Saga Episode 2.1: Attack of the Clones Recloned - script rewrite, updated 01/04/07

I've recently begun rewriting the AOTC screenplay, both to address issues people have with the film, and to bring the story and character development more in line with that in my completed ROTS rewrite, "Episode 3.2".

The first three scenes appear below. More will come in additional posts, when I complete them, which, unfortunately, may be a slow process.

(Note: I've decided to change the handmaiden who dies at the beginning from Cordé to Sabé, because the way Padmé reacts to her death makes more sense, if it's someone who's been with her since she was very young. Though I've heard the official explanation, I think the real reason it isn't Sabé in the film is simply that Lucas couldn't get Kiera Knightly back for a cameo. This, of course, will create time ripples, which will impact one of the scenes I've written in "3.2." The corresponding change will appear there shortly.)




STAR WARS EPISODE 2.1: ATTACK OF THE CLONES RECLONED


An Unofficial Rewrite of the Screenplay by George Lucas & Jonathan Hales

Previously Published and/or Produced Material by George Lucas & Jonathan Hales

New and Replacement Material by Sam Rosenbaum
Based on Characters and Story Settings Created by George Lucas


Partial Draft
July 17, 2006
samrosenbaum@cox.net



FADE IN:

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

EXT. SPACE

A vast sea of stars serves as the backdrop for the Main Title, followed by a rollup, which crawls into infinity.

There is unrest in the Galactic Senate.
Several thousand solar systems have declared
their intentions to leave the Republic.

The separatist movement, under the leadership
of the mysterious Count Dooku, has made it
difficult for the limited number of Jedi Knights
to maintain peace and order in the galaxy.

Senator Amidala, the former Queen
of Naboo, is returning to the Galactic
Senate to vote on the critical issue of
creating an ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC
to assist the overwhelmed Jedi....

PAN UP to reveal the amber city planet of Coruscant. Two yellow Naboo Fighters fly overhead toward the planet, followed by a large Naboo Cruiser and one more Fighter.

INT. NABOO CRUISER - DAWN

The LIEUTENANT, accompanied by TWO SECURITY OFFICERS, addresses SENATOR AMIDALA. Now in her mid-twenties, she has grown even more beautiful than she was as Queen of Naboo.

LIEUTENANT
Senator, we're making our final approach into Coruscant.

SENATOR AMIDALA
Very good, Lieutenant.

EXT. CORUSCANT - CITYSCAPE - DAWN

The ships skim across the surface of the city landscape. The sun glints off the chrome hulls of the sleek Naboo spacecraft as they navigate between the buildings of the capital planet.

EXT. CORUSCANT, LANDING PLATFORM - DAWN

Two Naboo Fighters land on one leaf of a three-leaf-clover landing platform. The Naboo Cruiser lands on the central leaf, and the third Fighter lands on the remaining platform.

A small group of DIGNITARIES waits to welcome the Senator.

One of the FIGHTER PILOTS jumps from the wing of his ship and removes his helmet. He is CAPTAIN TYPHO, Amidala's Security Officer. He moves over to a WOMAN PILOT.

CAPTAIN TYPHO
We made it. I guess I was wrong. There was no danger at all.

The ramp lowers. TWO NABOO GUARDS appear. Senator Amidala, ONE HANDMAIDEN and FOUR TROOPERS descend the ramp. The dignitaries start to move forward. Amidala reaches the foot of the ramp, when suddenly there is a blinding flash and a huge EXPLOSION. The dignitaries and pilots are hurled to the ground, as the starship is destroyed.

KLAXONS BLARE and ALARMS SOUND. The pilots get up and run to the victims. Beyond, R2-D2 drops down from the Naboo Fighter and rolls toward the wreckage. All who were caught in the explosion are dead, except for Senator Amidala who lies dying. The woman pilot kneels by the Senator and takes off her helmet, revealing herself to be the real PADMÉ AMIDALA. The dying woman is her lookalike bodyguard, SABÉ.

PADMÉ
Sabé . . .

She gather

 

This looks interesting. I really like the subtle changes. I, too, was of the opinion that the dead decoy should have been Sabé for dramatic impact and closure. I'm looking forward to what other changes you choose to make.

 

^ Thanks. And, yes, it looks like most of my changes are going to be subtle. However, I do have a few not-so-subtle ones planned for later on.


Here is the next scene:

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - TWILIGHT

A graceful skyscraper twinkles in the evening light of Coruscant.

