Lit Join Me and Achieve Perfection: A Reread of The Glove of Darth Vader

While the Omnibuses are usually comics- the GoDV series could maybe, being an illustrated series, be doable as one of those?

 

The actual C-Canon story of Jedi Prince ought to be rewritten by Matthew Stover as a prequel to Shadows of Mindor. It should be full of gory details, like Shatterpoint, full of philosophical questioning, like Traitor, and full of in-your-face "this is what it feels like to be Trioculus at this moment" separate viewpoints, like Revenge of the Sith. Hardback release, please. Explicit love story between Trioculus and Hissa most welcome.

 

I'm ashamed to admit that I would genuinely love every bit of what you just described.

 

Ashamed? It would be awesome. Literally. Each page would tremble with the purest hair-raising awe. Stover can pull it off.

 

Let's start lobbying for such a novel. I'll be on the front line of this fight provided that General Otto is mentioned in the book--he was a Kessel spice addict, after all.

 

Obscure references are an essential element of such a project. And although James Luceno deservedly wears the crown of Undisputed Continuity Lord of Star Wars Authors, I believe that Matthew Stover's pen is more suited to the task of cutting through the Davidsean carcass, eviscerating it and reconstructing a monument to awesome from the bloody debris.

 

Agreed. Or perhaps James Kahn? I always loved his pen in the novelization of Episode VI; it's a shame he didn't write any other Star Wars book. Vader's death scene as written by Kahn was breathtakingly intense.

 

This sounds like a task that demands collaboration. All of the most celebrated Star Wars authors need to come together for this one.

 

I'm humbled. That's really amazing to hear. I expected that by the time I reached this point I'd be down to one or two constant readers. I certainly didn't expect to be drawing any new ones in.

I would kill for an annotated edition.

 

Chapter 6: Near the Valley of Royalty

MEANWHILE, IN THE NULL ZONE

Or at least that's how these chapters should begin.

A group of Prophets aboard the Space Station Scardia, which as we're reminded lies deep in the DREADED NULL ZONE, gather around large, freshly delivered carbonite block.




We get a quick recap on all things with three eyes. We're reminded who Trioculus is, and how he finds himself in his current predicament. We even get a quick recap on the Dark Prophecy:

After Palpatine’s fiery death
Another leader soon comes to command the Empire
And on his right hand he does wear
The glove of Darth Vader!

Chilling stuff.

Kadann gazed deeply at the frozen face of Trioculus. It was no longer the face of the
confident and brash liar who had once visited Kadann to prove that he wore the
indestructible symbol of Imperial might-the right-hand glove of Darth Vader. It was now a
twisted, burned, and tormented face-the face of a failure who had never measured up to his
dark mission, and a disgrace to the Empire. Trioculus had failed to locate the Lost City
of the Jedi-or the young Jedi Prince who was raised in the Lost City by Jedi caretaker
droids.

Kadann sneered, knowing that the fateful end of Trioculus was close at hand.

Oddly poetic for a Jedi Prince book.

Kadann hobbled over to the trigger that was to blast the carbonite block with deadly rays
from the neutron furnace. The black-bearded dwarf shook his head in disgust, then touched
the trigger.

TZZZZZZZZZZCH!

The neutron beams strike the carbonite from all sides, and the former Emperor is enveloped in a wave of blinding light. Even in death, the sheer radiance of His very essence forces lesser beings to shield their eyes. When the light finally dies, the Emperor is gone.

"It’s done," Kadann declared.



One prophet, however, is not convinced that they have truly destroyed the galaxies most powerful figure. He knows what happens when you underestimate someone with three eyes.

"But the glove," Prophet Gornash objected. "The glove of Darth Vader is indestructible.
Why isn’t the glove still on the platform?"

Kadann’s smile didn’t fade. "You call yourself a prophet, Gornash, and yet you cannot
answer such an obvious question?"

"Regretfully, Kadann, the answer truly eludes me," Gornash replied, raising his brows
quizzically. "Unless, perhaps, we have just vaporized someone else, not Trioculus."

"But for that to be the case, I would have to be mistaken," Kadann said. "And in this
universe, Gornash, all things are possible, except one. And what may that one thing be?
Say it, prove that I have taught you well."

"It’s impossible that you could ever be mistaken, all-seeing, all-knowing Supreme Prophet
of the Dark Side!" Gornash replied, bravely glancing at the stem face of Kadann.

Kadann nodded slowly. "You are correct. Have no doubt that Trioculus has been destroyed.
But the glove-the glove still exists. In fact, the day Trioculus removed it, it was
already on its way to me here, thanks to the efficient work of High Prophet Jedgar and my
secret team of Imperial intelligence agents."

Kadann unlocked one of his thousands of display cases in Space Station Scardia and removed
a delicately carved black box made of onyx. He lifted the lid and revealed the glove of
Darth Vader! "Behold!" Kadann declared triumphantly. "No greater symbol of darkness was
ever made than this glove -- the gauntlet that once covered Darth Vader’s right hand. When
it caused Trioculus to go blind because of his unworthiness, he removed it and began to
wear a replica of the glove -- one that was a fake, just like Trioculus himself. And now
that he’s been vaporized, may that liar and impostor never rest in peace!"

I was going to summarize that last paragraph rather than quote it, but as you can see, it's so brilliantly written that I'd be butchering it if I removed even one carefully chosen syllable.

MEANWHILE, IN THE MILLENNIUM FALCON

Apparently Han was just ****ing with us with that whole runaway scheme, as the gang circle back to Duro, despite the fact that the ship is barely operational, and is in danger of spinning out of control.

