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Saga - Legends Woman in White (OCs, First meeting) Updated 2/25/2017: Woman of Riddles

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by galactic-vagabond422, Aug 6, 2016.

  1. galactic-vagabond422

    galactic-vagabond422 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2009
    Title: Woman in White
    Author: galactic-vagabond422
    Characters: OCs,
    Timeframe: 10 years before yavin
    Genre: Romance, first meeting
    Rating: G
    Summary: An Imperial lieutenant finds something different on his patrol
    Disclaimer: Star Wars and related properties are owned by Lucasfilm Ltd.

    Author's Note: Wrote this because I could. It's a sota prequel to a story I started a while back, and will probably never finish. As always constructive criticism is encouraged.

    Woman in White

    O'pahz shown brightly in the sky, bathing the city that bears its name in radiant energy, as it did every morning. Today though, it felt particularly hot, the heat bending the light as it rose up from the streets, slightly baking those that walked upon them. This is all made worse by the sea to the east raising the humidity to unbearable levels. Imperial Army Lieutenant Temno Volkot pulled at the collar of his standard issue armor, sweat running down his cheeks. Its durasteel making him feel as if he was roasting inside it. Command was very clear, while on patrol all soldiers were to wear armor, and helmets, for their safety.

    When asked if they could be allowed an exception due to the heat, the commander said simply

    "Stay hydrated."

    Temno took a break to do just that, pulling his canteen off his hip and taking a swig. He threw a glance to his partner Sergeant Cauto. He was older with the haggard face of a man that has spent years working long hours on little sleep. A scar ran down his right cheek. A shock of white against his deeply tanned skin that started up near his temple, hidden underneath his helmet and googles, and ran to his jaw. You could read his file and find that he got the scar in a Rebel attack on his last tour.

    What it doesn't tell you is that the attack was carried out by Imperial soldiers, men and women the sergeant once called comrades. He didn't talk much about anything but; he hadn't said a word about that day.

    Volkot on the other hand was fresh out of the Academy, a shiny lieutenant, attached to the sergeant's platoon as their commanding officer. Cauto, who'd been acting as the CO in the interim, now took his place as the platoon sergeant, advising the young man on how things truly operate out in the field.

    Mostly it was waiting, they had been stationed on this planet for six months now, and nothing had happened. Their days were spent patrolling on foot in all weather, and nights in the barracks cleaning weapons, doing personal training, and fighting off the boredom that permeated the days.

    The people of this place were under strict controls, no one was allowed to leave, and only those with special permission were allowed enter the system. Under such harsh rules one would expect the populous to rise up. They had not, yet. Were they too afraid, or just biding their time? That was the stress these soldiers were under. They were waiting for the revolt, waiting for the bombings and insurgency. Around every corner there could be a sniper, an bomb, or, as it was most times, nothing.

    Volkot did his best to keep the paranoia away, reminding himself that most citizens were just trying to get through life, that he shouldn't let the actions of a few effect his view of the whole. It was easier on this planet to do that, the people weren't demonstrating and there had not been a single attack on this planet since the Empire came to power, a still rather new thing.

    The Old Republic had been done away with a little over ten years ago, Volkot could still vaguely remember the last days of the Clone Wars and the betrayal of the Jedi. He joined the Army mostly because he didn't know what else to do with himself. He didn't have the aptitude for technical schools, and nothing else really interested him. Maybe it was a mistake to take the officer track but, he found he liked it, the responsibility and the respect he'd earned.

    As they turned another corner the pair spotted a crowd of people, beings of all shapes and species. Beside him Volkot saw Cauto tense. Crowds made the sergeant a little nervous, it put the fact that the citizens outnumbered soldiers on full display. Although the troopers were armed, that was no guarantee that they could control the crowd.

    As they approached the gathering music could be heard. A viol, played a lively tune backed up by a higher pitched woodwind, and some light percussion. The two soldiers towered over most of the crowd seeing an opening in the middle.

    In the center of this mass of beings, a body moved, not just moved, but glided. O'pahz's light caught in the brown hair of a human woman as she swayed to the music. Volkot's breath was instantly stopped in his throat. Never before had he seen anything so beautiful. The way the sun passed through her simple white gown, revealing the lithe form underneath, was like art in motion. His heart pounded in his chest, he couldn't tear his eyes away. It was hypnotic, the way her body moved, so unlike every other person he'd seen. They moved like statues, stiff and with heavy, plodding footsteps, or like limp dolls, hunched forward and gangly, bodies rippling with every hurried step.