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING ELEVATOR - TWILIGHT

ANAKIN SKYWALKER and OBI-WAN KENOBI ride up a windowed elevator attached to the outside of the building. Obi-Wan, now in his thirties and sporting a small beard, stands serenely. Anakin, now a tall young man in his late teens, nervously rearranges his robes.

OBI-WAN
You seem a little on edge, Anakin.

ANAKIN
Not at all.

OBI-WAN
I haven't felt you this tense since we fell into that nest of gundarks.

ANAKIN
You fell into that nightmare, Master, and I rescued you, remember?

OBI-WAN
Oh, yes.

They laugh.

OBI-WAN (cont'd)
You're sweating. Relax. Take a deep breath.

ANAKIN
I haven't seen her, in person, in ten years, Master.

OBI-WAN
She's not the Queen anymore, Anakin. She's only a Senator.

ANAKIN
A Galactic Senator . . . and one of the most powerful, I hear . . . more so than the leader of one planet. Anyway, that's not why I'm nervous.

Obi-Wan looks at him strangely.

INT. APARTMENT CORRIDOR - TWILIGHT

The door to the apartment slides open. Jar Jar walks into the corridor, where the two Jedi are exiting the elevator. He recognizes Obi-Wan with a rush of excitement.

JAR JAR
Obi! Obi! Mesa sooo smilen to seein yousa!

OBI-WAN smiles.

OBI-WAN
It's good to see you, too, Jar Jar.

Jar Jar notices Obi-Wan's Padawan.

JAR JAR
And this, Mesa take, is your Padawan . . . Noo . . . Annie? Little bitty Annie?
(takes a better look)
Noo! Yousa so biggen! Yiiy, Annie!

Jar Jar grabs hold of Anakin and envelops him in a big hug.

ANAKIN
Hi, Jar Jar.

JAR JAR
Shesa expecting yousa. Annie . . . Mesa no believen!

INT. PADMÉ'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - EVENING

Padmé is in a conference with Captain Typho and Dormé, all seated on couches. Jar Jar enters the room, followed by the two Jedi.

JAR JAR
Mesa here. Lookie, lookie, Senator. Desa Jedi arriven.

Padmé and Typho rise, as Obi-Wan and Anakin stop before the Senator. Obi-Wan steps forward.

Anakin stares at Padmé. She glances at him.

OBI-WAN
It's a pleasure to see you again, My Lady.

Padmé walks over to Obi-Wan and takes his hand in hers.

PADMÉ
It has been far too long, Master Kenobi. I'm so glad our paths have crossed again . . . though I wish the circumstances were better.

OBI-WAN
I wish so, as well. I'm very sorry for your loss.

PADMÉ
It's all right. You needn't mention it.

She moves in front of Anakin.

PADMÉ
Ani?
(stares)
My goodness, it is you! . . . You've grown.

They look at each other for a long moment.

ANAKIN
(trying to be smooth)
So have you . . . grown more beautiful, I mean . . . and much shorter . . . for a Senator, I mean.

Obi-Wan looks disapprovingly at his Padawan. Padmé laughs and shakes her head.

PADMÉ
Oh, Ani, you're still that little boy I knew on Tatooine.

Anakin looks down, embarrassed. Obi-Wan and Captain Typho smile. Padmé looks straight at Anakin.

PADMÉ (cont'd)
But, perhaps, that can change.

Making eye contact again, Anakin is struck by her penetrating gaze.

OBI-WAN
(to Padmé)
The Council informed us of your concern for your work, My Lady. Our presence will be invisible, I can assure you.

PADMÉ
I'll appreciate your efforts. Please, sit down.

They all move to the couches and sit.

CAPTAIN TYPHO
I, for one, am very grateful you're here, Master Kenobi. I'm Captain Typho, head of Her Majesty's security. Queen Jamilla has informed me of your assignment. I believe the situation is more dangerous than the Senator will admit.

PADMÉ
It's more dangerous, as long as we remain in the dark. What I need more than tighter security is answers. Who is trying to kill me and why?

OBI-WAN
(frowns)
We're here to protect you Senator, not to start an inves

 

OK, there's a place here where I may have crossed the line into parody. But in light of Washington Post critic Stephen Hunter's review of AOTC, where he poked fun at Hayden Christensen's resemblance to a now infamous rock star, I couldn't resist.


