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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga - PT When the Battle's Lost and Won (An Anakin and Obi-Wan Oneshot Written for the Mini Games)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by devilinthedetails , Apr 18, 2020.

  1. devilinthedetails

    devilinthedetails Fiendish Fanfic & SWTV Manager, Interim Tech Admin star 6 Staff Member Administrator

    Registered:
    Jun 19, 2019
    Title: When the Battle's Lost and Won

    Author: devilinthedetails

    Characters: Anakin Skywalker; Obi-Wan Kenobi

    Genre: General; Friendship; Hurt/Comfort; Angst

    Timeline: An extra scene inserted into the end of TPM.

    Summary: When the battle for Naboo is over, Obi-Wan seeks out Anakin to share the news of Qui-Gon's death.

    Author's Note: Written for @WarmNyota_SweetAyesha's Missing Scene Challenge, which was wonderful inspiration for this story. Title borrowed from the three witches of MacBeth fame.

    "When the hurly-burly's done,
    When the battle's lost and won. "--
    William Shakespeare, MacBeth

    When the Battle's Lost and Won

    When he landed in the same Naboo hangar which the autopilot had flown him and Artoo out of what felt like a long time ago but really wasn’t, Anakin couldn’t celebrate the destruction of the Trade Federation’s droid control ship with the pilots who had thrown their helmets to the floor, revealing sweat-soaked hair and embraced one another with whooping cheers that could have been battle cries. The smell and sounds of war still clung to them even if the war was supposed to be over now that the droid control ship had been knocked out.

    Adrenaline—and maybe the Force he knew so little about—had carried him through his first battle, but now his legs were shaking. On wobbly knees, he left the crowd of people who understood didn’t really care about him at all, sank to the floor when his weary legs no longer felt like supporting him, and leaned back against some hard crate that probably held tools for repairing the fighters. Tools would normally have made him curious, but he was too tired to even think about opening the crate to touch and explore the tools in the crate behind him. Instead, he continued to lean against it, staring at the red-veined marble of the hangar wall that bore the scars of war like a veteran in the scouring of stray blaster bolt marks.

    He wasn’t just exhausted physically, he realized. He was also tired mentally and emotionally. Everything inside him was spent, and it was almost a relief to be left alone in the hangar when the cheering pilots left to continue their celebrations elsewhere. Then he could be alone with this indescribable sense of loss that was ripping through him with the sudden intensity of a sandstorm. He didn’t know what he had lost because he had won the battle by destroying the Trade Federation’s droid control ship, but he just knew that the loss was terrible and unbearable—almost as terrible and unbearable as the loss of his mother—and he was alone in his grief.

    He wished that Padme might find him and comfort him as she had on the trip through space from Tatooine to Coruscant because he was as cold now as he had been then—maybe even colder—but he supposed that a queen couldn’t be bothered with consoling a boy barely out of slavery when freedom from the Trade Federation had just been won for her entire people. Mom—and how he had missed her every minute since he left the slave quarters of Tatooine—would probably scold him for selfishly putting his desires over the needs of an entire planet full of people if she could hear his thoughts now.

    His thoughts were so fixed on his mother, so focused on how much he missed the unique combination of her gentleness and strength, that he didn’t see Obi-Wan enter the hangar through the same door that the two Jedi had disappeared in fierce combat with that tattooed monster with the dual-bladed lightsaber whom Anakin’s worst nightmares wouldn’t have been able to conjure. Nor did he hear the echoing sounds of Obi-Wan’s boots as he crossed the otherwise empty hangar.

    In fact, he only noticed Obi-Wan when Obi-Wan sat down beside him, emanating an exhaustion and grief that somehow was a comforting mirror to Anakin’s own, and said simply, “I’ve been looking for you, Anakin.”

    This was said in such a matter-of fact tone, as if of course Obi-Wan would be searching for Anakin that it was almost as if Obi-Wan had never seemed suspicious of his very existence and hostile to the idea of him training as a Jedi.

