Writer's Challenge 2 - Word awareness

Parsons is the host of a BBC Radio 4 panel game called Just a Minute. Panelists have to speak for up to a minute on a subject without hesitation, repetition, or deviation. You can probably see why the challenge would have reminded me of it.

 

Ah, well that would explain it.

*** Ty-gon Jinn curses the fact that he's never been to Great Britain... ***

 

LOL Drabbo_Fett! Great job. That was really funny.

 

I think I got it. 100 words. Here goes.

With three words, she set the stars on fire. Unconscious to a barrier that was upon possession of his soul.

Speeder wines, drives closer through my wilderness. I felt her presence far away. Looks fragmented in memories, mother?s love, emotion. Long ago it all seems. Before war struck home and tore open our lives.

Lost impressions go into dangerous depths, forgotten images behind him. Light saber hum against sweating palm. Death comes swiftly although their passion remains eternal. Betrayed alas another story written with blood. This life extinguished, evaporated, redefined.

Amidala gazes beyond my eyes, speaks sadly.

Could you Anakin?

 

Here's a rare use of the challenge for me--a mush in a little less than a 100 words...It's DISGUSTING! I figured I could write 100,000 words of action, but couldn't get mushy for 100 words, so I forced myself.
****

Their lips forgot words, only speaking against each other. The moment of preoccupation, pressing anxiety and heavy burdens lost voice as touch erased duty. Anakin placed affection's reminder near her jawline, wiped worry from a pale brow. Padme pressed herself to firm shoulder muscles, wrapped tension in strength, love unfeigned. He braced both arms across fragile beauty's back, memorized perfection again for war's amnesia. "I cherish you," slid across silence. "Don't forget," pleaded one left behind. "Never," came promise. Republics fell, but across stars, husband met wife to remember time long ago, forging remembrance forever through madness' hiatus.

 

I actually like the almost poetic feel some of these are getting. It's interesting the direction people are taking.

I must admit this is quickly becomming a favourite of mine. Below is my second one, and I already have plans for a third.

Words: 96
Hardest not to repeat: It, the, a, as

Bursting from her lips - a rhapsody expressing heated fire and longing. Notes swirled, through sweet night air in luxurious but tantalising blankets containing softly spoken words. Heart aching, lungs burning for air, he joined. His voice broken with emotion, opening himself to worldly desire. Destruction. Melodies filled their core, seeking an exit, forcing if there was none. Neither could stop. Slowly, surely, caressingly, filling rapidly until overflowing, spilling into triumphant choruses of intertwined foreverness. Sudden hush, still air tingling like after rain had swept it bare. Quiet now, the only song ? was wind sighing trees.

Kithera

 

Well, since I already used O/Cs, I guess I should use some canon characters... why not mush??

First to Speak
Word Count: 100
Hardest Word to Avoid Repeating: "to"

He knew she resented secrecy, yet to tell would destroy them both. But did it matter anymore? Words failed him, leaving even a Jedi groping for some semblance of thought, one thing worth saying, anything for shattering silence?s stillness. Yet in his heart, language had no power; basic knowledge fled, left concepts broken.

Senator Amidala? radiant, graceful, perfect Padme? her lips pursed, stumbling over thoughts uncomprehensible.

Ere death?s swift arrival, something must be said.

Upon the tongue, yet faltering, hesitation met young Skywalker.

Another unsuccessful try, overcome by fear of rejection. Lady Naberrie instead spoke up.

?I truly, deeply love you.?

 

Nice challenge.

Words: 100
Hardest Words: to, an, the

Title: Lando?s Agony

---

Lando Calrissian pondered those who approached, emerging from the disc shaped starship which landed upon this forlorn landing platform. Han Solo was an old friend, linked as always to Chewbacca. Lovely lady! How he must have conned her, his thoughts mused! A pair of droids also. They will not complicate things when dinner time arrives. Losing Millennium Falcon after our historic Sabacc contest does nothing toward easing my agony today. Past grievances are forgotten, having been buried under many layers including: betrayal, guilt, sorrow, and pain. Vader, flanked by Boba Fett, had pressured compliance hours ago. Dare I yet hope?

 

Great Minds Think Alike? And So Do Ours
Word Count: 100
Hardest Word to Avoid Repeating: ?Blasted?

