Writer's Challenge 2 - Word awareness

Okay everyone

This is the second writer's challenge. These challenges are about developing skills, having fun and doing things you've never done before.

This challenge is about word awareness and becoming more aware of the words that you use and how to use them (or how to use them in new and original ways).

This challenge was inspired by the wonderful Aussie writer John Marsden.


Write a Star Wars snippet or scene in a hundread words. You can't use the same word twice - this includes the/a/is/and/I/in any word.

Kithera

Link to first Challenge

Link to Challenge no.3

 

Ohhhh, thats just EVIL!!!!!

Nice idea.

I'm to busy with my fics and DRL though.

 

Ouch. Here's one I just came up with, though I don't know what the quality of it's like. Not including the title, 100 words exactly.

The Duel: 100 words no repeated words challenge.

Solo blocked the oncoming fist heading towards him with an arm. He responded by side-stepping Galrash and striking at her head. This was parried, then she lashed, amphistaff equipped, hoping to impale a Jedi Knight. Attack dodged, next move flipping over experienced warrior. Sounds calling encouragement echoed round from those spectators who watched nearby, desperate for their champion be triumphant. Jumping onto Jacen, Yuuzhan Vong shouted ancient Domain Sheira ritual. ?Accept offering fought, now given,? in anticipation of conquest. Suddenly, tables turned. Young man?s hands around tender neck. Silence grew, all could hear bones snapping. ?I won, sorry.?

Most difficult word not to repeat: "to".

 

I figured I might as well toss together a scene which will eventually be repeated in Part II of my Clone Wars fanfic trilogy. It's a semi-introduction to one of my three ARC Trooper characters, "Grey".

-----------------

ARC Trooper A-25 hefted the heavy-assault rifle from its position over his right shoulder and opened fire on an incoming squad of Super Battle Droids, spotting easily seventeen gleaming, attack-ready machines marching in a steady stream towards Junili City. Blue blaster bolts lanced out at clusters of warbots, cutting through armor, knocking them back onto their counterparts. Sounds of sapphire energy emitting outward crescendoed as more robots fell under ?Grey??s endless assault, executing perfect military precision, just like all Clone Commandoes are trained. Some secondary units began filling gaps with seemingly endless numbers. This was not going to be easy.

Word count: 100
Most difficult word not to repeat: the
Most amazingly easy sentence to write: the last one

 

Hmmm... this could be difficult, but I'll keep it in mind.

 

Ok, I'm in. Unless two sports (or whatever you call it - me engineer not english major) of a root word count as the same word. In which case, I think I'm toast. Hardest to not repeat: three way tie between "of", "for", and "his".

And awayyyyy we go:
*******
He read his written assignment portion for this year?s ?Knighthood Trials part one? and groaned aloud. Yoda hated him. They all did. It was the only rational explanation. Masters never created conundrums to harass Bant. Or Garen. ?Just poor little me,? slipped from Obi-Wan?s mouth before firm lips clamped tightly over any further complaints.

Padawan Kenobi sighed, cracked both sets of knuckles, picked up a stylus, then dipping into deep space black ink, started writing.

First stanza, ?Flu in Naboo, arrives via canoe.?

Second, even worse, ?Dantooine girls, display beautiful curls.?

Troll?s rules met. Yet, great shame awaits. Recitation next.

 

One thing I figure is a problem with something like this is, when you limit the use of words like "the", "an", etc, it can make the writing seem really jerky, as if it loses all flow. I read the first entry by Rogue_of-Peace, and when I tried reading it aloud to myself, it almost sounded like I was reading poetry (which almost lends itself to something like this), but not an actual story or fiction. Especially the following part:
"Suddenly, tables turned. Young man?s hands around tender neck. Silence grew, all could hear bones snapping."

It might just be a writing style thing, but I really tried to avoid making my entry sound like that when I wrote it. There was one sentence where it almost became unavoidable for me, though - the more I read it, the less I like the following phrase I wrote:
"Sounds of sapphire energy emitting outward crescendoed"
I mean, it WORKS, but it doesn't work WELL in my opinion.

What was funny was, as I was writing my entry, I kept repeating the weirdest, most obscure words. I ended up repeating the following as I went along:
- arc (first word of the entry! Granted, its usage is as an acronym, Advanced Recon Commando)
- lancing
- blue
- rifle
- twenty five

In reading Knight_Dilettante's entry, I thought it avoided the "poetry-esque" sound... until the last line:
"Troll?s rules met. Yet, great shame awaits. Recitation next."

