You'll feel smarter after you read this!!

You'll feel smarter after you read this!! I did.



Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.



"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," --Mariah Carey



"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal antismoking campaign.



"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.



"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.



"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president,"

--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.



"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"--A congressional candidate in Texas.



"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." --John Wayne



"Half this game is ninety percent mental."--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark



"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President



"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle



"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca



"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version," --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.



"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein,"-- sports analyst.



"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.



"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ?Bill Clinton, President



"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

--Al Gore, VP



"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery



"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina



"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman



Feeling smarter yet?

 

Hiliary Clinton is actually really Smart and capable woman!

 

Many of those quotes are complete fabrications, while others have been alternately attrbuted to multiple people on your list. Few of them were actually spoken by those you cite.

We may as well have a thread where we make up stupid quotes. That's what a lot of these are -- made up.

Posting emails at the JC is usually a bad idea. We've all seen them, and many of us have already vetted them for accuracy.

AYBABTU?

 

"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

Yes I read that before and a few of the other quotes. But this one stands above them all. Pure genius.

 

i just thought they were funny and you guys would enjoy them

 

Half of these seem to be from politicians. And half of the politicians mentioned are either President, Vice President, or first lady.


Here is one "I did NOT have sexual relationship with THAT Woman" Bill Clinton.

Exact Quote

But...


"I Invented the Internet" - Al Gore

Incorrect Quote, as he actually never said anything exactly like that.

 

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

I always thought Casey Stengel said that..

?



Your witchcraft...would have had me crawling on all fours like a beast!

 

Donkey or Elephants...they're all elitist vapid retards. Pathetic.

 

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

The last time I heard that one, it was attributed to Yogi Bera.

 

>Half this game is ninety percent mental." <

The other half Must be 10% Physical ?

 

Either my house if full of asbestos and that is why my eyes and mouth are burning or that rubbish I just read through is causing it.

I am guessing that it was the quotes.

 

What? No Bush quotes?

 

bush quotes would take up too much space and time...j/k

 

"I love my job. I get to go to lots of overseas places like Canada." - Britney Spears (demonstrating that clearly, Canadian Customs is not doing their job)

 

Yes I have a whole book of not only "Bush'ims" but other high Government officials too. I love it so!




I have actually read those somewere though. I think I have a pictures of the people and what they said in the quotes underneath them. Some people are dumb...others are even more so...

Yes I actually do feel smarter.I am glad I dont have to talk like that naturally.Though I can make myself sound that horrendously stupid.
Whata great talent, huh?

 

AT60

 

This is just what I need to read after failing a Physics test. Now I feel smart again.

 

I never knew I was that smart.

 

Some are obviously incorrect:

Snopes Quotes

 

Some are obviously incorrect:
Okay...

 

But...


"I Invented the Internet" - Al Gore

Incorrect Quote, as he actually never said anything exactly like that.

I believe the sound bite that, that quote comes from is as follows:

"I took the initiative in creating the internet."

 

I feel smrtr already.

 

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

After my great uncle died he received a letter just like this....

 

I believe "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure," was originally, in my experience, attributed to Dan Quayle, not Bill Clinton. If it wasn't Quayle, I'm pretty sure it was someone else. So it would seem someone's making that up... as others have pointed out, many others of those are incorrectly attributed and some may be completely fabricated.

 

none the less...they are funny!!!