Writer's Challenge 6 - Action

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by Kit', Apr 1, 2004.

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  1. Kit'

    Kit' Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Oct 30, 1999
    This month's challenge is Action. From lightsabre duels to space fights to gungans with energy weapons every Star Wars movie involves lots of drawn out action scenes.

    Unfortunately, it never really is a common feature of many fanfics (with a few notable exceptions ;) ) as people have a tendency to focus more on character's interpersonal play then anything else.

    So, the challenge for the month of April is to write a short action scene. It can come from any time period, but must be purely action based.

    Please write something NEW for this. Don't repost something you have from another story. It's supposed to be about challenging yourself in new and different areas

    Thanks :)


    Edit: It's too early for spelling

    [link=] Click here for last month's challenge [/link]

    [link=] Click here for next months challenge [/link]
  2. Ty-gon Jinn

    Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 12, 2000
    Oooh, the limitless possibilities!! ;) Expect something from me very very soon.
  3. Wedge_Antilles_Cmdr

    Wedge_Antilles_Cmdr Jedi Master star 3

    May 22, 2002
    [color=006699]Sounds cool - I will begin working on something soon.

    Wedge :>o<: [/color]
  4. Obi-Wan21

    Obi-Wan21 Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 27, 2002
    This should be fun! I'm off to write!
  5. JalendaviLady

    JalendaviLady Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Nov 20, 2002

    *nabs hard-copies of this and the other challenge prompts I haven't attempted yet... long college housing process awaits*
  6. Obi-Wan21

    Obi-Wan21 Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 27, 2002
    What happens when we're done? Does it go here?
  7. sidious618

    sidious618 Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Apr 20, 2003
    Ah, yes. Now this is a good one!

    I'll post something soon.
  8. Obi-Wan21

    Obi-Wan21 Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 27, 2002
    Alrighty, got my short story done.


    A Demon's Wrath

    It was a dark night on the planet of Korriban; the wind was blowing fiercely as a duel was taking place inside one of the abandoned Temples of the Sith. Adi Gallia, Jedi Master, had just been hurled through a stone wall, on contact the small wall crumbled down and she was sent flying to the ground below. A white creature wielding a red blade jumped down after her, he landed easily on the ground in a cat like position.

    "Really Jedi," he sneered through his white mask that covered his entire face, only revealing two yellow-green cat eyes. "You could be better."

    Adi Gallia slowly rose to her feet, her Jedi Tunic torn and ragged. Blood was dripping from her right arm where her enemy had moments ago dug his claws into her. She gripped her Lightsaber tightly in both hands, pulling it close to her face the blade illuminated her with a blue glow. "You were the one to kill Quinlan."

    "It wasn't hard," he answered."The Jedi were done for, I just let him out os his misery."

    "You will die Grievous!" she screamed.

    Adi rushed at him, swinging her Lightsaber for his left leg, Grievous easily spun his Lightsaber and deflected the attack. He now twisted and slashed above her left elbow, the Jedi barely missed the blade as it slid across her drawing blood. She suddenly flipped back from her attacker and, using the Force, threw a log in his direction. Grievous began running and jumped through the log without any harm.

    "You'll learn I'm full of surprises," he told her menacingly as he landed right by her.

    Grievous swung his claw like hand at her face, scrapping from her ear to her month, if Adi hadn't pulled back in time she probably would have lost an eye. The Jedi grasped her left cheek as she felt the blood flowing.

    "You're a madman!" she screamed. "How can you do this?!"

    "I'm no man," he stated as he walked towards her, Grievous easily stood at 6'6". "My point in life is to destroy you filthy beings. I sold my soul to gain power. And Palpatine granted me that!"

    Grievous slammed at her, Adi could feel her ribs break on contact, this thing was covered in silver heavy armor. She was defenseless against him. The Jedi clutched her stomach as Grievous smacked her across the face with the end of his hilt, Adi staggered back by the hit. She let out another scream of pain at the hilt had opened her wound on her face more. The General spun and forced his foot hardly against her stomach he shoved her back with great force causing the Jedi to fly against a tree; crashing into it she moaned in pain and fell to the grassy floor.

    "It is your time," he said as he stood over her, his tall frame silhouetted by the moon.

    "Please," she begged as she pulled herself up.

    "I thought you were honorable!" he spat. "This is how you die!" Grievous kicked her again in the ribs.

    "Don't!" she yelped.

    Grievous said nothing and kicked her again.

    "Stop," Adi moaned as she pulled herself up.

    Grievous said nothing, he simply punched her across the face causing her to hit the ground.

