Saga [UDC VIII] Hyperactive Mouse Droid Strokes

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Ewok Poet, Mar 20, 2017.

  1. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Fanfic Mod in Pink star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 27, 2014
    Wonderful mixture here of OCs and ECs, of humorous and serious, and of action and introspection. @};-

    I love the image of Leia as Luke's "other hand" in "Helpless"; not only is this a wonderful expansion on the weather vane scene (one I always found rather scary in my earlier years, and still a little now) but also a striking look at Luke and Leia's own bond.

    Within "Satisfied" you managed to mix in three (in a way) very different beings as well as their different-but-similar ways of experiencing satisfaction, liberation, plenty—all by way of water, the galactic-universal "elixir of life" (I especially love Rey's rain observation—Rey-who-loves-rain. [face_love] )

    "Enough" is a fantastic miniaturization of the missed-connection, missed-communication, letter-never-sent theme that pervades so much of your oeuvre; Branna of course gives wise advice (and I can guess who it's about) in that letter, but the letter remains unsent, and though we see that Branna plans to talk to Doria... will she, or will she not? I guess we'll find out once TBCTS is posted. ;)

    The Huttese/Kowakian Monkey-Lizard speak in "Non-stop" is a fun touch; I do feel a bit for Salacious, being asked to churn out joke after joke, about Solo and otherwise—though if anyone can do it, it's him! :D

    And finally, I love that you chose this poignant moment from the history of Anaslinea and Anaslinea-Hoc for "Burn"—they're in that gray, ashen area of uncertainty just after the original Anaslinea has been destroyed, but they find their new "home forever away from home." Apropos of which, it makes me very curious what the next Forever Away from Home installment will be! :D (No pressure, though; I know you're working on a lot. :) )
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  2. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Nov 30, 2005
    Of course! I knew there was a link I was missing. It's the water. Something that restores life in the first, something that is an escape from death in the last, joined by water as a joyful, magical experience in the middle part.
  3. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    Thank you so much for all the lovely comments. [face_love]

    All that there is, in a nutshell. :D How do you do this?

    I guess the allusion came from nowhere, because I...I didn't spot it myself. Niiice catch!

    It does fit what we're going through. Neoliberal capitalism does swing that way. We're "responsible" when somebody works for us and gets less money than we need for a bottle of a soft drink...per day!

    Repressive systems policy love! is a fruit and we end up being semi-fictional morons to these superior humans. One could say that the species experienced devolution. :p Oops, a messenger beep.

    She didn't exactly rewrite everything, she only claimed he was a no-good punk type and that she graduated, while she actually didn't. But yup - a super-tough cookie. And kind of amoral, but a great character, nevertheless. I recommend all the comics she's in!

    I was never sure if he realised the extent of Leia's powers at that moment, because of stress, but I'm pretty sure that he was at least close. And wow, you never explicitly said that Leia was your favourite, but it makes perfect sense.

    I will reply to the latter comment you made. It's not *exactly* about survival.

    You will love this, I promise. Once the time comes, you will like it more than any other Doria stuff I wrote. There's an...element that will make it instantly more likeable. ;)

    I do post the diary according to the schedule. EVEN WHEN IT MEANS GIVING Findswoman one extra entry to catch up with. SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME, EVIL PERSON?

    As for the rest, I just can't focus on one thing and I admit it.

    We wouldn't want to be him, would we?

    They have about zero options right now. :( They will have to take whatever comes their way. And sadly, there's a hidden danger waiting for them on Vagran, as you know from the short story featuring Ravyd.

    I don't think it's Huttese. I wanted to create something funny and nonsensical, so if it made you laugh, I'm glad. :D

    I am not sure if it's my absolute favourite, but it's up close with their other scene from ROTJ, since my favourite character gets only the most embarrassing scenes in the film. *grumble*

    And, since I think that Luke couldn't immediately solve this riddle, the "other hand" idea was the closest to the truth. Glad you liked the analogy. And yes, those connections RULE.

    The solution to this drabble is in Finds' comment, so scroll below.

