Dis dress (mini game challenge)

So this was based on @Briannakin's mini-game challenge. It actually started off based on the Mulan quote challenge by @devilinthedetails but I think I'm going to have to write something that better fits the awesome quote I was given for that (this is definitely and rather obviously inspired by Mulan though).

Anyway, enjoy. This is pre-pre-pre-TPM with an adolescent Mace Windu and Qui-Gon Jinn (both of which I've done a disservice in my characterisation) and also an adolescent Namia Zahalin from USJS and her then paramour Taeyn. It was also supposed to be a one shot but kind of evolved into something only slightly longer than that.

Anyway, enough late night rambling, I hope you all enjoy. Feedback is great and will be met with virtual lamingtons and pavlovas

***

“Explain to me again why this is necessary?” Mace almost growled as he adjusted his outfit while shifting uncomfortably.

“The princess’ retinue can’t have men in it on the day of her wedding,” Namia said one eyebrow raised, “and we have to guard her, so we need to be incognito.” She slapped Mace’s hand as he went to adjust himself again, “stop doing that. Every time you do it, your cleavage slips out of place and it’s a dead giveaway.”

“What and my manly visage doesn’t give it away?” Mace’s voice was scathing, Namia ignored him, pulling and tugging at the stiff material to try and make it fit properly.

“From where I’m sitting, you make a pretty fine looking lass,” Qui-Gon flounced around the corner, skirts billowing. He paused, one hand in the air and looked down at the other two. Namia smirked. Qui-Gon’s broad frame looked like someone had squeezed a sausage casing so hard that it had split open at the top. His gigantic shoulders made a mockery of the delicate tulip sleeves and even the overly generous wig could not hide the way that his ears stuck up...and that nose! Namia sighed. In no universe was this ever going to work.

“Yeah but why do we have to do this?” Mace growled as Qui-Gon adjusted his skirts and picked up one of the delicate fans from the table. Flicking it open he pretended to fan himself as he collapsed dramatically on the couch.

“There are seven of us,” Namia said pushing Mace into a chair and pulling out a makeup case. He tried to brush her hand away but she smacked his arm hard, “don’t be petulant.” He scowled at her and she raised both eyebrows, an expression that was far more threatening than any words could be. Mace glared at her but let her start applying blush to his face. “The three Masters are all with the prince, because he faces the bigger threat, but us four padawans get to be with the princess all day. Oh, and I’m the only girl on this trip so you know, lucky me, I get to teach you all how to pass as girls in a single afternoon. Aren’t I lucky?”

Mace scowled again as Namia brushed his cheeks with the borrowed blush. It wasn’t like this was her forte. The Jedi didn’t usually go in for makeup, or fancy dresses or anything that wasn’t plain, itchy and brown. Somehow by virtue of being female it had been assumed that she knew how to do makeup, and make the three most boyish padawans in the temple into passable ladies of the princess’ retinue. There was a noise at the door and she turned to see Taeyn enter. He grinned at her and wobbled into a very awkward curtsy, the ridiculously long skirts this world called formal wear almost tripping him up. Namia felt her face flame. Even in pink taffeta and silk, Taeyn still took her breath away.

“Do you think I could pass as Lady Taeyna?” He asked grinning manically at her.

“Not with your hair like that,” Qui-Gon offered from where he was now sprawled across the couch, skirts hitched up and exposing way more than he ought to.

“Qui-Gon, don’t crumple that dress. A lady doesn’t sit like that. Legs together, back straight and don’t hitch your skirt up so high that everyone can see your lightsabre. Why aren’t you wearing the petticoats they gave us?”

“They were heavy and got in the way,” Qui-Gon grumbled sitting up and trying to smooth his skirts out. His fingers caught in the lace and there was the sound of ripping fabric. Qui-Gon’s eyes went wide. Namia resisted the urge to leap across the room and thump him. Instead she shut her eyes tight, wishing that the Masters had decided to take all of the boys with them rather than leaving her in charge.

“I can’t even fit my real lightsabre anywhere,” Qui-Gon grumbled staring intently at the torn lace on his dress.