FZZZZ-SWOOOOOSH!

KABUM . . . KABUM ... KABUM . .'

These are the sounds of death as the Falcon undergoes lots of really bad things. It's actually pretty cute watching the Davids try to write technobabble. It all basically amounts to the Han's cargo bay being flooded by cooling system fluid for some reason.

Leia points out the obvious, that the ship is in really bad shape. Han says something Han would never actually say (did you know that the Duros are the best starship mechanics in the galaxy? I certainly didn't). Chewbacca Groooowwwrrrr-rooowfs.

Han and Chewie manage to guide the rapidly flooding Falcon to Orbiting Shipyard Alpha, a "shipyard circling Duro in a wide, oval orbit about 100 miles above the planets atmosphere".

A Duro mechanic at the shipyard quickly looked the Millennium Falcon over and told Han
what the estimated bill would be for repairing it. All Han could say was, "Ouch!"

Han is such a sitcom character in this series. Only a matter of time until he develops a catch phrase and threatens Leia with domestic abuse.

The Falcon needs about a bazillion replacement parts, and the staggering cost has Han a pacing mess. Luke offers his condolences, and acknowledges that the Falcon is like a member of Han's family. Ken sensibly suggests that it's all his fault (notably, no one denies this. Is our cast getting smarter?). Chewbacca howls a sorrowful "Owwwwoooooo!!!"

Another chapter, another chance for the Davids to prove they see absolutely no distinction between the GFFA and our world.

The shipyard sent a sales representative to talk to Han about the situation.

"The bottom line here, Mr. Solo," said the salesman, "is that it’ll be less expensive to
scrap the Millennium Falcon and buy a new spaceship, than it would be to repair it. Now
this shipyard can offer you a trade-in on a new model Carbanti DeLuxe with a supercharged
hyperdrive unit. Or we could even give you a great deal on a Novaldex Space Warper, with
six months guarantee in the case of any Imperial attacks. It’s up to you!"

Han suddenly got a splitting headache. "No deal," he said. "I want my Falcon back in one
piece. She might be just a hunk of tin to you, but the Millennium Falcon means as much to
me as Luke’s droids here mean to him. You don’t think Luke would trash See-Threepio and
Artoo-Detoo just because they’ve got a few scratches and dents on them, do you?"

"You tell him, sir!" See-Threepio added, turning to the salesman. "We aren’t interested in
your new spaceships, and that’s final!"

"I’m sure Mon Mothma will agree that the Alliance should pick up the tab for the repairs,
Han," Leia said confidently. "After all, we made this flight at SPIN’s request."

"Fix it," Han declared to the salesman.

I love this exchange. From an oddly aggressive Threepio (the mental image I have of him putting his fist in the air and saying "you tell him sir!" is just too good) to referring to Imperial attacks like a common nuisance, it's just great.

While the grease monkeys work on the Falcon, Han and Leia take a stroll over to the Shipyard Alpha rental agency and lease a Corellian Action VI Transport (with a ship name like that, the commercials write themselves). Having conquered the exciting paperwork, our swashbuckling adventurers blast of for Duro. On the way, Leia gets in touch with her inner diplomat and wastes no time in insulting the planet she's about to visit.

"No wonder almost all the aliens on Duro got passports to live on other worlds," Princess
Leia said, staring through the window down at the pockmarked gray planet. "There must be
thousands of hazardous waste pits and toxic chemical landfills down there."

"Tzzzn-gleEEEch chbziiit-tlooog!" beeped Artoo-Detoo. The barrel-shaped droid suddenly
projected a map.

Artoo has fixed the glitch in Dustini's data disc, and is projecting a map. Threepio explains that they're seeing the Duros Valley of Royalty, an underground series of catacombs completely unknown to the Empire. The map then pans to a hidden doorway and a concealed ship. A group of Duros archaeologists are there, gathering the precious artifacts of their planet.

Finally, a new building is revealed. This, according to Threepio, is the Imperial Reprogramming Institute, a facility that houses the Empire's most dangerous prisoners.

"That building is where the Empire is keeping Triclops prisoner," Threepio explained.

"Don’t you mean Trioculus?" Princess Leia asked, knitting her brows.

"No, he definitely said Triclops," Threepio replied.

"Well, who is Triclops?" Luke asked.

"I know," said Ken. "I probably should have told you sooner, Luke, but Dee-Jay, my
caretaker droid, said it would be dangerous to talk about Triclops to anyone-even to you.
Triclops is the deepest, darkest secret of the Empire. The only Imperials who know of his
existence are the most powerful members of the Imperial ruling class, such as the grand
moffs."

"Then how do you know he exists, Ken?" a very puzzled Princess Leia asked.

"From the master computer files in the Jedi Library-in the Lost City of the Jedi. I was
never allowed to see the whole file on Triclops," Ken explained, "but from what I did see,
I learned that Triclops, like his name implies, has three eyes, just like Trioculus. And
it is Triclops, not Trioculus, who is the real son of the evil Emperor who used to rule
the galaxy with Darth Vader-Emperor Palpatine."

There's a part of my brain that recognizes that our heroes are seriously having to have the difference between a guy named Triclops and a guy named Trioculus explicitly explained to them, and a part of my brain that's threatening to just shut down completely.

Ken told all he knew, as everyone listened to him with undivided attention. "The grand
moffs refuse to admit officially that Triclops exists. They believe he’s insane, and
they’re terrified that if he’s ever set free, he might take over as ruler of the Empire,
and destroy everything in the galaxy, including them! And yet, despite this danger, for
some strange reason I don’t understand, they still keep him alive!"