    I am not saying that it's going to be a great romance epic, buuuut....;)

    Ho, ho, ho! :eek:

    If you want to see how it eventually ended, look for the place name Anaslinea-Hoc in my stories and, for immediate aftermath, read this story. It's not the most pleasant one, so you've been warned.

    I tried. :D

    Scary and beautiful, I think. And I said everything else already, so...just nodding to this. :)

    I kind of wanted to give a subtle not to your dare response with that rain thing. :D

    And yes, it's all about WATER, serving as HOPE.

    You guessed it right. ;) It's about...the toughest nut to crack. :D

    I didn't think about it as a letter never sent, but it makes sense. At this point, Branna is not aware of the extent of letters never sent that were conceived to be sent to *her*, so it's kind of ironic, too. And in that early, deleted story, Doria writes a letter-never-sent to her dad, so I guess that I really, really like this motif and I'm not aware of it.

    And she will. :D I don't consider it a spoiler at all.

    It's got to be the latter, with a mix of a couple Huttese"Ho, ho, ho." Gosh, Jabba really thinks of everybody as hot mammas, including Salacious. :p

    OK, that was a HORRIBLE joke. :D Ho, ho, ho!

    Grey and white. There was a salt mine, too. The whole scene is...apocalyptic and surreal, but I could not describe it with 100 characters. Luckily, I need to write a story where it happens. But it's going to HURT.

    I need to write that and Kahara's story - I might have to ask the mods to merge yours with the main thread, as it seems illogical not to have all Anaslinea-Hoc stories in the same place. Hope that it makes sense and that you'll still think of it as a gift, is a gift?

    As said above, water=hope. And it could be a pathway to the Force, as in all three scenes, there either is an at least Force-attuned character or one is mentioned, in a way. :)
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  4. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    Week Four

    Here's a link to the announcement with prompts.


    The stranger was intimidating - taller than him, with a not-so-friendly expression, resembling the Humans who laughed so much that their face remained stuck in a grin. While they bumped into each other 4-5 times during the time Tantive IV was on Yavin, they spoke only once.

    "You are not cooperative enough." He waved his arms. “I want to be close to action!”


    "We're doomed!"

    That was the point where he realised that he never wanted to be close to action.

    "Did you hear that? They've shut down the main reactor. We'll be destroyed for sure. This is madness!"

    C-3PO and K2SO, a missing scene from Rogue One - I wrote this in December and it wasn't going anywhere. People told it that it could be everything it wants, so it became a drabble.



    The piece of self-made paper carried a message “Just look up!” So, he did.

    Up on the tree, there was a white lantern bird feather, pointing south. So he went south.

    Three trees further, there was a rock upon which he found a small anklet. Why did she enjoy these games?

    He took the anklet and tried to look for a clue. Just then, somebody grabbed him by the waist.

    “Honeydrop! It took you a while!”

    He sighed. “There is no use, Latara.”

    She was more optimistic. “Teebo! You will find an enemy easier than you’re finding me. They’re lurdos.”

    Star Wars Ewoks: Teebo and Latara, sometime between Snowed In and Shadows of Endor



    When they came back to the village, Widdle was running around, scratching himself against the railing. What was going on?

    “Teebo, did you complete your practice?” Logray asked.

    Bozzie appeared behind him and added, “By practice, I meant tracing the enemy, not practicing for the times you two burn the branches and have family.”

    “Yes, but what’s wrong with Willy? Can we help him somehow?”

    “IT’S WIDDLE! I fell down from a tree during the practice…right into shrubs of rah-root.”

    “Do we have a remedy for this?” Teebo whispered to Logray.

    “We do. But we don’t have one for Bozzie!”

    Star Wars Ewoks: Teebo, Logray, Bozzie, Widdle, sometime between Snowed In and Shadows of Endor



    Once he had helped Widdle, Teebo noticed that the anklet was around again. The feather on it was pointing to the launching site for the hang-gliders. He shrugged. Seconds later, he grinned.