EXT. SKYSCRAPER LEDGE - NIGHT

An armor-clad bounty hunter, JANGO FETT, waits on the ledge of a skyscraper. Another bounty hunter, ZAM WESELL, steps from her hovering speeder and approaches Jango. There is lots of CITY NOISE below.

ZAM
I hit the ship, but they used a decoy.

JANGO
We'll have to try something more subtle. My client is getting impatient.

Jango hands Zam a large cylander.

JANGO (cont'd)
Be very careful with these.

Zam attaches a metal veil across the bottom of her face and turns to leave.

JANGO (cont'd)
And Zam . . .

Zam stops.

JANGO (cont'd)
There can be no mistakes this time.

Zam continues to her speeder.

INT. PADMÉ'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Anakin is standing in the living room, in a meditative state. It is quiet. We hear DISTANT FOOTSTEPS o.s. Anakin's eyes pop open and dart around the room. He reaches for his light saber, then smiles and puts it back in his belt.

The door to the apartment slides open, and Obi-Wan enters.

OBI-WAN
Captain Typho has more than enough people downstairs. No assassin will try that way. Any activity up here?

ANAKIN
Quiet as a tomb. I don't like just waiting here for something to happen to her.

Obi-Wan checks a palm-sized view scanner he has pulled out of his utility belt. It shows a shot of R2-D2 by the door, but no sign of Padmé on the bed.

OBI-WAN
What's going on?

ANAKIN
(shrugs)
She covered the cameras. I don't think she liked me watching her.

OBI-WAN
What is she thinking?

ANAKIN
She programmed Artoo to warn us if there's an intruder.

INT. BEDROOM - SAME TIME

Padmé is asleep in her bed, illiminated only by the lights of the city outside her window. R2-D2 stands in the corner of the bedroom. His power is off.

INT. LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME

OBI-WAN
You're using her as bait??

ANAKIN
It was her idea . . . Don't worry, no harm will come to her. I can sense everything going on in that room. Trust me.

OBI-WAN
It's too risky . . . besides, your senses aren't that attuned.

ANAKIN
And yours are?

OBI-WAN
Possibly.

EXT. SKYSCRAPER LEDGE - NIGHT

Standing underneath a giant holographic sign advertising something in an alien language, Zam loads the cylinder Jango had given her into a PROBE DROID. She sends the Probe Droid out into the NOISY Coruscant night.

INT. PADMÉ'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Anakin and Obi-Wan move out onto the balcony overlooking the city.

OBI-WAN
You look tired . . . like you've been losing sleep.

ANAKIN
It's my mother. I keep dreaming about her. I don't know why. I haven't seen her since I was little.

OBI-WAN
Dreams pass in time.

ANAKIN
I'd rather dream about Padmé. Just being around her again is . . . intoxicating.

OBI-WAN
Be mindful of your thoughts, Anakin. They betray you. You've made a commitment to the Jedi Order . . . a commitment not easily broken . . . and don't forget she's a politician. They're not to be trusted.

ANAKIN
She's different.

INT. BEDROOM - SAME TIME

As Padmé sleeps, the Probe Droid approaches outside her window. It sends out several small arms that attach to the window, creating sparks that shut down the security system. A large arm cuts a hole in the glass. A FAINT SOUND is heard, along with a slight increase in CITY NOISE, as the section of glass is removed from the window.

R2-D2 wakes up, and his lights go on. The Probe Droid freezes. R2 looks around, makes a PLAINTIVE LITTLE SOUND, then shuts down again. The Probe Droid attaches the cylander to the window. The cylander opens. TWO CRAB-LIKE, DROID CREATURES drop through the opening and scurry quietly across the floor.

INT. LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME

Anakin and Obi-Wan continue arguing.

ANAKIN
And besides, you're generalizing. The C

 

I love the fact that you kept the "more shorter" line. It was so funny in the book! And that you had Padme stick up for Anakin in the scene. I mean, she did in the original, but it was waay too subtle.

And the tear! Naughty Anakin!

 

Very interesting. **Palpatine voice**"I shall follow your career with great interest."**

 

Thanks. I'm finding that I'm taking a different approach here, with regard to Anakin, than I was in my ROTS rewrite. There, I was bringing out more of the evil that had developed in him. Here, I'm sticking up for him, as well as for Padme, with the idea that if only the elders had listened to the younger people (Anakin and Padme), much of the suffering later in the saga could have been avoided. Instead, the Sith take advantage of the situation to turn Anakin to the Dark Side and destroy Padme, despite her best efforts to stop them.

