Saga Behind Blue Eyes (Vader song fic/vignette)

Title: Behind Blue Eyes
Author: Darth_Djinn
Genre: AU songfic/vignette
Time Frame: The Saga
Characters: Vader

This song fic is inspired by the classic song by The Who-Behind Blue Eyes (I despise the Limp Bizkit version)

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

Looking out the window of The Executor I fight feelings from the past. I am the last of a long dead order. I am the one who destroyed it and everyone that I held dear. I am also the man who killed love, in the name of order and ?freedom?. That?s why I wear this mask. I must hide behind it or I will be forced to look into my own eyes and feel my crimes.

No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

As feared as my master is I am twice as feared. Ridiculed for my beliefs, I lie to myself to protect myself. I say she betrayed me, and that she did not love me. This is not true. I betrayed her.

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

My dreams are a vivid nightmare of a life that is all too familiar, yet so distant from me now. I hear her call my name. She runs to me. I grab her violently. She whimpers. I throw her against the wall. She slides down the wall all along asking me what?s wrong. I don?t answer. She says she loves me. I can?t answer. Love leads to forgiveness. Forgiveness leads to compassion. Compassion is the road back from where I came. I am no longer the man she loved. I AM SITH. Still I love her. My ?freedom? is and has always been an illusion.

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

My heart is ice. The thoughts of you can still warm it. It?s your fault I?m like this I did this for you. I lie to myself over and over again. To admit the truth would be to blame myself. I must continue to blame you.

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

My Force shield is always up or my anger, hatred, pain, fear, would destroy this ship; and me with it. I must survive. I must survive to suffer as I made her suffer.

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

I don?t remember how many times you kept me from going to the Darkside before I did. Leaving you was more tragic then any Nubian play you made me sit thru.

If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

My mind drifts back. A time before the darkness consumed me. Long before what I have become. I loved you from the moment I met you. Along with the man I respected, maybe the only man. The feeling of the blanket you placed on me so long ago in that ship in the cold of space. I embrace that cold now as the only thing that keeps me... alive.

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

 

Oh, this was so sad. The song was perfect to describe Vader!

That?s why I wear this mask. I must hide behind it or I will be forced to look into my own eyes and feel my crimes.

Loved this line.

Great songfic.

 

I was subjected to Limp Bizkit version of this song for all the Trip Tucker/Enterprise fan videos, so The Who's version is much more apt for Anakin/Vader, to me.

Great dichotomy:

Love leads to forgiveness. Forgiveness leads to compassion. Compassion is the road back from where I came.

 

Great fic, Darth_Djinn. You hit it right on the head. Congrats on your first cannon character.

Man I gotta get back to my shelfed stories!

 

great songfic, Djinn!!

you did Vader very well! loved how he knows he's deceiving himself....that's so sad, but really cool!

 

I like the insights it gives into Vader. And a perfect choice with Behind blue eyes.

 

Gina I thought so too. and thank you.

agentj I was absolutely OFFENDED by Limp Bizkit's pathetic attempt at a cover of that song.
The phrase just flowed so smoothly but if you think about it that is EXACTLY what happended when he found Luke

SkalenFehl Thank you!!! I agree I was inspired by your two songfics!!! you need to get back to your shelfed stories!!!

SarkaVrae Thanks Sarka. I put him in more the human aspect of his character. I mean how many times do we lie to ourselves and know we are doing so!

Healer Leona thank you I tried to make the mechanations of man a little more accessable and Behind Blue Eyes was ideal!!!

 

What a perfect song for my Vader! You did a great job of bringing this one to life. Bravo!

 

VaderLVR64 As always thank you for reading I'm glad you like my envisionment of Vader.

 

I am no longer the man she loved. I AM SITH.

I liked that line. He sounded so resigned to being evil for the rest of his life, so hopeless.

Great work, buddy, great work!

 

ConradI wanted to give him that resigned desperation of knowing that he could never take back what he had done! Thank you!

 

It puts Vader in a whole new light for me. I loved it.