Dartmouth's rejection letter is freakin' hilarious

"I regret to inform you that we cannot offer you admission to the Class of 2006 at Dartmouth. During the past few months as we evaluated more than 10,000 applicants, we have tried to bring to our deliberations the care and intensity that you brought to your application. Our selection process did give us the opportunity to fully evaluate your candidacy.

The selection process does not separate the qualified from the unqualified applicants. We are convinced that most candidates for admission to Dartmouth would thrive academically and personally at the College. Of the many strong students in our applicant pool, an overwhelming majority is destined to perform extremely well in their college years. It is only the highly selective nature of the competition for admission that prevents us from offering more of our applicants a place at Dartmouth. This is one of the few times we wish we had a larger student body so that we could enroll more students.

The disappointment we feel in sending you this news is tempered by our knowledge that you will be successful at the institution you choose to attend. Best wishes for the next four years."

What are they trying to do, break up with me? They felt NOTHING when they sent this letter, except perhaps a slight breeze when they put the letter in the "NO" box.

Anyone else get this same letter? Or another funny college rejection letter?

 

Though I myself didn't read it, a friend got a rejection letter from Richmond that made them sound like they were high when they wrote it.

 

If I ran a college, I'd write, "You're not up to our standards. Strike that. You're just not good enough. You should consider yourself lucky if you get in anywhere. Have a day."

 

I got accepted everywhere I applied, of course I didn't apply to Ivy League schools because I don't feel like wasting money. I did get into BYU, which is actually pretty hard, but I can't even afford the $10,000 bucks a year it would take to go there.

 

Sorry to hear about Dartmouth, Dagger. Two things to remember are that Ivy Leagues are overrated, and there's always grad school, if you want it. Rejection letters aer always amusing, though, because functionally, they're really pouring salt on the wound and rubbing it in there. It's like, "How do I reject thee? Let me count the...", yeah well, can you count to one? Need help?

Be glad that you'll be going to college, whichever school you go to, and remember that you'll get out of it what you put into it. And if you at some point surmise that Ivy League bragging rights are important (as they can be in some circles) start planning for grad school early and make it happen. Best of luck.

 

All college rejection letters sound the same. They can't come right out and say things IAmTheDarkSide would, because they'd probably get some bad PR.

Amazing.

 

Hey, if you're gonna get rejected you may as well get rejected by the best.

The secret to the Ivy Leagues is to apply to early admission even if you don't think you're the greatest student.

 

Thanks, Darth CORLEONE, but I probably wasn't going to go to Dartmouth anyway. On the off chance that I got in, it would have been fun to snub them

 

See, now THAT's the way to think! You'll be fine.