    She moved gracefully, flowing like a river, bending perfectly to the music, never a movement out of place, every motion and step she took was without flaw, a perfect work of art.

    The lieutenant walked to the edge of the crowd and, noticing his presence, they started clearing a path. He made his way closer to the stage, the frame which held the most exquisite painting the soldier had seen, but it was better than a painting, there was life to it, and an energy, that a still representation could never match. Once he made it to the circle, there was a simple hat on the ground, a few credits in it. This close she was radiant, like the star over head. He could see her brown eyes as they flitted from being to being, and the freckles that spread out between them, little dots of color against her snowy skin.

    The tune picked up, and her motions sped up with it, becoming a flurry activity. Her dress shadowed her movements, trailing behind, struggling to keep up with her. It almost looked like it was barely able to contain her, unable to hold that much energy. When the music finally reached its crescendo the dancer leapt landing with a twirl and coming to a stop, one hand above her head. Her brown hair, slightly wetted by her perspiration, swung around resting on the front of her left shoulder, and covering her eye. A half grin pulled temptingly at the corner of her mouth as her brown orbs fell on him.

    In that moment Volkot's heart stopped, stolen away by the glint in her eye, and her smoldering smile. He stood there stunned for a moment until he heard a few credits gently click together. A grin bloomed across his face as he opened a pocket on his belt. He pulled out a few coins and dropped them into the hat, the metals chiming as they hit the ground.

    With his gaze directed down for the first time, he noticed her feet, her bare feet. Somehow, he couldn't see a speck of dirt on them, as if her skin was incapable of holding any blemishes. His eyes came back up, and met hers again, slightly closed by the mysterious grin on her face. His breath was stilled once more as a little giggle flirted though the air.

    He stood up fully, finding his breath, and nodded his head. She curtseyed deeply never taking her eyes off him, that soft smirk only adding to her beauty.

    Volkot finally tore his eyes away, making his way back through the crowd. At the edge, his partner Cauto stood, blaster rifle across his chest. They returned to their patrol the older man letting out a long sigh.

    "You don't approve?" the lieutenant asked looking to his companion.

    "What you do with your pay sir, is your business." Cauto replied keeping his gaze forward, ever vigilant.

    "I was just admiring her art." Volkot explained,

    "You were admiring more than just her art sir." Cauto gave a quick knowing look to the officer, "Just don't get too close."

    "Worried she's a Rebel?" Volkot felt a smile grow on his face recalling the brief moments his eyes looked into hers. "She didn't look like one."

    "That's the problem sir, no one does." Cauto's voice was low, serious, almost chilling.

    The smile faded from the younger man's face, as they continued on their beat.
     
  2. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Just like somebody pointed out in the comments of your other story - which I still have open on the other computer with a drafted comment - your style is a bit harder to get into, but in this story, it flows in a more intuitive way, probably because the other one is using an unusual format.

    That said, the "probably never finish" part needs to go. A good OC romance is a great thing to explore, especially in times of war - it allows a writer to shape the characters any way they want to, without risking horrible misinterpretation and wishful thinking. And this one already smells of something that would look captivating on a silver screen, as I'm getting this Captain Corelli vibe...in space! already. :)

    And just like Shekel_1383 - I can totally see why you liked his stuff, btw - you can show the atmosphere by the use of scents, moist and such little details. I feel like I am there. This is a humid place by the sea, like that "port on the western bay that serves two hundred ships a day" from the Looking Glass' song, Brandy. Perfect setting for a romance.

    The feeling that citizens of O'pahz cannot get out of the city gives the whole thing a hermetic, almost Soviet vibe, but the Imperials, Temno himself included, are prisoners, too - they were moulded into who they are, their individuality is discouraged and, just like in 1984, those peasants may actually have it better than them! A sun-kissed young man who wants to live his life is even...denied his lust. Because the beautiful dancer might be a Rebel. I'm pretty sure that Temno is not serious when he asks about it, but that Cauto is. He's too far gone and not even aware of it!

    An intriguing start, either way. Whenever you feel comfortable with writing more, I'll definitely read it.

    P.S. Intrigued by the name Temno Volkot. I interpreted it as a "dark cloud", where the first word would be of Slavic and the second of Germanic origin and I wonder if I'm right. :D
     
  3. galactic-vagabond422

    galactic-vagabond422 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2009
    Thank you Ewok Poet and the "Never going to finish" is in reference to the story this one is a prequel to, though I have given no thought to continuing this one. And given the fact that I usually see major drop off in quality and interest after my second post, I'm very worried about getting too invested in this thing. Been hurt before.

