Beyond - Legends Before - Legends Saga - Legends Rumours and Speculations [The Kessel Run Challenge 2023]

Thanks for reading, liking, and responding, guys! I really appreciate it.

Re: First Mission

Thanks! And also, yes, this is part of the longer fic I'm working on... thanks for the promo!

To answer your questions, the teachers have every reason to believe they're dealing with a traumatized kid taken out of a violent home, and that incompetent bureaucracy accounts for her lack of records.

Thank you! I didn't expect this to hit close to home for anyone, so I appreciate your perspective.

I just read up on the flood of 1953, and that must have been so devastating to live through and recover from. How traumatic for so much of your country being suddenly underwater.

Thank you very much! Yep, I have a longer fic that I'm working on that goes into Mara's history. I won't reveal any spoilers about the mission, though, because I'd like to post it when it's done.

I am inclined to think that Mara had to put in a lot of work to function in society, because her upbringing sounds horrific to me. I'd like to give her credit by showing what she has to overcome.

Thank you! I don't have much experience with fight scenes yet, but I've written a lot about characters having bizarre experiences, so I took that approach and sped it up.

I'm glad you liked the world building. I really enjoy imagining how people do things on Dac; there are so many day-to-day tasks that need a different approach underwater.

Thank you very much!

 

Excellent visual of Cilghal in a calm mood ...

... until the panic surfaces. What a devastating dream about Dac's inhabitants; I especially enjoyed the holdfast ropes and other details.

 

Thank you.

Thank you! Unfortunately for them, it's no dream, although it feels like it ought to be... but instead, it's what she experiences before she passes out.

 

Week #5

Title: An Echo in the Quiet Sea
Author(s): UltramassiveUbersue
Timeframe: Beyond Legends
Characters: Cilghal, Ackbar, Luke, OCs
Genre: Horror, action sort of
Keywords: Cilghal, Mon Calimari, Dac, Luke, Akhbar, OCs
Summary: Teenage Cilghal faces her fear to rescue survivors of a tsunami on her world.
Notes: Week 5 of Kessel Run Challenge 2023 (events continue from Week 4)

Prompt: Write a set of 3 double drabbles (200 words each) with the following prompts:
juggernaut
shepherd
undertaker​

Word count: 600

---

Juggernaut
The smells of the ocean frighten Cilghal as she approaches; they speak to her of a reef-crushing juggernaut and entire cities picked up and smashed into her town. She surfaces and switches to air-breathing to spare herself the horror. She swims as humans do, sweeping forward with both arms as though drawing back a curtain. When she sees what has happened, she freezes.

Pieces of people start to appear, bobbing and bumping into each other like float toys. She holds her head above water and tries not to touch anything. She breathes slowly, making sense of this: people and other creatures crushed and shorn apart by the reefs, their terror an echo in the quiet sea. She nearly misses the sound of a gasp.

He is not two metres away, and she brushes aside the gore to reach him. He is an adult who has surfaced himself and is air-breathing painfully. His left arm is missing, and Cilghal cringes as she searches for ropeweed for a tourniquet, which mercifully does not take long. When she stops his bleeding, she observes that his gills are shut and lacerated, and his ribs are broken. But his lungs work, so she moves on.

Shepherd
The sand is starting to settle, and she can see the first few metres below the surface. Many people hover here in shock. She surfaces each, checking their wounds and positioning the unconscious into floating position, splaying their arms and legs. She notices some are now surfacing others and tending wounds, and the dazed among them are following her. She can shepherd them toward the hospital--

--If it still exists. She swallows this upsetting thought and continues forward.

The cloud of suspended sand lowers further as its granules precipitate. Cilghal transitions fully to water breathing, takes a few short gill-breaths, shuts her eyes, and dives blindly. Trying to smell the water is excruciating, exfoliating her nasal passages, so she stops. She calms herself, dropping her blood pressure to allow more time to hold her breath. She is curiously at peace, and can somehow feel the shapes drifting in the darkness. She moves toward the first one, very slowly, to inhibit her anticipated anxiety response. She reaches out--

A hand clasps her wrist tightly and startles her; she kicks furiously towards the surface until she is back in clear water and her gills fan rapidly for oxygen. She opens her eyes.

Undertaker
It is a person, of course, with fluttering gills and sluggish eyes, emerging from tidal reflex hibernation.

A matron Cilghal recognizes-- an undertaker-- tends to the injured woman. "Go on," she says.