    “Did Qui-Gon send you?” Anakin couldn’t think of any other reason why Obi-Wan would care to seek him out, but he couldn’t understand why Qui-Gon would send Obi-Wan to him when he could have come himself…unless he couldn’t come…unless he was injured, but then why would Obi-Wan search for him instead of a medic? None of this made sense to Anakin’s befuddled and worn out mind.

    “In a way.” Obi-Wan reached out to clasp Anakin’s shoulder, and Anakin was so surprised at this unexpected gesture of affection from someone he regarded as very stiff and perpetually disapproving that he might have pulled away if any human contact, any warmth, did not feel so soothing in his current shaky state. “I have something very difficult to tell you about Qui-Gon.”

    “I’m listening.” Anakin riveted his wide, open blue gaze on Obi-Wan’s, even though he felt, deep down inside where his core truths were lodged like rocks in his heart, that he knew what Obi-Wan was going to tell him before he said it. His heart knew why Obi-Wan had come into the hangar alone, and his heart knew that hearing the words from Obi-Wan’s lips would cut his life into a was and a will be, a before and an after as defining and irrevocable as his separation from his mother.

    “Qui-Gon has become one with the Force.” Obi-Wan’s voice wasn’t calm so much as it was valiantly trying to be calm as he uttered words that shouldn’t have been comprehensible to Anakin.

    Anakin shouldn’t have understood what it meant to become one with the Force—he had only a vague notion of what the Force even was, after all—but he knew this was the bombshell he had felt explode inside him as he returned to Naboo. This was the sense of undeniable loss he had felt when he should have been rejoicing in his victory with the other pilots. This was the death that turned triumph into tragedy as a bitter taste like rotten fruit filled his mouth. Qui-Gon had died. Qui-Gon would no longer be there to guide him and look after him. That’s what becoming one with the Force meant—no longer being beside Anakin and no longer being alive.

    Tears rose flaming as comets in Anakin’s eyes and dripped down his cheeks before he could stop them. He tried to hold them back when he noticed what was happening, but his efforts to contain his tears only made the dam of grief inside him burst all the quicker, and he found himself sobbing out all his feelings of being lost and alone without his mother and without Qui-Gon who had become like a father to him in a matter of days. It would’ve been mortifying to be crying in front of Obi-Wan, whose eyes seemed dry as deserts, if he didn’t feel a strange sense of kinship with Obi-Wan as if the loss of Qui-Gon, a man who had been a mentor to them both, had made them an odd sort of family somehow.

    “Qui-Gon wanted me to become a Jedi.” Anakin made a half-hearted attempt to swipe the tears from his eyes with his sleeve when he was capable of sniffling speech. That was why, he thought, Qui-Gon had freed him. That was why Qui-Gon had taken him to Coruscant and brought before the Jedi Council for testing. That would have to be his purpose now. That would have to be what he clang to because everything else felt so uncertain.

    “Jedi procedure is that I report Qui-Gon’s passing and its circumstances to the Council.” Obi-Wan’s voice was quiet but assured. No doubt he could take refuge in rules and procedures, it was supposed to happen next in a logical universe ordered as it should be, but Anakin could never find comfort in such cold, impersonal doctrines and dogmas. He could only find comfort and purpose in other beings—like his mother and Qui-Gon, like those he had lost too soon because the universe never worked as it should. Perhaps Anakin had put Obi-Wan into too small and too neat a box, however, because Obi-Wan went on with a trace of stubbornness, an edge of defiance, “I will advocate on your behalf with the Council then, insisting that you be trained as a Jedi. It was Qui-Gon’s last wish that you become a Jedi, and I’ll do all I can to see that last wish is honored.”

    “You mean you’ll be my Master like Qui-Gon was yours?” Anakin gazed at Obi-Wan with watery eyes, feeling reassured by the determination he saw clenched into Obi-Wan’s jaw. Obi-Wan, he decided, was a profoundly stable person, one who could be relied upon even in the midst of lost. There was, in a way, no quality more comforting than that. At least in the present moment.