    A couple of clouds later, he was at his and Latara’s favourite spot. She had been waiting, leaning on the rock, sitting in the flowers. He lay down next to her, she curled up and put her head on his shoulder.

    “Finally, some time for us alone! I hope that Bozzie didn’t see me! She’s going to tell everybody!”

    “Who cares about Bozzie?” Latara pouted, expecting a kiss.

    Star Wars Ewoks: Teebo and Latara, sometime between Snowed In and Shadows of Endor



    Meanwhile, Wicket was helping his mother with the flour. He was angry. He should have been there, at the warrior training. Why did his mother excuse him from it for…this?

    And just when they arrived to the mill, he spotted Paploo’s mom, Bozzie.

    “Move away! I don’t have all day.” She grumbled.

    “We came here first.” Shodu tried to explain. “This is for Winda’s birthday cake!”

    “Yes, but I am the Chief’s sister.”


    Second later, Bozzie noticed that the flour was spilling from her canvas bag. And the youngest Warrick male was nowhere to be seen.

    She screamed.


    Star Wars Ewoks: Wicket Wystri Warrick, Shodu Warrick and Bozzie, sometime between Snowed In and Shadows of Endor

  5. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    A funny set with your Ewoks, creating mischief
  6. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Fanfic Mod in Pink star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 27, 2014
    A mostly-Ewoks set—hooray! :D With quite a fun non-Ewok drabble thrown in; it would be very, very interesting to see how a conversation between C-3PO and K-2SO would go, with all their similar-but-differences. The dovetail with the ANH opening is a wonderful touch that fits well with the way R1 and ANH dovetail with each other.

    So, I'm guessing that the games in "Thirst" and "Itch" are really the same game, or at least part of it—Teebo's in the midst of an exercise in tracking assigned to him by Logray and other adults, but Latara perhaps has taken the opportunity to transform it into a "direct the loverboy to Our Spot" type of game. And despite Bozzie's objections, Teebo ends quite successful with that variety of tracking, and he and Latara get a few sweet moments together on that very familiar flower-covered ridge. [face_love] I have to say I do feel sorry for Widdle, landing in those shrubs—but I love that Teebo's first thought is about whether there's any way to help him—a healer through and through! I even feel for Wicket a bit here, having to help with chores at the mill while the others are training—but his "flour revenge" on Bozzie is a warrior stroke of its own. (It couldn't have happened to a nicer lady, either! :p :D )

    Great to see the EP Ewok magic at work again on these boards. :cool: (And whenever you can, I of course look forward to seeing more of The Other Moon! :D )
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  7. Sith-I-5

    Sith-I-5 Force Ghost star 6

    Aug 14, 2002
    Thirst for its clue search; Itch for Widdle's predicament and the two asking if they had time; and Yearn for arrival at the rendezvous point, and the expectant Ewok confident of her beau being able to trace her, were my favourites.
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  8. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    Thank you all for reading. :)

    Thanks...but the first drabble is actually about C-3PO and K2SO. ;)

    Believe me, I would have paid to see them converse. It could have been hilarious, even if it would have ended with Threepio crying tears of pure machine oil. *snort*

    Not really. In the first of those two drabbles, they're really exercising and in the second one, when Teebo is already free, Latara is using the principle of the exercise to get him to that spot. :D You were close.


    Widdle and Wicket's drabbles also show how different the two of them are, despite being brothers. Wicket knows how not to get caught even when he's not thinking. Just touch his values or somebody he loves and he will do ANYTHING. Widdle, however, can't get things right no matter how much he thinks and while I do feel sorry for him, it's quite funny, too!

    Once we beta Life, Death and Other Goals, we can beta the next chapter of The Black Star and then we can beta the next chapter of The Other Moon. Maaaan, do I suck? :p

    Thank you. :) You got it all right, by the way - Thirst and Yearn were not the same thing and I know that I made it look weird. Glad it made sense.
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  9. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Chosen One star 6

    Jun 14, 2005
    You really cover a lot of areas with your drabbles, including canon & OC characters. Some of them alien, others human and even robots. I am amazed how quickly you can lead us into any head at any time. Even into the one of Jabba´s favourite pet. =D=
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  10. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014

    Thank you. :)

    And trust me, being in all their heads at once is sometimes overwhelming!
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  11. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    Week Five

    Here is a link to the announcement with prompts.