Anakin's innocent! It was the creature! But never mind. Let's just call it a 'wardrobe malfunction'.

Thanks. I'll keep you posted.

 

Made some small modifications/clarifications in the scene above since first posting it.

I didn't do very much to the chase sequence below, but there's a big change in the nightclub scene after it.



EXT. CORUSCANT CITYSCAPE - NIGHT

The Probe Droid sends several protective ELECTRICAL SHOCKS across its surface, causing Obi-Wan to almost lose his grip. As they dart in and out of the SPEEDER TRAFFIC, Obi-Wan disconnects a wire on the back of the Droid. Its power shuts off. Obi-Wan and the DROID drop like rocks. Obi-Wan realizes the error of his ways and quickly puts the wire back. The Droid's systems light up again, and it TAKES OFF.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - ENTRANCE - NIGHT

Anakin charges out of the building and runs to a line of parked speeders. He vaults into an open one and TAKES OF, GUNNING IT fast toward the lines of SPEEDER TRAFFIC high above.

EXT. CORUSCANT CITYSCAPE - NIGHT

The Droid bumps against a wall, trying to knock the Jedi loose. It moves behind a SPEEDER AFTERBURNER to scorch him. He curls up against the heat. It takes the Jedi wildly between buildings and finally skims across a rooftop, as Obi-Wan is forced to lift his legs, tenaciously hanging onto the Droid. The Droid heads for a dirty, beat-up speeder hidden in an alcove of a building about twenty stories up.

When the the scruffy-looking pilot of the speeder, Zam Wesell, sees the Droid approach with Obi-Wan hanging on, she pulls a long rifle out of the speeder and starts to FIRE at the Jedi. EXPLOSIONS burst all around Obi-Wan.

OBI-WAN
I have a bad feeling about this.

Finally, the Droid suffers a direct hit and BLOWS UP. Obi-Wan falls fifty stories, until a speeder drops down next to him, and he manages to grab onto the back end of the speeder and haul himself toward the cockpit.

Zam runs to her speeder, jumps in, and TAKES OFF.

Obi-Wan struggles to climb into the passenger seat of the open speeder that saved him and sits down next to the driver, Anakin.

ANAKIN
That was wacky! I almost lost you in the traffic.

OBI-WAN
What took you so long?

ANAKIN
Oh, you know, Master, I couldn't find a speeder I really liked, with an open cockpit, and with the right speed capabilities, and then you know I had to get a really gonzo color.

They zoom upward in hot pursuit of Zam, as she FIRES out the open window at them with her laser pistol.

OBI-WAN
If you'd spend as much time working on your skills as you do on your wit, young Padawan, you would rival Master Yoda as a swordsman.

ANAKIN
I thought I already did.

OBI-WAN
Only in your mind . . . Careful! Hey, easy!

As this conversation is going on, Anakin deftly moves in and out of the oncoming TRAFFIC, across lanes, between buildings, and miraculously through a construction site.

OBI-WAN (cont?d)
You could sense everything going on in that room, indeed.

ANAKIN
I saved Padmé, didn?t I?

OBI-WAN
You almost didn?t.

ANAKIN
Well, Master, I was distracted . . . You were arguing with me about politics.

OBI-WAN
Oh, so it?s my fault?! . . . Whoa! I said, easy!

They barely miss a commuter train.

ANAKIN
Sorry, I forgot you don't like flying, Master.

OBI-WAN
I don't mind flying . . . but what you're doing is suicide!

ANAKIN
Master, you know I've been flying since before I could walk. I'm very good at this.

OBI-WAN
Just slow down! There! There he goes!

Zam and the Jedi race through a line of cross TRAFFIC made up of giant trucks. The speeders bank sideways, as they slide around right-angle turns between buildings. Zam races into a tram tunnel.

OBI-WAN (cont?d)
Wait! Don't go in there!

Anakin ZOOMS into the tunnel after Zam. They see a tram coming at them. They brake, turn around, and race out, barely ahead of the charging commuter transport.

OBI-WAN (cont?d)
You know I don't like it when you do that!

ANAKIN
Sorry, Master. Don't worry, this guy's gonna kill himself any minute now!

Zam turns into oncoming TRAFFIC, deliberately trying to throw the Jedi off. Oncoming speeders swerve, trying to avoid Zam and the Je

 

OBI-WAN
Then why don't you listen to me?