    And Temno does mean dark, and I think Volkot means 'wolf' in a language I've forgotten, I made the name a while back using google translate so it could be 'cloud' for all I know.

    (P.S this was heavily inspired by the Irish folk song 'Star of the County Down')
     
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  4. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Volk is wolf in Russian and a couple of other languages, vuk in my own. Kinda thrilled that the whole name is Slavic now. Very cool! :)

    As for the other thing you said - this might not work for you, but maybe it helps:
    I would not take that sort of stuff personally. While we do write with being read in mind, we primarly write for ourselves and, on top of it, sometimes it takes longer to comment on things, digest them, rethink them and say something. I have owed my best board buddy a comment on a story she posted at the end of June and she knows I still like her and her stories. Similarly, I have people who have never commented on anything I have ever written, though I encourage them, cheer them on and such. Sometimes people are busy, sometimes one's stuff does not click with them immediately, sometimes there's Darth Real Life messing about. Just give them some time. And don't assume that we'll lose interest in your story. ;)
     
  5. Findswoman

    Findswoman Kessel Run Champion star 5 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    "Star of the County Down"! I know that song!



    And the story really does fit the song, too, from the crowded town setting (very evocatively described) to the "nut-brown hair" to the smiles exchanged between this "sweet colleen" and the young soldier. Gotta echo all of Ewok Poet 's compliments on the way you set the scene and your descriptions—some really arresting images there in the glint of O'pahz on the woman's brown hair, the diaphanous white dress, the stage as frame of such an exquisite living artwork.

    While rereading this, I couldn't help but notice that the ensemble performing the dancer's music is not too different from what a modern-day Celtic ensemble might use to perform a song like "Star of the County Down"—the viol is playing the role of the fiddle, the "higher-pitched woodwind" that of a penny whistle or similar, and the "light percussion" is, I'm guessing, probably pretty similar to a bodhrán. I'm a musician myself (albeit in a different genre), so this is the sort of thing I notice, I'm afraid. :p

    I'm also going to echo what Ewok Poet says about being patient and about writing for yourself first of all. I'd like to know more, though, about what you mean when you say you see "major drop off in quality" as well as interest after your second post; dropoff in the quality of what? Mainly, though, just give yourself time, give people time, and don't be afraid of getting invested—throwing yourself into your work is a good thing, and from the stories I've seen from you so far, you've got good things going! :)
     
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  6. Sith-I-5

    Sith-I-5 Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2002
    Excellent. And don't read anything into me hitting 'Like' as well.

    As Ewok Poet said, easy-to-read style on this one.

    Good story, descriptions, introduction to characters - shame we can't find out more about what happened to Cauto (did he get cauterised? :p).

    The prose picks up with some energy of its own once you start describing the dancer, great stuff there:

    Awesome stuff. Very visual relaying of detail for physical movement and appearances, though when you compared the dancer to the normal citizens, you made them sound like automatons.

    Couple of definite typos, two possibles (could be US vs UK differences).

    Oh yes, a 'viol'; good name for a musical instrument.

    Edit: I liked the heat rising from the streets bending the light, and knocking possible typos down to two.
    On the Earthism side, amending IED would be an improvement.
     
  7. Jedi_Perigrine

    Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2008
    I love the poetic way you write. The descriptions are vivid, more than simple facts being doled out. You're gracing us with the information. Unlike a lot of detail, I wanted to read this, rather than skim it for pertinent information. The story was well crafted as well and the characters totally believable and three dimensional. Awesome work!

    I very much enjoyed this, thank you for sharing! Please let me know if you update it!
     
  8. galactic-vagabond422

    galactic-vagabond422 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2009
    Title: Woman of Riddles
    Author: galactic-vagabond422
    Characters: OCs,
    Timeframe: 10 years before yavin
    Genre: Romance
    Rating: G
    Summary: Volkot is at once given and denied what he so desperately wants.
    Disclaimer: Star Wars and related properties are owned by Lucasfilm Ltd.


    Author's Note: More fluff, more syrupy sweet romance. I just can't help myself sometimes. As always constructive criticism is encouraged.
    Woman of Riddles

    Volkot had started the day with a spring in his step and a song that he just couldn't stop humming. Despite the drab grey surroundings of the barracks his mood was almost unsettlingly bright. Now however the smile had faded, the spring had disappeared from his step, and the light that beamed from his features had gone out. All that remained was a grim mask upon his face, and heavy footfalls.

