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Saga Whistling in the Dark?ESB AU?Luke/Mara?angst?vignette

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by furrylittlebantha, Apr 5, 2007.

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  1. furrylittlebantha

    furrylittlebantha Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 2, 2005
    Title: Whistling in the Dark
    Author: furrylittlebantha
    Timeframe: between ESB and RotJ
    Characters: Luke, Mara
    Genre: angst
    Summary: Mara Jade has a chat with the Empire?s prize prisoner.
    Disclaimer: I don?t own Star Wars

    A/N: divapilot, you're the best beta anybody could ask for. [:D] Also, the mushy bits in this are devoted to Jade_eyes, who asked for it. :)

    ===================

    The number of men crowding into the room increased. There were ten, fifteen of them now, all pointing blasters at him but not firing. What??

    ?Turn off your saber,? one of them commanded in a rough voice. ?You can?t win.?
    Luke looked at the speaker. The figure stood in a shadow, was hard to see until it stepped out into the light.

    The reptilian alien was about his height, covered with black scales, with a mouth full of pointed teeth. Definitely a meat-eater. He thought he recognized the species of a Barabel, but he wasn?t sure; he hadn?t seen a lot of them. Barabels didn?t leave their homeworld very often.

    Luke saw that he didn?t have a chance, even using the Force. He clicked his lightsaber off.

    ?Wise move,? the Barabel said. ?My people have great respect for Jedi Knights and I am sorry I must do this, but it is business. Take his weapon.?

    One of them moved in and removed the lightsaber from Luke?s grasp.

    Luke looked back at the Barabel. ?What do you want??

    ?Sorry, but we want you, Skywalker.?

    ?Shadows of the Empire, pg. 175-176


    He didn?t smell right.

    ?Hello, Skywalker,? she said softly and switched on the light. A brilliant glare filled the cell.

    ?Mara.? He looked up from his cot, shielding his eyes with his arm. ?It?s been a while.? She didn?t answer, only looked at him, carefully. There were more bruises this time. That gash across his chin hadn?t been there three days ago. But those were nothing. The evidence of her Master?s progress lay in the subtler scars. The fragility of his voice when he said her name; the bitter lines of his mouth. His hand?his hand clenched in a white-knuckled fist, even as he slept. Luke Skywalker was a man on the cusp of breaking. He looked like it. He sounded like it.

    But he didn?t smell like it.

    ?You were snoozing,? she observed caustically. ?Always this sluggish in the middle of the day??

    ?I don?t know what time it is,? he countered. ?Could be midnight, for all I know. I?ve lost track.?

    He was being evasive.

    ?How can you sleep?? She walked over to the cot and knelt down beside him, observing his face critically. ?They?ll call for you soon. It can?t go on much longer. Think of it, Skywalker. You?ll be a lord of the galaxy before the week?s out. And you?re napping. Maybe that?s why you?re so damn hard to turn?they can?t get you awake enough to see sense.?

    Instead of replying, he reached out a hand and touched her cheek. She sucked her breath in sharply. For a split second, the complex decision matrix of Mara?s mind swam in conflict. Did she knock him out for insolence?or press his hand closer? In the end, she did nothing. Only closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of him.

    ?You?re tense. I can feel it.? She was close enough to feel his breath on her cheek.

    ?Strangely enough, so can I,? she retorted, sharper than she intended. ?Comes with the job description.? He made a soft, thoughtful noise.

    ?Turn around.?

    ?What?? Mara?s eyes flew open. He blinked.

    ?Turn around. I think I can help.?

    ?Then you?ve got another think coming,? she snapped, and started to pull away. His hand moved through her hair, running the length of it between his fingers.

    ?I?m not going to hurt you, Mara.? Again, the wrongness of his scent hit her. Clean, soapy fresh, a little sweet? ?Come on. I?ve been at your Master?s tender mercies for weeks, now. What could I do to hurt you in this condition??

    ?Nothing I couldn?t deal with,? she admitted easily. ?But you come on. No one turns their back on an enemy.? His hand slid down to t
     
  2. RedGold

    RedGold Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2004
    That was awesome! It's angsty with a touch of romance!

    if there is every more of this, let me know!
     