ANAKIN
Maybe it?s because you never listen to me.


Nice one and so typical of Anakin.

I like the way you had Zam changind clothes with Sleezbaggo, an intersting twist.

And Padme's showing a lot more spunk like in your ROTS.

 

OBI-WAN (cont?d)
You could sense everything going on in that room, indeed.

ANAKIN
I saved Padmé, didn?t I?


Take that Obi-Wan!

Poor Elan.

Here, I'm sticking up for him, as well as for Padme, with the idea that if only the elders had listened to the younger people (Anakin and Padme), much of the suffering later in the saga could have been avoided.

I prefer this take. It's something that was implied in the Prequels, but without bringing it too much to fore. Obi-Wan was too hard on Anakin... :"Good job." I would have loved to see how he fared with the acklay without Anakin there to save his butt - and this was before they counted the 9/10 times it happened in the Clone Wars!

 

You've handled this very deftly. Look forward to more.

 

I guess this is a good time for replies.

Katana_Geldar:

Thanks.

OBI-WAN
Then why don't you listen to me?

ANAKIN
Maybe it?s because you never listen to me.


Nice one and so typical of Anakin.

One of my goals here is to make Anakin less of a whiner and more of a tragic hero, who will turn bad, not just because of his "failure to listen," but also because of the same failure on the part of his teachers.

I like the way you had Zam changind clothes with Sleezbaggo, an intersting twist.

I was facing a situation in the movie and Lucas script, where Zam foolishly tries to sneak up on an armed Jedi sitting at a bar. (Didn't she see ANH? ) Wouldn't she be looking for a way to slip out undetected instead? Coupling that with her being a changeling,
and with the walk-on appearance of a character selling "death sticks," a screenwriter invokes what critic Roger Ebert calls "The Law of Economy of Characters" or "The Extra Character Rule" to come up with a solution. Of course, just changing form isn't enough. I realized that Zam also has to do something about her clothes.

And Padme's showing a lot more spunk like in your ROTS.

This is another of my goals. In hindsight, I'm seeing how Lucas used AOTC to subtly start turning Padme into the weak character she becomes in ROTS. Conversely, I'm using this ATOC rewrite to keep her on-track as a strong character, who will be capable of doing the things I have her do in "3.2."


leia_naberrie:

Thanks also.

OBI-WAN (cont?d)
You could sense everything going on in that room, indeed.

ANAKIN
I saved Padmé, didn?t I?


Take that Obi-Wan!

I need to give credit where credit is due, not so much for that line, but for a similar line Anakin says after his dangerous stunt to catch Zam. "It worked, didn't it?" was inspired by something you wrote in "Thwarted Fate" about Anakin's high-risk tactics in battle.

Poor Elan.

It wasn't anything I had against him. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. That, and the law of unintended consequences. Obi-Wan thought he was helping Elan by using the mind trick on him, but by making Elan so open to suggestion (I'm guessing the effect lingers for a few moments) Obi-Wan gave Zam her opening.

BTW: I replaced the name "Elan Sleazebaggo" with the generic term "drug dealer" for a reason. Aside from the name not being spoken in the film, I noticed in the Lucas script that some of the names and language he and/or his co-writer were using to describe that part of the city and its people were rather judgmental and un-PC. For example, "ALIEN LOWLIFES" could easily be interpreted as racist. (Many people did interpret Jar Jar Binks and some of the other characters in TPM as racist caracatures, so I think it's best not to add fuel to that fire.) I modified the descriptions to address that concern.


"Here, I'm sticking up for him, as well as for Padme, with the idea that if only the elders had listened to the younger people (Anakin and Padme), much of the suffering later in the saga could have been avoided."

I prefer this take. It's something that was implied in the Prequels, but without bringing it too much to fore. Obi-Wan was too hard on Anakin... :"Good job." I would have loved to see how he fared with the acklay without Anakin there to save his butt - and this was before they counted the 9/10 times it happened in the Clone Wars!

Reading between the lines of these films, I suspect Lucas thinks Obi-Wan's "Strict Father" treatment of Anakin is justified, but I agree with you. Obi-Wan's behavior in this sequence ticked me off, especially when he's plays that game with Anakin's light saber. Luckily, by sheer happenstance, I've already gotten Obi-Wan back for it in my ROTS rewrite. (Believe it or not, I was unaware Obi-Wan had actually said, "A Jedi's light saber is his most precious possession." in AOTC, when I wrote that little apartment eleva

 

Fixed name conflict in first post. Sorry if it confused anyone.