    "I'm tired of you," Grievous stated darkly.

    The General rose his red Lightsaber above her as it cased a red beam over his silver armor. Grievous slammed his sword down hard killing the Jedi Master instantly. Though something unexpected happened, her body had disappeared. "Damn Jedi tricks," he mumbled.

    Grievous turned and slowly made his way off into the Sith planet, another kill for his Lord.
  9. Drabbo_Fett

    Drabbo_Fett Jedi Padawan star 4

    Feb 5, 2003
    Possibly a bit rushed, just wanted to get something in early for once.

    Sand Blasted -- A Drabble

    The first clue Fett had that someone had already chosen this spot to wait out the sandstorm was when the gaffi stick smashed into his jetpack, crushing a nozzle. Two Tusken Raiders lunged at him from opposite directions, weapons raised.

    He tossed his worthless jetpack at one of the sandpeople while he rolled under the other's swinging gaderffii. He came up onto his knees and slammed his hand where he thought its groin was. Right or not, the attack got it to back up. Fett took advantage of the extra space to bring his blaster up and shoot both Tuskens.
  10. Darth_Tim

    Darth_Tim Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 26, 2002
    Ooh, you know I'm up for this one!!

  11. Sara_Kenobi

    Sara_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Sep 21, 2000
    Ohhhh, another one. :)

    I'll be putting something together for this one, for certain. I need to improve writing on action scenes. :)
  12. Kit'

    Kit' Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Oct 30, 1999
    Well Tim, I was thinking of you when I put this challenge up :p

    Realyl good so far. :) If this keeps up we'll have one of our best challenges yet! (not that the other ones weren't good or anything)

  13. Ty-gon Jinn

    Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 12, 2000
    Hmmm... I'm not sure if the way I'm taking it counts as action-based or not. It's a battle for a planet, with plenty of shooting and lightsaber-whirling and droid-decapitating, but there's quite a bit of it that's two Jedi in the mobile command unit discussing the battle over the sounds of ion cannon fire, trying to avoid falling flak and trying to figure out why they're fighting in the first place... is that acceptable, or should I try for less conversation?
  14. Kit'

    Kit' Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Oct 30, 1999
    [puts on elvis jumpsuit] A little less conversation, a little more action....[takes off suit again]

    I really wanted it to be about describing the action rather then two people talking about a battle. Maybe go for something a bit less talk.

    Thank you. Thank you very much.


    PROPHEToftheCOUNCIL Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 11, 2001
    Off to write....
  16. Ty-gon Jinn

    Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 12, 2000
    Yeah, I started singing that, too, Kit'. :)

    Okay, off to think of something a little less conversation-heavy.

    Pulls up Media Player, where he's downloaded that Elvis song, for inspiration...
  17. Darth_Tim

    Darth_Tim Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 26, 2002
    Well Tim, I was thinking of you when I put this challenge up >>

    Aww, I'm all flattered now, and stuff.


  18. JalendaviLady

    JalendaviLady Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Nov 20, 2002
    Typing in post-window again... please forgive all errors. It's short, but I don't really have time for anything longer. Besides, this is maybe the second action-type scene I've ever written.

    Was inspired by my post to the previous challenge and the song "When I'm Gone".


    Hannar strode into the landing deck, nervous and ill-at-ease. Get the ring, propose, and all this anxiety will be over, he reminded himself.

    A flicker of warning. In a moment his saber was out and blocking the blow that would have otherwise killed him.

    He eased into the motions of a skilled swordsman. He was at the age of fine Jedi swordsmanship, 35 years old. Old enough to be skilled, young enough to still be fully flexible.

    His black-robed opponent knew the art of the blade well. Too well.

    Blow after blow they struck against each other. Hannar seemingly had the advantage of youth, for the other seemed stiff in motion and in command of the blade. No less a swordmaster, but rather one in decline. Even so, they were evenly matched.

    Minutes later, they were both wearing out. Each had gotten a thousand tiny blows past the defenses of the other.

    Hannar managed to kick out, sending his opponent flying backwards into a wall. He landed and slumped to the ground. Hannar turned and ran, seeking the safety of his fellow Jedi...

    And for a moment, all the world was pain.

    Hannar regained awareness a split-second later, sprawled on the ground. Projectile weapon? How quaint. How deadly. He opened his eyes slightly. A boot was beside his face and he looked up, the odd angle allowing him to see under the hood. He was faking his own weakness?

    "hello... sire..." he wheezed.

    The Chancellor of the Republic kicked him hard in the side and wandered away without a word.