    The heat refused to dissipate, even with the lowering star staining the sky fiery orange and red. His armor, once shined to perfection, had lost its sheen. His boots once so polished you could see your reflection in them, were now dingy, caked in dust. Sweat again rolled down his face soaking into the uniform he wore under his dull, heavy armor.

    He felt as though he'd been patrolling the streets of the city for an eternity. Each grey and brown block looked the same as the next, the faces, human and otherwise, blended into the next, becoming a grey blur, and over head the sun continued to oppress him, its brilliant crimson rays pressing down on his shoulders.

    The sounds of O'Pahz were discordant, speeders trundling past with the distinctive whine of replusers, the prattle of voices that quieted as soon as they noticed the approaching soldier. Most of all was the insects, well one species in particular.

    Its chattering call dominated the soundscape, drowning out everything that tried to compete with it. It was grating on his nerves, and these hateful creatures seemed to be everywhere. Their racket was abrasive to his ears, and he'd heard it near constantly for the past five hours, since he'd started his patrol.

    He had marched about hearing this symphony of annoyance in the hopes of hearing something else, hopes of seeing something other than the same streets he'd been patrolling for the last six months. He was hoping to see her, the woman in white.

    The angelic maid that had come to possess his thoughts as no one else. Her face, her smoldering brown eyes were burned into his mind. In just one day, one song, one moment shared between them, he couldn't forget her. She was so different, so graceful, so beautiful, so…interesting. Far more than his daily routine of rising and patrolling the same few streets over and over again. He wanted to know more, her name, where she came from, anything. She was a mystery to him, an unknown in his world of knowns.

    He had hopes of finding her again, on that street, dancing, the light of the shining sun catching in her hair auburn hair, the mischievous glint in her hazel eyes. His dream however was thwarted early. As he walked past the spot he first saw her, at the same time he glimpsed her that first almost fateful moment, she was not there. He did not hear the high pitch of the whistle, or the light tones of the viol, all he heard was the accursed noise of those vexing insects.

    He had been so engrossed in his own thoughts that he'd barely even spoken to his partner, Private Briga. Maybe the young man preferred it that way, with his blue eyes always darting about, ever watchful, obviously taking Sergeant Cauto's training and example to heart. The lieutenant spared a glance over to his subordinate, if only to make sure he was still with him.

    Briga was still with Volkot, though he held his blaster close to his chest, hands tight around the grip and the barrel. He looked ready to shoot anything that jumped out at him. Thankfully he had enough sense to know when something was a threat and when it wasn't. However Volkot still noted a few jumps and shutters from the younger soldier when they rounded corners, or when a towering alien approached them. Something had the boy on edge, or maybe that was just his training.

    Who wouldn't feel on edge? Every day they received briefings, after action reports, of Rebel activity. Surprise attacks, hidden bombs, concealed snipers, the threats were varied and creative, and every last one was directed at Imperials, be they moffs, stormtroopers, or soldiers. However, this wasn't a planet in rebellion, those incidents occurred many parsecs away. It seemed this planet had been subjugated rather well. They were accepting Imperial control rather quickly and smoothly, though this could just be the calm before the storm.

    Volkot took the canteen off his hip, taking another swig of, now, lukewarm water. That was annoying in and of itself, what annoyed him more was the fact that his canteen was now empty. It seemed to be a day of inconvenience for the army lieutenant. Checking his chrono it was about time to return to the barracks, finally. He made the call to his superior and began the march back to the imposing durasteel structure of the imperial garrison. Its angular silhouette dominated the skyline of the city, a constant reminder of the Emperor's power, 4 or 40 parsecs away, he still held sway.

    On the trek back Volkot took a different route, a more direct one than the meandering path of their patrol. Halfway to the barracks, on the left was an explosion, of color. Bright green, and vivid yellows, a dramatic change from the drab grey and browns that had surrounded them before. What enticed the soldier more, was the sound, a low, light drumbeat, a bow being pulled across strings, and above it all, a voice, a female voice. The words could not be discerned but, the melody, the tone, was soft and alluring. It overpowered the hateful insects that had hounded the young man all day. It was a refreshing change on a dull and tedious day.

    He followed the sound, the song, like one would follow the magnificent melody of a bird. It led him deeper into the green space, a park of sorts, created well before the occupation.

