Saga - PT Cat-aclysmic in the Jedi Temple Library: Mod Dare Challenge 2024

Title: Cat-aclysmic in the Jedi Temple Library
Author: gizkaspice
Characters: Jocasta Nu, Count Dooku, Blacky and Jocasta's library assistant, Gar
Timeframe: Before the Phantom Menace
Summary: A black cat causes trouble in the Jedi library and Dooku and Jocasta's secret romance is revealed in the most bizzare circumstances and something is set on fire.

Received this dare from @earlybird-obi-wan:

1 Write a story including a cat named Blacky.
2 He/she is trouble in the Jedi-temple.
3 Jocasta Nu chases Blacky.
4 Count Dooku helps and reveals his love for Jocasta.
5 Some of the archives are destroyed.

Thanks for the dare! I hope I did justice.


Jocasta Nu was busy today in the Jedi Temple Library, training her library assistant the ins and outs of the digital archives. Today, an entire new database just arrived from an unknown historian donor from the Unknown Regions that needed to be categorized and turned into holobooks about the various kinds of Rakatan cheese.

"Who would ever look up this nonsense?" asked the library assistant, rolling his eyes.

"Those who cannot differentiate between the words Rakata and ricotta," said Count Dooku as he entered the historical area of the Jedi Archives, his robe illuminated by the blue lights. "Ricotta is a type of cheese. I am sure the Rakata enjoyed naming types of cheeses but not consuming them as they were most likely lactose-intolerant."

"Thank you for the clarification, Dooku," said Jocasta as she turned to the library assistant. "Gar, this is Jedi Master Dooku, who has generously volunteered to help shelve holobooks today. We are short on staff due to recent budget cuts from the Jedi Temple."

"Anything for you, Madame Jocasta," he replied with a wink.

The Chief Librarian cleared her throat nervously before turning to her assistant. "Well then, back to work categorizing those--"

"I have a question," announced Dooku. "Why is there a black cat sitting here?"

"Ah, yes, this is Blacky," said Gar. "I found him wandering around the Jedi Temple and named him Blacky because he's black and shiny. He's helping me categorize all these digital records."

"By doing what exactly?" asked Jocasta sternly, eyeing the strange black cat that she did not notice before for some reason.

Gar shrugged. "I'm....not actually sure."

"And you are sure this cat is a he and not a she? Did you even check?" asked Dooku.

Gar lifted the cat up and looked under the tail. "Not sure. It's too furry to tell."

Jocasta face-palmed and turned away, shaking her head. She was lucky the Jedi Archives were closed today due to maintenance. What would the Jedi think of her when they saw her employees check cat butts?

"I'm certain that's no cat but the Dark Lord Sauron in disguise. Check the archives, Jocasta, you will discover that the reason why so many Blackys appear in previous stories is because it's just him continuously taking on new cat forms named Blacky. I am certain of it!"

"Who?"

"You wouldn't know. I play a wizard in another dimension," explained Dooku, ripping off his Jedi clothes and revealing a long white robe. He glued on a longer beard. "Saruman the White. It's a great side gig but the inter-dimensional travel fees have gone up recently due to inflation so I can only play in a few scenes."

"You don't say. Dooku, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to stop playing dungeons and krayt dragons and get out of that dress," she warned.

"It's a robe, not a dress!" protested Dooku, tapping the bottom end of his staff against the ground.

"Does Qui-Gon know about this?"

"He knows," said Dooku with a nod. "And he approves."

"How am I not surprised...Qui-Gon was always a bit quirky."

"Now, I'm afraid you're going to have to remove that cat immediately. He is not who you think he is and before you know it, he will borrow all your holobooks without any intention of returning them and you will never track him down."

"This adorable little kitty cat could never do such atrocities!" protested Gar, petting the black cat. "Look at him--he's such a cutie."

"Sure, that's what he wants you to think. Before you know it, he'll bite you and give you cat scratch disease, rabies, tetanus or perhaps toxoplasmosis if you try and change his litter box. And if you saw him around the Jedi Temple, I am sure his intent was to give everyone allergies."

"Someone is not a cat person, I see..."

"I see you have been using the Jedi Archives to research all these kinds of cat diseases, Dooku," commented Jocasta with a nod.

"One must be prepared for all situations, Madame, especially those of the feline type."

Blacky suddenly slapped Gar in the face and snatched a small holocron in his jaws, running off at full speed.

Jocasta stood up from her seat and ran after the cat. "Come back here! That holds the entire list of every Jedi Master's pets!"

"Well, now that you told him about it, I'm sure he will find a way to use that information for malicious means," said Dooku as he ran after the cat with the librarian.

"Can you just stop talking and just help me?" she warned as she advanced her chase after the cat. "And for crying out loud, take off that dress!"

"It's a robe!" protested Dooku, lifting up the fabric of his robe as he ran with her.

In their pursuit, they found Blacky sitting on top a high shelf, overlooking them from up above.

"Don't you dare throw anything off," warned Jocasta, threatening the cat with a single raised and stern finger. "I am the protector of these archives. You will face my wrath if you dare---"

Her eyes widened in horror as a holocron, a few data tapes and delicate artifacts fell towards the ground----but all were held in the air before their fall by Dooku using the Force. They landed softly on the ground before her feet.