Cilghal dives again. Some shapes upon inspection are dead. Others have an almost magnetic pull; they are alive. She works like this past nightfall, until someone approaches her.

"The humans are asking for you."

She speaks Basic, unlike most people here. She swims to the humans' enormous, brightly lit raft, and pulls herself aboard, expecting to translate. Two humans are treating the wounded who lay in rows. "These three are dead," she says. They listen.

Cilghal examines an unconscious child who appears unharmed. "Her skull is filling with fluid."

"How do you know?"

"She knows," says an approaching adult male Mon Cal; he introduces a human trailing him. "Cilghal, I would like you to meet Luke Skywalker."

She detects the Mon Cal's kin-smell, but his accent is not local; could this be Ackbar? She recognizes the human's name, which she could not recall on today's test.

Today. It seems impossible.

Skywalker radiates serenity within this chaos. "War came to my home, too," he tells her kindly.

What war?

---

Thanks for reading!

 

Very good trauma response from poor Cilghal. She's good in a crisis and knows when she needs to take a few moments.

Excellent drabbles. Hopefully she and Luke can help a lot more people.

 

Superfine way to use the prompts!

Oh I liked this, the fluttery quality of a curtain hiding ghastly things, and then being forced to reveal them.

That's the notion that springs to mind with "shepherd," to me.

Nice going portrayal of the sick sense that 'this morning felt normal, and then look what happened'!

 

a disaster and Cilghal is there to help. Great drabbles

 

Thank you!

Yay! That's what I was going for.

That's a good point, and I hadn't thought of it that way.

There's also a sense that so much has happened that she cannot believe so little time had elapsed. Thank you very much for taking the time to comment.

Thank you! I figure Cilghal has a lot of traits and self-regulation skills that make her an ideal emergency physician and Jedi. I like to think that she has a quiet sort of courage about her.

Thank you very much! Cilghal definitely surprises herself with her Force intuition as well as her ability to handle herself in a crisis. Test anxiety gets to her, but when lives are at stake, she can focus on the goal.

 

These have all been incredible! Weeks 4 & 5 were really poignant, and Cilghal's reactions feel very realistic. Awesome work.

 

Superb continuation of last week's story, and the ending makes me think that there will be even more of it! I loved how you developed Cilghal's character here, but most importantly how you expounded upon her species, the way she breathes, the way she smells, how she perceives the world under water and on the surface, the "tidal reflex hibernation", the kin-smell and so on. You told us so much about the Mon Cal in just 600 words where so much else is happening, it's just pretty awesome

 

Thank you so much!

Thank you very much! A few years ago, I was struggling to write Cilghal as a side character, so I needed to take some creative liberties and start making my own headcanon. I think I will continue this plotline from this point... I never quite know where the challenges will take me, though.

 

Week #6

Title: Our Place
Author(s): UltramassiveUbersue
Timeframe: Beyond Legends
Characters: Mara Jade, Luke Skywalker, Natasi Daala, M/L, Luke/Daala
Genre: Humour
Keywords: Mara, Luke, Daala
Summary: Mara gives dating a try and encounters some red flags.
Notes: Kessel Run Challenge 2023, Week 6:

Prompts: One of your favorite protagonists/heroic characters is the antagonist/villain.
Can be an AU, but it doesn't necessarily have to be.
Minimum 500 words, no maximum limit
Author's note: Okay, so Luke isn't exactly the antagonist, but he is arguably the villain.​

Word Count: 712

---

Mara Jade meets Luke Skywalker at the restaurant, accepts an awkward hug, and follows him to a table at the back. Before they can sit down, they share a frightened look and dive behind the bar in unison, just before the explosion. There is a lot of screaming and laser fire, but Skywalker urges her to put away her blaster.

"They want us alive," he says.

"Screw that." She readies to shoot.

"Put it down," he says, calmly. "Trust me."

Trust is not one of her strong points, but she complies; she would not be doing this whole dating thing if she were unwilling to try something new.

Several armoured troopers find them with their hands raised moments later, and they slowly get up and walk around the bar as ordered. The troopers disarm and cuff them, order them to sit down on the fixture bar stools, and cuff their feet to the footrests.

"Well you were technically correct," Mara says sourly.

No one has been shot; all other patrons and staff are hiding under the tables or lying prone with their hands on their heads. More troopers file in through the massive hole in the front wall, appearing out of the dense fog of a smoke bomb.