The Corellian Action (Action! Action!) Transport continues its descent.

"Thank your lucky stars that this freighter is a Corellian ship," Han said with
satisfaction. "When I noticed this big brown knob over here on the master control board,
it clinched the rental deal for me. Know what this doohickey does?"

Use of quote justified by Han's use of the word "doohickey".

"Is that for bailing out if we’re going to crash?" Luke asked with a smile.

"I know what it’s for," Ken said, his eyes bright and alert. "It’s a Forbes CC-Y Antiradar
Defense Unit."

"Bright kid," Han said with a sigh, shaking his head. "Did you also pick that up at the
Jedi Library in the Lost City?"

"Of course," Ken replied. "Dee-Jay taught a special class in stealth systems."

If I allow myself to say just one word about Ken I'll probably come off as some crazed child murderer. Still... icepick.

As Han guides the Action Transport down to the mountains of Duro, he tells them a little bit about the Antiradar Defense unit, noting that without it they'd appear like "Star Dragons" on Imperial sensors.

As they're coming down, the underside of the Action Transport scrapes against a mountain peak.

WHOOOOOSH-SHHHHHH.

Note the lack of exclamation points there. While you're free to form your own conclusions, I interpret this to mean that our heroes have become used to constant danger. Usually, when a sound effect strikes, the gang is caught off-guard, they're vulnerable; they may never truly be prepared for a sound effect strike, but now, they've come to expect them, and they're ready to face them.

The transport comes to a skidding halt, and Ken steps down the ramp. He see's the outline of the Great Wall of Duros, as well as a huge dam, bubbling with the foul smell of toxic waste.

"That must be the Valley of Royalty down there!" Ken said excitedly. "Let’s get going!"

"Wait a second," Luke said, coming down the ramp. "Where do you think you’re going, Ken?"

"With you guys, of course. To save the archaeologists!"

Luke shook his head. "I’m assigning you to stay behind with Artoo and Chewie on board the
ship. Leia, Han, See-Threepio, and I are going to head under the wall. This mission could
prove far too dangerous for you at your age."

Oh, wonderful. Cue the omnipresent bitching in 3, 2, 1...

Ken folded his arms and pouted. "At my age? But Luke, you weren’t that much older than I
am when you first joined the Alliance. Besides, what about all the stuff I know? You
thought the brown knob on this Corellian Action VI Transport was for bailing out! I’m the
one who knew that it was a Forbes CC-Y Antiradar Defense Unit!"

"That’s exactly why you’re staying behind, to help Chewie take care of the spaceship,"
Luke said. "You know its whole layout. You know how to operate ground defense in case of
an attack."

"Chewie knows all that stuff too, and so does Artoo-Detoo," Ken argued. "Luke, don’t
forget your dream of Obi-Wan Kenobi. He told you our destinies are linked together. What
do you think he would say if he knew you were leaving me behind?"

I really, really want that icepick.

They even use the word "pouted", so maybe the Davids are entirely aware of how annoying Ken is. Still, I know how these books work; if Ken is left behind, I 100% guarantee you he'll end up saving the day after all.

Luke sighed in frustration.

What was a Jedi Knight to do with a kid like Ken? He never took no for an answer. No
matter what the situation, Ken always knew the right thing to say to get under Luke’s skin
and make him do what Ken wanted.

"If it’s all the same with you, Master Luke, I’d be more than happy to stay behind,"
Threepio interjected. "After all, you did say it would be dangerous."

"Don’t you start," Luke silenced the droid. "We need you with us."

"I’ll stay behind," Princess Leia announced. "I can help Chewie fly this freighter out of
here if the Imperials spot us. Before I became a diplomat from Alderaan, part of my
training was in flying Corellian Action VI Transports for mercy missions." Leia removed
the emergency supply backpack she had just put on. "Here, Ken," she said, handing him the
backpack. "If you’re going to go through the tunnels and under the Great Wall with Luke
and Han and Threepio, something tells me you’re going to need this."


Commentary: God dammit Leia, don't enable Ken! He's got you in the palm of his hand now.

Like I mentioned, this chapter continues the patented Jedi Prince trend of treating the Star Wars galaxy as a fairly mundane place. Or, at least, sprinkled with mundane aspects. Passports. Leases. Rental agencies. Sleazy car salesmen. My question is, does this enrich the galaxy, make it feel more like a living, breathing place, or does it shatter the illusion? For my part, I'm one of those fans who didn't bat an eye at the inclusion of hot chocolate in Heir to the Empire... but something about the execution in the Jedi Prince books just slaps me on the side of the head and reminds me that, whatever it is I'm reading, it's not Star Wars. But why is this? I suppose it could be the relative lack of detail in everything else. As someone- I think it was @Barris_Coffee pointed out, many posts ago- the Davids seem to have a strange interest in ordinary, everyday activities, and are completely unapologetic in describing them, while the actual, y'know, space adventure parts seem almost glossed over in comparison.

I do believe this opens an entire potential discussion on immersion and the role of suspension of disbelief in genre fiction. After all, why is it when we're dealing with fantastic settings with characters that can do things that have absolutely no basis in reality, it's always the little things that break the immersion? But I'd argue that if your goal is to take a reader, however temporarily, to another world, then the devil truly is in the details.