  3. Layren

    Layren Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 28, 2003
    Wow, what a great vignette. I love Luke and Mara and you've done a wonderful job with them here =D=



    He nodded, seeming satisfied, and stretched back down. ?An object lesson,? he said conversationally. ?That?s what the light side feels like to me.?

    ?Backrubs from the Force. Ah.? Mara?s voice dripped with sarcasm, but inside, she was trembling. Relaxation dissipated instantly. Something was not right?



    [face_laugh] Had to laugh a that little exchange ;) Nice use of Mara's sarcasm there :p and so perfectly like Luke to try and use it as an object lesson to teach :)
     
  4. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    She shoved him toward the door?then stopped. A touch of the Force, and the light flickered off. Darkness surrounded them. He shifted, confused.

    She kissed him.

    After, he reached up absently and touched his lips. She saw the motion in the darkness and smiled.

    ?Remember that when you?re my Master, Luke.? With a non-too gentle nudge, Mara started him down the corridor.

    His fate awaited him.


    Wonderful! =D=
     
  5. pat_skywalker39

    pat_skywalker39 Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 5, 2004
    Wow, i must say this really good, Luke on the verge of falling trying to keep his illusion that he will escape his fate or doom...
     
  6. leia_naberrie

    leia_naberrie Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2002
    What a terrible story! :_|




    I loved it! [face_devil] Poor Luke. Why do I like reading you mad, broken, evil and preferably all three? [face_laugh]

    LOL @ your sig. That's sort of how I felt about the book. It was like watching an episode from Alias Season 3. :p
     
  7. JediVegeta

    JediVegeta Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2000
    Think of it, Skywalker. You?ll be a lord of the galaxy before the week?s out. And you?re napping. Maybe that?s why you?re so damn hard to turn?they can?t get you awake enough to see sense.?

    Well, that part made me laugh for some reason :p


    Aw cool! Excellent job! I hope you really do branch it out. I would love to see what will happen in this AU of yours. Keep it up!
     
  8. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Great vignette. Scary and sad and a little romantic. If Mara only knew what she was doing to him... well done!
     
  9. ginchy

    ginchy Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 25, 2005
    Well, wow.

    Even when faced with falling to the dark, death, destruction... those two can't keep their hands off each other. ;)

    Seriously, great viggy, showing Luke's desperation and Mara's cunning. When in Palpatine's clutches, where else really can you go, but down and dark?

    Great vig!
     
  10. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Game Host Who Loves Fanfics & RPGs star 7 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Oh, Furry. I loved that. Just loved it. Just couldn't help myself. =D=
    Luke's not the only one whistling in the dark, I think. [face_thinking]
    This has the mixed bag of hope and despair, shattered dreams and tattered lives of the incomparable JadeLotus' Chimera. :) So nice, the way you portray L/M together even in the midst of angstness :D they're still... them. Lands, I love them to bits!!
     
  11. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    WOW - that was powerfully written.

    How very typical of a hurting Luke to reach out and offer comfort to Mara, especially when he knows he's going to fall.

    [face_love] [face_love] [face_love] [face_love]

    Wonderful job on this

    =D==D==D==D=
     
  12. StarFighter5

    StarFighter5 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2003
    I enjoyed reading this. You can feel Luke's fear of falling and Mara sadness at watching it happen. She wants to help, but knows its too late. This would be a one shot that I'd like to see expanded.
     
  13. tasujad

    tasujad Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Jun 16, 2005
    fantastic fic =D=
    couple fic in expansion to show how their relationship would develop in different time periods would be great :)[face_mischief][face_praying]
     
  14. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade VIP star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2002
    I love angst. :D

    ?You?re tense. I can feel it.? She was close enough to feel his breath on her cheek.

    ?Strangely enough, so can I,? she retorted, sharper than she intended. ?Comes with the job description.?


    LOL! That's so Mara. :D

    ?You sleep,? she said, voice slow and heavy with realization, ?because it?s another way of hiding. You?re afraid.?

    Bingo. Good insight.

    Not the smell of darkness.

    The smell of despair.


    Oooh, I like this. Despair is just the right emotion here. And I like how you have this scent and Mara trying to pin it down throughout. :D

    ?Please. Call me Luke.? He smiled lopsidedly, flinching as the wounds stretched. ?It might be the last time?well, you know.?

    Yes. She knew. The last time it was truly his name.