    Hannar could feel life already beginning to leave him. At least Shani and our child may have a chance at being safe.
  19. Sara_Kenobi

    Sara_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Sep 21, 2000
    Title: Breathing
    Summary: In response to Kit's Writer's challenge 6- Action.
    Author: Sara Kenobi
    Notes: Inspired directly from my favorite scene in my favorite Star Wars film. The title is a direct rip-off from the title of my favorite Movie Trailer for Attack of the Clones. I thought it suited the scene I've written. Enjoy. 8-} ;)


    He stood waiting for him in the shadows under the stairs. Breathing wasn't coming easy anymore. His lungs cried out for release, but he dared not try and breath too loudly, for fear that his father would hear him.

    The darkness was carrying farther, more thickly black and evil, with every step toward him in his direction. His skin crawled, as the rasping of air was as clear to him if it were his own breath.

    "You cannot hide forever, Luke."

    The rich humming of his father's weapon was almost blocking out the cries of his own fear, as it threatened to spill, tarring himself into pieces upon the Death Star floor, laying his remains at Vader's feet.

    The lightsaber's hum thundered in his eardrums as he replied to the Dark Lord's thunderously clear statement with his own, "I will not fight you."

    Slowly, the monster in the night creaped ever so more closely his way, threatening as ever he was, and cunning as evil itself.

    He must be careful now. Vader would do anything to have his way.

    "I will not fight you," Luke repeated himself.

    Fear was now upon the young Skywalker's shoulders like a blade, slicing itself home down his bare white skin.

    Vader will have his way. The fear whispered in all it's glorious mockery.

    "Give into the Dark Side," Vader declared in a seductive, passionate whisper.

    Then the fear abruptly stopped slicing down Luke's spine, stopping only to hear what the Dark Lord had to say next before making it's way home into the young Jedi's very soul.

    "-You have a twin sister!" Vader thundered boldly. "So, now his failure is complete."

    Luke could feel the mental blade slice into the deep center of his very being; Vader knew everything now, and everything seemed hopeless. Lost.

    "If you will not turn to the Dark Side, then perhaps she will."

    The mental fog of darkness seemed to suddenly lift itself away from Luke's torso, freeing itself from the Jedi, as Luke gave thought to Leia for the first time in hours that night.

    Then perhaps she wouldn't. Luke thought.

    Then hope was alive again in the young Jedi's heart. The darkness would not win. Not this time.

  20. Sebulba2179

    Sebulba2179 Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 5, 2002
    Now you're barking up my kind of tree, Kit. :D

    Now...what kind of action scene have I NOT written before...
  21. Laine_Snowtrekker

    Laine_Snowtrekker Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jul 8, 2003
    I'll try to think of something. This sounds cool!
  22. DarthBreezy

    DarthBreezy Force Ghost star 6

    Jun 4, 2002
    Thang is Kit, the 'action' I would have in mind wouldn't exactly be board freindly.... [face_devil]
  23. Ty-gon Jinn

    Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 12, 2000
    Racing is action, right? ;)


    Jos Exell rocketed over the Tatooinian landscape, closing in quickly on the pod ahead of him. It was the third lap, and the race had been going on for what had to be fifteen minutes. The sandy terrain blurred together as landmarks whipped past him at breakneck speed, the only constant in the field of view the back of the pod piloted by the Dug.

    Wind seemed to past right through his skin as he closed in on Sebulba, his engines shuddering as he gunned them faster. Already, at least five racers had been lost on the track; he had barely missed two of the explosions in the canyon pass.

    Sebulba?s pod vanished from sight, and Exell quickly fired his engines upward, and as Metta Drop fell away under him, he rocketed upward, and as gravity began kicking in, he was thrown violently forward, coming back to his running speed with his engines nearly aligned with Sebulba?s pod.

    Something blurred by as they rocketed directly over it; probably the wreckage of the Skywalker boy?s craft. They boy was good, but Exell had yet to see him even finish a race. Sebulba seemed to relish the opportunity to stick his head out the side of his pod and scream obscenities at the boy in Huttese.

    A shot glanced off the side of Sebulba?s pod, and the whole craft shuddered. A jolt pulled him back, and he and Exell were running side by side, both looking back up to where two Tusken Raiders had their weapons pointed at the track; another shot sent one of Ben Quadrinaro?s engines spiraling away, and his pod skidded into the ground. The Tuskens were celebrating, and then, they were gone, vanished over the horizon as the pods rocketed away.

    Sebulba glared at Exell, and said something in Huttese that he was sure had to be rude.

    ?Shut up, Sebulba,? he yelled back over the roar of the engines.

