Are Wookies really Humans?!

I have to admit, I got this idea from Nathan Butler's ChronoRadio #17.5, which I thought was absolutely hilarious!

I think that Wookies are really Humans... albeit a different variety.

Long ago, in a time before prejudice and persecution, there was a certain group of humans who had a lot, and I mean a LOT of pubic hair. In fact, in time, this human species evolved to the extent that pubic hair covered their entire body!

At this stage, the rest of humanity became jealous of the amount of 'sexual' hair that covered the entire body of this race, that they were vanquised to the realm of the unknown.

They were forever designated 'Wookie', an insult that would live forever more in the linguistical magic that envelops BASIC.

Wookies, forever shunned from society and their peers, learned to adjust and created their own form of society. Millennia later, their form of BASIC developed a unique accent that would be undiscernable from modern English, such as Scottish and Welsh. Groans, grunts and growls were the only sounds that later anthropologists could fathom.

Wookies to this day remain a persecuted species, forever tormented, chastized and ridiculed, all because of something so natural as pubic hair.

 

lol nice idea but I don´t think so!

 

I think it is STRONGLY possbile!

Look at all the human races today! Some are vastly tall, some are pygmy. Some are tanned, some are pasty. Some are thin, some are dim.

How is it not possible for a human offshoot, to have two unique characteristics, ie: be both tall and hairy?!

 

KOTOR actually has its hand Wookiee history, flat-out implying that Kashyyyk's gigantic forests are a result of Rakatan tampering, and that Wookiees are a caretaker race.

Given the time period that the Rakata were active, it makes the Wookiees a very young race by evolutionary standards.

I don't suppose it's impossible for there to have been human templates, as it would save the Rakata a lot of R&D.

 

So, are you in support of the prominant-pube theory?

 

Even if your theory was correct and its one helluva long shot, that doesn't explain their claws. I forget just how long the averege wookie claw is, but I know it surprised Leia that Chewie had claws in TTT.

 

Stupid KOTOR game...if there's one thing I hate about it it's that we're suddenly told by a game that the Rakata created about every species in the Star Wars universe.

Nice theory you got there.

But highly unlikely. Why don't they speak basic, I mean there has never been a Wookiee who spoke basic and I read somewhere they couldn't pronounce it.

 

Actually, some wookies could speak basic fairly well, though with an accent. I forget who, but several wookies in the Thrawn Trilogy spoke basic.

 

One, and it had a speech impediment.

 

Still, you can't explain how they become 400 years old.

 

Thats a mere technicality.

 

Thrawn'd probably find some way to use this as ammo...

 

Prepare yourself to get a Golden Ewok, Dolphin_Jedi.

 

Dolphin_Jedi: Oh, yes, you get a Golden Ewok?!

As to the hair; well, that's nothing, really... humans with the rare condition known as hypertrichosis (a quick google should bring up some C17th sketches and old black-and-white photographs) are every bit as hairy as Wookies..

The basic differences are the rarely-seen claws, the teeth, and perhaps the noses... I guess Chewie's nose falls into the broad range of human nose-types (he may even shave it!), and although I can't find any specific online references to cuspid macrodontia, I don't see it ruled out, either; it seems linked to gigantism, so given that Wookies are generally tall, larger teeth are perhaps possible without the same pituitary abnormality that causes that condition... in short the teeth could, theoretically, be a matter of biological selection within the broad parameters of the human phenotype, similar to the fur (this isn't evolution, btw - just selecting life-partners according to different criteria - kids pick up their parents' physical features, right)...

This leaves only the claws... and these are c-canon, not g-canon, very rarely seen, and almost a source of shame. They certainly seem aberrant cosidering the general primate-like physiology of the Wookies... how do you fit a claw in a human-like finger?

A case could be made that the claws - and perhaps the large canine - teeth, are parasitical implants of the Vong sort... anyone know if individual humans can have long canines and/or clawed nails?

So, check. It's entirely possible that Wookies are humans; it could be very simple: over the millennia, hypertrichosis and megadontia of the cuspids could have become prevalent in the genetic subgroup, potentially starting with a single individual in the original settlement group (think of it as a hairy version of the Habsburg lip), and they could have adopted implanted "claws" to survive on Kashyyyk...

