Ep VII should just be a Star Wars adaptation of Big Trouble in Little China

Big Trouble in Little China is the greatest movie ever, made or not made. Since GL likes to copy stuff, I mean do homages, Ep VII (or even the entire ST) should just be a complete rip off of Big Trouble in Little China, basically scene for scene.

The characters from Big Trouble in Little China translate to Star Wars very well.

Jack Burton: A scoundrel. Could easily be Han Solo or his wise cracking son. Believe it or not he's also sorta Jar Jar, if Jar Jar was ******* cool and not at all annoying.
Wang: The true hero of BTLC. Easily a Jedi. Girlfriend gets kidnapped and Wang is set on rescuing her. Could easily be Luke Skywalker, or his Jedi son.
Grace Law: Feisty damsel, is to Jack Burton what Leia is to Han.
Egg Shen: Old, wise, sorcerer mentor type. Could easily be Luke Skywalker.
David Lo Pan: Big Bad, starts movie as dream/spirit seeking to regain his flesh and blood. Sorcerer. Could easily be the spirit of Palpatine.
Margo Litzenberger: Reporter. Not really essential, but could be C-3PO.
Eddie: Maitre d, "and a whole lot more." Not really essential, but I guess could be R2.
Thunder: One of Lo Pan's three Dragons helping him regain his flesh. Basically just a strong dude. Would be Palpatine's servant.
Lightning: Another Dragon, uses lightning. Obvious use of Force lightning is obvious.

Rain: Another Dragon, dual-wielding sword expert. Obvious lightsaber master.
Miao Yin: Wang's girlfriend. Nothing more than damsel. Could be Luke's or Luke's son's girlfriend.


The plot is basically Wang's girlfriend Miao Yin getting kidnapped to be used by Lo Pan in a wedding ritual to regain his flesh. Heroes try to stop Lo Pan and get Miao Yin back. Not going into more detail, if you don't know this movie then stop wasting your life and go watch it right now. The translation to Star Wars is obvious, it's basically just ANH.

It's basically an adventure movie, but has been labeled as an action, adventure, horror (not really), martial arts comedy. Star Wars comedy, action and monsters would translate perfectly.

There's a ton of Chinese mythology superficially evoked for fun, such as ancient Chinese Emperors, curses, demons, spirit cities, monkey armies, Chinese black magic, sorcery, Gods, Six Demon Bags, etc. Star Wars mythology would work wonderfully as a replacement.

This could not possibly fail and is certainly better than whatever GL thought up for the treatments.

If I were nerdy enough to write fan fic, I'd write this, but I'm not.

Since everything in this OP is absolutely perfect, right and agreeable by all, there's no need for responses, so I'm locking this. I'll just assume, correctly, that you're all nodding your heads right now.