After another few minutes, the smoke clears enough for Mara to see the outline of a person walking directly toward them. She can see by the walk that this is a fit woman wearing light armour if any over a form-fitting outfit. The woman stops in front of them, removes her blast helmet with black gloved hands, and shakes out her shoulder-length auburn hair rather theatrically. She is good-looking, about their age, and has green eyes. She looks familiar.

The woman glares at Skywalker. "I never thought you'd dare show your face around here again, but it appears my intel was correct." She gestures at Mara. "Who's this?"

Mara notices that Skywalker is worried as he says, "Um, Mara Jade, this is Admiral Natasi Daala."

Daala scowls at her.

Mara narrows her eyes, and the recollection clicks. "Weren't you Tarkin's girlfriend?"

Daala scoffs. "Oh please, this isn't grade school. He was my lover."

Mara's nose wrinkles.

Daala's voice drips sarcasm and venom as she says, "So I guess Master Skywalker is teaching you how to feel the Force?"

Skywalker's face turns ashen.

Mara shrugs. "Yeah, some weekends--"

"You have potential, but you must learn discipline."

"I don't think that's accurate--"

"I suppose you are skilled with a lightsaber, but he has much to teach you?"

Mara looks at Skywalker, who is looking at the floor.

"DO YOU FEEL THE FORCE FLOWING THROUGH YOU, MISS JADE? DO YA?"

At least ten seconds pass. Finally, Mara asks him, "Do you say this stuff to every woman you date?"

"Uhhh..."

Several hostages attempt to make eye contact with him and shake their heads vigorously.

He replies sheepishly, "It tends to be well received."

The hostages sigh audibly and hang their heads, as do the nearest troopers out of Daala's eyeline.

Daala stares at Skywalker like she is about to smack him, but instead says in a low and menacing voice, "How dare you bring her here?"

He looks confused.

"THIS WAS OUR PLACE, SKYWALKER!"

He exclaims, "It's conveniently located and reasonably priced!"

Daala fumes, wild-eyed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt that way about--"

"Hold on," says Mara. "Admiral Daala was your girlfriend?"

"No--" He glances at Daala, who is now listening with a stern face and arms crossed, and says apologetically, "We were negotiating a cease-fire agreement. It got late, so we ordered some dumplings, and... we found a bottle of wine..." He shrugs. "There was a spark."

Mara listens incredulously. "A spark."

"It was impulsive. One thing led to another and--"

"We made love until sunrise," Daala says with wounded eyes. "And then you never contacted me again."

"I'm sorry, Natasi," says Skywalker, "I really am. But... the negotiations failed and, well... we have a lot of political differences."

"And it never occurred to that you that after Wil, I might be a little sensitive about being ghosted?"

Mara pipes in, "Sorry to interrupt, but I don't think this has much to do with me."

"Release her," says Daala.

The troopers uncuff Mara.

Mara shakes out her legs and wrists and says, "Well... this has been interesting. Good luck with... all this." She walks toward the hole in the wall, careful to step between the hostages.

"Miss Jade," Daala calls, "I have a job opportunity for you."

"Send me the contract and benefits plan and I'll have a look." Mara gets out of the shop and into the fresh air again. She checks her comm: she has five messages from Lando. She replies that tonight will not work because he will be busy rescuing his buddy.

"Well that was a bust," she says.

---

Thanks for reading!

 

Daala in the mix that's always trouble. Luke has to get out of this mess with Mara or...
Fun response

 

This week's challenge was really hard! I had to abandon two stories and just go with this goofy fic that has been kicking around in my head for a while. I have a lot of trouble writing dark!Luke, but my muse is very fond of sleazy!Luke.

Thanks as always for reading and commenting!

 

You know, as I was reading this, I kept being reminded of the goofy pairings @Kahara listed in the Fanfic Festival skit. She said that you'd come up with it and I can't help but see a pattern here!

I think that the most hilarious bit, even if not the most obvious, was Mara's complete indifference to the setting. Huge military operation in a civilian area, loads of hostages, all that for Daala to ruin her date and sort out her ghosting issues with Luke, and in the end she takes it all in stride. Even the possibility of a date with Lando gets postponed because it's all standard operating procedure.

I just had so much fun reading this, thanks for sharing!

 

...

Even the Stormtroopers are feeling bad for sleazy Luke at that point. Poor guy, grows up on a moisture farm in the desert and catches all kinds of kriff for wanting to date around. What *is* the universe coming to?

