JCC Embrace The FU - Formerly the STAR WARS IS BAD thread

The Ringer gives their second-best Star Wars content ever, with this gem from their piece on possible TROS Romances:

"The only Star Wars ending I want is one in which C-3PO and R2-D2 settle down on Tatooine and raise a family full of little BB-8s."

 

Twi'leks have vampire teeth now. Huh.

 

Rey:"Really? They fly now like you?"

 

I just fundamentally disagree. He is not running your Dungeons & Dragons campaign.

Good stories are independent of new “questions” or “lore.” It is the prioritization of this material over building a narrative that has led to the stupidity we now have. Because isn’t aphasia an awesome new addition to the Universe with chrome armor?

Worlds are made to tell stories.

 

And he never will!

I think what makes a story good depends on the world its in, and a star wars story that doesn't utilize the lore tools that have already been set and doesn't create interesting lore is not a good star wars story in my books.

 

What Star Wars product do you feel exemplifies these qualities?

I’ll counterpoint that ROTJ is widely beloved despite mostly dumb additions to the lore. Ewoks aren’t fundamentally interesting. But a son believing in his father’s redemption against the odds is a heartening and resonant tale. Lore elements just held this back, if anything.

 

Which makes them closer to being real vampires than the glittering ones from Twilight.

 

Honestly? KOTOR is one. KOTOR 1 and 2. I thought TFA introducing "non-sith" dark side users as the main baddies was pretty good (of course, then Rian kills off Snoke).

Can you tell me what interesting thing was left from TLJ for us to watch in Episode 9? Literally all that was left was for Rey to fight Kylo. Okay.

 

Well, the First Order won despite the setback of Snoke's lower half being separated from his upper half.

And I don't know why the next film's plot should be obvious from the end of the previous one. Yeah, they are different situations, but ESB did not obviously follow from ANH and that contributed to it being a great sequel. I would expect millionaire screenwriters to be able to come up with something satisfying. Right?


....Right?

 

I think the idea will be to overwhelm all other inputs into consciousness by filling every frame of the movie with top shelf visual effects and very loud sounds. It works for Marvel. Will you be satisfied? Yes, in much the same way as the feeling you get after a good round of electro convulsive therapy.

 

I don't think I was clear, and that's caused a misunderstanding. I'm saying that there is nothing that happened in TLJ that forecasts or tells us where the story is gonna go next in Episode 9. It's the exact opposite of what you thought I meant. So it's exactly like ANH in that it was an "ending" and whatever happens in ESB/ROS it's gonna be completely fresh.

 

I think even Jabba-wocky thinks you are making a strange point now.

 

I think it's great to deviate from predictable plot developments even though I don't expect JJ to really take advantage of it.

 

We'll just have to see, won't we. I'm aware that all the interesting speculation we do usually gets the most boring answers in the films themselves, but Rian Johnson was a big culprit in giving said boring answers and not taking advantage of anything.

 

Baby Yoda is carrying Star Wars. I don't think anyone would have predicted that plot development 3 months ago.

 

It's gonna be great.

 

Did they, though? Yes, they didn't use the name Sith. But they literally reconstituted the Empire using former Imperial officers and ships based explicitly off Imperial designs. Their philosophical outlook stressed power and negative emotions in exactly the same way. The apprenticeship system and iconography of authority were also identical. In what sense, then, was this actually "new?" It seems like they came up with a brand new name for exactly the same thing.

 

I’ve already impulse preordered my vacuous plastic/plush one for possible delivery in April. I’m quite looking forward to the feeling of vague confusion and complete disappointment when it arrives. Like anyone I’ve had a one night with back in the day.

 

had.

 

Like I’ve had reading this thread.

 

Oh yes. It didn't really fit into the flow of my earlier post but I needed to reiterate Baby Yoda is terrible.

 

Star Wars is hanging on by a thread. And Baby Yoda is holding the other end of that thread.

What we need is a cover of this song with "Baby Yoda" replacing the word "Flash"

 

He’ll swallow the thread. Then we get the nasty **** hanging on from invisible wire from baby Arse: do you try and grab the thread or swing the baby hoping the thread breaks.

You do the second. And end up doing the first anyway.