"

His reply was quick.

"Hairstyle on life-support."

*jaw drops* Now that was low, Solo. Beware... y'never know, one of those bun-things coulda been hiding, oh, I don't know, explosives. Knives. Lord knows you coulda hidden a small mammal in them. Buns o' death.

Hilarious, L_M.

 

OH My!
?Leia would be sure to let Harmless Old Lady Who Was Really Han inside, and then he could stop her from closing the door in his face when she realized that he was neither harmless, nor old, nor female.? This line is priceless
My other favourite:
?Something hit the door, probably her foot. Though, judging by how hard the collision sounded, it might have been her head.?

I laughed at loud enough to wake up my family even I was trained on Gerald Durrel?s books.
L_M this fiction is really great.

Zs.

 

That was great! I really liked Han's thought processes on women's bathrooms and how to approach getting in. Sunshine's right, it's priceless.

?Princess, did you paint her toenails??

Han's conclusions/assumptions are some of the
best.

"Hairstyle on life-support."

And Leia's reaction will be...

 

Loved it! Its not everyday you hear a depression/insanity story about Han Solo. Very funny.

 

MOONY! Oh my goodness! It just keeps getting better and better! Especially Han's thoughts about the female refresher. "Pink-and-scented complimentary club'...LOL! *hugs* GREAT job, Moon!