“You shouldn’t need them. We are here as a courtesy; the princess is under almost no threat. It’s the Prince that needs protection. Also, how would you explain a lightsabre to the well-heeled ladies of Galanaton?" Namia's voice took on a sing-song tone as she imitated Qui-Gon's voice, "Oh look! Here is my lovely metal cylinder. Oh, what do you do with it? Um, light it up and chop the heads off the bad guys. Oh how thrilling! Tiny quiche? ”

“Fine, fine I get it.” Qui-Gon grumped tucking the lace back in and giving his skirts an experimental swish to see if the defect was noticeable, "but I still feel naked without it."

"With so much tulle and lace, you're anything but naked. Thank the Force." Taeyn put in grinning at his friend and pulling a pair of lacey red gloves out of a trunk and matching them against his dress.

“Remind me again, why we have to-” Mace started up as she turned towards him, eyeliner in hand.

“Because Jocasta Nu either has the worst sense of humour, or she really, really hates you, or the archives are incomplete about this particular nation and its customs.” Taeyn cut him off as he came up behind Namia and put his hands on her shoulders. She felt herself relax as he started to massage her shoulders softly. She glanced up at him.

“We can do this,” Taeyn said looking down at her. “I mean Mace in makeup, what on earth could go wrong?”

Before Mace could fire back there was a knock at the door and Mina, the princess’ chief handmaiden, stuck her head around the frame.

“I was going to ask if you guys were ready to go,” she said taking in the scattered clothes, Mace’s half done makeup and Taeyn and Namia only half dressed, “but I might just go and get my makeup case instead.”

 

KIT! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS MENTAL IMAGE!

 

And when you consider the fact that, at this point in time, Mace probably has a 'fro, it gets even more hilarious.

 

@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha - my pleasure It's definitely an amazing mental image, particularly when I did a terrible job at describing them but I was going the gigantic southern belle dresses which I think Qui-Gon in particular would rock.

@Cowgirl Jedi 1701 But Mace would definitely be rocking the 'fro, particularly if adorned with a sweet pink bow.

@devilinthedetails We aren't finished yet. The problem with saving princesses is that now you have a big froofy dress and no place to hang your lightsaber!

***

“So, one last time,” Namia said as the four of them followed Mina through the palace halls, “I am one of the princess’ second cousins from Manquetta, which is some tiny rural town out in the middle of woop woop. There was some sort of family rift which no-one remembers but we’ve recently all been reunited and we are here to celebrate her day because, I don’t know, that’s what distant cousins do or something. You three are my ladies in waiting.”

“That’s some great backstory there my love,” Taeyn said pushing her gently with his elbow. She glared at him.

“Look you, I’m trying my hardest to make this all work and if – Qui-Gon if you scratch your nose with the edge of your fan one more time I will…” She let the sentence trail away shaking her head as Qui-Gon hurriedly dropped his fan down.

Mina glanced over her shoulder.

“Namia and I have done our best, but I’d suggest keeping your fans up and open at all times. Nobody will think it’s odd as it is tradition for young ladies to be very, very modest in some of the more rural areas.”

Namia nodded and flicked her fan open. They came to a big, solid wood door. She closed her eyes and bit the inside of her bottom lip. This had to work, the princess’ life depended on it.

“So much for a romantic first date,” Taeyn whispered sliding his hand around her waist. Namia glanced across at him one eyebrow raised.

“You think going to a royal wedding is a first date?”

“I thought you’d think it was romantic?” Taeyn tried grinning cheekily at her. Even though it shouldn’t have been possible, Namia’s eyebrow rose higher she stared at him in horrified bewilderment.

“It’s work Taeyn, this isn’t romantic.”

“I don’t know, how many times do we get to dress up, go out, get fed and free entertainment.”

“Probably about as many times as we get dressed, go out, and potentially save a princess.”

“Exactly, so let’s enjoy ourselves.”

Namia shook her head at him and he grinned at her in the way that she knew that he used every time he wanted her to forgive him for saying something stupid, which was a lot. She found herself grinning back and Taen clenched his fist in victory.

“Yes, bagged myself the prettiest girl at the ball already.”

