Oceania Aussie Sayings

Got this e-mail from my sister tonight, and I thought I would share the humour with you:

I'm Hungry

"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies."
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."
"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair."
"So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck."

I'm Thirsty

"I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger."
"I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat."
"I'm as dry as a bull?s bum going up a hill backwards."

I need to go for a pee

"Gonna drain me dragon."
"My back teeth are floating."
"Need to syphon the python."
"Takin' the kids to the pool."
"I got to take a snake?s hiss."
"Gotta go have a slash."
"Gonna go water a horse."
"I'm off to drain the main vein."
"Time to splatter the bladder."
"Shake hands with the wife's best friend."

I need to do a poo

"I'm takin' a stroll to the gravy bowl."
"It was like giving birth to Kim Beasly."
"Off to the bog to leave an offering."
"Have to hang a brown bear in the porcelain cave."
"I'm gonna strangle a brownie."
"There's a brown dog barking at the back door."
"Taking out the garbage."
"I gotta back one out."
"Release the Chocolate hostage."
"i gotta lay some cables for Telstra."

Yes

"Does a fat dog fart?"
"Even Blind Freddy could see it."
"Is the Pope a Catholic?"
"Does a Koala **** in a gum tree and wipe his ass on a Cockatoo?"
"Bloody oath!"
"No wucking furries."

Insults

"Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache!"
"About as useful as tits on a bull."
"You must be the world's only living brain donor."
"He had a head on him like a sucked mango."
"May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down."
"He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock."
"So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him 'til the bell rang!"
"Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery."
"Pull your lip over your head and swallow!"
"If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards."
"About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition."
"A stubbie short of a six pack."
"So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit him."
"He could talk a dog off a meatwagon."
"You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie."
"He wouldn't go two rounds with a revolving door."
"Mate, she?s as rough as a pig?s breakfast."
"Your face is like a twisted Ugg boot."
"She's been hit with the fugley stick too many times."
"She's two pick handles wide."
"An arse like two pigs fighting in a sugar bag."
"As ugly as a bag of spanners."
"You've got a head like a dropped pie."
"Fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down."
"As thick as two short planks!"
"You got a head like a busted watermelon."

Obviously I couldn't include many of these due to the rudeness factor, but the above should provide a laugh or two!

 

"I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat."

so true!

 

I had actually never heard of that saying before, and I found it rather funny!

 

My friend is in the last stages of inebriation

"He's talking to God on the big white telephone."
"He's talking to Hughie."
"He's doing the technicolour yawn."

I am making the best of the situation

"You can't polish a turd...but you can roll it in glitter!"

 

"About as useful as tits on a bull."
That's one of my favourite sayings.

 

That's one of the only saying out of this list that I've heard

 

The only "aussie" slang like that I use, that I am conscious of, is "bugger".
^.^

 

Haha! These are hilarious!