?Apology accepted, Captain Needa.?

Two unfortunate officers came, dragging one uniformed corpse away.

The Millennium Falcon was in hyperspace? Inconceivable. Something rang familiar here.

?Impossible!? Jango had sputtered. ?His ship no longer appeared on our scopes!?

Yet Obi-wan stood before us, captured by droidekas, accused of espionage.

?The asteroid field? he must have stopped!? I knew that had to be the case. Blasted Kenobi!

Turning around, Admiral Piett noticed me. ?You know what happened? How? Where did they go?? An awkward silence. ?Speak up, bounty hunter!?

?The name is Boba Fett, and a Jedi did it to my father once.?

 

I'll keep this in mind. Don't have a lot of time right now, but, I'll keep it in mind.

 

Wow, these are all great. DarthIshtar if that's what you get when you force yourself... well you should force yourself more often. That was beautiful. I'm afraid I was being a bit silly with my first one but I was stuck at work when I really didn't want to be there so I really needed silly.

I thought I would take another go. This time I rewrote a random paragraph from one of my far too many fics-in-progress. I didn't spend much time on it. A bit more than 5 to 10 minutes but not more than 20 I think. It was quite a bit harder than starting fresh. Even if I had been being serious the first time I think having somewhere I want to end up at the end of the paragraph and certain information that I want to impart makes it more difficult.

I like things about both versions. If I ignored the word count and was allowed more than one "the" or "a" or "he" I think I could mold the challenge version into a better piece than the original. Although, the original really is a virgin first draft. I never leave anything completely untouched (which is why it takes me so long to actually have a fic postable) although I have been known to change back on occasion.

I like the feeling in the challenge piece of being more inside Windu's head. On the other hand, Windu is so dignified, for the most part, that the more distant version seems more appropriate in a way. Besides, I find inside Windu's head to be a scary place to be. I'm afraid of getting him wrong. One major problem with the challenge version is that Windu is ticked at Yoda (it wasn't really "their latest maneuver" it was all Yoda) but it doesn't show in the challenge version. Since the little troll only has one name I couldn't figure out how to show that without repeating his name or using "the little troll" and I don't see Windu thinking of Yoda that way even if I hadn't already used "the" and couldn't immediately think of a way around that use.

The challenge piece is again spot on 100 words. I decided to keep that a requirement. and I am 99.99% certain there are no repeated words. If I trusted Word's "find" feature I would say 100% certain. There are 143 words in the original version, but lots of them are "the", "he", "his", and "it" etc.

Challenge version:

Master Windu ducked under yet another low hanging branch and continued following Yoda. The smells floating throughout Degobah?s swamps were indescribably revolting to most humans so his body instinctively tried breathing shallowly. Ultimately counterproductive, since that meant sucking stinking air with greater frequency. Each time he caught himself at it; forced deep breaths, a subsequent concentration on slowing respiration, calmed him. But then, remembering this latest maneuver against their Dark enemies, Mace would lose control of more than just lungs. Teeth began grinding, while tears pricked. Hands formed fists. Ears ignored internal lectures. Disgraceful. No Jedi should display such weakness.

Original version:

Mace Windu ducked his head under yet another low hanging branch and continued following Yoda up the path. The smell of the planet Yoda had chosen to retreat to was indescribably revolting to a human so his body instinctively tried to breathe in as little as possible. Which was counterproductive since it ended up having to breathe in more often. Every time he caught himself at it, he forced a deep breath into his lungs and concentrated on slowing his respiration. But then he would remember Yoda's latest maneuver against their enemies of the Dark Side and he would lose control of more than just his breathing. It was disgraceful for a Council member to permit such a loss of emotional control but the provocation was great. He tried to shame himself into passivity, if not acceptance, but could not wholly manage it.

I really ought to force myself to try this with "mush". I started thinking about it after reading DarthIshtar's comment and I think I don't write mush. At all, as nearly as I can tell. Well, unless you count the endearments in the

 

This is an interesting idea. I'm going to see if I can try it out on a story that I've been typing-up for some odd months. Maybe it'll improve my writting style.

(Though it was a struggle to write that post without using the same word twice.)

 

Well, mush could include touching relationship moments, but only if they're extremely touchy-feely. No, Interlude isn't mushy.

Mush usually refers to cheesy romance.

