Saga Winds of Change (OC's) Kessel Run 2023 Challenge

Yes, death seems to follow Erek around, pursuing him with relentless enthusiasm. Until finally, it catches him. In the short time he and Beka knew each other, she came to understand his dedication to the patients he tried to help. Her Mouring is almost as much professional as it is personal.

It became real to her once she was able to see Erek being tended to by the undertaker. That is most definitely when his loss hit her.

Thanks! You know me, I love to pull at the heartstrings and Erek's story is just...sad. Makes it easier to follow my muse as she leads me towards the heartbreaking scenes.

 

Well, I've finally arrived at the end of this amazing challenge. I present to you my Week 12 entry.


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Week XII


Title: At The Moment of Our Death
Co-Authors: N/A
Timeframe: 46 BBY-21 BBY
Genre: Drama, Angst
Canonicity: AU
Type: Short, Series
Characters: Erek Nikana (OC), Other Minor OC's
Summary: As Erek lay dying, moments of his life flash before his eyes
Last updated: April 2023
Status: Complete
Other relevant information: Week XII prompt was to write a story of at least 2,500 words using a reverse narrative, or a backwards story.


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Dantooine
21 BBY


“…in the last moment before death, you will see your life…your regrets, your triumphs and your failures, your joys and your sorrows…”


His ba’buir’s words came to him then as the blast immediately tossed him from his feet, his body hurtling through the air. Time slowed down and as he lay dying on the cold, hard, blood-stained ground. Moments of his life flew by; some settled, and he remembered.

It all collided in his mind. He thought of Beka, just seconds ago, as he reached for her and was within a hair’s breadth of grasping her hand in his but in the end his fingers caught only air. Naila’s face shifted and settled in his vision and he remembered all of the things he’d always meant to say to her. Now, too late to say anything at all.

He thought of the moments with his grandfather and uncle and the words of the Resol’nare and the Creed and all of the things he’d done in his life to betray everything they had ever taught him about being Mandalorian.

He thought of how epically he had failed at every stage of his life and how disappointed he knew the people he loved, and who might still love him were in him.

All the moments he wished he could live again and do differently; they all flashed across his rapidly blurring and narrowing vision.

/////

21 BBY
Coruscant Medical Facility


“Nikana!”

At thirty-five standard years of age, Erek didn’t appreciate being yelled at, so he did not turn to face the administrator of the surgical care unit as he responded. “Yeah?”

Garag, the older man with graying hair didn’t care for Erek Nikana on a personal level, but he had to admit that the man was a very gifted surgeon. ,

“I just got word from the bosses,” he began. “A team is being assembled to supplement and support the clone medics on Dantooine. You’ve been selected as…”

Erek spun around then. “What did you just say?”

“I said you’ve been…”

“I heard you!” he snapped. “There’s no way I’m going back to a battlefield. I told you that when I came back from Umbara. I specifically said I would never work on a battlefield again. Blood and bacta…that’s all you can smell and taste and…feel in a war zone. I refuse to…no, no, I will not do it again, Garag. Find someone else this time.”

“Are you finished?” Garag questioned once the outburst had calmed.

Erek bent over and took in a deep breath, pressing the urge to vomit as far down as he could as he tried to calm his racing pulse. Beads of sweat gathered on his forehead and his palms were clammy.

“You have to forget, Nikana,” Garag instructed curtly. “You have to move past what you went through on Umbara.”

Erek shook his head and whispered. “Mando’ad draar digu.”

Garag tilted his head, the language unfamiliar. “You leave in the morning. Get packed, get some rest and be ready to make the transport at 0700.”

Garag walked away while Erek was still reeling. He looked up and again felt sick at the looks on the faces of his colleagues as they stared in sympathy.

Naila was the only one brave enough to approach him. She rested her hand on his back and rubbed in small circles trying to ease his discomfort, his terror.

“What can I do?” Naila questioned him softly.

He looked up at her; blue eyes full of hesitation and resentment and anger and rage. He stood tall and straight then; his feelings wrapping around his guts like tree roots, squeezing any and all good feelings from his soul.

“Nothing,” he answered darkly. “There’s nothing anyone can do.”

He marched off and Naila could do nothing but watch him go; her own heart tearing in two.