I see this kind of argument come up quite a bit in comic book discussions. One particularly ugly recurring argument is in regard to female characters in super hero stories. Or rather, their costumes. It's been a bit of a past time for super hero comics to give female heroes the most ridiculously skimpy costumes imaginable, the kind that no sane human being would ever wear to a Halloween party, much less risk their lives in. Defenders of these costumes will always say something like, "LOLZ, a story about someone with super powers and the part you can't believe is the costume?". Yes, absolutely. As far as I'm concerned, it all comes down to this: if you want to make people believe in the big concepts, you better make the little concepts rock solid. Personally, I don't like to get the feeling that I'm being directly pandered to, and don't like to be reminded that I'm reading a story. Much as I love the Metal Gear Solid series, a recent trailer of MGSV provides another great example of this. One of the bosses, the female boss, is half naked. Judging from the youtube comments, most players are content to drool over the character, but I personally am much more concerned with whatever brain damage this character has suffered to go into a warzone armed with nothing but a gun and a bikini.

In a sense, I don't denounce the Davids methods of immersion, but their execution feels off. Every person has different things that will rip them out of a story, of course. Star Wars has a very odd method of immersion that, on a practical level, I don't feel is any better than what the Davids are trying to do. Star Wars has long held the practice of just changing the names of everyday tools and concepts, something I find equally annoying in many respects. Hydrospanner. Cigarra. Blaster. 'Fresher. Jizz music (don't even get me started on how insultingly stupid this one is). If someone else was writing this series but kept the same exact plot, Han probably wouldn't be getting a lease from a rental agency; he'd just be doing the exact same thing but with a Star Warsy name. Does this actually help immersion? I don't know. I suspect it's different for each person.

And so I'm left with the uncomfortable feeling that I have a problem with something, but can't put my finger on the root of the problem. I could say that it feels inconsistent with the world in which they're working, but at the same time, the nature of the expanded universe is to expand the universe in which they're working. Then again, just as there was a reason George Lucas never had the characters rent a car in the original film trilogy, there's probably an equally good reason why it shouldn't be dwelled on in a novel.

Any thoughts on this? Should everyday activities be more fleshed out in the Star Wars universe? Does taking everyday activities and changing the name slightly help or hurt matters?

And that's enough of that tangent. In other news, I got through an entire post about the planet Duros without making a He's Duros joke. Good for me.

 

"But for that to be the case, I would have to be mistaken," Kadann said. "And in this
universe, Gornash, all things are possible, except one. And what may that one thing be?"

Someone's feeling petty today, aren't they, Kadann?

"...six months guarantee in the case of any Imperial attacks"

Am I missing something or is Duro not still an Imperial world, like pretty much all of the Core? Why are its sleazy salesmen offering to cover enemies of the government if said government feels the need to subdue them? Bless his greedy little heart, our salesman is a rebel sympathiser!

 

That's a cliff hanger. Trioculus is dead. How is he going to get out of this one? Does he have a Horcrux somewhere?

I think "Ouch!" is a good one.

"I'd rather kiss a Wookiee!"
"Ouch!"

"It would be a pleasure if you'd join us."
"Ouch!"

"I love you."
"Ouch!"

As long as you don't tell the voters. Wait, I forgot, the New Republic doesn't have elections.

Notice that Ken also feels the need to point out that the evil Emperor who used to rule the galaxy with Darth Vader was Emperor Palpatine, not anyone else.

Ken told all he knew, as everyone listened to him with undivided attention. "The grand
moffs refuse to admit officially that Triclops exists. They believe he’s insane, and
they’re terrified that if he’s ever set free, he might take over as ruler of the Empire,
and destroy everything in the galaxy, including them! And yet, despite this danger, for
some strange reason I don’t understand, they still keep him alive!"

I'm waiting anxiously for the reason they keep him alive. Hopefully it's worth all this foreshadowing.

Like in the last book?

 

The first time I read this, I actually thought it said Near the Valley of Reality -- setting off a series of deep thoughts about the relationship between escapist fiction and our perception of reality... only for my insights to be promptly erased by the first few sentences of the chapter and a more attentive re-reading of its title.

Funny, though, how this chapter does venture quite near the valley of reality with its gratuitous (and grating) car-salesman "humor". I think for me it's not so much the presence of "real-world" things or cliché characters (renamed or not) in the GFFA, but whether they're used to add a sense of depth to the fictional world -- or just to include unnecessary jibes about real-world things in a SW story. The salesman scene is less about showing that you can rent ships in the GFFA, but just to hark on the cliché that "look, all car salesmen are sleazy". I think it's jarring in the exact same way as Luceno's "Triad of Evil" is -- you just see that this part is not about the Star Wars universe.

 

Personally, I always liked it when some mundane elements are added to the Star Wars universe - that isn't just a place of jedi and bounty hunters, but also a place of sleazy ship salesmen and in-debt college students.

And I don't think that is just an EU thing - the original trilogy deliberately went for a used future look instead of the super shiny aesthetic popular with sci-fi at the time in order to give the impression that the galaxy is a place people live in. Plus, you get scenes like Luke complaining about how he had to sell his hover car super-cheap because a newer model came out, Han getting the Falcon to work by hitting it, and Chewbacca and C-PO playing space chess on a long flight.

Matter of fact, I have heard it repeated more than once that one of the problems of the PT was its lack of mundane characters and situations in its focus on jedi and senators.

 

Is Trioculus actually dead? It's weird, I actually feel quite sad.

*a moment of silence for Trioculus*

 

Whoh -- now there's an idea! Imagine this series redone... with a laugh track.