    Sebulba began veering away, then suddenly brought his engines back around, slamming his pod into Exell?s.

    Exell?s pod shuddered violently, and Sebulba swung his pod again, slamming into Exell?s again. Sparks burst from a breaking seam in the metal. For a moment, Exell felt his countenance change, back to his Clawdite form, and he had to concentrate to maintain looking like a Zabrak. A burst of flame distracted him again, and he realized this time it was from Sebulba?s pod, trying to take him out.

    Trying desperately to get away, he gunned his engines one more time, managing to slip past Sebulba as the sand flew up around them and the arena was finally looming on the horizon.

    His systems were failing!

    Bolts of energy started coursing over the skin of his pod, and he whirled around, seeing Sebulba?s engines on either side of his pod. He had gotten caught in the damn power coupling!

    The engines coughed and sputtered, and Sebulba rocketed ahead as he drastically lost speed, and came to a stop at least five hundred feet from the arena. Two other pods rocketed over his head as he came to rest.

    He shook his head as he jumped out of the pod, and marched off to find his pit droids, so they could take care of the racer.
  24. Ty-gon Jinn

    Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 12, 2000
    I think that I'm also going to finish my original entry, but I'm going to post it in my own thread, a sort of "challenge reject." ;) :p :D
  25. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    I've been working on this all day. I had an idea for the Halloween contest, which I didn't write up at that time because I didn't have a chance. The idea came to mind again when I read this challenge, and here it is! I just hope there's enough action in it for it to fit in here.

    Constructive criticism is welcomed! Please tell me everything that's wrong with this piece; if it's too long, if the sentences are too short, too choppy, too long, too unwieldy. Tell me if the piece is boring or slow-moving or hard to understand.

    It's always hard for me to judge my own writing, but if this is ... too much ... in any way, shape or form, then you should go ahead and edit it out completely, Kit'.

    Obi-Wan has woken up in absolute darkness. He's able to figure out that he's in a cave of some kind, which is at least partly manmade, and has made his way down a long, straight passage into a larger chamber.


    There was a sound above him, so slight that he wouldn?t have noticed it if there had been any other sound. But here, nothing camouflaged the faint whooshing. It seemed to grow slightly louder, and as it did so, Obi-Wan felt as though something black was descending upon his soul, making him irrationally afraid. Or maybe it was just because the noise sounded like it was coming down towards him. He backed up a few steps into the passageway he?d just been exploring, and in that moment, there was a faint ?oomph? sound as though something soft and heavy had landed on the floor of the larger chamber.

    The dark feeling in his mind was stronger than ever, and he stood perfectly still. Was it just his imagination, or did he hear the slightest rasp of breathing from whatever it was? He could hear something that sounded like a cross between brushing and shuffling, and it seemed to be coming around the larger chamber towards the corridor where he stood. Instinctively, he pushed himself back against the wall and held his own breath, then reached out with the Force. The impression that he received was as muted as the noise ? he could only tell that there was something alive out there.

    The brushing, shuffling sound became louder and faster, and he could tell by the way that the sound became clearer and distinctly nearer that the creature ? whatever it was ? had entered the corridor. Fleetingly, Obi-Wan thought that he should step away from the wall and try to speak to it in a Jedi-like manner, but before he could overcome his fear, something reached out and pinched his left arm in a painfully tight grip, pushing him into the middle of the corridor so that a similar claw could grab his right arm.

    Obi-Wan reacted instinctively, trying to twist away at the same time that something else prodded his chest, running over the cloth of his tunics as though searching for something. Finding that he couldn?t free his arms from the creature?s grasp, Obi-Wan jumped up as much as he could and kicked out with both legs at once. The tips of his boots connected with something soft, there was a kind of gasping sound, and then his nose caught a whiff of a horribly putrid smell.

    Instantly, Obi-Wan flipped over onto his stomach and scrambled to his feet, taking the opportunity to escape the unknown creature. Before he?d even started to run, however, his shoulder thudded painfully into the wall, and he had to correct his direction. He loped along, keeping one hand extended to the wall in front of him, and eventually thought to bend his other arm up to protect his face in case he should slam into something else. This creature was behind him, but he didn?t know if there were others out there, or if the corridor would come to a dead end somewhere.

    Over the sound of his own breathing, Obi-Wan could hear the rhythmic brushing sound of the creature running behind him. There was something odd about its gait, but he didn?t have time to analyze it. The wall beneath his left hand suddenly disappeared, and he realized that there was a cross corridor there. Coming to a stop, he turned into it, wondering if the creature
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