    “I am not going out for dinners.” Taide said in a stubborn manner, atypical for him. “How do they say again…forget it?”

    Mammon Hoole was puzzled. He had only invited his former mentee for a dinner, where they were to be accompanied by Tash and Zak Aranda, his adopted children. And then, he remembered that Taide, for some reason, really, really disliked dinner dates of all possible kinds, ever since that one summer when he could not visit him for the Festival of Dance.

    But he had to justify the situation.

    “How about lunch? You never said anything against lunches!”

    Mammon Hoole and my OC, Taide Lambrin




    “Boo!” the crowd went. After all, they were all Duloks and therefore not the right target audience for the Jindas’ mysterious guest, a decommissioned construction droid!

    A pomato flew through the air, but one of the heavy hands of the present droid caught. It quickly reassembled itself into a small slide and directed the pomato back to the head of the heckler.


    A crack!drabble. The Jindas are already bizarre, but using a construction droid with limited speech as a "performer" in presence of Duloks, who are a horrible crowd, is even more bizarre. The droid is based on CO-34 from The Phantom Limb.



    “Do you know how I caught that huge gurreck back in the days? My eyes were shut, my hood fell all over my face, yet I could wrestle it! And then…and then” The Ewok stopped to take another sip from the large transparisteel glass next to the firepit. “Then I hit it with a single hand and once I pulled my hood up, it was already on the spit, roasting!”

    C-3PO translated the Ewok’s deranged monologue to Lando Calrissian. He was not sure what this experiment was for and how could the former Baron Administrator of Bespin call it research.

    A crack!drabble - Lando gets an Ewok drunk and the Ewok tells a tall tale...




    Missed it. Seven tries left.


    Missed it. Six tries left.


    Missed it. Five tries left.


    Missed it. Four tries left.


    Missed it. Three tries left.


    Missed it. Two tries left.


    Missed it. One try left. She knew that it was the last possible moment and that she had to concentrate. After all, this was the most important of the target practices and the moving, simulated target and the sensor gun were, for some reason, not as satisfying as the real thing.

    One more shot. One.more.shot.


    “Congratulations, Phasma! You’re a Stormtrooper commander!”


    Captain Phasma's test before becoming a Stormtrooper commander - she had to be that level at some point!



    “Alcohol is a colourless volatile flammable liquid which is produced by the natural fermentation of sugars and is the intoxicating constituent of wine, beer, spirits, and other drinks, and is also used as an industrial solvent and as fuel.”

    She took a breath and sat down. This was one of those classes that she was not going to talk about at home, especially not in Duchess Branna’s presence. For some reason, the middle-aged Drall hated even hearing the word “alcohol”. And that made no sense, because Doria has never seen her drunk, never seen her pour more than one drink.

    My OC, Doria Vorr, in class. Duchess Branna has a good reason to hate alcohol - her ex was prone to addiction in general.
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  12. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    Shot was hilarious. And Pint and Alcohol form a nice combination
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  13. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The Fanfic Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Jun 29, 2004
    First, to catch up on last week. [face_blush]

    Hunger: What a great glimpse of their possible interaction! K2SO really would be hungry for more, while Threepio would prefer to be anywhere but there. :p

    Thirst: [face_love] This was another interesting interpretation of the prompt. I liked practical application of the exercise when coupled with Latara and Teebo's bond. (This is my first time reading anything with Latara, I believe, and I like her.) It was wonderful to see this one tie in with Yearn, too. :)

    Itch: Poor Widdle! :oops: But the well meaning teasing between the Ewoks was wonderful. You are opening my eyes to new characters again, which is something I really enjoy about these drabbles.

    Impulse: Wicket! [face_laugh][face_laugh] This was a fun drabble, and a great way to round out the set. =D=

    And, for this week:

    Dinner: More characters I am unfamiliar with, but I liked the banter here. Lunch is totally different from dinner. Of course.