“If you two are quite finished,” Mace put in, “I think we’re about to go in.”

Mian pushed open the doors and led them through a small corridor and then out into a large, airy sitting room. There were plush couches everywhere, their upholstery the muted gold green and burgundy of the royal house. The room was filled with women talking. There was a small pause as they eyed up the new comers and then went back to their chatter. Namia looked around at the huge skirts, the acres of lace trim and the tiny hats perched upon the most ridiculous hairstyles. She watched the way the older ladies kept talking while their eyes took in every detail of the newcomers and felt her heart sink. There was no way that the others could pass for long enough to get to the wedding. Mina had disappeared leaving the four of them standing at the entrance way. Namia had a sudden sympathy for womp rats caught in the light of an oncoming speeder, this is what it must feel like to face imminent death.

“Now what?” Qui-Gon hissed from behind his fan. Namia looked up at him trying not to show the panic she was feeling. She was supposed to be good at this. Sixteen years of training and all the political classes that she could take and sheshould be good at this, so why did her feet feel like they were stuck to the floor?

They were saved by Princess Katya. She moved effortlessly through the crowd of ladies, her gold dress trailing behind her. She reached out one lace gloved hand and Namia took it, bending low over it as she curtseyed. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the other three ladies curtsey alongside her.

“Lady Namia, what a pleasure to welcome you to our home,” the Princess said loudly enough for the benefit of the old ladies standing nearby, “our families have been separated for too long. It is so nice to see the Zahalin and Sallaros families once more together.”

Namia straightened making sure that she met the Princess’ gaze.

“We are honoured that you have invited us Princess, hopefully our family meets your family’s expectations.”

The princess inclined her head and gave a small smile. She offered her arm and Namia took it. Namia looked at the other three ‘girls’ as they stood awkwardly together,

“You are dismissed,” she said with an incline of her head, “feel free to mingle and talk with the other ladies. I’m sure you and they will have much to discuss.” She smiled at them almost enjoying their discomfort and walked away with the Princess.

“I’m not sure that your ‘ladies’ are going to fool anyone,” the princess said leading Namia to a window and pointing out at something on the lawn as if describing the view.

“If they don’t then we’ll deal with it,” Namia said looking at the princess. “It’s your safety that brings us here, your majesty. The girls will pass because no-one will think for a second that a man or a boy would possibly try and trespass on such a special day.” Namia patted the princess’ arm with her free hand, feeling the confidence coming back. She could do this; diplomacy and politics was what she was born to do.

The princess nodded giving a worried smile tears shining in the corner of her eyes. “Why did the feud between my husband’s family and the Yorven’s flare up now? They’d been at peace for such a long time and then this happens. Your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest of your life and all I want to do is run.”

“Don’t let them see that,” Namia said positioning herself so that the princess’ face wasn’t visible to the crowd. She pointed towards a distant spire on the horizon continuing the charade, “This is your day and we will make sure that you and Prince Trellian have nothing to worry about.”

Princess Katya smiled properly this time and brushed her face. She squared her shoulders and gripped Namia’s arm harder.

“You are very wise, my Lady Namia. I think today I will heed my grandmother’s words as well as yours.”

Namia gave her a perplexed look.

“Lift your chin so you see the world. Smile even when your heart is breaking.”

Namia patted the princess’s arm gently.

“Those are wise words, but I also like the words of my ma-I mean my father for instances like this.”

“Oh?” The princess inquired a small smile hovering at her lips at the slight slip, “and what is this sage, advice?”

"Be like a duck.”

“A duck?”

“Yes, paddling madly underwater but showing nothing but calm on the surface.”

The princess laughed and several heads turned to look at them. Namia smiled gently and disentangled her arm from the princess’. She bowed her head slightly.

“Now, your majesty, if it pleases you I should check on my own ladies and see what is happening.”

“By all means, let me introduce you to Lady Syblina first as once you have that introduction you’ll find everything goes more smoothly. No-one gossips like Lady Syblina.”

 

Oh NO! I forgot the lamingtons!