    "Sir," Private Briga spoke looking warily over his shoulder, "shouldn't we be returning to base?"

    "We'll be fine." Volkot replied, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth, "besides, we're investigating a strange noise."

    "Then shouldn't we call it in?" the younger man asked.

    "It could be nothing, no need to worry command."

    "But, they need to know where we are, if we need to call for reinforcements?" There was a waver to Briga's voice that betrayed his fear, that and the tightening of his hands around his blaster.

    "Nothing's happened since we were stationed here, I don't think it's going to change."

    "We can't let our guard down sir, not even for a moment."

    "That's the Sergeant talking," Volkot chided his subordinate, "he might have more experience, but on other planets, here is different. There hasn't been a single instance of Rebel activity on this planet. We'll be fine, now follow me."

    He pressed on further the song becoming clearer, the voice more enthralling. The emerald leaves appeared brighter, sharper even in the fading glow of the setting sun. Most of all the sound, the song, most beautiful he'd ever heard. The woman's voice painted the air a myriad of colors, more stunning than the display of the star slowly falling below the horizon.

    As he moved closer to the lilting voice, he found another crowd, similar to the one he saw the other day. Just like yesterday, the people cleared a path for the two armed and armored soldiers. Some left the crowd entirely, with almost as much fear in their eyes as Private Briga.

    Volkot didn't notice all he wanted was to see, was the glorious being producing this song, this tempting melody that had taken over his mind. As he finally made his way to the front, his breath was stilled, and his heart stopped. It was her, the radiant maid, her brown eyes locked ahead, and dulcet tones pouring from her throat like honey. Her song was a balm to his mind and ears, soothing his nerves and relieving the headache that had been gaining strength in between his eyes.

    The song ended and she bowed for the applause, credits clinked together as beings dropped coins into the simple hat on the ground.

    As she looked out to the crowd again, she called out to them,

    "Thank you," she started, even when speaking her voice was stunning, he could listen to her read the stock report all day and never grow weary. "Does anyone have any requests?" the rabble began shouting out various songs, most Volkot never heard of, soon one person shouted,

    "Captain Defiant," The rest of the crowd repeated the title, it seemed she had her request. She smiled, that radiant smile and turned to the rest of the band behind her. Volkot relaxed a bit, holstering his blaster and standing with his feet further apart and his thumbs tucked into his belt. He was trying his best not to show his excitement at hearing her voice again.

    As she began, he couldn't help but smile, her voice brightening up his day.

    Her words painted the scene in his mind. He saw a dashing captain with a fair maiden by his side, a good ship under his feet, raiding and plundering ships belonging to the governor of a planet. The governor had oppressed his people, taxed them near to poverty. The pirate stole from the governor smuggling it back onto the planet to help the people. Though the rogue did keep some for himself, a ship doesn't keep itself spaceworthy.

    As the ballad continued Volkot saw himself in the role of this Captain Defiant, and this woman, this radiant being, as the maid by his side. Though battle after battle they remained, together arm in arm, inseparable.

    Until the pirate's crimes caught up with him, the governor surrounded him, with ships twice the size of his precious vessel, named for the woman by his side. He knew there was no way out, no way for him to escape but, he wouldn't let his love die with him. With a final kiss he sent her away in an escape pod, consigning himself to die alone. As his ship plowed into the enemy vessel that carried the vile governor himself, his maid hailed him, admitting that she'd brought the authorities to him that she was offered her freedom for his life.

    Captain Defiant laughed, there he was, betrayed, his only two loves going up in flames, tears of sadness rolled down his face and yet he continued to laugh, his life in the end was a farce. In the final moment he had nothing but the satisfaction that his mortal enemy fell with him, that their fates were intertwined.

    The song ended and Volkot was pulled from his musings, his waking dream. As credits poured and cheers resounded, he added a few more coins to the hat. He looked up and caught her eyes, brown and full of soul, burning into him. He nodded his head thanking her for her performance. She curtseyed with that smile on her face, that smirk that said so much, yet held even more back.

    She stepped away, thanking the crowd for their generosity. As the people began to break, heading back to their lives, the young soldier had to know more. He approached her, his heart jumping into his throat.

    "Excu…" she turned to look upon him, and his words stopped, "Excuse me mam'" he finally eked out, his ears rung with the sound of his heart pounding in his chest. His shallowed hard, trying to get the nervous feeling in his stomach to quiet to no avail. "Could…Could I get your name?" his question was earnest and stuttering.

