A day in the life of a Bounty Hunt...err...dad. (Humor) (COMPLETED! 12/7)

(Author's Note: This is my VERY FIRST contribution to the FanFic board, so I thought I would start with something humorous. Yes, I realize that there are no references to times of day in the SW Universe, the times are merely a tracking component to add to the humor and to relate to our own daily lives. I hope you enjoy.)

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[u][b]A day in the life of a Bounty Hunt...err...dad[/b][/u]

[u]5:00 am[/u] - I'm awakened by the sound of a completely annoying alarm. I stumble out of my bed and into the bathroom where I place my hand on the wall over the toilet and somewhat try to aim the stream of bodily fluids into the bowl. I yell for Boba to wake up and get ready for school.

[u]5:05 am[/u] - After what seems like an eternity of peeing, I'm finally finished and I shed my Mandalorian boxers and jump into the shower. I scream like a girl as the cold water violates my manhood before warming up.

[u]5:15 am[/u] - I exit the shower and draw a big bantha skull logo, like the one on my armor, on the steamed mirror. It almost makes me smile...almost. I dry my hair, brush my teeth, and make sure to floss really good.

[u]5:25 am[/u] - I slide a drawer open on my dresser and grab another pair of my Mandalorian boxers. They are, in all actuality, Fruit of the Loins size 34 boxer-briefs...but no one is the wiser.

[u]5:30 am[/u] - Yes, it took me 5 minutes to put my boxers on...is this your story? NO! Anyhow, I open my closet as I try to decide what to wear today. After approximately 10 seconds of deliberation, I reach for the only thing hanging in front of me...my Mandalorian armor.

[u]5:33 am[/u] - Almost had a mishap as I darn near zipped my "spaceman" up in my suit. I really dodged a bullet this time.

[u]5:35 am[/u] - As I sit on the edge of my bed, I pull my boots on only to send the right one to the floor as I scream in agony. I look inside to find that my son, Boba, has dropped one of his LEGOID pieces in it. I contemplate beating him about the head with my boot, but quickly reconsider as I remember he is a shifty little bastard and quite frankly...I'm scared of him.

[u]5:50 am[/u] - After I finally manage to ease the pain, I finish dressing myself. I reach for my helmet and notice that there is grape jelly smeared on the visor. I would ask my son if he is the culprit, but him being the only other person around sort of rules that out. I wipe my helmet down and slide it on as I look at myself in the mirror.

[u]6:00 am[/u] - Having just completed my 10 minutes of self-admiration, I walk with Boba out to my ship, [i]Slave I[/i]. We climb inside and I flip the ignition switch but nothing happens. I flip the switch again...but still, nothing happens.

[u]6:05 am[/u] - I'm working in the engine compartment and find that one of Boba's action figures has fallen into the left thruster and jammed it. I pull it out and return to the cockpit.

[u]6:10 am[/u] - We're on our way to Boba's school. Traffic is surprisingly low today. As we pull up to the front of the school, I see one of Boba's teachers waiting out front to speak to me. She informs me that Boba has been disruptive in class, telling the other students that if they don't do what he wants, he will have his father disintigrate them. I calmly assure her that he's just a growing boy with a big imagination and that he means no harm. She gives me a stern look and says, "If you don't get a grip on that boy now, he's never going to work well with others."


[u]6:20 am[/u] - I'm back in my ship, thankful to be away from the glare of my own child. I take off to Coruscant to meet a contractor about another job.

[u]7:05 am[/u] - After being stuck in hyper-speed for nearly 45 minutes, and passing Coruscant five or six times, I'm able to knock it loose and reach my destination.

[u]7:15 am[/u] - Took me ten minutes to find a parking space...I hate downtown Coruscant. I'm staring at the entrance to "The Sarlacc Pit" and I'm thinking to myself, "What a strange name for a bar". I decide to enter anyway.

[u]7:20 am[/u] - I tell t

 

This has to be completed - no question about it!

Bit that made m elaugh the most:

I look inside to find that my son, Boba, has dropped one of his LEGOID pieces in it. I contemplate beating him about the head with my boot, but quickly reconsider as I remember he is a shifty little bastard and quite frankly...I'm scared of him.




keep going, keep going!

 

ROTFL! Please continue!

 

Alright, 2 fans are enough for me. I will continue writing 10:30am - 4:00pm tonight and will post it first thing tomorrow morning. I'm glad you're enjoying this, it's a lot of fun to write. I actually had myself crackin' up with the whole LEGOID thing.

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[image=http://www.revbulldogmilenko.com/images/celticbountyhunter01.jpg]

 

okay, your fan army will be waiting. all 2 of us!

Don't let us down, or you'll have baying crowds to deal with...

 

From where I last left off...