@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha, @Cowgirl Jedi 1701 and @devilinthedetails please accept this giant virtual lamington as thanks for reading and commenting

 

LOL Love the advice from the grandmother and Namia's "father" Katya's nerves are understandable.

 

"Be like a duck."

Now that I think of it, aren't all of our favorite Jedi always trying to be like ducks?

 

Thank you @WarmNyota_SweetAyesha and @Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Be like a duck is my favourite piece of advice and definitely one I think most of our USJS guys are trying to do nearly all the time.

Today I have made this lovely brown sugar pavlova (virtual of course) for you both

 

Forty-five minutes later and Namia felt like she knew the lives of every woman in the princess’ retinue. Princess Katya had been right, Lady Syblina was a very good gossip. Namia now knew who was cheating on whom, whose sons and daughters had made good matches and whose hadn’t and just what Lord Domini had done with a Groat on that hunting trip.

“And then there’s my nephew Prin. He’s still unmarried and he’s about your age, I’ll have to introduce you two later this evening. I’m sure he’ll make someone a very good partner.”

Namia smiled politely and felt a hand wrap around her waist. She looked up to see Taeyn smiling down at her. She smiled back momentarily forgetting where they were and what they were supposed to be doing.

“Never mind,” Lady Syblina said and Namia turned back to face her flustered and guilty, “I can see you already have a partner.”

“I’m sorry, it’s not how it looks.” Namia said as Taeyn hurriedly took his hand away.

“Oh no dear, it’s fine. You’ll find no judgement from me. I find all young couples in love adorable and, while I’m sure our Prin will be disappointed, if you don’t swing that way, well you don’t swing that way.”

Namia relaxed. She could feel Taeyn repress a laugh and had to stop herself from turning around and punching him.

“You’ve picked a good one too. You’re a very nicely matched pair.” Lady Syblina continued, she gestured towards where Qui-Gon was standing while he talked to some of the other ladies “maybe I could introduce Prin to your friend over there, what’s her name?

“Uh, it’s Quin, Lady Syblina,” Namia stammered. The group watched as someone said something and Qui-Gon laughed dropping his fan as he did so.

“Or perhaps not.” Lady Syblina, “your friend Quin
is rather, ahh, striking.”

“She certainly is,” Taeyn said grinning madly, “but her father is very old and very rich.”

//very rich?// Namia sent Taeyn through their bond. On the outside, she merely smiled.

//well Master Dooku is rich in the force//

Namia struggled not to laugh but Lady Syblina’s didn’t notice as her mouth pursed as she considered this new piece of information, “Well, that might change things. You said her father was old?”

“Very old. Ancient even.”

//Really?//

//Well, he is…//

“Hmm, that may change things. A woman can overcome many things by being wealthy.”

“How about Lady Taeyna introduces you while I powder my nose,” Namia smiled sweetly, “I’m sure she’d love to hear about Lord Domini’s Groat.”

Namia patted Taeyn on the arm and smiled up at him noticing the quick look of concern that passed over his face. Lady Syblina reached over and firmly grasped Taeyn’s arm.

“Don’t forget Taeyna dearest, that our dearest friend Macee is available too.” Namia smiled and fluttered her eyelashes.

Lady Syblina beamed “That sounds excellent! Lead the way young lady.”

Namia waved as Taeyn was lead away. The way the crowd parted to let them through reminded her of a large cruiser being followed by a little tug.

The young Jedi made her way quickly through the crowd towards the ‘fresher. Most of the emotions she could feel through the Force were happiness and excitement but there was a strange undercurrent of fear and anger. She was passing just by the main double doors when they opened and a troupe of young women in black serving attire entered carrying trays. The Force screamed a warning and Namia found herself reacting almost without thinking. She smashed the nearest tray from the girl’s hands, petite fours and tiny cream filled tarts flew high into the air. From the corner of her vision she could see the other Jedi moving through the crowd, hampered by their long skirts. The tiny desserts rained down with quiet plip plops. She heard Lady Syblina’s voice over the crowd.

“Lady Namia, what is the meaning of this?”

Namia didn’t answer. The serving girl in front of her drew a short, wicked looking knife. Namia reached for her lightsabre but it wasn’t there.