And his comeback to Daala's hurt was priceless. Sleazy *and* cheap Luke! Now that's something Uncle Owen could get behind.

Very humourous, @UltramassiveUbersue !!!

 

Yep, I love me some goofy pairings. It's one of the most fun things about fanfic!

She has achieved a state of mindfulness that I truly envy.

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Hey, nothing wrong with dating around, but admitting to using the same cheesy lines on every woman to both his date and the person who has him cuffed to a chair is just hard to watch. If there's ever a time to choose diplomacy over honesty...

In his defense, a bargain's a bargain.

Thank you! I appreciate the feedback and I'm glad you enjoyed the read.

 

Week #7

Title: A Good Day
Author(s): UltramassiveUbersue
Timeframe: Saga
Characters: Mara Jade (child), Palpatine
Genre: Horror, Angst
Keywords: Mara Jade, Palpatine
Summary: Young Mara Jade endures Palpatine's brutal training to become his top assassin.
Notes: Week 7 of the 2023 Kessel Run Challenge;

Prompt: story from the point of view of a child (12 or under)
100-1000 words​

Word Count: 1000
*Trigger Warning: Child neglect, abuse, and grooming for violence, execution of prisoners

---

The child dreams of playmates and grown-ups who make her feel safe, and wakes to her little bed and black walls. Now she must make herself feel safe. A screen comes on.

This is how we clean our teeth. Brush, brush!

She must do as she is told, or there will be consequences.


This morning, she learns all about reading; today is a good day. Now she follows the lights on the floor and feels cold and wants to stop. But she must do what she is told. She keeps going and finds an open door.

The room is cozy: red-brown chairs and tables, pretty patterns, soft blankets, and a fire, just like in her reading. She walks closer and feels its warmth, but still feels cold.

"Dear child," says a kindly voice.

She turns to see a smiling old man in a big, soft chair. He has a wrinkly face and white hair. "Hello, Papa."

"What a clever girl. How did you know who I was?"

She feels scared, unsure what to say.

Papa smiles. "You have good intuition. That is why you know who I am."

She feels better.

"Would you like me to read you a story?"

"Yes, Papa."

"Then kneel on this stool where you can see. This is an old fashioned book. Will you help me turn the pages?"

"Yes, Papa."

"Good girl. This is a story about intuition."

She likes storytime.


The next day, the child swims; she is getting very fast. She goes to another pool, and must blow bubbles underwater. The water is ice cold.

She does what she is told, but soon stops. There are consequences. She goes back into the pool crying and calls for Papa.

Dear child, what is wrong?

I'm cold.

Her lesson ends and she follows the lights into a warm room.


The child is learning lots and getting strong. Bad days are still bad, but Papa hears when she calls.

Someday, child, I may need help, too. Will you help me if I call you?

Yes, Papa.

Her favourite stories have powerful wizards. She learns that everyone has magic inside them, but some people have a lot and can do special things. Like how she and Papa speak to each other without speaking. She learns that she is very special. She likes Papa.


Today she goes somewhere with big windows. Papa reads her story facing a black sky and bright stars. She hears footsteps.

"Soldiers of our grand Empire," says Papa.

She looks. They walk very straight and wear grey clothes and caps.

He reads a story about hero soldiers. She likes soldiers.


This afternoon, the child must run and run, and she is tired and everything hurts. She gives up, and there are consequences. She calls for Papa. He tells her she is strong and she will grow up a soldier if she does what she must. She throws up and falls over.

She wakes in a tiny room, and a glidechair takes her to another room with beautiful pictures of flowers and trees.

The glidechair stops at a table with a bowl of something purple and a spoon. She tries it and smiles. It is so wonderful that she goes to sleep happy, even with everything feeling sore. Today was a good day.


Today she learns drills. She must stand properly, punch, and kick. Soon she will fight like a soldier, and she is proud. The afternoon is storytime with Papa in the room with the stars. Soldiers come in with someone with a bag over their head. She hears a zap, and the person falls.

"Ah," says Papa. "That must be the traitor they found."

He reads a story about traitors making bad things happen to everyone.

"It is good they found him before he could hurt us. Don't you agree?"

"Yes, Papa."

She stares at the traitor for a while on her way back to her room.


Blowing bubbles under cold water feels bad, but she is getting better and is proud of herself for getting stronger. She imagines becoming a powerful wizard.

Today she is swimming. It burns and her skin turns pink, but she does as she must. Soon she feels like when she ran so much she threw up. She remembers the person on the floor.