    Excellent. :D

    His eyes told her more. I?m falling. Why watch if I can look away?

    Love
    this. :D Great psychological depth.

    Mara exhaled. She would say nothing. He?d be stripped of his illusions soon enough. When she saw him again, he would be pure.

    I like how in Mara's eyes, pure means dark. Especially considering that Palpatine himself didn't consider Mara to be truly dark, nor did he even try to make her so. Does she think herself dark? Or does she think herself not dark, and therefore impure?

    ?Remember that when you?re my Master, Luke.?

    Interesting, on several levels. Is this Mara offering comfort, or Mara asking for leniency when he's her Master and able to command her life and death? And interesting that Mara knows her place, so to speak, that she ranks well below Palpatine and Vader, and will rank below Luke.

    This SO should not be a one shot. Seriously. This could easily be a short story. The possibilities are way, way too intriguing to leave it at this. Any chance you might expand on it? Pretty please? [face_praying]
     
  15. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    I like how Luke has planted this tiny, tiny seedling of doubt in Mara's mind, even as he himself is falling. Though you've written this with such a sense of hope, that I can't help but wonder if there's a way out for both of them. I can't imagine what it would be :p , but I have that impression nevertheless. I like the kiss at the end because it seems very - nonsexual. Which may sound weird, but, it doesn't seem to be about that to me, as much as making a connection between the two of them.

    And I totally, firmly agree with Gabri that this should be continued. A short story would satisfy. [face_batting] Please? :D It's too lovely to be cut short. :p
     
  16. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Game Host Who Loves Fanfics & RPGs star 7 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Whee!! I think the kiss at the end was perhaps indicating something besides, or in addition to, something sexual--that, like the back rub, is a form of connecting, giving comfort; a very pleasurable, delightful one. Though, later, it could be recalled and physical chemistry allowed to blossom. :D :D
    I, too, would like this to expand. Dreams of Trace's Accession or something like ... =P~ [face_dancing]
     
  17. furrylittlebantha

    furrylittlebantha Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 2, 2005
    RedGold: Thank you! Romance without a little angst is boring, I think. But that's the fanficcer in me speaking, not the gal who hopes for an extremely boring, highly happy and angst-free relationship someday...:p

    Layren: I heart Luke and Mara too! *cough* If you couldn't tell...:D Oh, Luke, you even when you're unstable yourself you can't keep away from those object lessons.

    Thanks for reading!

    VaderLVR64: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. :)

    pat_skywalker39: I appreciate that. The idea has occured to me that Luke gets tired of me messing up his life. If I were him, I'd try to ignore it too...:p

    leia_naberrie: What a terrible story

    Thanks....I think...[face_laugh]

    Why do I like reading you mad, broken, evil and preferably all three?

    Because he's the most interesting that way. At least that's what I keep telling myself. =P~

    LOL @ your sig.

    Somehow, complex worked for Zahn in his earlier books, but not so much now. But my attention span has probably just decreased.

    JediVegeta: Laughing is good! Healthy. Plus it makes furrylittlebantha happy. :D Maybe I will flesh this out, I don't know...can't really see where I'd break new ground.

    dianethx: Thank you for your kind comments! I think Mara does realize what she's doing, a little, at least. Despite her strength, she's only another tool of Palpatine's...at least at this point.

    ginchy: Well, thanks! [:D] Of course they can't keep off of each other. Soulmates are like that. Thanks for reading!

    Jade_eye: Just couldn't help myself.

    That's perfectly okay with me! :D Yes. You're right. He's not the only one; I often whistle when the lights go out. Aids in the indigestion. [face_alien_1]
    OMYFREAKINGOSH SHE MENTIONED CHIMERA AND ME IN THE SAME SENTENCE

    I'm going to go sit down now

    KELIA: Very typical of him, which is why I love him so much! [face_love] Thank you for reading.

    StarFighter5: Hi, StarFighter! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I think Mara's sad in a way, but she's also every bit as confused as he is. The difference is that he's been confused for a shorter time.

    tsaujad: Thank you! Yet another request for expansion. I'm starting to see a pattern here...

    Gabri_Jade: You really do a satisfying review, you know that? :D Made my day.