"You saved my archives," said Jocasta with a beam. "Thank you."

"Of course, Madame. I am the library volunteer today afterall."

Blacky jumped off and disappeared. The entire shelf he sat on suddenly collapsed, destroying the archives along with it. The duo just barely escaped the destruction as the contents spilled into the empty hallways.

Jocasta closed her eyes and sighed, remembering her breathing exercises.

"Don't worry, Jocasta," reassured Dooku. "I checked out these archives before and they only contained recipes of obscure space waffles."

"Well....that's reassuring," sighed the librarian. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Also, I love you."

"I can't take you seriously with that stupid fake beard. I also don't think this is the best time, Dooku."

"You're right," he agreed, taking off the long fake beard of his alter-ego. "Perhaps we should schedule a time for a proper date that doesn't involve cats and destruction."

She smiled, trying hard to ignore the fallen holobooks and other items that spontaneously set on fire for absolutely no reason. She was sure that cat was behind it all. "Yes. I would like that very much."

************

 

A perfect story for my dare. It has everything in it and is hilarious. Jocasta and Dooku/Saruman and his talk about cat Sauron. And a perfect dare for you to get and write about.
BRAVO

 

Okay, dooku the dressy LARPer type and the cat ruining waffles titillated me.

 

...

Fortunately, I've never gotten any of those things for all the years of kitty love I've had in my life.

Excellent response to the challenge.

 

Super hilariousness. Recipes for waffles. Dooku being Saruman in another dimension.

Jocasta and Dooku being a romantic pairing.

 

Oh, come ON! This was a perfect dare for you @gizkaspice, and you took the zaniness to the next level!

I absolutely loved the mental image of Saruman-Dooku running around the Jedi Temple to catch cat-Sauron, because of course he would! And one thing that made this dare the gizka special was the idea that it takes place inside the archives, now that we know thanks to you that Sauron doesn't return his library books. I was almost expecting to see the vet there at some point.

This had me in stitches. I could just see it, and it was a very entertaining mental image.

And again! Jocasta is full of common sense here. And we need a sequel to see how Sauron will poison their date.

And lastly:

This is such a brilliant idea and you need to write it asap.

 

Excellent use of the prompts for a madcap adventure in the Archives!

That section must make for thrilling reading.

What do cats do, actually? I have one and I'm still not sure. TBH, he could be in Sauron's employ.

DOOKU, PART-TIME WIZARD! I think the Clone Wars era of Nu and old Canon is missing out on a great sitcom.

And Dooku saves the day, very dashingly! Even if his wizard robes aren't exactly a hit with Jocasta. (Maybe if he dyed them brown. )

Well, you know what they say -- when you have random fires in the Archives, make a date? Or maybe that's just these two. Loved this ending and hope they have a nice date with a minimum of fire and wizard costumes.

 

...okay, what the actual heck?!

Oh, but how I loved reading this! Imagination run wild, and with such a firm, confident shattering of walls; both fourth and interdimensional. This is perfect comedy writing, and a brilliant reminder of how unpredictably delightful fan fiction can be! Huge thanks for the laughs!

 

I feel extremely terrible it's been almost a year and I HAVEN'T REPLIED TO ANYONE (and kind of forgot this entire story existed altogether) Let's change that and thanks for your patience!

Thank you! Honestly kind of forgot what this story was about and had to reread it This was the purrfect dare indeed and I'm so happy I had the honour of writing it for you and got everything you wanted (and I had lots of fun, too)

Thanks for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed that part as much as I enjoyed writing it!

I got a tetanus shot once for a very deep bite but that was it Thank you for your comment!

Now @earlybird-obi-wan got me shipping Jocasta and Dooku and I actually like it

Thanks for your comment! It was truly a dare custom-tail-ored for me

Now I'm thinking it would be fun having a weird fact book (as part of a fanon post) about random fun facts about the Unknown Regions that are just utterly bizzare and of course, cheese would be one of them!

It only seemed natural!

Thanks so much for your comment, Finds! It was a perfect match for sure! I was quite delighted and glad you enjoyed!

It was almost a little scary! I did not feel challenged at all

Thank you and glad you enjoyed! Oh, bringing in Dr. Tana would have been quite good but I don't think she exists yet in this time line--but maybe one of her many family members that look exactly like her that are scattered across the galaxy....

Ohh, good idea. And that would be a very Sauron-thing to do!

*puts on to do list for a fanon post*

Thanks so much for your comment, Kahara, and nice to see you here!

What do cats do? I think that's a philosophical question actually. What do they do...? Are we just slaves to them?

I also think all cats are actually Sauron's employs but they just decide to do his bidding when they feel like it and he can't really do anything about it

Tough economy so he has to have a side hustle!

So happy you enjoyed the ending and that sounds nice and a fine date!

I think this very clearly describes literally every story I post here

Thanks so much and glad you enjoyed this story!

I think I got everyone! Thanks so much for reading and commenting

 

It's good that you came back and replied to the comments. Otherwise I would not have found this fic at all.

You are a master of writing hillarious stuff, of mixing humour & abstract matters with a soft, triumphant miauw! Thanks!