    Her only response was to giggle softly and turn away. With that turn she fully took his heart, he reached out, trying to put it back where it belonged.

    "Please mam'" he called after her, his feet thudding hard against the duracreate as he rushed to catch up with mysterious woman that had stolen his faculties. "I…I must know, just your name."

    She turned again, eyes smoldering with that alluring fire, "I am not such an easy flower. I do not give my name to just any butterfly. It is earned sir."

    He gritted his teeth stifling a growl, this woman…she infuriated and enticed him, her mystery driving him to madness.

    "Please, something, anything." His pleading could not be hidden, not by all the honeyed words he could think up.

    Her face soured, she pitied him, pitied the poor man enraptured by her charms. She sighed, her chest rising and falling with the deep breath, "With a crown of gold and robes of green, I'm the appearance of royalty, but, I'm not an easy flower, for my spears are ever pointed out. Only those that know my name, that know my home, will be able to pluck me from my soil." His mind ran her words over in his head, it was a riddle, another mystery.

    As he was stunned, she walked away, smile on her face.

    "Mam'," the befuddled man called out, "How will I find you again?"

    "You have found me twice sir, a third shouldn't be too much trouble." With a wave of her hand, she disappeared into a crowd.

    "Sir," Private Briga said from the Lieutenant's shoulder, "Should we bring her in for questioning?" his words were serious, overly so, "She did try and whip the crowd into a frenzy with that song. I believe their might be a secret message hidden in it."

    "Private." Volkot replied curtly, "Sometimes a song is just a song, something to entertain a crowd." He clapped a hand on the younger man's shoulder, "And I'm afraid that even the harshest of interrogations would fail to break that flower."

    "Sir?" now it was the Private's turn to be confused.

    "It is nothing, let's return to base."

    "Ye…yes sir."

    Though they walked the same path, Volkot felt as if his feet weren't even touching the ground.

    TAG: Jedi_Perigrine
     
  9. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    I'm extremely late to this party, but I certainly don't think that there's anything sappy or syrupy about this romance and I'm not even sure that "romance" is the word I'd use to describe it.

    I absolutely love how we witness the two scenes from Volkot's POV, yet in just a few sentences we are shown very clearly that the other characters didn't see the same thing as him at all -- and, in the case of the second story, who could really blame Private Briga for being a little paranoid after that song? But then, sometimes a song is indeed just a song, even if it seems to be saying something about reality.

    I'm very tempted now to go and have a look at the sequel of this story, to see if Volkot and the woman in white ended up as Captain Defiant and his maid... but on the other hand I'm hoping that you'll also continue writing here and I don't want to spoil what happens next. Hmmm... dilemma.

    Please keep up the good work. It was a true pleasure to read this!
     
  10. galactic-vagabond422

    galactic-vagabond422 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2009
    Chyntuck You could read the 'Sequel' and still not know. I do state that it is a sorta sequel, and I use that term very loosely. There is only one character shared between them and I don't even use their real name. So think of this as a stand alone story, don't worry about the other one.
     
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  11. Findswoman

    Findswoman Kessel Run Champion star 5 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Wow, how did I miss that there was more to this story (sequel, sort-of sequel, or otherwise)? This is even more riveting than the first installment, which is saying a lot, and is taking us into even deeper, more mysterious territory. Some fantastic descriptions here: the evening scenery, the angular outline of the barracks, the strident insect noise giving way to the beautiful, colorful singing (touch of synesthesia there!). There’s something very mysterious in the way Volkot is so utterly captivated by the woman, to the point of almost groveling before her—and her cryptical reply of course intensifies the mystery. The ballad of Captain Defiant would fit right into the venerable tradition of tragic Celtic ballads, and indeed I wonder if you based it at all on a real-life ballad. (By the way, are you aware that there’s a Celtic Songs Challenge in progress in this forum?) I too hope that the song isn’t a foreshadowing of what the beautiful brown-eyed singer might someday do to Volkot—but then, who knows what surprising and intriguing direction you might take this in! Would definitely not say no to seeing more. :)
     
  12. galactic-vagabond422

    galactic-vagabond422 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2009
    Findswoman Thank you for your kind words, I did notice the Celtic Songs Challenge. I'm generally busy with other things so I don't have a lot of time to devote to Fan Fic Challenges (Though I was tempted to submit the first installment of this thread as an example.) I might try and update this thread eventually. I've had the idea for the next one in my head for a while but, I have other projects I'm working on so might be a bit.
     
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