Sithspit

The girl grinned and Namia noticed the five O’clock shadow and the bobbing Adam’s apple.

Double Sithspit

Mace, Qui-Gon and Taeyn were still trying to get to the front of the room their way barred by the tumble of furniture the fleeing ladies had left in their wake. Princess Katya hadn’t run with the rest of them, instead she stood frozen to the spot in the middle of the room.

The girl stabbed at her, Namia blocked it and tried to bring her knee up but instead of knocking it away, her skirts tangled around her legs and she went over sideways. The next second he was on top of her, the knife coming for her throat. Namia grabbed his arms and they struggled, the knife weaving to and fro. A second later her opponent was flying across the room. Namia looked up from her position on the floor to see Taeyn and Qui-Gon with hands outstretched manipulating the Force. To their right Mace was standing in front of the Princess, a large candlestick in his hand.

“Always the damsel in distress,” Taeyn said with a grin helping her up, an empty serving platter in his other hand.

“It’s this dress that almost got me killed,” Namia said as she got to her feet. The rest of the ‘servers’ were pulling their own weapons, bunching together and eyeing up the four of them. Frustrated, Namia looked down and saw a tear in the skirt of her dress where the knife had sliced through the fabric. She took the fabric in both hands and tore. There were gasps from the corner of the room where the rest of the highborn ladies were cowering but she didn’t care. A moment later she was standing in the thick white bloomers she’d decided to wear instead of the petticoats.

“Hey!” Qui-Gon said juggling a caff pot from one hand to the other, “you didn’t wear the petticoats either. Also, isn’t this the time that a lightsabre would come in real handy?”

Before Namia could answer the attackers charged towards the four Jedi.

“Princess in the middle!” Mace bellowed. The four Jedi surrounded Princess Katya, their makeshift weapons at the ready. Namia felt around for anything she could use to aid her, her hand grasped her fan. It wasn’t the best weapon, but now, without the skirts to hamper her movement, she felt much safer.

The attackers had obviously thought they would only be taking on simpering, well-bred women and one scared princess, not Jedi. Qui-Gon clocked two of them over the head with the metal caff pot, and then deftly threw a third across the top of a table. Mace was using the silver candle holder as a makeshift sword. Jousting against the knife with a look that Namia thought might be delight on his face. Mace thrust the candlestick again hitting his attacker in the jaw, the tiny pink bow that Namia had managed to fix in his hair bobbing gently with the movement.

“Be careful with that Lady Macee,” Namia heard Lady Sybilla call over the brawl, “it’s an antique!”

Mace merely gave a tight-lipped grin and threw the candlestick. It whirred through the air and pinned an attacker against the wall. Beside her Taeyn smashed the serving platter up and into one of the men. He dropped it and picked up a chair leg from the ground. Namia grinned as the her attacked thrust his knife at her. She flicked open the fan and the blade went through the delicate material. Namia snapped the fan closed and used both hands to twist it. She brought her foot up sharply right between her attacker’s legs. He crumpled over and Namia dropped back into a fighting stance.

“Jolly good shot!” Yelled Lady Sybilla from the corner.

As quickly as it started the fight was over. Namia looked around the room, the formerly picturesque sitting room was now a mess of broken furniture and ripped curtains. There was a smattering of applause from the ladies in the corner.

“Well done ladies,” Princess Katya said quietly as a bunch of palace guards burst through the broken door. The troupe of shiny coated men took one look at the groaning serving girls, the destroyed furniture and four young women wielding household implements and came to a stumbling halt.

Behind them came Mina, an egg-shaped bruise forming on her head. The Princess raised her head and squared her shoulders in a now familiar move. She looked at the head guard and raised both hands and made an expansive gesture. The captain of the guard looked rather shame faced.

“Clean this up,” the princess said waving a hand to the groaning black clad attackers on the floor, “move the ladies to the second parlour and find Lady Zahalin and her retinue something more suitable to wear.”

Mina bowed unsteadily and Princess Katya frowned, “but first Mina,” she continued, “find Trenice and get her to deal with this while someone looks at that bruise.”