/////

The transport looked as beat up and defeated as Erek felt while he stood on the platform awaiting the call to embark. Despite the climate-control system keeping the weather stable and temperate, Erek could not help but feel cold; the kind that seeps into your bones and doesn’t let go until it’s crushed you in its icy embrace.

“Embarkation to begin now!” was yelled clearly. “Credit chips at the ready!”

Erek sighed. He bent down to hoist his pack onto his shoulder and made his way into the queue which had already begun to form. The process was quick and easy for which he was thankful. Delaying his departure would have only hastened his anxiety.

He entered his credit chip into the scanner and was cleared to board. At least the medical center was picking up the tab for his travel to Dantooine. He figured it was the least they could do since it was their decision to send him in the first place.

He walked quickly to the back of the transport and tossed his pack onto the floor as he took a seat. He looked out the window and saw someone running towards the transport and waving their arms in the air. By the time he realized it was Naila, the transport’s thrusters fired and it lifted off.

Erek pressed his hand against the transparisteel window, hoping she could see it.

“Ret’urcye mhi,” he whispered. “Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum.”

/////

23 BBY
Coruscant

The adrenaline rush Erek had experienced was beginning to wear off as he and Naila returned to the medical facility after having saved the life of Senator Mon Mothma.

“Your hands are shaking,” Naila said to him as she reached out and threaded her fingers with her own.

Erek nodded. “Yeah, I…I know. It happens to me sometimes when I’m…stressed. Sorry.”

Naila squeezed his hand affectionately. “Nothing to be sorry about, Erek. That was a harrowing experience. If not for the Jedi…”

“…we’d be dead,” he finished. “So would the senator.”

Erek watched Naila as she walked to the nurses’ station in the surgical department as they returned. He had noticed before how beautiful she was and had occasionally thought of pursuing her in a romantic fashion, but…

“Erek?” she called his name for the third time.

He shook his head. “Sorry. Ah, what did you say?”

Naila smiled and his heart thundered in his chest. “I asked if you’d like to have dinner with me.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to say yes. He wanted to say yes. He needed to say yes.

“Um…I can’t, Naila,” poured from his mouth. “I’d like to, but…I’m sorry. I can’t.”

With that, he walked away leaving Naila both puzzled and more than a bit disappointed.

/////

31 BBY
Carosi VII
Carosi VII Academy of Medicine


“Aren’t you cold?” a young woman questioned Erek as she stepped up to stand next to him.

Erek shrugged. “Not really. It’s no colder here than where I come from. I guess I’m used to it.”

“Where are you from?” she then questioned innocently.

Erek’s gaze turned sharp. “That’s none of your business.”

She glared back at him. “Excuse me for trying to make conversation. Anyone ever tell you that you have an awful attitude?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, a few people.”

“Where are they?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Erek said with a smirk as he turned around and walked back inside the building.

/////

39 BBY
Krownest


”Me’vaar ti gar?” (“How are you?”)

“Ni aala jahaala, Ba’buir,” Erek answered easily. (I am well, Grandfather.”)

His grandfather laughed and switched to Basic. “Your Mando’a is coming along very well.”

Erek shrugged. “Well, I am seventeen now. I’ve had five years to practice so it should be pretty good.”

Nakil Wren spent the next several minutes staring at his grandson while the young man stared out at the lake. Erek was tall and skinny like his father, but his dark hair and blue eyes were a replica of his mother’s. He was strong and had taken to the physical training quickly as if he’d been doing it his entire life. As he progressed in his training, he acquired more and more armor.

“I am very proud of you,” Nakil told his grandson. “You have embraced our traditions. You have sworn to follow the Resol’nare. You have become Mandalorian.”

Erek turned to face his grandfather and uncle, Jaro who had joined them.

“There is one thing which remains,” Jaro told the young man. “You must recite the creed.”

Erek nodded and made sure to stand tall and straight as he began the words he’d been taught from the very moment he’d asked these two men what it truly meant to be Mandalorian.

“I swear on my name and the names of the ancestors…that I shall walk the Way of the Mand’alor…and the words of the Creed shall be forever forged in my heart. This is the way.”

“This is the way,” Nakil and Jaro repeated.

Nakil took the helmet Jaro handed him and motioned for Erek to kneel. Once he did, the gray and yellow helmet was placed on his head.