I read that, and it really didn't seem to flow for me at all. It got really jerky and didn't seem to match the writing style for the rest of the entry (which I thought was really cool).

Logically, you'd think these entries WOULD get harder to write as you go along, because you're narrowing down the "word-pool" so to speak. When I was putting mine together (granted, off the top of my head), I typed out a few sentences, but tried to make it so I could shuffle the order around without really changing what I was trying to say. I also generally tried to plan out how it would start and end, so that the hardest part to write was the middle, because that's where the gap was that I had to fill with available words. That being said, the "This was not going to be easy" sentence came out of nowhere - I COULDN'T believe I hadn't used any of those words up to that point. I was at 93 words, and I tried that sentence, and it so happened that none of those words had been repeated.

Don't get me wrong, I really liked the other entries so far; I'm just voicing a comment regarding my observations.

Edit --
Proper spelling is cool!

 

That's the point of the excercise. When you really start thinking about it writing is often an unconcious thing and we do it (often) without thinking of what we are saying and the words that we are using. Suddenly when you have a limited word pool you have to start thinking properly about the words that are being put down on paper.

You are right in that the writing flow does change a lot, and it is very different to the flowing styles that many people possess.

Kithera

 

I agree 100% about the uneven feel of the flow of the words. I think I was letting Obi-Wan continue thinking in really bad poetry. The problem for my last paragraph was that I thought that I had already used up all the articles. IE: Can't say "The troll's rules had been met." because I already used "the".

Huh. "That" did I use "that"? Nope. Nor "were". OK then. How about:

"That troll's rules were met. Badly, but who cared?" instead of the 9 words in three sentences of poetical thinking?

I'll confess, I was also much too fond of the idea of Obi-Wan having to recite dreadful poetry to think very hard of another finish.

KD

 

Huh. "That" did I use "that"? Nope. Nor "were". OK then. How about:

"That troll's rules were met. Badly, but who cared?" instead of the 9 words in three sentences of poetical thinking?

Yeah, that flows a LOT better in my opinion.
I really tried hard to avoid the jerky writing that almost lends itself to an exercise like this. Aside from not being like my normal writing style at all, I felt that it really wouldn't work in an action scene - aside from being a distraction for the reader with being "poetry-esque", I felt it would kill the mood and potential tension of the action. It wouldn't be just the flow of the writing, it'd be the flow of the scene itself (i.e., the reader visualizing it in his/her mind), too.

Edit --
I just realized, there'd have been a way to make it seem less like poetry, and all it would take would be to alter the order of some words. Instead of:
"Troll?s rules met. Yet, great shame awaits. Recitation next."
do this:
"Troll?s rules met. Now, great shame awaits. Next: recitation."

 

Here's mine.

Word count: 99
Hardest word not to repeat: the, I, our,


It ended as most things began - in a blaze of passion, either love or anger, that grows and consumes. I watched the temple burn from afar, knowing this time hate had softly budded within. Our quiet dozen there turned, slipping into cool darkness so often heralding nightfall on Coruscant, leaving red hot flames, dancing, licking, twisting around...home. Hard to face at all, but worse still was walking away. Friends unrevenged, beloved possessions lost, knowledge eaten by flame. People fought back tears, trodding through neon lighted passageways. We knew, like never before, just how great evil can be.


I like this challenge because although it is hard, it's also short and anyone can find the five or ten minutes that it takes to do it.

Kithera

 

Here's another one, this one focusing on my fanfic character 9-LOM interacting with another ARC Trooper, "Blue". My main challenge for myself was to incorporate my fanfic tagline that I always put in every Star Wars story I write.

-----------------------------

Snapping off three quick blasts with his sidearm, ?Blue? felled another Battle Droid group, their spindly arms flailing while they tumbled, power cells and servomotors failing. Pulling another pistol out of its holster, the ARC Trooper took aim at some Hailfires, multiple crimson bolts harmlessly absorbed by defensive shielding. Suddenly, flames erupted and debris skyrocketed as rocket-propelled explosives struck wheeled machines, blowing them away. Looking back, the Clone Commando saw 9-LOM, PLEX-1 missile system in hand.

?Nice shot,? he said, seeing him stand.

?Yeah, I get that a lot,? Syntax replied, loading another shell, more robots advancing on their position.