The princess turned back to the four waiting Jedi.

“Thank you for your service. I hope to see you soon in the parlour.”

“I’m sorry about your furniture,” Namia said watching Taeyn pick up the rather dinted serving platter again and turn it over and over in his hands.

“It’s fine,” the Princess gave a tired smile, “this room has been long overdue for a renovation anyway.” With that she inclined her head towards the four Jedi and swept from the room. The group of ladies followed her, casting curious glances at the Jedi as they left. Lady Sybilla paused as if to say something, but shook her head thoughtfully and followed the rest of the crowd.

Namia turned to see Qui-Gon pick up a tiny quiche from where it had fallen on the floor and toss another one to Mace who caught it deftly.

“What?” The bigger Jedi asked seeing her bewildered look, “I’m hungry.”

 

Yes! I like!

I read the part about that move with the fan and: *mentally plays clip from Mulan*

 

Superb exchange about matchmaking followed by great improvisation with household implements.

 

@Cowgirl Jedi 1701 - that's kind of exactly what I was aiming for. I love Mulan, it's my favourite Disney movie and this is definitely one of my favourite bits.

@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha - Thank you I do believe there should be more fights with household implements

**
Epilogue

Namia snuggled back into Taeyn’s chest and watched the night sky above them explode with fireworks. They were sitting on a blanket on the grassed hill on the edge of the reception space. Below them guests danced and toasted the happy couple. Princess Katya looked radiantly happy as she held Prince Trellian’s hand.

“Well, that was an eventful day,” Taeyn said playing gently with Namia’s padawan braid.

“I’m just glad to be out of that dress.” Namia said clicking her boots together, “back into something more practical and more comfortable?”

“and more brown.” Taeyn said and Namia felt him chuckle, “I’m a bit sad though that we didn’t get to see Mace and Qui spend the rest of the day pretending to be ladies. I think Mace looked quite fetching in his little pink bow.”

“I think Lady Syblina was quite disappointed to find out that our Pryn would need to find another beloved. I met him you know, he’s a nice young man once you get past the fact he’s rather boring.”

“All non-Jedi are boring to you, my love. I can’t ever imagine you falling in love with someone who wasn’t a Jedi.”

Namia looked up at him from where she lay against his chest, and reached up to stroke his cheek.

“You know there you got the idea that I would ever fall in love with someone that wasn’t you.”

There was a long comfortable silence as the two took in the scene in front of them.

“I don’t know, I think she’s just switched tactics is all.” Taeyn said breaking the silence as he gestured down the hill to where Qui-Gon and Mace were surrounded by a gaggle of girls while Lady Syblina looked on. Even from this distance Namia could see the calculating smile on the old lady’s face.

Lady Syblina had been quite shocked when the four of them had been introduced by Mina’s replacement Trenice as Jedi and that three of them had been men! Princess Katya had spent a while convincing the older ladies that safety trumped tradition and then Lady Syblina had said something about how she’d feel much safer if the Jedi would show them how their lightsabres worked and it had all be fine. The rest of the morning had been spent with each Jedi demonstrating their skills while the ladies looked on and ooh and ahh’d and Princess Katya had slipped away to get dressed.

“Do you think she knows that she’s not going to get anywhere?” Taeyn asked quietly still gently playing with her braid, “it’s not like Qui-Gon or Mace are just going to leave the order for love.”

“It’s not them she’s playing.” Namia said, “see the other mothers hovering? Her granddaughters and nieces will be talked about as being desirable to the very manly Jedi. I’m sure they will have no problems finding mates.”

“Does that mean that we’ll have to go to more of these weddings?” Taeyn asked with a groan.

“Would that be so terrible?”

“Not if I get to spend more time with you.”

They sat in silence watching the prince and princess dance and Qui-Gon and Mace desperately trying to fend off the advances of Lady Syblina’s granddaughters.

The music swelled and Namia gazed up at Taeyn and smiled. Namia felt her heart start to race and the heat gently build in her belly as her one true love leant down and gently kissed her.

*~ Fini ~*

 

Wonderful moments of teasing and affection and nice to see the happy couple safe.