    Theater: [face_laugh]:oops: Definitely a bizarre drabble, but a wonderfully crack!tastic.

    Pint: [face_laugh] :rolleyes: Because that's such a perfectly Lando thing to do - and a perfectly C-3PO reaction, to boot! :p I really enjoyed this one.

    Shot: Even Phasma was an up and coming Stormtrooper once, it's true! I liked the repetition and build-up to the resolution.

    Alcohol: Yikes. That definitely seems to be a dry lecture - but definitely typical of Doria's education as a whole, just from what I know of your 'verse. The added characterization was a nice use of the prompt, as well.

    As always, these were wonderfully creative responses to the prompts, and most interesting to read! I look forward to reading what you come up with next! =D=
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  14. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014

    I am not quite sure what you find hilarious about it, perhaps the onomatopoeia, but thank you. :)

    But he doesn't know that at that exact moment. He's like WHY ARE THEY DOING IMPORTANT THINGS AND NOT TELLING ME.

    Latara is a cheeky girl and, unlike many cartoon heroines, perfectly able to stand up for herself and though she's a bit egotistic at the times, she's really got a big heart underneath. That said, she's one of the main characters in both of my Ewok epics - Snowed In and The Other Moon and, naturally, she's got a big role in The Brightest of the Stars (When Teebo Met Latara). And these two are really, really cute in the first season of the cartoon series.

    I hope that you do go ahead and explore them. They get bad rep for no reason, they're a bunch of great characters. :)

    When Wicket has had enough, he's had enough. :D

    I think you're familiar with my OC, Taide Lambrin. :)

    Mammon Hole narrates a couple of the in-universe guides and he adopted the two children mentioned, with whom he stars in the Galaxy of Fear series. :) I mixed Legends with canon again.


    Thanks, it was so much fun to write. And as usual, Threepio is clueless. :D

    The repetition was made to make it look like she would fail. But she's Phasma and she doesn't give up!

    Branna has really good reasons not to want to talk about alcohol and the fact that Doria is well-aware of it means that they miiight have argued about it in the past.

    Thank you. The next set is a vignette featuring a very young Teebo, younger than in any of my other stories.
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  15. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Nov 30, 2005
    My friend, I have gotten behind. It hasn’t been the best lately for me but things are improving so I am hopeful that I won’t fall behind again. (Of course I still have more than a couple of other stories of yours to catch up on…)

    Thirst: I love the idea of an interaction between C-3PO and K2-SO. I can see Kaytoo smacking Threepio on the head and warning that there’s a fresh one waiting for him if he keeps up the yammering. That would be an interesting meeting between the droids! :cool:

    The other four are such colorful looks at the world of the Ewoks. I liked Latara and Teebo’s “tracking” activities (which always seem to lead to Latara, somewhere secluded). The girl’s got it bad. [face_love]

    Dinner shows how Taide gets an “out” of a predicament. No dinner dates! But lunch, well, that’s another story. o_O

    I like how Theater and Pint kind of flow together. The absurdist construction droid theater and the incoherent rambling of the droid, then the incoherent rambling of the drunken Ewok. There’s Lando listening to the latter whereas a pomato-throwing heckler is listening to the first one. But both are pretty much the same show! [face_laugh]

    Shot is an interesting look at Phasma and how she earned her commander’s rank. It’s interesting that she feels that target shooting isn’t “as satisfying as the real thing.” Shooting actual people is so much more fulfilling, but a stormtrooper’s gotta do what a stormtrooper’s gotta do to get ahead. o_O

    Alcohol is so aggressively progressive. [face_hypnotized] Doria’s recitation of alcohol, being both a beverage and an industrial solvent, is again so typically Saccorian in that there is no differentiation between something done out of enjoyment and something done out of duty.