When done sparingly, these commonplace activities can do wonders with character development. But they have to be done to further the plot. Example: Palpatine and Anakin go to the theater in ROTS. Mundane activity the audience can relate to. Shows Anakin and Palps like a good show. But it's a pivotal scene nonetheless.

The problem with GoDV (and I'd also accuse LOTF/FOTJ of doing this) is that they add these scenes without furthering the plot. The characters do something very mundane and you could have easily removed that scene or combined it with a previously existing one without affecting the story.


Still, GODV admittedly added quite a bit to the EU. Stuff that was later reused multiple times.

 

"You will kneel before Kadann! Kneel!"

Gornash isn't too bright, is he? Even by GODV standards? I get the impression the only reason he's allowed in the Null Zone at all is because he's the son of Kadann's only sister or something.

Haha, that's the same sort of ship that Talon Karrde used in the Thrawn Trilogy. Another nice bit of early continuity. I also remember Novaldex (from the earlier paragraph) is also from elsewhere in canon, probably WEG - though from what I remember from the X-wing games it only made engines or torpedoes or something like that.

So like the Empire to call a prison a "Reprogramming Institute." It sounds like something that would be in the Village from The Prisoner.

You know, this is as good a time as any to mention how strange it is that the new Aliens in the Empire article seems to imply that not only is Trioculus actually the son of Palpatine, but that he's the twin/brother-from-the-same-mother of Triclops. I'm not too sure how to take that, but I'm interested to see where Abel takes it (given he seems to be implying it'll be explored more in an upcoming release), and having Trioculus be Ken's uncle (even unknowingly) definitely puts an interesting spin on things here.

Inadvertent explanation for Ace Pilot Leia from Star Wood? Even though the concept may have been graced with the approval of the wise Davids, I have to say I'm still not a fan of it.

I actually like this approach a lot. Maybe the Davids didn't execute it perfectly (no surprise there) but part of the reason I like the Black Fleet Trilogy so much is because it's one of the rare works that actually show the everyday lives of the major characters, particularly in the first book before things really take off. You get the impression in it that Luke and the Solos could be real people who actually lead lives and had things to do besides be Princess Politician, Smuggler Husband, and Jedi Master. People seem to like Union for the same reason, and Destiny's Way has some similar scenes, especially with Luke and Mara.

 

I think the problem I've found with mundane stuff in Star Wars is when it's depicted on a cultural level, I guess you could say? What I mean is that in the films, there's stuff that's relatable, like the aforementioned theater in ROTS, or the podrace in TPM, or the fact that Luke lives on a farm. But it's not a tit for tat correspondence, there's some twist on it that doesn't make it directly correspond, whether it be the content of the theatrical show, the type of vehicles racing, the type of farm that Luke lives on, and never are these things presented all together at once. And the different planets all seem to have different cultures, so I don't really get the impression that there's universal or galactic "cultural norms" so to speak.

So stuff like caf and refreshers being mentioned a lot kind of take me out of it, but perhaps it's a necessary evil for writing a novel? I dunno. A lot of novels forgo that stuff, so I don't think that it is, but some authors seem to desire the verisimilitude that it gives by depicting a slice of life in the Star Wars galaxy. I don't think Star Wars works under that sort of microscope. Perhaps this is just something that George Lucas pulls off better than a lot of EU writers in my mind, but then he did set the tone.

 

Hey everyone, chalk me up as another longtime lurker driven to post by this thread. I've actually been lurking TFN forums on and off since RotS was getting hyped up, and this has to be one of my favorite threads here of all time. I've always been curious about this series, ever since I saw a copy of one of the books (I think it was the second in the series, the name escapes me) in a bookstore as a child, read the synopsis on the back, and said "Huh, sounds kinda dumb." and put it down. This was back in the days before I had developed literary taste, and something about the idea of Jabba's father seeking revenge on Leia still set off alarm bells. I didn't start reading the EU until much later, around the time AotC came out.

Anyway, instantdeath, keep up the great work, this is up there with Trip and Havac's Jacen Solo retrospective thread in terms of enjoyment for me. I look forward to following this thread more closely now that I've signed up.

 

Yikes, this one fell waaaaay down while I was away. Let's fix that, shall we?

Also, some very good points about immersion and real world elements being used in Star Wars stories. I'll respond to them individually at some point, hopefully.

Here's a picture I forgot to slip in.



Chapter 7: The Search for the Secret Cavern

Grand Moff Hissa's former Imperial strike cruiser, now commanded by High Prophet Jedgar, docks at the Imperial Toxic Waste Processing Plant. Oh, and they make sure to tell us that this Waste Processing Plant is spewing lots of icky black stuff, turning the once clear, vibrant skies into dreary seas of ash. Remember kids, this could happen to your planet if you don't take a stand.

What? Oh right, the story. I guess that's sort of important too.

We get a quick incongruous infodump about how Duro is a great mining site for rare metals the Empire uses to build starships (do the evil elements come from the Duros?!). Unfortunately, in order to use these resources, the evil Empire have to pump deadly toxins into a vast lake, held back by an enormous dam. Hissa and Jedgar are walking along the side of this dam, as Jedgar turns to Hissa and tells him that he can now share their main objective. After a dramatic pause, he reveals their mission is to... recapture Triclops!

http://www.dramabutton.com/

Thanks Lugija

Hissa continues being Hissa, and helpfully blurts out that Triclops is the son of the Emperor, and that if they're recapturing him, logically he must have escaped (I swear this guys mind goes a mile a minute).