 

When are we getting more of this, Sam?

 

EXT. JEDI TEMPLE - DAY

The tall spires of the Jedi Temple stand out against the hazy sky.

INT. JEDI TEMPLE - COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY

Obi-Wan and Anakin stand in the center of the Council Chamber. The members of the Jedi Council are seated in a circle surrounding the two Jedi.

OBI-WAN
Analysis of the poison failed to match anything in the archives. As far as we can tell, its origin is unknown.

MACE
What of the Droid creatures that attacked Senator Amidala?

OBI-WAN
They match a Trade Federation design, but one that?s readily available on the black market. They are too commonly used to be much of a lead.

YODA
Find a way to track down this bounty hunter, you must, Obi-Wan.

MACE
Most importantly, find out who he's working for.

OBI-WAN
Will Senator Amidala still need our protection?

YODA
Handle that, your Padawan will.

MACE
Anakin, escort the Senator back to her home planet of Naboo. She'll be safer there. And don't use registered transport. Travel as refugees.

ANAKIN
As she?s leader of the opposition, it will be very difficult to get Senator Amidala to leave the Capital.

YODA
Until caught this killer is, our judgment she must respect.

MACE WINDU
Anakin, go to the Senate and ask Chancellor Palpatine to speak with her. She may see reason then.

Anakin doesn?t like the sound of that last bit, but doesn?t challenge it.

ANAKIN
Yes, Master Windu.

The two Jedi exit the Council Chamber.

INT. SENATE BUILDING - CHANCELLOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Anakin stands with Palpatine at the window, looking out over the vast city.

PALPATINE
I will talk to her. Senator Amidala will not refuse an executive order. I know her well enough to assure you of that.

ANAKIN
Thank you, your Excellency.

PALPATINE
And so, my young Padawan, they have finally given you an assignment. Your patience has paid off.

ANAKIN
Your guidance more that my patience.

PALPATINE
You don't need guidance, Anakin. In time, you will learn to trust your feelings. Then you will be invincible. I have said it many times, you are the most gifted Jedi I have ever met.

They turn away from the window and walk towards the door.

PALPATINE (cont?d)
I shall follow your career with great interest. I see you becoming the greatest of all the Jedi, Anakin. Even more powerful than Master Yoda.

This pleases Anakin to no end, though he tries his best to hide it. He bows.

ANAKIN
You are most kind, your Excellency.

INT. JEDI TEMPLE - ATRIUM - DAY

Mace and Obi-Wan walk along the Temple corridors. Yoda accompanies them, riding in a small floating chair.

OBI-WAN
I?m concerned for my Padawan. He is not ready to be given this assignment on his own yet.

YODA
Confident, the Council is, in this decision, Obi-Wan.

MACE
The boy has exceptional skills.

OBI-WAN
But he still has much to learn, Master. His abilities have made him . . . well, arrogant.

YODA
Yes, yes. A flaw more and more common among Jedi, it is. Too sure of themselves, they are. Even the older, more experienced ones.

MACE WINDU
Remember, Obi-Wan. If the prophecy is true, your apprentice is the only one who can bring the Force back into balance.

OBI-WAN
Only if he follows the right path.

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - PADMÉ'S APARTMENT ? DAY

Anakin looks as Padmé and Jar JAR talk, standing near the door of the anteroom to Padmé?s bedroom. Dormé moves about packing luggage.

PADMÉ
Against my better judgment, I?m taking an extended leave of absence. It will be your responsibility to take my place in the Senate. Representative Binks, can I count on you?

JAR JAR
Mesa honored to be taken on dissa heavy burden. Senator can count on humble mesa to keep dis Republic in good hands for her.

PADMÉ
I?ll be checking in from time to time, on secure channels, to help reduce the burden for you. They can take the Senator away from the Capital, but they can?t take the Capital away from her.
(aside, to Anakin)
How is that for seeing reason?

ANAKIN
Shrewd, My Lady.

PADMÉ
Jar Jar, please

 

I like the changes... subtle, but nice. I especially liked Padme sending Dorme away... as if she was about to do something with Anakin that needed privacy.

 

Is it just me or did you shorten the Palpatine/Anakin scene?