    “Exactly.” Obi-Wan gave a very somber nod, more serious than Anakin had ever seen him, and Anakin had never seen him except when he was serious. He seemed to have only two settings: serious and very serious. “I’ll do my best to teach you everything Qui-Gon taught me.”

    Anakin let the Force wash over him like a gust of refreshing wind on a hot day as he tried to really look at Obi-Wan since the first time they had met on the queen’s cruiser as it took off from Tatooine’s burning sands. Qui-Gon, panting from the exertion of the fight with the tattooed monster, had introduced them and they had shaken hands. When their eyes met and their skin touched, a strange, jolting feeling had run through Anakin.

    It was similar but not the same to how he had felt when he first laid eyes on Padme. With Padme, he knew that he would fall in love with her—that he was in love with her in a way from the first time that he saw her even though he knew nothing but somehow everything about her—and would marry her. With Obi-Wan, it had been more complicated.

    With Obi-Wan, he couldn’t define what the feeling was, what it meant, and what their relationship would be. It was too paradoxical and contradictory. It was as if Obi-Wan would be his best friend and his deadliest enemy. It was as if Obi-Wan would be the father he had longed for all his life, and he would love and hate him in equally fierce measure. It was as if Obi-Wan would be the elder brother for him to fight beside and fight against. It had all seemed to make sense—to fit together like pieces in a puzzle—the first second they met, but then his reason had reminded him that it was impossible for someone to be both a father and a brother or to be both a best friend and a mortal enemy. Beings were either one or the other, and never both.

    “Can the Force give you a strange feeling that someone will be very important in your life?” The question erupted from Anakin’s lips before his brain knew his lips were even going to move. His mind had lost control of his body again.

    “It can.” There was a gleam in Obi-Wan’s eyes as if he understood what had prompted Anakin’s question. “Those feelings aren’t so strange among the Jedi.”

    “Oh.” Anakin wanted to ask if Obi-Wan had felt that same sense of shared fate when they shook hands for the first time, but he somehow knew that Obi-Wan would never answer such a question if it was posed to him. Besides, Anakin was even more shocked to discover, he didn’t need to ask. Somehow he knew that Obi-Wan had felt the same thing he had—that the Force had sent them the same complex, overwhelming emotions—and that was why Obi-Wan had been so wary of him at first, seeing him as more of a foe than a friend. In the moment they had met, Obi-Wan had known him as truly and deeply as he had known Obi-Wan. Both of them had tried to push aside that truth and that destiny, but now it was forcing itself upon them, making them accept one another into their lives whether they wanted to or not, binding them together by grief and duty. “It’ll feel good not to be strange. It’ll feel good to be understood.”
     
    sxnofthesuns, Kahara and Mira_Jade like this.
  2. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Thank you very much for participating in this challenge. I adore missing scenes of the canon and AU variety, and this is definitely an excellent missing scene - full of the initial confusion that would understandably be felt before Obi-Wan tells Anakin about Qui-Gon. Anakin should be overjoyed and celebrating even more than anyone else, yet he feels this inexplicable sense of grief and loss.

    Then Obi-Wan tells him and they share their mutual sorrow as well as deepening their connection as complicated as it is to one another, full of conflicting emotions: love and resentment; trust and respect for a mentor/brother versus distrust and suspiciousness, although we know a lot of the latter was manipulation. [face_thinking]
     
  3. devilinthedetails

    devilinthedetails Fiendish Fanfic & SWTV Manager, Interim Tech Admin star 6 Staff Member Administrator

    Registered:
    Jun 19, 2019
    @WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Thank you so much for your kind comment and for providing the challenge that was the inspiration for this story! Missing scenes can be very powerful to read and to write, and I haven't written any for awhile, so this challenge was the perfect opportunity to do that.

    I've often wondered how Anakin would've felt before Obi-Wan told him about Qui-Gon's death, and for this story, I decided to make him feel this inexplicable sense of loss and grief when he should be overjoyed about victory because the Force has alerted him in a way he doesn't quite understand that something very wrong and tragic has happened.