Hissa's penchant for stating what everyone already knows proves infectious, as Jedgar smoothly takes the ball and reminds us that Triclops was sent to the Imperial Brainwashing Place, which Jedgar now points to. Hissa looks where Jedgar is pointing, and his eyes are momentarily blinded by a bright flash of silver. As it turns out, the Reprogramming joint is right next to a big monument of Duchess Geneer, a tall dome with four spires. The bright gleam of silver that hurt poor fragile Hissa was from King Kadlo Tower, the tallest spire; also, from the Monument to Queen Rana, a giant likeness of the Queen's face.

A legion of Stormtroopers emerge from the Reprogramming center, intent of finding the escaped prisoner. Triclops, as we're told, escaped from Experimental Section 2, "where even the most insane prisoners eventually learn obedience and to accept the rule of the Empire".

"Is Defeen, the Defel alien, still in charge of Experimental Section Two?" the grand moff
asked. "If so, then he should be held accountable."

"Defeen was promoted to the position of interrogator first class," Jedgar replied. "In
fact, Defeen traced the responsibility for the escape to a defective Imperial assassin
droid who aided and abetted Triclops."

The intricate workings of Hissa's mind deduce that, without a ship or a car, Triclops could not have gotten far. He was down there, somewhere.

We shift the scene to our Big Damn Heroes (and Ken), as we reach the scene that originally inspired me to begin this thread. A few may remember I posted this section in order to demonstrate the masterful Davids prose. For those who missed it, I will just post the section in its entirety. It's pretty awesome.


Luke, Han, Threepio, and Ken walked cautiously through a narrow, rocky gorge, searching
for the hidden stairwell to the Valley of Royalty. Looking up at a craggy ledge, Luke
spotted a giant Fefze beetle. No sooner did he point it out to the others than Threepio
spotted several more coming up the gorge behind them.

"Oh my, I, I I. . . I absolutely deplore giant insects of any kind!" Threepio stammered. "Especially beetles twice my size!"

"Look out-in front of us!" Ken shouted.

They were trapped! Four more giant Fefze beetles came scurrying toward them from farther
away, at the front of the gorge. The beetles’ antennas waved back and forth as each of
their shiny bodies scampered along on six hairy legs.

"AGAAAAA . . . AGAAAAA . . . ." the Fefze beetles hissed.

"That must be the sound those buggers make when they’re starving and smell food," Han
said, firing his laserblaster at the ones that were behind them.

Han aimed at the giant insects’ heads.

ZAAAAP!

Green fluid poured out of their beelike eyes, and then, as the beetles reared up, Han
blasted their soft underbellies.

Luke pulled out his lightsaber and extended the bright green blade, as the Fefze beetles
in front of them lined up one behind the other, charging through the tight, narrow canyon.

CHOPPPPPP!

Luke sliced off the head of the first beetle as it attacked. The next one climbed up on
the body of the dead insect, using it as a springboard to leap at Ken.

"Ken, duck!" Luke shouted.

WHOOOOOSH!

Luke’s sizzling lightsaber blade whacked the second giant insect in half, the pieces
narrowly missing falling onto Ken. Then Luke cut off the pincers of the third beetle,
sliced off its antennae, and zapped it right between its eyes.

"Watch out-up there!" Ken screamed, as another Fefze beetle leapt from an overhanging
ledge.

It landed right on top of Luke, trapping his neck in its pincers. As Luke gasped, Ken
stood by helplessly, watching in terror.

Han was too busy with the Fefze beetle in front of him to come to Luke’s rescue.

"Oh, dear, oh my, someone’s got to do something to help Master Luke!" Threepio shouted,
hopping back and forth from one leg to the other.

Ken overcame his fears for the moment, and suddenly found the courage to grab the insect’s
pincers and pull them apart, freeing Luke from their deadly grip.

Having finished off the beetle in front of him, Han then rushed forward and finished off
the last of the Fefze beetles with his blaster.

"Wow," said Ken, with a sigh of relief. "I did it, Luke! I saved you!"

"Thanks, Ken," Luke said with relief.

Han smiled. "Good work! In a pinch-you proved yourself a real champ, Ken," he said.




Oh dear. Words are not enough for this section. Nonetheless, I'll give them a shot when the commentary rolls around.

For the Davids, it's not enough to write an enthralling action scene followed by a tender moment of bonding for the main characters. No, by now you should no that every word, every action has meaning. As Luke kneels before a slain beetle, he remarks that there's no way it could have grown that large on its own. The beetles, you see, were just more victims of the Empire's evil environmental schemes. Also, Luke surmises that the beetles would never attack humans normally, but are now starving because the toxic waste is killing off all of their food.

As our heroes climb over the big, slimy bodies, they come upon the entrance to the Valley of Royalty, which is fiendishly disguised to look as if it's a natural part of the cliff. They force the door open and descend into the darkness.

They go on for awhile, and stop at an intersection so Luke can check Dustini's files.

DRIP . . . DRIP . . . DRIP . . .

Luke looked up. A thick, gooey liquid was dripping through the rocks-right onto his map.

TSSSSSS!

Whatever it was, it burned a hole in the map, eating through the paper quickly! Luke
dropped what was left of it on the ground, before any of it got on his hands, and stepped
back.

"Uh-oh," Ken said, shining his C-beam lamp on a puddle in front of them.

"The floor of this tunnel is covered with an odorous, gluelike substance," Threepio said,
with alarm. "If only Artoo-Detoo were here, he’d be able to tell us the chemical makeup-"


Hissa and Threepio should hang out more.