10:30 am - After tracking my "mark" for over three hours now, I locate him and am currently staking him out. Just as I am about to make my move I receive a call on my comm-link. It is Boba's teacher. She has just informed me that I need to come pick Boba up from school because he has beaten up 7 of the children in his class at once.

10:35 am - I decide to postpone my hunt as I prepare to depart and pick Boba up from school.

10:55 am - I arrive at Boba's school and walk into the Principal's office where my son is sitting in a chair. Boba's teacher and principal both ask to speak to me in the office. I walk in and the Principal says to me, "Mr. Fett, I think Boba is suffering from Hyper-Space-Activity. We think he needs to be put on a sedative to calm him down."

"He's just a restless youth", I replied, "He doesn't need medication. He simply needs more challenges in class."

They agree to put him on a two week probation and monitor his behavior, but if he doesn't improve then they will schedule a meeting with a child psychiatrist.

11:20 am - I exit the office to find that Boba has tied the office secretary to her chair and gagged her. The principal and teacher both give me a harsh look as I quickly scoop Boba up and put him in the ship and take off.

11:25 am - As we're flying back home, I turn to Boba and ask him why he can't behave in school. He looks at me with that evil glare and answers, "I hate those people...all they do is annoy me.
I wish I could just terminate all of them!"

"Boba, if you don't start behaving in school, they're going to put you on behavioral medication" I told him.

He looks at me with another glare and doesn't say anything.

11:40 am - We arrive at home. I send Boba to his room like any normal parent would, but quickly reconsider as I remember he has 9 video game systems, a screen, and pretty much anything that
would keep him entertained. So I tell him that his punishment is scrubbing down the Slave I[/u]. He storms outside and begins to wash down the ship, mumbling hateful things under his breath.

11:45 am - I contact Mr. Buros on my comm-link and inform him of the delay in my hunt. He informs me that he has 3 just like Boba at home and fully understands the situation. I tell him I will continue
pursuit tomorrow.

12:25 pm - Boba returns inside, exhausted, and says, "I'm finished. Is that it?"

"Yes" I reply, "I think cleaning the ship is punishment enough, just let me do an inspection."

Boba begins to grin wickedly at me as I walk outside.

12:28 pm - I have just discovered what appears to be flowers which have been spray-painted all over Slave 1. Boba falls to the ground in laughter as I gaze upon my beloved vessel with great distress.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?" I yell.

He continues to laugh until I turn to him with an angry look. I quickly snatch him up before he has the chance to run away. I turn him over my knee and spank him several times. He doesn't cry, but instead yells at me, "I wanna' find my MOTHER!"

I look at him and try to explain, "Boba, you're a clone of me...so not only am I your father...but...Boba...I am your MOTHER!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" he screams.

12:50 pm - Boba has finally calmed down from the shock of his origin. Just then, the doorbell rings and Taun We announces that a Jedi has come to visit us. His name is Obi-Wan Kenobi.

"Have you ever made your way to Coruscant?" he asks.

"Once or twice." I replied.

"Recently?"

"Possibly" I retort "I travel to many places in search of contracts. You wouldn't happen to need anyone dead would you?"

"No. Thank you for your time Mr. Fett."

As the Jedi was walking out, I noticed Boba stick a piece of paper to the back of his cape. Upon closer inspection before the door closed, I saw that it read "Kick Me! I'm a Star Wars geek!" But, alas, I
can't punish the child for being creative.

1:20 pm - I tell Boba to pack his things, and tha

 

Bump...'cause I'm not sure if my "FANS" saw it yet.

[image=http://www.revbulldogmilenko.com/images/celticbountyhunter01.jpg]

 

Bumpin' again...

[image=http://www.revbulldogmilenko.com/images/celticbountyhunter01.jpg]

 

LOL again! The I am your mother was brilliant and no wonder Obi-Wan was annoyed with that pinned to his back!


Sabe126

 

Ahh, I'm glad my adoring public approves, LMAO!!! I'll have this finished tomorrow and post the rest. I'm also currently working on a BIG time story line where Boba goes back in time on a job to, in fact, PREVENT a bounty from being collected, but gets a BIG surprise. I will also work a little humor into this story line, but for the most part, this will be my first FULL ON piece. Anywho...glad you're enjoying my profile on Jango.

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[image=http://www.revbulldogmilenko.com/images/celticbountyhunter01.jpg]

 

LOL, this is good!

I like it Not that you need anyone telling you that

...Rambling again...

..sighs and walks out...

...turns back...

You are you going to wite more, aren't you?

...going now...

 

Oh, believe me, compliments are ALWAYS welcome...hell...I'm even happy to get criticism too, lol. I was beginning to think that only two people were reading this. And yes, I will be finishing this up tomorrow...err...later today...you know what I mean.

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[image=http://www.revbulldogmilenko.com/images/celticbountyhunter01.jpg]

 

Sorry I didn't finish today. My girlfriend was really sick so I had to take care of her. I promise that I'll get it up tomorrow though!

