JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

If you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.

 

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

 

One of them favourites. A Jerry Garcia joke:

Morris and a woman are standing side by side waiting for a bus when they get to talking.
"Say," said the woman. "Do you have a hobby?"
"Naturally, a hobby I got , I'm a bee keeper."
"Well, you must live in the country then."
"Nope, right here in the city...in Brooklyn."
"Really? You must have a large house then."
"Nope, apartment."
"Gee, where do you keep'm?"
"A shoe box in my closet."
"A shoe box!? How many bees do you have?"
"Couple thousand, something like that. So who counts ?"
"Well, you can't keep a couple thousand bees in a shoe box! They'll die!"

Spoiler

" So ****'em, I hate bees."

 

What Star Wars character sells hotdogs?
Admiral Snackbar

 

Joe Montana's parents paid a lot of money to send him to college and all they got was a quarterback.

 

What’s the difference between Boba Fett and a time machine operated by Marty McFly?
One’s a Mandalorian, and the other’s a manned DeLorean.

 

I used to be addicted to time travel, but that's all in the past now.

 

I would tell you a dad joke, but it left to go get milk.

 

There are three types of people in the world, those who can count and those who can’t

Do you do are challenge me for the dumb joke crown?

 

I tell dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs.

 

What do you call a droid you can see through?

Answers: CThrough-PO and R2-SeeThrough

 

What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.

 

I have a fish that can breakdance! But it’s only for 20 seconds and it is only once.

 

What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.

 

When killing a vampire, aim for the heart. The stakes have never been higher.

 

Donals Trump, Brad Pitt and George Clooney die in a car accident.
They arrive in heaven and Petrus tells them: "Enjoy your time here. You will be here forever. There is only one rule: NEVER step on a duck!"
The three enter heaven and wonder what's so special on avoiding to step on a Duck. As soon as they are in they see that heaven is full of ducks. Ducks everywhere and you hardly can avoid to step on one of them. It doesn't take a minute and Clooney steps on a duck. With a big bang Petrus, holding handcuffs and a fat ugly old women appears. Petrus cuffs the woman and Clooney together and says: "You stepped on a duck. From now on this fat ugly woman shall be on your side forever". The other two are shocked and move on. After a week Brad Pitt steps on a duck and the same procedure starts again. Petrus cuffs Brad Pitt and a big fat ugly woman together. Months go by and Trump manages to never step on a duck. Suddenly Petrus and the most beautiful woman anyone can imagine appears and cuffs her with Donald. Petrus disappears and Trump is absolutely amazed and says: "OMG, OMG, what happened!" The woman answers: "I stepped on a duck"

 

Joke time;
Knock knock

Who’s there?

Candice

Candice who?

Candice door open or what?

 

Q: Where's your wife?
A: She's on an extended vacation in an Atlantic island nation.
Q: Jamaica?
A: No, it was her own idea.

 

How do dragons make holiday plans?
They don’t, they just wing it.