Daddy's 10 rules of dating

All you dads with daughters out there, take note. These might come in handy some day:

Also, have any of you ever encountered dads like this when dating? I have, sucks.


Rule One : If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two : You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three : I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do no, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four : I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five : It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: early.

Rule Six : I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven : As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight : The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down should be avoided. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are also to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine : Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten : Be afraid, Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voi

 

:raises hand:

I am that dad.

 

When(if? ) I have a daughter, I will be like that. Exactly like that.

 

Heh. Those are good. I'm going to print those out for my husband.

 

I thought you were having a boy, Kate?

 

I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.

I'd rather skip this part, thank you.

 

Heh. Those are good. I'm going to print those out for my husband.

 

8 simple rules for dating my teenage daughter plus two extras.

Please send the royalty check to W. Bruce Cameron.

 

Yeah, but if our next one's a girl, he'll have them.

 

No like you are having any kids Kate.




I hope not all dads are like that. I only know the dads of girls I am friends with, and if I were to start dating one of them, their dad's would completely change on me.

 

"8 simple rules for dating my teenage daughter plus two extras.

Please send the royalty check to W. Bruce Cameron."

I was going to say, this looks highly familiar.

 

I never said I made these up. Just enjoy.

 

Good work...

When I met my first girlfriend I was handed a contract about rules of dating her and I had to sign it...

Pretty funny... Now I know that fathers want to protect their daughters but in many cases there are young boys who need as much protection from girls...

 

Hilarious!! My dad has two shotguns, about 8 pistols...and who knows what other weapons! No wonder I've never had a date...

 

This is why I am glad I have a son. It makes some things so much easier.

 

I've always been told that girls are easier to raise when they are children, but when they hit the teenage years it gets hard. And vice-versa for boys.

 

That is the kind of father that I would be were I ever to have a daughter.

 

We have a shotgun, shovel and 200 acres. But I can't picture my Dad doing that to some guy dating my sister.

My mom on the other hand...

 

To be serious that'd be a horrible parent.

 

Actually Sidious. That is a good parent. Trust me. I've seen good parents and I have seen bad ones. The good ones care. They may seem overbearing and strict. But in a few years you will realize they were right.

 

just one more reason why I want a son

 

hehehehehe this is funny and so true I can see my friends husband doing those things

they did talk about it while my friend was giving birth that if any boy had an interest they would be explaining their intentions on the business end of the rifle

 

Ahhh yes, the wonderful reasons why I hope I never have a daughter, although it would be tough to determine if it would be him or me brandishing the machete after we hear the tires in the driveway at 2am. I tend to care more about curfews than he does.

Jae

 

A good parent isn't one who lets their child do whatever they want to. They set rules to be followed and expect the child to follow them and if not, there are consequences. As it helps turn the child into a responsible adult and that is worth a lot more than having fun as a teen in the long run.

 

LOL, Oldies but goodies.