I like how they track the droid, though I wonder how they found it given what happened to it.

And Padme with Jedi powers, I liked that addition in the novel even if you took out the "It makes me feel uncomfortable"

Also, I like how you didn't just have what it was like in canon, whoch was Padme going on holiday with annie

 

Thanks, leia_naberrie and Katana_Geldar.

I'm working from a September 5, 2001 draft of the screenplay, which, evidently, contains material cut from the film but used later in the novel (which I haven't read).

I've just gone back and rewatched the scene in the movie between Anakin and Palpatine, and, no, I haven't shortened it. In fact, I made it a little longer, by giving Palpatine the line UnderCoverJedi said to me in an earlier post, "I shall follow your career with great interest," and by giving Anakin a new response at the scene's end.

I took out Padmé's line, "It makes me feel uncomfortable," because it seemed to me that Anakin's joke about Jedi powers would be a welcome change of subject for her, rather than her going back to the uncomfortable one of how Anakin was looking at her. Also, I'm (as leia_naberrie said, subtly) changing the A/P relationship from what it is in canon.

Note: I've gone back and modified the above scene between Anakin and Padmé, to address the issue of Obi-Wan having described Anakin as "arrogant." (I've met people who described Padmé that way.)

Yes, for Padmé, this is going to be a working vacation. She isn't one to be sidelined, when important events are taking place, if she can help it.

My next post may take some time to develop, due to the logistics of Obi-Wan's investigation, which I intend to change substantially. I've already worked out a backstory (which most likely throws canon out the window, but which I think you'll like) of how Padmé knows of the existence of Kamino, and where she's surprised the Jedi don't know of it. Like, what planet have they been living on? What I haven't quite worked out is the impact Padmé inserting herself, via secure comlink, into Obi-Wan's detective work will have on some of his scenes. On the one hand, that diner that somehow transplanted from American Graffiti to Coruscant is gone. It's history. On the other hand, I'll do whatever I can to keep the Yoda and the Younglings scene intact.

 

Sorry this was such a long time coming. Here's the next section.

As promised, I've made some pretty big changes. And don't worry about the scene that I cut out, of Anakin and Padme hiking across the palace courtyard. I'll be addressing the things they talk about there in later scenes.



EXT. DOWNTOWN, BACK STREET - DAY

Obi-Wan walks down the street. It is a pretty tough part of town. Old buildings, warehouses, beat-up speeders and transporter rigs THUNDERING past. Above, is the old elevated monospeed with occasional "shiny freighters" HISSING through. Obi-Wan places his brown Jedi hood over his head, before walking into a rather foreboding-looking store.

INT. STORE ? CONTINUOUS

Obi-Wan walks past shelves stocked with various instruments of death, as he approaches the tough-looking WEAPONS DEALER at the counter.

WEAPONS DEALER
So, what brings a Jedi into my establishment? Certainly not for any of the merchandise here. It would be . . . as you say . . . uncivilized.

OBI-WAN
Quite true.

He takes from his pockets and holds up a small vial of liquid and the dart from which it came.

OBI-WAN (cont?d)
I?m here out of a need to speak to expert on poisons. I can think of no one on Coruscant more knowledgeable than you.

The dealer grins.

EXT. SPACE - STARSHIP FREIGHTER

The massive, slow-moving Freighter moves through space.

INT. STARFREIGHTER - STEERAGE HOLD

The great, gloomy hold is crowded with EMIGRANTS and their belongings. To one side R2-D2 is coming to the head of a food line holding two bowls. With one of his little claw arms, he grabs a chunk of something that looks like bread. He slips a tube into a tub of mush and sucks up a large quantity. A SERVER sees him.

SERVER
Hey! No Droids!

R2 takes one last big SUCK and heads away from the food line. The server shouts after him angrily. The little Droid moves past groups of eating or sleeping emigramts and comes to Anakin?s and Padmé's table, where Anakin sleeps restlessly. The young Jedi seems to be having a nightmare.

ANAKIN
No, no, Mom, no . . .

He is sweating. Padmé leans over, resting her hand on his arm. He wakes up with a start, then realizes where he is. Padmé simply looks at him. He stares back, somewhat confused.

ANAKIN
What?

PADMÉ
You were having a nightmare.

Anakin looks at her a little more closely, trying to see if he has revealed any of his secrets. She hands him a bowl of mush and bread.

PADMÉ
Are you hungry?

