JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

Nurse walks into a hospital room, and the patient, wearing an oxygen mask, looks at her and asks "Are my testicles black?"

The nurse is flustered. "Excuse me?"

"Are my testicles black?" he says again.

The nurse blushes and figures that she might as well check and put the man's mind at ease....so she lifts up the bedsheet, lifts up his hospital gown, and takes a peek. "Everything looks fine, sir. There is no discoloration of any kind on your testicles."

The man's face turns to shock and anger, "NO!" he says as he rips off the oxygen mask. "I was asking you if my test results were back!"

 

Why is 288 a disgusting number?

Because it is two gross.

 

Why were the other numbers afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.

 

When someone says to me, "I'm hungry," I say, "I'm [my name]."

 

What's yellow but turns red when you press a button?
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A chick in a blender.

(I know, I know...)

 

Heard this one today:



A man is walking down a road where upon he meets God.

God points and says to the man: "I want you to walk into that field"

The man asks God: "What's a field" ?

God tells the man: "It's that large open space over there"

God then says to the man: "When you get across the field I want you to walk into a cave".

The man asks God: "What's a cave" ?

God tells the man: "It's a big hole within a rock face"

God then says to the man: "Inside the cave you'll find a woman"

The man asks God: "What's a woman" ?

God tells the man: "A woman is different to a man. You'll see"

God then says to the man: "Once you find the woman I want you to procreate"

The man asks God: "What's procreate" ?

God tells the man: "It's making babies".

The man set's off but a few minutes later he returns.

God sighs: "What now" ?

The man asks God: "What's a headache" ?

 

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

 

What's blue and sticks to walls?



A mosquito in denim.

 

Two lawyers walk into a bar, but the third one ducks.

 

What's invisible and smells like carrots?


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Bunny farts.

 

If you don't know what introspection means, you need to take a long hard look at yourself.

 

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.

 

What did Delaware? She wore a New Jersey.

 

There were two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says,

"How do you drive this thing?"

 

Well guys ... what about:

1.) Why is it bad to combine Polar Bears with Drugs? Answer you will get a Bi-Polar PSY-CHOPATH who will easily 'Crack' on the 'Ice!'

2.) A Palaeontologist wants to watch a documentary called Precambrian Fossils and he switches on the TV but he gets a nasty surprise; he desperately tries to change the channel but ends up getting the same surprise; in a worked rage he smashes up the TV. Why and What was the nasty surprise? Answer: Each time he changed the channel - he got REX-ROLLED! Imagine a Rexy roaring from Jurassic Park BUT with Give You Up - so imagine a Rexy Roaring but the Rexy is really trying to ROAR Give You Up - replace GIVE YOU UP with R-R-R-R-ROAR-ROAR-ROAR!

 

I once did a theatrical performance on puns.

Really, it was just a play on words.

 

Guy walks into a zoo.





There's only one animal.






A dog.






It's a ****zu.

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What is it called the act of handing your tray back to the waiter?



Betrayal.

 

Two goldfish in a tank.

One turns to the other and says

"How the **** do we drive this thing?"

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I had a joke about vampires, but it bit.

 

Vampires tend to be a pain in the neck.

 

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender asks, "what's that for?"

"Arrrr, it drives me nuts!"