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Saga Two Sides -- DT Memorial Challenge, Luke, Fel, other pilots, pre-ESB, vig

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Thumper09, Jan 30, 2011.

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  1. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Title: Two Sides
    Author: Thumper09
    Timeframe: Prior to the Battle of Hoth
    Characters: Luke Skywalker, Soontir Fel, Rogue Flight, 181st Fighter Group
    Genre: Drama
    Summary: There are two sides to every battle.
    Notes: This is my entry for the Downtime Challenge, "Memorial": write a fic in which one or more pilots deals with the loss of a comrade. This fic is very, very experimental for me-- it's my first time posting with canon characters, and for kicks I also used a writing format I've never done before. Yay, learning experience! :p Thanks to Peri for graciously helping with my initial weirdness on this.

    Disclaimer: Star Wars + characters = not mine.

    Constructive criticism is most welcome.

    -------

    "Two Sides"


    The pilot briefing room in Echo Base was disorderly and, like everything else on that planet, cold to the bone. The breaths of the assembled Rogue Flight pilots condensed in the freezing air before him. He felt alone there at the front of the group without Narra beside him. "Thank you all for coming," Luke Skywalker said, pain etched on his face and permeating his voice.

    *

    The small, cordoned-off area of the hangar on the Star Destroyer was spotless and precise and, like almost every other shipboard hangar, somewhat chilly. The polished metal uniform insignias of the assembled 181st Fighter Group pilots glinted in the light as they stood before him and the Honor Guard in perfect formation. Colonel Derricote was there beside him. "Thank you all for coming," Soontir Fel said, his voice strong and proud.

    ***

    "There's no easy way to say this," Luke continued. Those words instantly grabbed the other pilots' full attention, and the background rustling and restlessness stopped. His gaze swept over all his friends-- Wedge, Dak, Wes, Hobbie, Zev, Tenk, Tarrin, Tycho, and more-- and Luke fervently wished he could spare them from this news. "We just got word that Renegade Flight and the supply convoy they were escorting were ambushed by the Imperials at Derra IV." He paused, not wanting to say the next words. Finally he did. "There were no survivors."

    *

    It wasn't easy to say some of the words with the same pride he'd mustered before now that Fel was thinking about that alien admiral, but he continued, unwilling to show that weakness. His gaze swept over the memorial holos of the few 181st pilots who had been lost, and Fel wished he could spare their families from this news; however, they would take comfort in the fact that their sons had died bringing honor and glory to the Empire. He turned back to the assembled survivors, of which there were many. "All of you performed admirably at Derra IV in the fight against the Rebels. We're here today to honor these men who gave their lives at Derra IV in the service of the Empire. They gave the greatest sacrifice to the Emperor in his quest to rid the galaxy of those who would destroy order and harm others."

    ***

    It had been quiet before, but it was completely silent now. Even the sounds that usually and easily echoed off the icy walls were extinguished, creating an uncharacteristic and eerie stillness. Fidgeting stopped as the Rebels' unconscious movements were forgotten or perhaps made impossible by stalled thought processes. Luke let his words sink into the minds that he knew tried to deny them and keep them out. The pilots' normalcy had just been shattered into millions of pieces that could never be made whole again.

    Tycho took a breath at last and asked, "What happened?" The unspoken question behind his words was easy to detect: what did we miss that allowed this to happen?

    Luke shook his head regretfully. "I don't know. We're having a very hard time getting details." Mostly, though, he wished he knew the answer to Tycho's unspoken question. It would be up to him to figure it out quickly, too, so this could never happen again. Without Narra, everything was on Luke's shoulders now.

    *

    The respectful quiet from the assembled Imperials lingered as Fel's word
     
  2. Abeja

    Abeja Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 25, 2007
    Hi Thumper! First reply :D yay!
    Great story! Well-done and such an interesting idea to juxtapose the two perspectives. It really shows how different the same story can be viewed.

    For the Rogues and the Rebel Alliance it's a tragedy to lose Renegade Flight, while the Imperials, who see the Rebels mostly as a terrorist group, it's mostly a victory.
    Your story shows that everything is matter of your point of view, which is, of course, also applicable in the real world, I guess. Wonderful job!

    And poor Luke ! You showed how heavy this burden of more responsibility is for him to bear very well.

    So...now before my knowledge of English deserts me completely (I have those moments when English feels as if it's Japanese and I am not really good at the latter [face_blush] ) and I accidentally continue in German :p,

    I'll end this with a : Very well-done Thumper :)!
     
  3. JediMara77

    JediMara77 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2004
    This was a really nice story. You portrayed Luke well and I always enjoy seeing whatever we can get of Soontir Fel! You showed his humanity very well.
     
  4. Jedi_Perigrine

    Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Woot, you posted it! Awesomesauce. I think it's been said already, but this is really a clever piece, full of thought and intelligent comparison. I just have two things I'd like to poke at:

    Even the sounds that usually and easily echoed off the icy walls were extinguished, creating an uncharacteristic and eerie stillness.

    This sentence is good, but I think pulling one of the adverbs in the first half and/or an adjective in the second half would make it flow a little bit more smoothly. Just a little bit of boggy-downiness for me, when I read it.

    Fidgeting stopped as the Rebels' unconscious movements were forgotten or perhaps made impossible by stalled thought processes.

    Now this line is really good. You captured the moment of utter silence in 17 words and that's awesome. You did super on this, Thumps! Great job!
     
  5. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    A great piece for the challenge, showing both sides and their losses
     
  6. Darth McClain

    Darth McClain Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2000
    I could have sworn that I'd read and commented on this vig before, but bravo, Thumper! You did a great job with it!
     
  7. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Congrats Thumper=D=
     
  8. Luna_Nightshade

    Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jan 25, 2006
    Fantastic. I loved seeing both sides of the battle and the mirroring feelings.
     
  9. Sara_Kenobi

    Sara_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Registered:
    Sep 21, 2000
    It was great to see each sides feelings, and also what they must have been feeling for the moment. Very well captured! =D=
     
  10. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Late replies, sorry! [face_blush]

    Abeja: Thank you! You're right, so much comes down to point of view. I love exploring the differences that POV makes in writing, and this scenario seemed like an interesting one to look at with that. I'm happy you enjoyed it. And no worries, your English is great! :)

    JediMara: Thank you! I'm glad Luke's portrayal came across okay. Fel's an interesting character, and it's too bad we don't see more of him.

    Peri: Thanks! I'll mess with that boggy sentence and maybe tidy up a couple other small areas too. Glad you liked it!

    Earlybird: Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

    DMC: Thanks to you as well! I appreciate it.

    Luna_Nightshade: Thank you! The mirroring was challenging for me, so I'm happy to know it came through all right. :)

    Sara_Kenobi: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.

    Everyone, thank you for reading! :D
     
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