/////

44 BBY
Krownest
Wren Stronghold

Will we even be welcome here,” Tobin questioned his wife. “You left here a long time ago.”

Ellyn shook her head. “I…I really don’t know. I haven’t followed the…I have not been a good Mandalorian. When I left and abandoned my family, they were…you must understand, I brought shame upon my house, my clan, my family and myself by leaving the way I did. I don’t for one second regret marrying you and having Erek, but…part of me needs this homecoming. Part of me needs to rediscover my heritage, to be Mandalorian again.”

Tobin wrinkled his nose in distaste. “How does one become Mandalorian again?”

Ellyn smiled a bit. “Well, it is said that to be cleansed of my sins, I must bathe in the living waters which lie beneath the mines of Mandalore. Other than that…beg forgiveness I suppose.”

“Mom?” Erek called out. “Where are we?”

Ellyn turned to look at her son, her only child. He was watching out the viewport. No doubt he was amazed by all of the snow and ice and the lake and perhaps even by the Wren family home itself. All were certainly sights to behold and she could not deny that seeing them again for the first time in so many years was making her emotional.

“This is my home, Erek,” she told the boy. “This is Krownest, home of Clan Wren. This is your home now as well.”

He looked at his mother. “Who lives here?”

She smiled as she touched his shoulder. “Your family. Our family. My parents and my brother Jaro. You have aunts and uncles and cousins here. There is so much extended family.”

Erek looked back as the ship descended after having been given clearance to land.

The small family gathered a few things and headed for the boarding ramp and as it lowered, Ellyn saw her father and brother standing, waiting, and watching.

She took a deep breath and headed for her father; Tobin and Erek on her heels.

Erek watched as his mother stopped in front of the man. “Father.”

Erek shifted his gaze from his mother to her father. The man didn’t say a word at first, choosing simply to look at the daughter he’d not seen in many years. But then his gaze shifted to stare at Erek.

“Who might you be?” he questioned in a deep, commanding voice.

Erek swallowed and gathered his courage. “I’m Erek Nikana, son of Tobin and Ellyn of Corellia.”

The young man’s mouth twitched but he managed to refrain from laughing. He cleared his throat as he stepped around his father and knelt down in front of Erek.

“Well, Erek Nikana, son of Tobin and Ellyn of Corellia, my name is Jaro Wren of clan Wren of Krownest and Mandalore,” he said clearly as he held out a hand. “I’m your uncle. Your mother is my younger sister.”

Erek smiled as his forearm was grasped in greeting. “Nice to meet you. You live here?”

Jaro chuckled then. “Indeed, I do. So does most of Clan Wren. Come, I’ll show you around while your parents…chat with Father.”

Erek only glanced at his mother and father for a moment before following his newfound uncle inside the large home.

/////

46 BBY
Coronet City


Erek was awakened in the middle of the night by the loud voices of his parents. They were arguing. They were always arguing. Even at just ten years old, Erek understood that his parents’ marriage was not necessarily a happy one. They seemed to get along well enough when they were with him, but nearly every night after he went to bed, the fighting began.

“What are you going to do this time?!” Ellyn yelled at her husband. “How much do you owe him?”

“That is not your concern!” Tobin yelled back.

Erek heard a glass hit the wall and shatter.

“This is going to get us all killed!” she accused him.

“If you’d just let me handle it and stop getting involved, you’ll all be just fine!” a new voice sounded out angrily.

Another glass shattered. It was getting so loud and Erek could hear his mother crying.

Erek climbed slowly and quietly from his bed and got dressed. He opened his window and carefully climbed out. He stepped softly as he crept around the side of his family dwelling and was near the front when he heard it.

A blaster. A scream. Then he saw it.

A man he didn’t recognize was lying dead in front of the home; a blaster wound to his chest and Erek’s mother standing over him holding the weapon.

Erek’s young eyes were riveted to the scene. He’d never seen a dead body before and…

Erek vomited, alerting his parents to his presence. His mother gasped. His father screamed at him to get inside.

He vomited again. And again. Ellyn ran to her son and wrapped her arm around him as she ushered him back inside their modest home, right past the man his mother had just killed.