    Great job! Looking forward to reading more. [face_dancing]
  16. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    Now I'm worried. Are you OK? :(

    *imagine a hug smiley that doesn't have that smug face here*

    To me, that was the only thing where Rogue One failed: these two should've meet each other, it could've been a fun moment in so many ways. So, yeah, I reached out to the fanfic world and wrote one such moment. :p

    She's a "bad" girl who's got it bad. ;) But she knows GOOD ways to get what she wants. *eyebrow smiley*

    In his logical mind, the explanation makes sense and it's not insulting AT ALL. :p

    Come on, you'd watch that show. Tall tales and CONSTRUCTION CLASS FIVE CONSTRUCTION.

    I think she just dislikes virtual reality type of stuff. She's rational and all....

    AGGRESSIVELY.PROGRESSIVE. I have to use this phrase. Can I, pleasepleaseplease?

    And yes, that's how they see it. There's no fine line, everything is the same and progressive in the amounts that won't damage the worker's ability progressive?! LOL!

    You almost ninja'd me, so there is more, yup. :D
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  17. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    Week Six

    Here is a link to the announcement with prompts. For this week, I decided to tell a story...with Teebo! In this one, he's younger than in anything else I have written with him. :)


    The mysterious Jinda with only a pair of eyes visible underneath a cap then took the hand of the wokling in Bacheela’s arms.

    “Goopa, do you hear me? I can see your present, I can see your recent past. You are quite a maladaptive dreamer, my dear wokling. There were the times where you didn’t do your chores, when you didn’t want to go about your business of the day, just sit there and dream and dream a bit more. Do you do anything else? Why don’t you break things and cry about it the way all other woklings do?


    All of this is about to change. There are stars in your future, I can see many of them. Admit it, you’re a lover of the stars. When you’re dreaming, they’re all above you and they will define your young life in many ways to come. You could become the watcher of the stars. You could almost meet your match under the light of the remains of a dead star. You could accompany a star. You could travel among the stars. You don’t have a choice whether all of this will happen or not. Make the best out of it.


    There is something blocking the star shine that needs to arrive to your head and to your heart. A barricade, like those made on the river banks during the rainy season. And you need to work on that. Your mother would probably say that you are too young for it, but I don’t think so. Perhaps you have the nature powers. You remind me of many great sages in their youth and I have travelled the whole of Endor, from the Cold Wildlands to the endless seas.”

    The wokling just stood there, not letting hand of the fortune teller go.


    Once they were out of the tent, Teebo asked his mother for ice-on-a-stick and she gently reminded him that it’s available only in the winter time. He wondered if there could be a world among the stars, with ice available all year long, or with the ice you can make yourself. With magic. The way a tumble bunny trainer gets the tumble bunnies to jump through the hoops.

    Or perhaps magic was about making things, and not making others do things? If he was capable of magic, he would make the rain fall when the dustroot crops needed it most.


    If he was capable of magic, he would make the barricades on the river, the same ones that the fortune teller mentioned, stay during the worst of floods, so no single warrior gets hurt trying to put them together again.

    But where was magic? And how were the powers, if he really had them, supposed to wake up? Was his mother wondering about that, too? Or was she thinking about something else?

    “Mom, has anybody in the family been a wizard?”

    “No, Teebo, but everybody says that there’s a wizard back at home in the village. His name is Logray.”
  18. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    love to see Teebo in his childhood days with his mother and the magic of all things like ice-on-a-stick
  19. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Chosen One star 6

    Jun 14, 2005
    Over all your years of fan fic writing you have managed to turn the Ewoks into characters with substance and I fail to see them as cuddly teddy bears since I started reading your work. [face_love]

    These drabbles here prove it once more.
  20. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    Thank you both, for your responses. :) I am not sure if I have ideas for the next round, this is getting a bit draining, but I wanted to respond to comments.

    Joy is always found in little things, yup. <3

    They have always been much more than the teddy bears. :) Go see the cartoon, I recommend it.
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  21. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    Week Seven

    Here is a link to the announcement with prompts.. To understand what's going on here, you need to forget that you have a brain...or you can also read my dare challenge response, Kylo and the Ghosts of SNARK!