She wakes in the room with the glidechair, and goes to the room with pretty pictures for a drink of many colours. The drink is good, but she goes to bed with her skin feeling hot and sore. It was not a good day. She must become stronger.


Today, her skin has healed and she is learning something exciting. She holds a blaster with both hands and her arms straight, and she squeezes the button and sets the target on fire.

Dear child.

Yes, Papa?

There is a traitor onboard. We must stop him.

She hurries to help Papa. She feels cold, and two soldiers are holding up a person with a bag over his head.

"These brave soldiers found the traitor. You must thank them."

"Thank you, soldiers."

"Go on," says Papa.

She is still holding the blaster.

The traitor is quiet and afraid.

"There must be consequences," Papa says gently. "Do what you must, child." He does not need to tell her what to do. She is a clever girl with good intuition.

She squeezes the button and the middle of the person is on fire. The soldiers carry him away.

"Very good! I am so proud of you. Would you like to hear a story?"

She feels shaky. "Yes, Papa."

Papa holds her hand as he reads about a wizard who makes colourful cakes.

They walk back to the cozy room, and find cakes of every colour on the table. The child asks if there was a wizard here, and Papa says maybe there was. They sit by the fire eating cakes and reading stories until the child falls asleep, feeling safe and content. Today was a good day.

---

Thanks for reading!

 

Poor Mara with a papa (sidious) like that training her and ordering her to kill. A child can be made into a killer.

 

Mara endures this life and becomes who she becomes, and it's chilling to think of the scars she bears. I enjoyed the progression of "stories" and Papa's voice now thrums in my head.

Icky suppositions of drugs in her food ...

 

Ah, Mara learning about how to keep order in the universe. Isn't that cute.

 

I think Mara has such a tragic story, because she could not become a top assassin at an early age without being trained very young. Thanks for reading and commenting.

She has a lot to work through.

Thank you. Sidius is meticulous with his manipulation, and every "lesson" has a purpose.

I lost a bit of clarity when editing for word count (I had to cut back 1700 words!), and was going for this dessert being a gelato by a world class chef... it totally does read as being drugged now! So I especially appreciate your feedback.

Yep, cute as a bug's ear. Sidius is just the worst.

 

Another long overdue review, I hope you'll forgive me, I spend too much time writing and not enough time commenting. This was one of the very first threads I opened when I first came to the site - I honestly couldn't resist taking a peek from the username alone - but man, let me tell you:

I came for the Daala but I stayed for the drama.

Both of which in this thread are absolutely sublime, and the fun doesn't stop there. Sorry, I have to gush for a bit before I go into detail. Your style is right up my alley, @UltramassiveUbersue and I'm 100% tuned in for more.

---

Optics

Man, oh man. This is absolutely fantastic.

Honest preface: I am a loyal Imperial, and I've always admired Daala. Beyond that the Remnant and the various people that comprised it always held a place in my heart, and I adore stories that take the time to humanize them, before, during, or after the war, to show that they were people too. With that out of the way...

I love Carim, and I say this as someone who has been in his shoes - a young man drawn into the orbit of an older woman who he cares for - even loves - dearly, but thanks to social mores simply cannot be with. Someone who sees past her form and her past and knows the beauty of her heart and mind, who has to verbally fence with his own family to defend her honor, and must simply endure the tragedy of being close to her. Just thank God in my case there was no genocidal baggage or interstellar diplomacy to unpack and overcome! Just know I share this, to say this: you have captured this melancholy, his melancholy, masterfully.

I am in love with this story, this dynamic. I really hope that you plan to do more.

-slams fist on desk-

Oh, would you just say it, man!

Of course he can't, because it wouldn't be as beautiful, but you have stabbed my heart - repeatedly in this piece - but this, oh this went in deep.

In truth, I could pull out a dozen plus little bits and pieces from this that I absolutely adore concerning Carim, Daala, the tension and his longing, the professionalism she (as you state later, rightly) maintains, and her own, terrible tragedies. I can go into further detail if you'd like, but for the sake of brevity here in your thread, I shan't clutter things up. Suffice it to say the like button is unfair to you, I need a love button for this piece. And I say this as someone who was always somewhat squicked out by the Tarkin/Daala romance, but even with that her loyalty - as mentioned also in this thread - her constancy, is a thing that I have always deeply admired in her. You nail that as well. Heck, you nail it all.

As for CC, there's literally only one thing: I got a bit confused towards the end of the initial argument as to where it was taking place.

