A Child's Treasury Of Rude Songs

A recent waste of time on Google revealed that some of the rude songs "everybody knew" when I was a kid are not very widely known, or have about 100 different versions on the internet--all of which are WRONG!! Absolute truth in rude songs was only attained in the suburbs of Detroit in the early 1980's. So there.

So post a rude song, jump-rope rhyme, etc., and where and when you learned it.

Then we'll all beat each other up over whether "Cinderella" and "yellow" do or do not rhyme.

****

(Three guesses what tune this goes to)

Joy to the world, the bus blew up.
And all the kids are free!
We're looking for the bus driver
We found her in the muffler
With the engine up her nose
With the engine up her nose
With the eeeeeeeengine up her nose.

Joy to the world, the school burned down.
And all the kids are free!
We're looking for the principal
We found him up the flagpole
With a pencil through his head
With a pencil through his head
With a peeeeeeeeencil through his head.

*****

There's really no sense of closure to song. What a shame. The opening has such promise.

Uhh--and suburbs of Detroit, late 70's/early 80's . . . in the back of a school bus, I think.

 

On top of Old Smokey
All covered with sand
I shot my math teacher
with a red rubber band

I shot her with pleasure
I shot her for fun
I shot her again
with a .44 gun

I went to her funeral
And spit on her grave
Instead of throwing flowers
I threw a grenade

I learned it in Third Grade, El Paso, Texas

 

Tic Tack Toe, three in a row,
Barney got shot by GI Joe.
Mama called the doctor,
the doctor said:
'Whoop, Barney's dead!
Whoop, Barney's dead!'

 

Jump rope songs. . .

Mabel, mabel set the table

We always just got really over-eager and jumped ahead to the "Red Chilly Hot Peppers" part, where everybody flipped out. Kind of hard to continue jump-ropping when one of the turners starts doing the running man and the other one cartwheels away.

 

Jingle Bells
Batman smells
Robin laid an egg
Batmobile, broke its wheel and the Joker got away.

 

Joy to the world
The teacher's dead
We barbecued her head
What happened to her body?
We flushed it down the potty!
And round and round it goes
And round and round it goes
And roooouuund and roooouuund and round it goes.

 

Deck the halls with gasoline
fa la la la la la la la la
light a match and watch it gleam
fa la la la la la la la la
Watch the schoolhouse burn to ashes
fa la la fa la la la la la
Aren't you glad you played with matches?
fa la la la la la la la la


Jesse and John... we had both those songs.

-sj loves kevin spacey

 

Fixed.

 

Best. Rude song. Ever. Why did we not have this song?!

****
Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Mutilated monkey meat
Petrified puppy feet
French-fried eyeballs swimming in a pool of blood
. . . and I forgot my spoon.


But I remembered my straw!! ::Long, disgusting slurping noise::

****

--early 70's, still Detroit, and I think my cousin taught me that. Bless her heart.

 

We varied between the Joker getting away, taking ballet, breaking his leg...


-sj loves kevin spacey

 

I remember when Joker sang that in an episode of the '90s animated series.

 

I've never heard the ballet one. Breaking the leg yes. I preferred the got away. It flowed better.

 

Because you didn't live in Texas, baby. We does like us sum firearms

 

I originally heard "...and Batman had a wreck."

 

That would definitely get you arrested if you sang it today.

 

Ah, here it is.

 

The terrifying thing is that my mother taught me these. Good ole Mom.

****

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me
I'm gonna go eat worms.
Big ones, fat ones, little bitty skinny ones,
squiggly-wiggly fuzzy-wuzzy worms!

****

Patience is a virtue
Virtue is a grace
Grace is a little girl who wouldn't wash her face.

****

(No idea what that last one is supposed to mean, but it's fun to say.)

 

Oh, definately. Our school has that "0 tolerance" thingy

 

That doesn't even rhyme! Your childhood friends sucked at this game.

-sj loves kevin spacey

 

lol

 

It was my brother I heard that from.

And yes it does rhyme at least as much as the other versions do.

"Robin laid an egg" "Batman had a wreck"

Let's line them up.

Egg - Away
Egg - Ballet
Egg - Leg

The first two just rhyme with each other. The last one is the only one that rhymes.

If you can use the first two, you can definitely use...
Egg - Wreck

Unless your accent is such that you pronounce egg, "ayg".

 

There's internal rhyme in there - it just doesn't 'pop'

 

Row Row Row your boat
Gently down the stream
Throw your teacher overboard
and listen to her scream.

Five days later
floating down the Delaware
chewing on her underwear
wish she had another pair.

Ten days later
bitten by a polar bear
That's how the polar bear died.

 

I remember that one!


Glory, glory, hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
Found her behind a door
With a loaded .44
And there ain't no teacher no more!

Glory, glory, hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
Found her in a bank
With a loaded army tank
And there ain't no teacher no more!


Several other variations which escape me at the moment.......