Saga Why is the Empire so Inept? An in Depth Incompetent Analysis (A Plot Bunny Adoption)

Title: Why is the Empire so Inept? An in Depth Incompetent Analysis
Author: RX_Sith
Characters: Lots of OC's and regular characters from the Star Wars Saga.
Genre: Crazyness, Humor!
Disclaimer: I own nothing within Star Wars; I'm just rearranging it a little.
Note: The below is a Plot Bunny from http://boards.theforce.net/threads/...91/]Plot Bunny Donation and Index Thread v2.0 that I will be doing incorporating each aspect of the below into the story.

MercenaryAce said: ↑

http://liz-squids.tumblr.com/post/154646043852/bookelfe-as-an-occasional-visitor-to-star-wars :​

As an occasional visitor to Star Wars fandom, here are some things I would like to see come out of Rogue One:​

- the fic about the reactions of the Empire’s IT and records management departments when they learn that some trigger-happy general just literally blew up an entire unique archival repository of key bureaucratic data​

- the comic about the first time some maintenance technician tries to repair something on the Death Star and the guy’s like, ‘where’s the documentation?’ and their boss is like ‘um, well, funny story about that….’​

- the in-depth analysis about various mistakes the Empire makes in the original trilogy and how they operate in context of an organization that has just, I repeat, LITERALLY BLOWN UP ALL OF THEIR OWN BACKUP DATA. Of course it’s easy for any random hero to impersonate a Stormtrooper! THEY DESTROYED ALL THEIR OWN PERSONNEL FILES.​

​

Rogue One, or, Why All The Empire’s Librarians and Archivists Joined the Rebellion​

​

***​

Lieutenant Serious Troublemaker was having his usual day of mishaps and mayhem developing again on this day; the day that the Death Star destroyed an archival repository of key bureaucratic data just because some Moff was having a power trip.​

​

Of course, this was no ordinary Moff, but Grand Moff Tarkin himself who did the deed just to quell some Rebels from stealing the plans to the Death Star, which they managed to beam aboard one of their ships anyway.​

​

Thus, now, he was ordered along with Darth Vader to get those plans back. This is his dilemma and ordeal that he must endure while trying to cause more problems than answers; as was the usual set of circumstances that occurred while doing these sort of missions; missions that went on... and on.... and on.... and on....​

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***​

​

"Did that really happen?" Sargent Opin Andshutt questioned his superior officer, "Did Grand Moff Tarking really just destroy our archival repository on Scarif just to quell the Rebellion?"​

​

"He did," Lieutenant Troublemaker stated succinctly, "And now we are tasked with being assigned to Darth Vader's Star Destroyer to track these Rebels."​

​

"Well, I am sure that this will last quite a long time," Andshutt complained, "And I was looking forward to my much needed vacation."​

​

"Quiet," Troublemaker scolded him, "Just think of this opportunity as further job security."​

"Job Security!" HA!" shouted Andshutt, "That's a joke right. We have people defecting all of the time."​

​

"Are you saying that you are going to defect?" Troublemaker asked wanting him to say yes to get rid of this insolent Imperial.​

​

"No..." Andshutt trailed off his response, "Just mentioning that we've had numerous defectors since the Scarif incident, that's all."​

​

"I see," Troublemaker mused, "Perhaps you will survive long enough to earn your next paycheck."​

​

***​

​

Jak Ofaltrades was trying his best to repair the main deflector dish that had once again gone out of alignment after the latest testing of the Death Star.​

​

"Where's the documentation on this thing?" Ofaltrades openly asked his superior, Captain Imnottshure.​

​

"Well, funny story about that," Imnottshure started, "You see it started a long time ago, in a galaxy far... far... away..."​

​

"What the documentation?" Ofaltrades wondered in amazement for a productive answer.​

​

"Yes, that and more," Imnottshure stated to reel him in more, "Would you like to know more?"​

​

"Uh... do I still get paid for this?" Ofaltrades hoped.​

​

"Of course, I won't report you for not doing your job," Imnottshure told him, "Then I'd have to find some other nondescript person to do it instead.​

​

"Well, that's a relief," Ofaltrades concluded, "Continue then."​

​

"Um... hum..." Imnottshure started, "A long time ago in a galaxy far... far... away..."​

​

"Uh... didn't you say that already?" Ofaltrades reminded him.​

​

"Yes, but it's an integral part of the solution to the documentation that you are seeking," Imnottshure told him, "Do you want the documentation or not?"​

​

"Of course, I want the documentation," Ofaltrades insisted, "Otherwise, I will never be able to repair the main deflector dish."​

​

"Ah... that reminds me of a nice dish that I once dated a long time ago...." Imnottshure started now a different story.​

​

"Hold on!" Ofaltrades interrupted him, "I don't need to hear about some babe that you dated."​

​

"But, it's important to finding the documentation," Imnottshure insisted, "I insist it's very important."​

​

"Are you sure?" Ofaltrades openly wondered if he was ever really going to get the documentation or not, "I really need to fix this soon."​

​

"Fine! I see that you are not truly interested!" Imnottshure walked off without telling him about the documentation, "I'll be in the mess hall if you are serious about finding the documentation."​

​

Ofaltrades watched as Captain Imnottshure walked away and went back to work on the main deflector dish without the documentation. He managed to fix it enough to last until the next person assigned to the main deflector dish would be on duty and then it would be his problem.​

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***​

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To Be Continued...​

 

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That may describe most jobs!!! LOL.

I don't see how Andshutt is going to get his vacation, with all the personnel records destroyed...how do they know how many vacation days are due?

I'm glad you adopted this bunny.

 

Like what you did with the names. I was almost taken in by Opin; sounded close to the SW: Battlefront naming template.

How about "Sirius" for Lt Troublemaker's first name?

Interesting beginnings, though I don't blame the dish technician for not perservering with the captain's tale.

 

Love the names