Saga While I Wait - Dear Diary 2010 challenge *COMPLETE*

Corellian_Ale Thanks so much!

Kelia A job that he didn't have a choice in, but does willingly.

Valairy_Scot Thank you, I'm very humbled by your words.


Entry 7

We spent two days inside. He only had to report back once and that was short and sweet. It felt so good for him to be here. Although, I do have to say he's almost eaten everything we have in the place. The sweets are his favorite. I have to remember to pick up more chocolates for when he returns. It's like he can't get enough sugar.

Today he will suit up and return to duty. He doesn't talk much about the war. Maybe he thinks that he is sparing me the hurt of knowing what he is really doing. I don't think I'm ready to hear the things that happen out there. Maybe someday I will ask him, but I know that it's not something I want to hear now.

When I kiss him goodbye today, it might be the last time I see him. I know I will cry, but only after I close the door. He doesn't need that on his mind as he goes into battle. It could be the one thing that distracts him from what his duty is and that could mean he would end up dead. That would kill me.

 

Today he will suit up and return to duty. He doesn't talk much about the war. Maybe he thinks that he is sparing me the hurt of knowing what he is really doing. I don't think I'm ready to hear the things that happen out there. Maybe someday I will ask him, but I know that it's not something I want to hear now.

Wonderful update!

 

VaderLVR64 Thank for the helpful comments!

Entry 8

Today has been a horrible day. I've cried nonstop. Something just set me off this morning and I had to call into work. I'm busy feeling sorry for myself and just don't want to deal with customers or my friends. They wouldn't understand anyway.

It must have been the dream I had last night. It was terrible. I was asking all these people if they knew where he was, but no one would answer me. I knew they were lying. I knew they could tell me, but were trying to be mean. I woke up crying and haven't stopped since.

I've just been a mess and I don't know if I will ever feel better. The dream haunts me.

 

Wow, this is so heart-wrenching!!!! (i promised myself i wouldn't cry)




Wonderful emotions here Takianna!!!! (still not gonna' cry...)

 

Corellian_Ale Thank you so much for reading! I hope I didn't make you need a tissue too badly!

Entry 9

I'm better now. Things have calmed down and I've decided that watching the holonews before going to sleep is not a good idea. I just try to clear my mind of everything and numb myself to the reality that he is at war.

It's hard. Being here safe and knowing that on some planet (and I don't know which it might be) he is fighting for his life. Just thinking about it makes me shiver.

People are so ungrateful. Do they not know what he is giving up to keep them safe? I don't think it even crosses their minds. Plus, there are so many people who are willing to speak ill of everyone involved in the war that it's hard to believe anything you are told.

I'll stick to waiting. Although difficult, it seems easier than listening to the spin everyone is putting on the war

 

This is a lovely series of posts you have here, Takianna! We definitely feel Oria's confusion and fear, never knowing what will happen to her loved one as he goes into another battle. You have managed to describe excellently what the family of any soldier involved in a war must go through every day.

Would you please put me on your PM list? Thanks!

 

I know I haven't been on much, but what a wonderful story to come back to!
You can feel everything she feels so perfectly, it's beautiful writing

Great posts, I will continue to read avidly and can't wait for the next

 

Yeah, never watch the news when your the loved one of someone on the front line...

Just keep the candle lit, and faith in your heart...


(Thank goodness, no kleenex this time)

 

Valiowk Thank you for the kind words. I have added you to my PM list!

GlindaForJediCouncil Thank you!

Corellian_Ale I'm glad that you could put the kleenex away for this one!

Entry 10

Another short and sweet message, but a message still the same.

"Oria, I'm injured, but fine. Don't worry."

Injured. It's hard to hear. I don't even know how severe his injury is and what will happen to him. Maybe he will get to come home to Coruscant. I'm trying not get my hopes up because I know that they will be dashed if he doesn't get to come home.

I fear for his life everyday. I would never be informed if he was killed because they don't think of things like that. He would just be another clone who had ceased to exist. I would be left wondering where he had died and had he gone peacefully. There would be no closure for me.

 

Another short and sweet message, but a message still the same.

Indeed, messages are so important to family who otherwise have no idea what's going on.

I would never be informed if he was killed because they don't think of things like that. He would just be another clone who had ceased to exist.

Excellent point about how most people would assume that clones have no family and hence spare no thought about informing others about any injuries they may face or if they are killed.

Thanks for the PM!