Just have to say, if the purpose of these sound effects are to make it easier for kids to interpret what's happening, I really don't think they're working. I mean, what the hell is TSSSSSS?

Luke "takes a whiff" of the puddle, and guesses that the Empire must be manufacturing starship propellent directly above them, with excess chemicals leaking through the rocks.

Suddenly, there comes a large rumbling sound.

PAH-BUMMMMMMM!

The tunnel begins to tremble, "as if struck by a huge tremor".

The gang continue on, but it doesn't take long for them to get completely lost.

Suddenly Threepio stopped in his tracks. "Excuse me, Master Luke," he said, "but I seem to
detect an ultrahigh-frequency sound coming from behind the wall of this tunnel." Threepio
touched the tunnel wall. "Why, these aren’t ordinary rocks," he concluded. "It’s just like
the camouflage that covered the door up above. There is another door here. And goodness,
the sounds I hear are coming from a droid on the other side. He’s trying to communicate!"

"What’s he saying, Threepio?" Luke asked.

"It sounds like a call for help. Oh my, I also detect a human life-form behind the door.
Someone’s trapped!"

Luke moves his hand along the rock, because that always works in the movies. He finds one piece of rock that's more, uh, rocky than the other rocks, and because in this story Luke's first reaction to any problem is violence, he brutally incinerates that rock with his lightsaber.

Han decides he wants to be part of the violence too, and begins shooting the wall with his blaster. For some reason, they then put away their weapons and begin to push the wall, and it opens. I'm getting this hilarious image here of Luke swinging his lightsaber at a wall with his lightsaber with Han by his side blowing the **** out of it, and then trying the doorknob.

SQUEEEEEEE

As the door opens, they find themselves face to face with a tall, thin man dressed in the gray drab of an Imperial prisoner. His crazy white hair sticks out in all directions, and he has a grotesque scorch mark on his temple, as if he had been burned.



Next to the man is...

"An assassin droid!" Luke shouted, pointing his lightsaber at the dangerous Imperial robot.

"Wait!" the man shouted. "Stop!" The man’s eyes widened, and his eyebrows drew close
together. "The droid is unarmed. He won’t harm you. His violence program has been
destroyed."

Luke held his lightsaber up very close to the assassin droid’s chest as a warning. "Don’t
budge, or my lightsaber will fry your circuits to a crisp," Luke said sternly. Then he
glanced at Threepio. "Threepio, check out this droid."

Why is it that in a kids book Han is ridiculously nice and harmless while Luke is characterized as a loose cannon psychopath?

Threepio confirms that the assassin droids violence circuits (droids have circuits dedicated to violence?) have been shorted out, and that he's harmless.

"This is Han Solo, this is Ken, and this is our droid, See-Threepio. I’m Commander Luke
Skywalker of the Alliance," Luke said, looking the man over carefully.

"Skywalker. That name is not unknown to me. But the Skywalker I heard about was a Jedi
Knight."

"I am a Jedi Knight," Luke replied. "We are with the Alliance."

"Then you believe in the Force," the white-haired man said. "I once knew a woman who lived
by the ways of the Force. Her name was Kendalina. With bright gray eyes . . ." The man
paused, looking directly at Ken. He seemed as though he wanted to say something more but
then decided not to.

"What happened to Kendalina?" Ken asked.

"When the Empire discovered Kendalina was a Jedi, they destroyed her. It was a horrible
day, burned into my memory forever, like these scars burned into my temples."

If there's such thing as "profoundly bad dialogue", this is it. I feel like enough exposure to this stuff would grant me access to an new dimension, filled with wonders this world is not permitted to know. Why the hell has no one recorded an audio version of these books? I want to listen to it as I sleep. I can just imagine the dreams.

"You wear the clothes of an Imperial prisoner," Luke said. "Did you escape?"

"Fortunately, yes," the prisoner replied. "Defeen, the interrogator who questioned me,
recommended me for a lobotomy. The Empire wished to make me docile and obedient. But I’ve
spoiled their plans, thanks to this assassin droid here. I changed the droid’s
programming. Now he is my ally. At my request, he burned off the location forbidder the
Empire had fastened to my wrist. Now they can no longer keep track of my every movement."

"Have you seen anyone else down here in these tunnels?" Luke asked. "We were told that
there are archaeologists hiding in these caverns beneath the Valley of Royalty."

"Archaeologists, yes," the man replied. "I see everything and everyone, whether in front
or behind. It’s why they call me Triclops-for I have three eyes."

"Triclops!" Ken exclaimed. He was both excited and skeptical at the same time.



Triclops turns his head, revealing a third eye in the back of his skull: "a powerful eye that seemed to send out hypnotic waves, making Ken blink and feel dizzy".

Yep, I'm totally convinced, this guy is much more dangerous than Palpatine. Lock him up and throw away the key before he kills again.

"He really is Triclops!" the young Jedi Prince exclaimed. "Trioculus only pretended to be
the son of Emperor Palpatine. His third eye was on his forehead. But the real son of the
Emperor has a third eye on the back of his head, just like you."

"Yes, just like me," Triclops repeated, turning around to face front once again. He looked
at Ken with his two front eyes. "I remember Trioculus well. And a merciless slavemaster he
was. When I was a patient in the Imperial insane asylum, back in the spice mines of
Kessel, he used to whip me. And with every lash of the whip he swore that one day he would
assume my identity-once Palpatine died he would convince the entire galaxy that he was the
Emperor’s true three-eyed son. Then he would take over as ruler of the Empire!"