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[image=http://www.revbulldogmilenko.com/images/celticbountyhunter01.jpg]

 

Oh well you had a good excuse

Post as soon as you can and I hope your girlfriend is doing better!

 

4:00 pm - We finally reach Geonosis and dock. Darth Tyrannus is waiting for us as we appraoch him. I extend my hand in a firm shake. Tyrannus quips "This must be little Boba. I've heard so much about you." He extends his hand to shake Boba's, but Boba merely kicks him in the shin and says "Stay away from me you dirty old hack!"

Tyrannus turns to me and says, "Wow, now I can see what the big deal is. If he keeps this up, you're going to end up on one of those talkshows like Marty Brovich, or Jerky Sphincter for parents who can't control their children.

I assure him that I can control Boba, and he needn't worry about it. We must prepare for the execution of the 2 Jedi and the Senator.


7:00 pm - We arrive at the stadium for the scheduled execution of the two Jedi and the Senator. Boba and I take our places by Tyrannus.

7:30 pm - They release the monsters to destroy the 3 ruthless villains, but of course, the inept creatures can't get the job done...not even against the woman senator who doesn't even have Jedi superpowers. My son could destroy these cretons better than this.

7:35 pm - As we're witnessing the melee in the stadium below, a Jedi known as Mace Windu sneaks up behind me and puts his crappy saber to my throat. Already, my son has begun plotting on him. Tyrannus does not seem startled by the presence of this Jedi scum. Just as Windu is about to
make minced meat of my esophagus, some of Tyrannus' mech-troops show up and start shooting at him. While they had him distracted, I attempted to barbecue his punk ass, but he managed to pull a
wicked swan dive off of the balcony and begin an unholy ass-whuppin' on the Geonosian soldiers below.

7:40 pm - Meanwhile, my son Boba is watching closely, all the while plotting on someone. Who? I'm not quite sure. While the battle is raging, another Jedi jumps up to our level, but before he can even touch Tyrannus, I lay him out Clint Eastwood style and send him crashing below with a
few well placed blaster shots. I begin doing the "happy dance" all the while singing "I killed a Jedi! I killed a Jedi! I killed a Jedi!"

7:45 pm - I fly down to the arena and pick a fight with Mace Windu. He's knocked to the ground by the rampaging REEK and I dive for his saber...only to miss. Then, to make matters worse, before I can get to my feet, the stupid Reek tramples me and destroys my jetpack. As I manage to
get to my feet, I pull my blasters and bust a cap in the Reek's forehead as he charges me again and I dive out of the way.

7:50 pm - I begin to fire at Windu, but he only deflects the shots with his saber...big freakin' surprise. As he's deflecting them he begins to run at me all the while shouting a quote...

"Ezekiel 25:17 says 'The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the
inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance
and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.'"

I stare at my son Boba for a moment, and think about how rotten he really is...and I look at Windu and say "Please...put me out of my mysery!" He then proceeds to cut my hand and head off and proclaims, "That's 'cause I'm a bad mother..."

"SHUT YO' MOUTH!" Padme exclaims.

Windu grins and returns to the battle

8:05 pm - I'm watching from above as the battle ensues elsewhere as my son makes his way to my helmet...with my head still inside, and puts his head to it and I hear him say, "Yes, I finally get my own set of Mandalorian armor...and my dad's not here to tell me what to do anymore!"

Ahh...damn kids. But what can ya' do? He's not my problem anymore.

-The End

 

[face_shocked] You completed this!!! Already

Are you going to write other stories?

 

Oh, but of COURSE! This is only my first in MANY works to come. As I mentioned before, I'm currently working on a SERIOUS storyline about Boba Fett going back in time to actually PREVENT a bounty from being collected, only to come face to face with a HUGE surprise. But as for my humor posts, hell yeah I'm gonna' keep writing them. I gotta' build a fanclub somehow, right? Seriously though, I'm glad there are at least a few of you on this board who are enjoying this. I will probably start on another humor post tomorrow, so be on the lookout.

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[image=http://www.revbulldogmilenko.com/images/celticbountyhunter01.jpg]

 

Bumpin' it like a mo'fo!

 

I'm glad you bumped this, because I wouldn't have wanted to miss it. I loved it. I haven't read anything this funny in a long time. I look forward to your next stories.

 

Sweeeeet! I have like, 4 fans now! YESSSSSS! Heh heh. I RULE!

 

Hey CBH, I just had to check out your Fan Fic, and may I just say WELL DONE! I'm usually more interested in humorous Fan Fics, and your's is the best I've read in a while. Good job!

 

Thanx man, I'm tryin' to come up with some more material so I can start writin' some more funny fics like this.

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[image=http://www.revbulldogmilenko.com/images/celticbountyhunter01.jpg]