 

"Oria, I'm injured, but fine. Don't worry."

Uh oh!

Every time someone says "don't worry", it usually means you should worry.

But I hope not, in this case


Great updates

 

I would never be informed if he was killed because they don't think of things like that. He would just be another clone who had ceased to exist. I would be left wondering where he had died and had he gone peacefully. There would be no closure for me.




However, thank goodness for small miracles!

 

Thanks to all the readers. I'm a little rushed right now and can't name you all personally, but I do thank you for reading.

Entry 11

No word and no knock at my door. More waiting. The nights seem endless. I've turned into someone I don't even recognize anymore. My life consumed by the thoughts of him and him alone. My job is suffering and my health is suffering too. It's hard to eat when you don't know where your love is and what they might be going through and if they are getting enough to eat.

I'm trying to keep my strength, but it's difficult. Now my friends are whispering about me and trying to figure out how to fix me. There is only one way to fix me and it won't happen because he will never be free to be with me all the time. I will never be the most important thing to him. Although I know he loves me, he was meant to serve as a soldier. I can't compete with that and I wouldn't even know how to. I know I don't want to interfere with his duty.

I wish these thoughts would stop. Why do I have to torture myself?

 

There's a lot of real emotion here, quite excellent

 

Very realistic post. Oria, you have to be strong because he won't want to see you in this condition!

Thanks for the PM!

 

Excellent diary. have read all the entries. Full of emotions and real life.

Clones are humans and should be treated as humans and she is doing that. Wonderful.

 

Here, here!

Another wonderfully gripping entry Takianna!

 

What an interesting story full of love. I can't wait for more

 

zonzo Thank you!

Valiowk I'm really digging deep for realism. Thanks so much for commenting.

earlybird-obi-wan Thank you! Clones have become a lot to me. I'm almost exclusively writing them now because I feel their pain.

Corellian_Ale This means a lot to me. Thank you so much!

JediFalcon Love is so enduring. I thought it would be great to show a different side of war. Thanks for reading.

Entry 12

I took several weeks off from writing in this journal. I couldn't bring myself to whine and cry about the situation I was in anymore. I've decided that there is so much more that I can do. Several of us who met troopers at mixers have started spending time together. I got rid of the friends who don't understand and found the support of others who know the situation and it is much more satisfying.

These women are going through the same thing I am and we can hold each other's hands and cry all we want. No one looks at us differently in the group. We've all been there. When one of us falters, the rest are there to pick up the pieces.

I feel at home. I feel at peace.

 

Finding a support group is an amazing thing. It's really wonderful how a common thread can bring people from all corners together.

Lovely update!

 

I couldn't bring myself to whine and cry about the situation I was in anymore. I've decided that there is so much more that I can do.




Excellent update!

 

Valiowk Yes a support group can be helpful. Thanks for reading.

Corellian_Ale Thank you!

Entry 13

Jillian, one of the ladies who has become one of my best friends, received a message today from Shi, her clone. She said that he said he was fine and returning to Coruscant shortly, but that was all the message said. They never get a chance to elaborate because of the time they have to pirate to even send these messages.

Hope bubbles to the surface of my thoughts again. I don't even know if they are in the same unit, but I hope he is coming home too. I looked around at lunch today and saw the same look of hope from all the women who had gathered together to support Jillian. We have vowed to ask more questions of our men so that we will be able to find out about them more easily. I'm not sure how this will go over, but I have to try.

Krystal, another lady, has an inside with someone who works at the senate building. She said she might be able get operating numbers of clones who are killed in combat. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Would I even want to know? I'm scared now

 

Indeed, an interesting idea - perhaps the partners of some of these women are acquainted with each other, and would be able to send back information about mates who may not have been able to send home a message before being assigned on a mission. The more ways of being in the know about what's going on, the better!

 

This is a nice (?) or interesting turn of events... and here's to hope!!!

 

Valiowk That's true the more you know is a good thing.

Corellian_Ale There is hope, maybe!

Entry 14

A knock at the door this morning woke me from a deep sleep. I didn't have to work today and wasn't expecting anyone at the door. Pulling my robe around me, I went to open the door. I was shocked.

Standing there, no armor, just plain clothes, and flowers in his hand, was my soldier. He was there. I wasn't dreaming. I have to do something about getting him a key that he can keep with him, although I don't know how possible that would be because he would have to secret it away.

There are so many things I want to ask.