He tried to keep his eyes forward, but something inside him, everything inside him told him to look back. To see death up close. To understand it. To make his peace with the last act of life; dying.

So he did. He turned and he looked. The man had met his death with his eyes wide open.

And Erek knew it would not be the last time he saw death.

 

Erek, from the moment of his death to being a young child seeing the death of a man,
His discoveries being a Mandalorian and becoming a surgeon. Excellent glimpse into his thoughts and life.
Congrats on finishing the Kessel Run

 

Congratulations on completing the Run with this perfect interpretation of the prompt - classic, really!

Ugh, that awful mission.

One of his most noteworthy accomplishments, I should think.

It's not the usual homecoming reunion, but she appears to handle herself well, good for her.

They've had a tough time of it, and little Erek must witness the awfulness before and during this last traumatic event ... aw.

 

I came here to review your wonderful reverse narrative story, but then I realised that I never reviewed your double-drabbles, so you're getting a two-in-one from me today

Winds of Change: Trudging On

You'd warned us in your intro notes for a previous entry that this was where we'd see Erek die, but what made it all the more poignant was the fact that we didn't witness the scene itself, only the moment before, and then the fallout

This sentence made me wonder to what extent Erek would see himself the way beka describes him. Probably not very much! But while she probably idealised him in part, she also saw something in him that he failed to see himself.

Great take on the prompts

And now for the pièce de résistance...

Winds of Change: At the Moment of Our Death

To begin with a general comment, I really liked how you included elements of Erek's Mandalorian identity at every stage of his life as we see it here, because it explained a lot about his gruff personality and exterior. (I also loved that you included those titbits from recent episodes of the Mandalorian!) At the same time, these very same elements essentially tell us that Erek is trying in some aspects to not be a Mandalorian, to not be part of a warrior culture, and that this is why he chose to became a physician, but even then, the war is catching up with him.

And indeed, he doesn't see himself with the kind eyes Beka sees him. He built himself a metaphorical suit of armour in order to not disappoint people, but he still feels that he has been a disappointment in every possible way.

I loved, loved, loved the insertion of this bit of Mandoa here. It's got to be one of the best uses of the sentence I've seen in fanfic because of the unusual purpose it serves!

Also loved the recurring theme of Erek's eyes throughout the story, how they express different things and how they see different things.

The moment when, after their rescue of Mon Mothma, Naila asks him out and he refuses, was clearly going to be high on his list of regrets. In a sense, Erek has developed his own non-attachment policy, because he doesn't trust himself to not hurt the people who matter – even though, in rejecting them, he is hurting them too.

I'm assuming that the scene in the Carosi VII Academy of Medicine where Erek is extra gruff comes shortly after the first two entries of this thread where he was fleeing Mandalore. No wonder he wouldn't trust himself not to hurt others at this stage of his life! The woman who tried to talk to him had no idea what wounds she was opening just by being friendly.

The two segments that took place on Krownest were very interesting for the way you developed Mandalorian culture (that grandfather doesn't look like someone you want to mess with!) but also for the way you handled the concept of family. Erek's mother tries to be positive, saying that he has so much family here, and yet he introduces himself as "Erek Nikana, son of Tobin and Ellyn of Corellia" which tells us that he is initially reluctant to be integrated, and which probably didn't make his grandfather happy either. But later on, he recites the Creed, and becomes "one of them", only for it to end in disaster.

And finally (or initially), that scene on Corellia. What really stood out to me here was the fact that Erek's mother, who is the Mandalorian part of him, was also trying to not be a Mandalorian anymore, and yet violence found her the way it found him at every step of his life. That's a lot of baggage right there, and it adds to the layers of explanation of why Erek never let anyone come near him.

Fantastic ending in and of itself, plus the bonus callback to Erek dying with his eyes open in the double drabbles

This was a grand conclusion to a wonderful ride. Congrats on completing the challenge!

 

Congratulations on finishing the Kessel Run!

Winds of Change: At the Moment of Our Death
This is a wonderful use of the prompt: Erik reflecting on his life in his last moments.

Truly heartbreaking, and an excellent introduction to the rest of the fic.

I love this imagery!

This is such wonderful symmetry with the opening scene, and it informs Erik's decision to become a surgeon.

Well done!