At first I thought it all to be in her office, then the refresher - a public restroom - but then there was the bit about the desk. Now, I would hope people thought more of her than to put her office in the restroom (but I can see that, in a more humorous fic) so I was unsure - was the journalist listening with a mic to the wall in the adjoining room? But, as I said, literally the only thing!

This is Fine

This was my first introduction to your Mara, and - while it certainly varies in tone from the other two instances later in the thread - it's no less enjoyable! It's a delightfully clever use of the prompt, both genuine and genuinely funny. I had to get a napkin for my nose and my coffee after 'WHEN' just because I hadn't expected such sass. It may not have been meant that way but I can hear it and it's the pettiest thing I've ever heard Sidious say - embodied, disembodied, or across any of his bodies.

I consider myself a complete novice when it comes to second person writing, so I don't know if I have any proper CC to give. Regardless, well done!

First Mission

And here is some of the other tone that I mentioned. My parents were teachers in the school system where I lived growing up, and there were a few really tragic, really out there cases that came into their classrooms. Inevitably I wound up hearing about some of it - and God would it make you shudder learning what some of these children have had to live with - bits and pieces that my parents let slip out. This all rings true to what I've experienced, at least by proxy, and this is before I echo other's appraisal of your characterization of young Mara, who has been trained - shaped - for one purpose and one purpose alone.

The way she analyzes their posture, their form(physically and actively), her quick, snap judgements on threat assessment, routes of egress, cover, concealment, and all the like - I love it! Superb use of showing and telling, and it kept me hooked right along all the while. Fantastic pacing, and the characterization of your two OCs is also a delight.

Of particular note, I really enjoyed how you set the scene, the way you described her walk to school.

This is some of that top shelf stuff and I need more.

---

My thoughts on the Cilghal Tsunami Arc(in a word: AMAZING), the fun of Luke being caught under the vengeful eye of a spurned Daala, and the continuing tragedy of young Mara shall follow, but for now I must away to get a bit of work done before I retire for my evening. Rest assured, I've got my eyes on this - and anything else you write!

 

Thank you so much, @DLR001 ! Your comment made my day! I'm flattered and delighted that you've enjoyed my stories so much.

Thank you! I've always been more drawn to the classical hero archetype than the Imperials, but I needed to get to know Daala for one of the many, many subplots from the sprawling epics that live on my hard drive, and she has turned out to be so much fun to write that I keep coming back to her. She has such a big personality and enough complexity and genuine tragedy that I enjoy writing her in a political drama or romantic melodrama as much as in a goofy comedy.

I'm fairly new to writing Imperials, so there's a lot for me to dive into. Should be fun!

Thank you! I'm so happy that this character rang true to you.

I do now!

And yet... keep your mouth shut if you want to keep your job, dude!

Stabby stabby.

Thank you so much!

Thanks for the concrit! I wasn't sure if it was clear as I was editing it; Carim's mind is jumping backwards and forwards in time as he's observing what's happening now, and he's drawing parallels with the circumstances that led to the last time he was stuck working through a crisis during his holiday. I appreciate your feedback!

Thank you! Palpatine's pettiness is definitely a happy accident. And this was my first foray into writing this POV, so I was a lot more comfortable writing Mara's grumpy, judgemental inner voice than a "proper" 2nd person POV.

Thank you-- I'm glad to hear that this sounded authentic.

Thank you! I have a lot more planned for this storyline.

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your comments and the time you've taken to give me all this fantastic feedback.

 

Oh dear. A Good Day was so, so, so creepy and twisted, I'm almost freaking out. It was such a brilliant writing choice to have this leitmotiv of recurring expressions and sentences: the cold, the "doing what she must", the "consequences" (yikes!), the good/not good day, oh mamma mia, you could see Mara's innocent little soul get shaped and transformed and distorted. Little by little she grows to seek out "papa", because he tricks her into believing that he's her source of comfort, then she grows to seek out the pain, because pain makes her stronger, and she grows to seek out the new skills, because "papa" approves, and before long she reached the moment of her first kill.

Like @pronker, I wondered at one point if the nice/pretty food was drugged, but of course Sheev wouldn't resort to such crude methods when he can achieve so much more by sheer manipulation.

I can promise you already that this story is going up for Sheeviest Sheever Who Ever Sheeved a Sheeve in next year's Favourites of Fanfic Festival. This was masterful writing.

And now, I need a stiff drink and it isn't even lunchtime yet.