    I love angst too. I love it to pieces. Which is probably why that's all I write. Mara tries to pin everything down, attach it to a logical framework because that's how she operates. She is analytical where Luke is more intuitive and emotional. In regards to your comment about darkness and purity, I've been reading the Chaos series by L.E. Modessit, and he's been influencing me. In Modessit's world, black represents purity because it is absent of light and white represents chaos, evil, because it is all the colors of light. So if I do end up expanding this, maybe I'll use that angle as a springboard...

    Thank you for reading and taking the time to review!

    obaona: First of all, it's an honor to receive a reply from you. Thank you for your kind comments! No, you're right about the kiss. I doubt I could put it into words like that, but I was going for something more than merely physical. Actually, the end was even more hopeful in the rough draft, but I edited it out because it didn't really fit. Maybe there will be light at the end of the tunnel for these guys, but not until a lot of darkness first.

    I'll definitely think about expanding this!

    Jade_eyes: Hi, again! :) I think you're right about the backrub and the kiss, though I have to admit I didn't think about it that deeply when I wrote it. It just sorta felt right.

    GAH SHE MENTIONED ACCESSION AND ME IN THE SAME SENTENCE...

    This has been a good day.


     
  18. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 11, 2005
    Very nice viggie, bantha. Your Luke was so serene that I was sure he would either outsmart Mara and get her to help him or escape on his own. It was sad to see him resigned to an eventual turn to the Dark Side.

    He nodded, seeming satisfied, and stretched back down. ?An object lesson,? he said conversationally. ?That?s what the light side feels like to me.?

    ?Backrubs from the Force. Ah.? Mara?s voice dripped with sarcasm, but inside, she was trembling. Relaxation dissipated instantly. Something was not right?

    ?Not backrubs,? he went on. ?Peace, Mara. The feeling that your life is contained in that moment, and nothing can hurt you. Trust.?


    I loved your Luke. He seemed confident, if sad, and filled with the Force. I would have preferred to see him go faithfully to his death rather than the Dark Side. Tragically good work, Bantha. Perhaps Luke planted a seed in Mara that would later bloom to the light. ;-)
     
  19. MirandaFair

    MirandaFair Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 13, 2005
    I'm a little foggy on the details of SotE but I loved how you incorporated that section into the opening. It's exciting seeing Mara in the mix this early in the timeframe. I love the title and I love how you take us through a point in two peoples lives when they're living in such transition.

    ?You sleep,? she said, voice slow and heavy with realization, ?because it?s another way of hiding. You?re afraid.?

    ?Fear is of the dark side,? he shot back serenely. ?I am not afraid of what they do to me.?

    She favored him with long, measuring look.

    ?No, Skywalker.? Mara stood up. ?You?re afraid of yourself. More than anything.? He opened his mouth?and closed it again. A different kind of smell crept into the room, moldy and damp.

    Not the smell of darkness.

    The smell of despair.


    The use of scent and senses really adds to the feeling and tone. Wonderful work building up the angst and romance. =D= If you ever write more on this, please let me know! [face_batting]
     
  20. Jedi Trace

    Jedi Trace SouthEast RSA star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Dec 15, 1999
    ([face_blush])

    Fascinating vignette! As much as my gut twists at the thought of Luke giving in to Palpatine :mad:, I really do love to see L/M together in this timeframe.


    She kissed him.

    After, he reached up absently and touched his lips. She saw the motion in the darkness and smiled.

    ?Remember that when you?re my Master, Luke.?


    And then there's that. [face_mischief] I'm not sure what's hotter: the possibilities revealed by a kiss or the idea of Mara being 'mastered' by a Dark Luke. ;)


    Joins in the chorus for "More!" :D


     
  21. divapilot

    divapilot Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 30, 2005
    I can't believe I didn't reply to this. :oops:

    I love this piece, Furry. To say it's intense is an understatement. You capture the feeling of two people on the edge, Luke about to collapse into the darkness through his growing despair, and Mara close enough to the light to recognize it.

    The ending where she kisses him and tells him to remember this when he is her master is so complex and deliberately obscure. She is the one who initiates the kiss, but he will be her master? And does this mean she anticipates the relationship between them, or is she simply trying to score points with the one who will take over, telling him in a sense to remember who supported him from the beginning? Interesting.

    You are a truly talented writer! @};-
     
  22. Blue_Milkshake

    Blue_Milkshake Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Nov 18, 2005
    Wow, this was soooo good! =D= So glad that I found it. (I really need to venture into The Saga more often.)