 

Wonderful characters, @JediMaster_Jen

I've enjoyed reading about Erek and his family for several of your stories already this challenge. And now he's dead? You definitely saved the best for last in the backwards narrative. He was pretty young, too. Only thirty something when he met his end. After not quitting his job and doing what his boss - pardon me while I roll my eyes - told him to. And missing out on romance with Naila? What was he thinking?

Congrats on finishing the challenge. And love those colors!

 

Thank you! I think the story sort of came full circle from the moment he saw death for the first time to experiencing his own. HIs early experiences certainly informed his decision to become a surgeon even while he struggled with his past the entirety of his adult life.

Thank you so much! Umbara was an awful mission, wasn't it? Everything in Erek's life, from the first time he ever saw death to realizing his Mandalorian roots and what that meant to saving lives as a doctor informed who he became right up to his own death.

I felt it made a much bigger impact in that moment not to actually "see" his death. It's an emotionally charged situation anyway.

Not at all does Erek see himself the way Beka saw him. But you're right, here view of him was very idealized. She didn't know him well or for very long so her perception was based on very little in reality. But what she saw, he was never able to see in himself.

Thank you very much! I appreciate it.

This is a character I've had in the back of my mind for a long time and from the outset, I'd decided that he was going to be Mandalorian, but...not. I had the basic outline done on him (Mando, doctor, loner, bristly personality, standoffish with people, ect.) so I knew going into those first stories two years ago for the Olympic event what kind of character I had. The nuances of his personality came out as I wrote and my muse took me in different directions that I anticipated. The other thing that I had in mind ofr him and tried to keep as a theme in the stories is the theme of running; running away specifically and how Erek does that at nearly every stage of his life.

Including those little tidbits from the Mandalorian were just a case of "I couldn't not help myself". I love that show and the symbolism of water being the way to cleanse the spirit, if you will.

Even in his last moment when he reaches for Beka to try to protect/save her, he fails. In his mind, just another disappointment.

I definitely wanted to show how differently Erek saw things compared to the people in his life viewing the same situation or facing the same circumstances. He was never a glass half full type of individual.

Erek also does not trust people not to hurt him. He's been hurt before and that emotional suit of armor he's created is for himself as well. He'd just not intuitive enough or self-aware enough to see what his rejections do to the people around him. In thinking he can protect them and himself, he hurts all involved.

Correct. He's so strong and capable physically, but he's just as fragile emotionally and unable to accept that people could simply be nice to him for no other reason than just being nice and friendly. His past and experiences to that point have taught him nothing else.

Even at the young age he was in those scenes on Krownest, twelve in the first, he already strongly identified as Corellian, despite his eventual intrigue with his newly discovered Mandalorian grandfather and uncle. That early reluctance, that clinginess to what he knows is the catalyst for it all ending in disaster.

Yes, despite their shared willingness to help people as doctors, the violence is ever-present. The violent ways of Mandalore followed them both, culminating in the fact that many of Erek's most heroic and adventurous "saves" came in the midst of violent acts around him. All of those themes; danger, violence, healing, loss, fear of failure, fear of loving and being loved, they are all present in Erek from childhood through his death.

I think, at least I hope there is some element of bravery in Erek as well as all of the fear and regret he experiences throughout his life. His last moment, I think, showcased that as he met death with his eyes wide open despite the fear and regrets he felt in that moment. He was determined to meet his fate head on and not shirk the moment; he experienced it fully. There is bravery in that.

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed the stories.

He certainly had a lot to reflect upon. So many moments of fear and regret; all things that shaped who he'd become by the end of his life.

That theme of failure was the most recurring throughout the stories. Perhaps only to himself, but Erek felt failure from his childhood clear through to the end. Truly heartbreaking.

Thank you!

Thank you so much!

I'm so glad you enjoyed the characters. I said above that this character has been floating around in my mind for years and one of the things I knew from the beginning of bringing Erek to "life" in the first stories I wrote with him two years ago was the fact that he would die young. I'm a huge fan of tragedies (I know that's weird) and I think dying young, especially when there is so much more you could do and so many things you regret in life is the biggest tragedy of them all.

Thanks again! Love your color, too!!!


Huge thanks to everyone who read these tories and enjoyed them, whether you commented or not. Had a blast doing the Kessel Run and I look forward to next year!!