----------------
Word count: 100
Hardest word not to repeat: "droid", surprisingly enough. "the" is a close second

 

Wow. What's interesting about this challenge is that it's producing some very well written short paragraphs. I agree with Syntax in the pieces posted here read like poetry.

Hm. I usually sit out of challenges and lurk, but now I'm tempted to try my hand at this over the next few days.

~*Senoj*~

 

I agree that trying to make it flow normally is a hard job. Nice work!

[EDIT: I forgot to put in word count: 99 words, and hardest words to repeat: the, her, and]

My entry:

A young Jedi sat quietly on her balcony, legs dangling over Coruscant, speeders humming below. That Twi?lek blushed bluer, content in meditation. If La?ana had known how deep, he would have been pleased, and trust his Padawan with more difficult assignments, perhaps even promotion. Each breath Asil?ana took, Chancellor Palpatine came closer, walking down the hall, cloaked in dark energy. Neither aware of another, not paying attention, both Force users? guard is down slightly. Each independently smile, feeling dreams, life, death: creation. One?s lekku slightly tingle with forboding, while beyond an old man?s whiskers twitch, anticipating tomorrow, ever changing.

 

This is an interesting challenge. Thanks, Kit.

I have to agree with Syntax about the rough flow in the posted stories. I enjoyed them but it is definitely difficult (if not impossible) to keep a good writing flow without repeating certain words.

On a positive note I do think the stories posted so far are more interesting than they would have been without the no-repeating rule.



My hardest words not to repeat were "her" and "his".

My story length is 72 words.


*******************************

Vader looked down at one small frightened girl struggling within his grasp. It was already evident such a child would be intelligent, cunning and, yes, cute with curly red hair matching bright green eyes. Emperor Palapatine wanted her for personal use; the Force whispered to him she could play an important role in history. Anakin shrugged, then quickly ignited obi-wan?s old blade, slashing through that little body. Skywalker obeyed no other voice.

************************************

If you notice, I did kind of cheat by picking a main character that could be called so many names and the story would be very boring if you did not grasp that the girl was possibly Mara Jade.

 

Holy...! This was more difficult than I thought it would be, but I'm pleased with the outcome. Great writing everyone. It's tough limiting your usage down to once each. Here's my contribution:

---

[color=white][b][u]"New Home, New Hope"[/b][/u][/color]
Frigid rain pelted duracrete structures in hushed drumming rhythms, adding to the cacophony that identified Coruscant?s nightlife. Towering skyscrapers shepherded congested, multi-level air traffic across Night?s sky. As a youth, Luke only dreamed of such scenery. Now, he lived among its awe-inspiring, yet artificial, beauty.

Palpatine?s Empire at last conceded defeat, and Grand Admiral Thrawn?s totalitarian plans ended with his death. Pallaeon?s Imperial Remnant lay harmless beyond civilized space. Nothing perceivable threatened galactic peace. Nightmarish warmongering receded.

Watching luminous vehicles speed overhead, Master Skywalker contemplated new horizons dawning afresh, engaging Jedi successors. Reviving those once revered guardianships was Destiny, revealed.

[hr]

Word total = 100
Most difficult to avoid duplicating: "the" and "to".







====author of [link=http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=12620152][hl=darkblue][b][color=white]Rebel Cause[/b][/color][/hl][/link]====

 

Sweet Force! This was a hard one. Getting it to flow and not sound stilted or weird because there were words you couldn't use any more was really rough! I'm still not sure how well I did, but here it is... 100 words on the nose, hardest not to repeat: to, the, his




Unseasonable winds bite even through thick brown bantha wool. Hunching against that which he can not fight, Alec trudges onward, robe clutched tightly. One step after another, ever horizonward, awaiting the coming dawn. It will bring no solace, warmth, or rebirth, only more distance from an inescapable pain. Kael?lost in sudden splashes of bright blood?student, son, friend, gone forever. Still memory burns behind staring eyes, retelling events barely past, fresh, clear, jagged, cutting, tearing at his soul. Smoke curls, twists, borne on a chill breeze. Death's own scent, come to torture and bereave anew.

"My padawan, what have I done?"

 

I enjoyed them but it is definitely difficult (if not impossible) to keep a good writing flow without repeating certain words.

Well, some of them have had a nice flow to them. I think it might depend on the subject matter, content, and the writer's usual writing style and how they approach the project. Knight_Dilettante's entry (up to the last sentence, but that was easily remedied) flowed really well, as did Kit's entry, and Kettch_the_Jedi's.
Personally, I wouldn't have even entered what I did if I didn't feel that it flowed in a way I liked. Some of the rough versions of my entries (which I obviously didn't post ) were really jerky, but I toyed around with them until I felt they were passable. I am not a fan of poetry. Just my personal opinion.