    It was rather cathartic for me to be able to write about Anakin and Obi-Wan sharing their sense of mutual sorrow at Qui-Gons loss and deepening their complicated connection with one another. I always find that complicated connection and relationship between Anakin and Obi-Wan so fascinating to think about and explore.

    Thank you again for your kind comment!
     
  4. amidalachick

    amidalachick FFoF Hostess Extraordinaire star 5 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    Excellent response to the challenge, and a really great piece of writing.

    =(( Poor Anakin. He may be the Chosen One and gifted in the Force, but he's also just a little kid caught up in a war and missing his mother. And right now he's all alone. These first few paragraphs really made me feel for him.

    You've written both Anakin and Obi-Wan so well here, and I could really 'hear' all of Obi-Wan's dialogue in particular. Great exploration of their relationship and all its bittersweet complexity too. Excellent work! =D=
     
  5. devilinthedetails

    devilinthedetails Fiendish Fanfic & SWTV Manager, Interim Tech Admin star 6 Staff Member Administrator

    Registered:
    Jun 19, 2019
    @amidalachick As always, thank you so much for commenting!:) I'm so flattered that you found this to an excellent response to the challenge and a great piece of writing since it was a very moving missing scene story for me to write.

    My heart went out to Anakin as I wrote this story since he was dealing with the loss of Qui-Gon so soon after leaving his mother on Tatooine. As you say, he is someone who might be the Chosen One gifted in the Force but is ultimately just a little child caught up in the chaos of a war and feeling all alone.

    I really did want to write both Obi-Wan and Anakin well, so I'm so happy you felt I succeeded with that and that you could hear every bit of Obi-Wan's dialogue in particular. I really appreciated the opportunity to explore their relationship in all its bittersweet complexity, and I'm so pleased that you enjoyed that aspect of this story as well. Thank you again for your kind comment!
     
  6. castin

    castin Jedi Grand Master star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 11, 1999
    This vignette really captures superbly just how much growing up Anakin has to do in such a short span. It's such a good bridge to the Ep II Anakin and makes me think the latter's reckless behavior is a (probably vain) attempt to recapture the mindless, uncomplicated adrenaline rush of podracing. Nothing has been that simple for him since Qui-Gon was taken away.

    There's also a sense of dread and tragedy in his understanding of his relationship with Obi-Wan. It could very well be that in spite of all Obi-Wan's good intentions, he was only doomed to lose Anakin to the dark side from this very moment.
     
  7. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2005
    You managed very well to pin down the best and the worst aspects of their future relationship. All inside this beautiful nutshell of a story.

    I wish the PT movies had shown more moments like this, previous with raw emotions.

    Thanks for sharing!
     
    Kahara and devilinthedetails like this.
  8. devilinthedetails

    devilinthedetails Fiendish Fanfic & SWTV Manager, Interim Tech Admin star 6 Staff Member Administrator

    Registered:
    Jun 19, 2019
    @AzureAngel2 As always, thank you so much for commenting! :) I really wanted to try to capture the elusive elements of the best and worst aspects of Anakin and Obi-Wan's future relationship in this story about the beginning of their relationship, so I'm very happy to hear you thought I was able to accomplish that, and that you found this to be a beautiful nutshell of a story. I really enjoyed being able to explore this missing moment from the first Star Wars movie and all the raw emotions that accompany it. Thank you again for commenting!

    @castin Thanks so much for commenting, and I'm so flattered that you felt this piece perfectly captured how much Anakin had to grow in such a short time period. The older I get, the more I appreciate how much Anakin went through in episode one and how hard it must have been for him to leave his mother behind, setting up the emotional turmoil he's shown to be in episode two. I'm so happy this story could be such an effective bridge between TPM and AOTC for you, and I think you're definitely onto something in saying that some of Anakin's reckless behavior might be something of a vain attempt to recapture the mindless, uncomplicated adrenaline rush of pod racing.I did really want to capture that sense of dread, tragedy, and overarching fate in his understanding of his relationship with Obi-Wan so it's awesome to know that came through for you.
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2020
    Kahara and AzureAngel2 like this.