More plausibly, they were genetically engineered by the Rakatan (anyone got a specific quote on their origins?), acquiring claws, sharper canines, and hypertrichosis. Minor cosmetic changes, really, for all that they change their outward appearance and nothing beyond the bounds of GFFA bioscience...

So, yeah - I like this!

But then, I would, wouldn't I...

- The Imperial Ewok

 

Long ago, in a time before prejudice and persecution, there was a certain group of humans who had a lot, and I mean a LOT of pubic hair. In fact, in time, this human species evolved to the extent that pubic hair covered their entire body!

At this stage, the rest of humanity became jealous of the amount of 'sexual' hair that covered the entire body of this race, that they were vanquised to the realm of the unknown?. Wookiees to this day remain a persecuted species, forever tormented, chastised and ridiculed, all because of something so natural as pubic hair.


This is an interesting theory, but it is a bit preposterous, don?t you think? First of all, individuals do not evolve...species do. And since a Wookiee can live for hundreds of years it would take probably millions of years for the species to evolve that far from the normal human stock.

Thrawn_McEwok mentioned that this might be a form of hypertrichosis, but I must point out that congenital hypertrichosis is the result of a genetic disorder and not the product of evolution. In any case, congenital hypertrichosis would not explain Wookiee claws, fangs and the obvious difference in the skull structure. Anyway, if hypertrichosis were the answer, then the hair would not be considered pubic hair, but persistent embryonic hair.

Plus, when does pubic hair stop being pubic hair and becomes body hair? If a man? any man? lets say young Obi-Wan Kenobi? had a line of hair running from his groin, past his tight rippled abdominals and up to his broad muscular chest, would you say his chest hair is really pubic hair?



Oh great now I am all hot and bothered. Damn! Why did you get me thinking about tall, muscular, hairy men?!?!

OMG that theory was deserving of a Golden Ewok!! Humans resented Wookiees because these large hairy bipeds got them aroused.

This all makes perfect sense now. Humans interacting with Wookiees eventually resented being placed in that constant state of arousal, especially since the Wookiees never reciprocated this licentious fervor. No wonder they were vanquished to the realms of the unknown.

Could this resentment also explain why Wookiees were eventually enslaved? Was this an unconscious human desire to take control of one?s sexual urges?

How do you get me thinking of such things!!!


AG88

 

What about the fangs? And those are G-canon McEwok. Just look at Chewie's mouth in any of the movies.

Wookiees are too good to be humans anyway.

 

Spam.

 

88: !

You get a Golden Noghri?! for your troubles...

I wasn't claiming that the hypertrichosis of homo sapiens sapiens kashyyykensis was an evolutionary thing; indeed, I was arguing that if descended from humans, they were, probably, still humans, capable of producing mullatto children.

All I was saying was that hypertrichosis can be transmitted to descendants, most famously in the case of the family of Petrus Gonzales, Court Wookie to Henri II of France; born in the Canary Islands but married to a French noblewoman, his family became celebrities in C16th and C17th Europe...

As to the shape of his skull, is it really outwith the range of human appearance?

r-w: that was what I meant by "macrodontal cuspids" - large canine teeth... with four incisors between the canines on the upper and lower jaws, Chewie's teeth seem to be those of a primate, not a canine...

- The Imperial Ewok

 

hmmm if wookiees and humans are closely related.... could they interbreed, and if so, what would the children be like... short-haired, shorter wookiees with claws? robin williams?

 

No, they would look like Ewoks.

 

Sufficiently advanced manipulation of the human genome would not put a 7 foot tall densely furred humanoid out of the question. The claws are somewhat problematic, are felinoids a direct ancestor of the great apes and humans?

 

Perhaps they are mutant humans with claws, just like Wolverine!

Perhaps he actually was the ancestor of the Wookie race, after all, he was pretty hairy.

So perhaps this is the element which links X-Men and Star Wars?

 

Dolphin_Jedi:
So perhaps this is the element which links X-Men and Star Wars?

Well, there is always Chris Claremont too.