On a positive note I do think the stories posted so far are more interesting than they would have been without the no-repeating rule.

Well, I can only speak for my own entries on this, but I definately disagree. Maybe later I'll re-write my two entires with all the rules broken (but I'll try to keep it about the same length) so we've got a comparison between how I normally write, and how the limited-words versions read.

 

Well, here's my try, I don't know how good, man that was hard, but I managed it, I think - 100 words, and no repeated words

The stone wall encloses this room in the Great Temple of Yavin Four, delineating a space of mortality. Standing tall for millennia, rebuilt after attack, it will endure well beyond..
Acknowledging this brings no sadness nor anger. Only peace. Life is lived,-joyous, horrible, filled by failure, success, love, regret- then ebbs.
My kids beside me, can feel them, their grief,young people who haven?t yet seen..
Wish I could tell them.. dry your eyes..

Darkness closes around, leaving only the
voice, faintly calling, whispering

Jaya..

Anakin..

Ice blue eyes, smiling. His hand in mine.
Come with me.. hurry..
I?m right with you, little brother..

 

I had to do it... and I had to use existing O/Cs. Sorry.

Duel of the Fates
Word Count: 100
Hardest Word to Avoid Repeating: "the," followed closely by "his" and "eyes."

Light flashed, blue crashed against green, concentrated energy thrumming louder than Arden?s echoing heartbeat. Cacophonous noises, blinding light, as sabers spun before their eyes. He parried her thrust, then vice versa. Jabs fell short, wild arcs passed overhead. Suddenly, there was searing pain, a hole in one side, penetrating every fiber of his being. Our young padawan fell, dropping the weapon, closing out anything else.

Still, just as all things do, simulations end.

?Well done,? Mistress Sondara said. ?Next time, though, less drama upon failure, okay??

?Yes, ma?am. Please accept this apology??

She laughed, quietly. ?Cute, my very young apprentice.?

 

A drabble challenge? Of course I'm doing this. It took me just a minute to come up with this rather silly idea.


* * * * *


Faid found his quarry striding along the ninetieth floor's south hallway toward Naboo's assigned office suite, recently upgraded from level sixty. "Junior Senator Binks, they are ready for..."

"Pleesa, young page, you may call me..."

"Stop!" he interrupted quickly. "Your first name has been banned in all public discourse by Supreme Chancellor's decree."

"Why? Someone not like it?"

"Repeating words during conversation, even ones such as Jar, is no longer allowed on Coruscant."

"Huh?"

"Worse yet, hesitation and deviation have also become capital offenses."

"Palpatine's mad!"

"Actually, there's a new man running things now."

"Daresa I ask who?"

"Nicholas Parsons."

 

100 words exactly. (Woohoo! ) Hardest word not to repeate... the. Next hardest...he.

It had been ten standard years since he last laid glance on this barren dust ball and stepped on its cursed grounds. Yet Tatooine was exactly how the young Jedi Padawan remembered: sand stretching endlessly into distant horizons, parched earth begging cruel sky gods for drops of merciful rain, but receiving no pity. As a native, Anakin hated drought. In his eyes, water symbolized life. Desert?death. Although being away from Padme?s home planet only two short days, Skywalker missed Naboo?s majestic waterfalls, well-kept gardens, robust animals. They inspired awe. Tranquility. Here, however, sentient beings failed to thrive or ultimately survive.

Edits: Even after rereading this piece at least 10 times, I realized I repeated "no" and "eyes." Bad, bad me.

Fixed now. Hopefully, I'm not missing any other mistakes...

~*Senoj*~

 

I definitely enjoyed KnightDilletante's.

Syntax and JediSenoj451 both get credit for writing good pieces, too.

But I think I have to praise our very own mod Kit for hers... amazing. It flowed perfectly.

Drabbo_Fett, though... I have to admit. I don't get it. Huh?

 

"Repeating words during conversation, even ones such as Jar, is no longer allowed on Coruscant."

LOL! I got it, Drabbo_Fett.

Basically, the piece discusses how Palpatine banned repeating words (i.e. Jar Jar). It's a satire of this writing challenge. Or at least that's the way I interpreted it.

~*Senoj*~

 

Well, yeah, I could see that. But, forgive my ignorance... who's Nicholas Parsons?