    First screen: title COOKING WITH THE FIRST ORDER

    Second screen: Supreme Leader Snoke’s face is seen on a grilled bantha cheese sandwich

    A ginger-haired man in his thirties appears onscreen, wearing a pink apron with a cupcake pattern over his military suit.

    “My name is Armitage Hux and this HoloNet programme was approved by the First Order Mission. Tonight we’re cooking something tangy. And our guest is…wait, who are you and why are you wearing a plate on your head?”

    “I am the resident law and order of the Niima outpost on the planet of Jakku. Call me Constable Zuvio!”


    Hux is puzzled and the cupcakes on his apron turn slightly redder and slightly less pink.

    “And since when are you a cook?”

    “You ran out of cooks.” The plate-covered Kyuzo raises what might not be an eyebrow. “And those who were good, Kylo chased them away with his Darth Vader soup thing. So, shall we start?”

    Hux nods and the next thing that happens looks very natural – Zuvio removes the plate from his head, turns it upside down and puts it on fire, then he pours some sweet ANGRY MACE™ rice oil in it.


    Zuvio shakes his head.


    “This is how we use the warmth of the sand on Jakku. And what are you looking at? I’m about to add the Teedo spicy sauce.”

    Hux’s apron cupcakes are now bright red. “But you cannot eat something that talks! Not even the First Ord…”

    “You’re out of the loop, arentcha? Teedo spicy sauce is the best export of the Cha-He family of Teedos and a local hit in the Western Reaches. The spice bland that they use in it is secret, but two of the other ingredients are the red nebula onion and ohvanille seeds.” Zuvio is not amused.


    Hux is wondering if Kylo was right. Perhaps this is the right time to tell the Supreme Commander Snoke that he no longer wants to do the cooking show. Looking at Zuvio fry some sort of bitter grey goop in the mix of oil and the spice blend, he wonders if he hasn’t been outside for long enough to realise how much the times have-a-changed.

    And just then, Captain Phasma, the security officer of “Cooking with the First Order”, reports from her hiding spot in the trash compartment.

    “Armitage! Brace yourself, Kylo is coming and it’s not gonna be pretty.”


    Just when Zuvio is about to announce that his meal is ready and that all the scavengers would love it, Kylo crashes the studio riding a large construction droid which then stomps the pan.

    “I CAN SEE DARTH VADER’S FACE IN IT FROM THIS FAR!” the Knight of Ren yells.

    “CONSTRUCTION DROID CLASS SIX CONSTRUCTION!” his partner in crime adds.

    Hux’s apron cupcakes go red like burning fire!

    “I guess we’ll have to go for drastic measures.” Phasma says.

    She gets out of her hideout and opens a can of ANGRY MACE™ sad bland soup, then hands everybody a spoon.
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2018
  22. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    hilarious story
    Findswoman and Ewok Poet like this.
  23. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Force Ghost star 5

    Dec 21, 2016
    I wouldn't call that an excuse, EP. That was terrific.

    But they forgot the SNARK! [face_laugh]
  24. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Chosen One star 6

    Jun 14, 2005
    You are more hilarious than a Monty Phython sketch and Mr. Bean together!
    Ewok Poet likes this.
  25. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The Fanfic Manager With The Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Jun 29, 2004
    Week Six

    Once again, I really like your Ewok materiel! I don't think they get a bad rap so much as it was simply not something I've watched yet - it's definitely something I need to add to my ever growing list. [face_thinking] (But I've always liked the Ewoks - and Gungans too, so maybe I'm in a matching tiny boat with you. :p ;))

    This was a fascinating way to frame a story, as well, with the fortune teller talking to a young one. Her words were beautiful, and it seemed like Teebo really took them to heart. I especially love his realizations about magic, afterwards:

    Such a spot-on, thoughtful outlook for a youngster! Now I'm curious about the rest of Teebo's growth as a wizard. [face_thinking][face_love]

    Week Seven


    That was definitely a . . . unique response to the prompts, but also a hilariously fun way to frame your drabbles. I can see Darth Vader's face in it, I was dying with that line. And I liked Phasma cleaning up at the end. :p What a most . . . delicious response to this week's set. [face_mischief] =D=