    I loved all the descriptions of Mara's impressions and how she kept on pushing buttons until Luke reacted.[face_devil]
     
  23. furrylittlebantha

    furrylittlebantha Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 2, 2005
    brodiew: Your Luke was so serene that I was sure he would either outsmart Mara and get her to help him or escape on his own. It was sad to see him resigned to an eventual turn to the Dark Side.

    Jedi_2B's Pendulum series was the first L/M fanfic I was exposed to, and I found myself influenced by her tone writing this. Her Luke is like you said, very serene and composed. Unfortunately, in this AU it's all an act. :_| [face_devil]

    I would have preferred to see him go faithfully to his death rather than the Dark Side.

    Me too, I guess. *sigh* But Dark Luke is so much fun...

    Perhaps Luke planted a seed in Mara that would later bloom to the light. ;-)

    We can only hope! :)

    MirandaFair: I'm a little foggy on the details of SotE but I loved how you incorporated that section into the opening. It's exciting seeing Mara in the mix this early in the timeframe.

    SotE wasn't my fave EU book, but that little section and what follows are a gold mine of possibility. Vader almost gets him, you know, but he gets away. :cool: The title comes from something someone says in that book. Hmm--maybe I should read profic more often.

    The use of scent and senses really adds to the feeling and tone. Wonderful work building up the angst and romance. If you ever write more on this, please let me know!

    Thank you! I'll definitely let you know if there's a sequel. Who knows...

    Jedi_Trace: As much as my gut twists at the thought of Luke giving in to Palpatine , I really do love to see L/M together in this timeframe.

    So do I. It's one of my major gripes that it takes them TEN KRIFFIN YEARS to get together in the profic. Does it drive you crazy in Allegience that Luke and Mara get so close all the time but never meet? Arg. That's what fanfic's all about, I guess.

    And then there's that. I'm not sure what's hotter: the possibilities revealed by a kiss or the idea of Mara being 'mastered' by a Dark Luke.

    [face_blush]

    divapilot: To say it's intense is an understatement. You capture the feeling of two people on the edge, Luke about to collapse into the darkness through his growing despair, and Mara close enough to the light to recognize it.

    I'd never actually thought of it that way. You know, that's a really interesting dynamic, him on a downward slope and her wavering on the edge, and the two of them being able to relate for the brief moment when he passes her. I like it! *stores plot bunny away*

    She is the one who initiates the kiss, but he will be her master? And does this mean she anticipates the relationship between them, or is she simply trying to score points with the one who will take over, telling him in a sense to remember who supported him from the beginning?

    Wouldn't you all like to know? :p The truth is, I'm not sure even Mara knows exactly what she's doing. We'll see what fruit it bears...if I ever write more, I guess. Thanks for reading and for the beta!!

    Blue_Milkshake: Thank you!

    So glad that I found it. (I really need to venture into The Saga more often.)

    Seriously, Saga's not a place to miss. There's all kinds of goodness here. :)

    I loved all the descriptions of Mara's impressions and how she kept on pushing buttons until Luke reacted.

    It's easy to push the buttons of people you have a connection with. Now that's love. [face_love] [face_devil]






     
  24. The_Face

    The_Face Ex-Manager star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 22, 2003
    Oh wow! Just found this, and really liked it. I generally don't read canon characters, but this was just so well-executed. In lesser hands, it could have easily gone wrong; I wouldn't have imagined myself liking "Luke gives Mara a backrub as he's being turned to the Dark Side", but you handle it gently, realistically, and with excellent characterization that makes me believe it all. I also like that you don't shy away from the tragedy of this good man succumbing to the breaking, but instead use it to make this moment of humanity all the more important.

    I... just, wow! Great job!
     
  25. furrylittlebantha

    furrylittlebantha Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 2, 2005
    Thanks, Face! I know you're more into OCs, so I'm highly honored that you both read and enjoyed this canon-centric vig!

    I wouldn't have imagined myself liking "Luke gives Mara a backrub as he's being turned to the Dark Side",

    Oh, me neither, :p which is why I was so surprised and a little nonplussed when that's what it turned out to be. But I guess the muse knows better, sometimes!

    Thanks so much for your comments.
     
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