Well, revealing all of his careful plans to a lowly pawn does seem like a trick from Trioculus's mentally challenged brand of villainy.

"He was the ruler of the Empire for awhile," Ken said. "But now he’s frozen in carbonite
and hanging in a museum in Cloud City."

"You know a great deal," Triclops said. Then he reached out and touched the
semi-transparent, silvery crystal that Ken wore around his neck. "Who gave this to you?"
he said slowly, with reflection.

Ken backed away, pushing Triclops’s hand from the crystal. "I don’t know. I’ve always had
it, ever since I was little."

"Always is a long time, even for someone so young." Triclops pointed to the scars on his
temples. "Seems like I’ve always had these. The Empire began shock therapy on me when I
was young. But lightning bolts, with energy from the Dark Side, never conquered me. And
now I’ve escaped from the Empire at last. With help from this assassin droid, I climbed
down the mouth of the monument of Queen Rana. I would have found my way to freedom, but I
got trapped down here in these tunnels."

Triclops closed all three of his eyes and began rubbing his temples. Then he opened his
eyes and said, "Well, so it’s archaeologists you want, is it? Come, I will lead you to
them."

"Or perhaps you intend to lead us into a trap," Luke mused.

"You live by the ways of the Force, don’t you, Jedi?" Triclops said, frowning. "Consult
the Force and discover whether I lead you into a trap-or whether I am about to lead you to
your goal."

Commentary: A few interesting tidbits in this last exchange. One, the Davids seem to establish either that Palpatine was in the habit of torturing Triclops personally, or that there were other dark side users in the Empire who could do the same. I don't believe that the Inquisitors were established by this point. Still, considering in the Davidsverse Palpatine apparently fears Triclops, I suppose it's plausible that the "lightning" he's talking about did indeed come from Palpatine.

Just a random comment: I notice that Han is completely silent during this entire exchange. I don't see him as the type who would just hang back and keep his mouth shut while the grown ups talk. But whatever.

Now, some may be wondering what it is about that section I posted that made me want to give the entire series similar treatment. To which I ask: what's not amazing and inspiring about that section? That one scene sums the entire series up for me. Luke, last heir to the Jedi knights and son of the Chosen One, gets his ass kicked by a beetle. Han comes off less as a scoundrel and more like that creepy old guy down the block that you politely wave to and pick up your pace when you pass his house. Ken gets to be annoying while Saving the Day. If that were not enough, the scene is enhanced with sound effects. If you thought these beetles were bad news before, just wait until you hear what sounds they make. AGAAAAAA. That, my friends, is the sound of death. I mean, what beetle says "AGAAAA"? What sound is that even supposed to be? Does it matter? Not when those beetles are busy tearing you limb from limb, it doesn't.

And to top things off, I have this hilarious scene in my head of Harrison Ford giving Ken a big ol' slap on the back while he tells him he was a real champ. Say what you will about this series, but one cannot deny that it creates incredibly memorable mental images.

 

They need to establish that the Imperial insane asylum used Rakata tech to use the dark side to power their electroshock therapy.

 

That's a very good point, and I think it's come the closest to summing up how I feel about the issue. I have no problem at all with "demystifying" the fictional universe; this is not a place where everyone is blowing up super weapons every week. It's a place where people live and die, raise families, pay taxes, watch sports and so on. I like to see things like that, but there's just an almost indefinable line, where an attempt to ground the universe can instead shatter the illusion. I think you hit the nail on the head, though; in this case, it's not an intent to enrich the universe, but to draw a strange parallel to real life that doesn't work on a fundamental level.

It, of course, also depends on execution. "Hot chocolate" doesn't bother me because it's portrayed as an exotic drink. "Passport" does bother me because it's such an... Earth concept. In a galaxy where a person can buy a personal starship to travel to any of the thousands upon thousands of civilized planets, we're supposed to believe everyone is expected to carry a passport?

Of course, I still stand by my opinion that changing the name of something familiar can be much more jarring. I could say more, but I think I'll actually give it its own thread at some point.

I already provide the laugh track.

This is something I tend to like about the Perry/Reeves novels as well. I recently read the Medstar duology, and while not perfect by any means, I do appreciate that they attempted to write more "everyman" characters. A Star Wars novel doesn't have to follow a Jedi, a soldier and a smuggler; the galaxy is also filled with reporters, doctors and psychiatrists.

As I've mentioned, I think the thing that breaks the immersion the most for me when 'freshers are brought into it is that they're not called toilets.

Wow, thanks. I'm very happy to have played a part in bringing you to the forums, where we may more thoroughly indoctrinate you. And while I have not had a chance to read it due to the evil post limit cut off, from what I've heard of it, I couldn't be more honored to be favorably compared to Havac's Jacen thread. Of course, it's probably less of an accomplishment, considering I have much more wacky material to work with.

 

This whole series is just so... surreal. It's like someone's bad Star Trek fanfiction, only Star Wars, and it was actually published.

You didn't mention Han's horrible pun. Did you miss it, or what?

If ever a line needed a laugh-track, it's that one.

 

My brain occasionally shuts itself down in the interest of protecting itself. You don't recap three whole Jedi Prince books without developing survival instincts.

 

"I absolutely deplore giant insects of any kind!" Threepio stammered.

"Although I am a Protocol Droid, programmed to obsess over etiquette and whose very purpose is to assist in decorous exchange between various sapient beings, I nonetheless have a deep and abiding xenophobia where insectoids are concerned, which I feel free to express openly".