 

Mush usually refers to cheesy romance. Hmm, well then DarthIshtar's isn't mush then is it? It certainly didn't seem cheesy to me.

KD (who is going to pipe down on this thread now)

 

I HATE mush! IT's bad enough that I have to live it, but to write it? YEAGH!

 

KD, I consider anything between boyfriend/girlfriend that doesn't involve serious debate or killing each other mush. Therefore, that was definitely mush.

 

These are all writen so well. I'm really enjoying this. I think I got it again. With that...

The 100 word Saga of no repeats continues.

When was the last time you actually looked into my eyes?

Desperation becomes false light with reality. Did she really think I would not go this far? That life is as shallow with believes of an old religion passed on. Master tell me what shall be done? Guide an apprentice to destiny. Speak these three words no more. Like poison they are invading life?s veins within.

Redemption he prays for from immaculate force.

Shaking hands will justify murder. Visualize lies, deseption, anger. Feeling real pain throughout his body. Perfection, better than most would be.

Don?t do it.

Could you Anakin?

 

Wonderful, even if you repeated "You".

 

Rewrite the first sentence as "your gaze locked onto my eyes", and it'd eliminate the repeat and still maintain the word-count.

 

I admit, I've been dreading this. Once I got started, though, it became something of a game.

- - - -

Bitter cold. Chill winds biting hard through light linen robes.

They don?t tell you freezing nights might come when warning about desert life. Only daytime heat. Sweltering temperatures that make one long for cool respite, blessed relief from stinging sweat. Harsh sand fills eyes with grit. Dust gathers dryly on lips and tongue.

Council members cautioned me, though none conveyed an utter loneliness of isolation which can eat at your soul like a hungry rancor. ?Wastelands act as sandpaper.? Windu said. But will living here polish my heart, or erode it until nothing remains?

Watching his boy, I miss Anakin.

 

Word Count: 99

Most difficult part: making it sound "natural." Actually, I found that the not repeating the words wasn't that difficult--it was not resorting to fragments, which I promised myself I wasn't going to do.

* * * * *

Kiera smiled distractedly, bringing one hand above the table and tapping restlessly. "We're only around halfway there. Plenty could still go wrong."

Edan grinned back, his sharp teeth gleaming an unnaturally bright white. "Sure, but it's not worth getting all worried over nothing. Nobody saw us leave Nar Shaddaa's spaceport."

"How can you know?" She disliked sounding so concerned about a simple glit run. Despite this, irrational fear persisted in lurking deep within her. "What if Imps were watching?"

"They followed Solo's Wookiee through to docking bay 24."

"I don't see?"

"Stop being jittery ? hyperspace is perfectly safe."

* * * * *

The rest of the vignettes are really interesting. It's neat to see what other people do when their word banks are reduced so dramatically. Keep up the good work everybody--these scenes are enough to really make me think.

(Oh and thank you Kit' for coming up with the idea in the first place. )

 

He he. These just keep getting better and better! Keep them coming, you guys.

I'm tempted to do another one, even.

~*Senoj*~

 

Actually, I found that the not repeating the words wasn't that difficult--it was not resorting to fragments, which I promised myself I wasn't going to do.

I totally agree. The word repeat thing wasn't that bad for me (especially on the second one). It was making it sound semi-normal that was the hard part.

I might put together a third one (odds are it'll focus on the third ARC Trooper, "Red", whom I haven't mentioned yet ).

 

YOU are right. The second one got by me. I take the "you" away.

I shall use Syntax line.

"Your gaze locked into my eyes."

Sorry for the "You" too much of the brew...

Thanks Syntax

 

I couldn't resist!

Word Count: 100
Hardest not to repeat: to, of

~*~

They say that all is fair in love and war. I think whoever spoke those lines never lost one that was dearly close to their heart. For once you witness, drowning admist others', not mentioning your own, agony, seeing the lifeless, burnt body, he or she being licked by flames colored red, orange, even yellow, part of yourself crumbles away as does a soggy cookie dipped in blue milk. This decribes me watching Anakin Solo's former self wither into ashes on yonder altar. Best friend, almost lover, now gone, lost because battle intervened with his destiny. Eternally missed. Forever young.

~*~

Tahiri Veila after SbS

~*Ambyr-Rose*~