ANAKIN
Yeah.

Padmé takes the food from R2 and sets it on a make-shift table. Anakin rises and takes a seat, as she places a bowl in front of him.

ANAKIN
Thanks.

PADMÉ
We went to light speed a while ago.

Anakin looks into her eyes.

ANAKIN
I look forward to seeing Naboo again. I've thought about it every day since I left. It's by far the most beautiful place I've ever seen . . .

Padmé matches his intense stare with one of her own.

PADMÉ
It may not be as you remember it. Time changes perception.

ANAKIN
Sometimes it does . . . Sometimes for the better.

PADMÉ
It must be difficult having sworn your life to the Jedi . . . not being able to visit the places you like . . . or do the things you like . . .

ANAKIN
Or be with the people I love.

PADMÉ
Are you allowed to love? I thought it was forbidden for a Jedi.

ANAKIN
Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi's life, so you might say we're encouraged to love.

PADMÉ
You have changed very much.

ANAKIN
You haven't changed a bit. You're exactly the way I remember you in my dreams. I doubt if Naboo has changed much either.

PADMÉ
It hasn't . . . unfortunately, in a way.

There is an awkward moment. She changes the subject.

PADMÉ (cont?d)
You were dreaming about your mother earlier, weren't you?

ANAKIN
Yes . . . I left Tatooine so long ago, my memory of her is fading. I don't want to lose it. Recently I've been seeing her in my dreams . . . vivid dreams . .

 

Very nice update. I like how Padme knows more in this version and that she was the one that told Obi-Wan about Kamino. I had never really liked the Dexter Jester scene very much anyway.

Nice work. I look forward to seeing the next update.

 

How could you take out Dex? That guy (or maybe I should say bloke) is such an original.

Aside from that I like the active role you have for Padme and how you're keeping Obi on the hop.

 

Oooh! I really liked this scene. Yes, I could have done without Dex (although I did love his line about the difference between knowledge and wisdom), and I truly enjoyed seeing that Padme did something for the Skywalkers, however indirectly. The three-way conversation between her, Obi-Wan and Anakin was funny and entertaining. I liked the way so many threads were drawn together: the Trade Federation, the Battle of Naboo, the Separatists, the split between Republic and non-Republic worlds, etc.

And thanks for keeping in the Jocasta-talks-about-Dooku scene too.

 

Thanks everyone.

jedimasterbac,

One of the advantages in this approach, to making the plot revolve more closely around the main characters, is it helps, as Leia_Naberrie says, to tie the different threads together.

Katana_Geldar,

Yes, Dex is an original, but I think he belongs in a different movie.

Leia_Naberrie,

You're right. "I should think you Jedi would have more respect for the difference between knowledge and wisdom," is a good line. I'll see if I can salvage it and give it to another character somewhere.

But then there's Obi-Wan's response, "Well, Dex, if Droids could think, we wouldn't be here, would we?" I imagine R2-D2 having something to say about that, which might not be translatable by C-3PO in a family movie.

It's thanks to having read your story "Thwarted Fate," that I knew the significance of Jocasta Nu's talk on Dooku, and also why I have her come back and listen in on Obi-Wan.



As promised, I've kept the "Yoda and the Younglings" scene in the script. I hadn't planned any changes to it, except for Obi-Wan's description of his "source." But then, I encountered this line: "If the planet blew up, the gravity would go away." Wrong answer, George! (Not that George Lucas hasn't been ignoring the laws of physics thoughout the saga, but here in a children's science lesson? ) My problem, then, was how to fix it, without making the children seem too precocious.


INT. JEDI TEMPLE - MAIN HALLWAY - DAY

Obi-Wan walks through the main hallway to the training area.

INT. TRAINING VERANDA ? CONTINUOUS

He comes out onto the veranda and stops, watching TWENTY or so FOUR-YEAR-OLDS doing training exercises, supervised by Yoda. They wear helmets over their eyes and try to strike little TRAINING DROIDS with their miniature light sabers. The Droids dance in front of them.

YODA
Don't think . . . feel . . . be as one with the Force. Help you, it will.
(sees Obi-Wan)
Younglings, enough! A visitor we have. Welcome him.

The children turn off their light sabers.

YODA
Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, meet the mighty Bear Clan.

CHILDREN
Welcome, Master Obi-Wan!

OBI-WAN
I?m sorry to disturb you, Master.

YODA
What help to you, can I be?

OBI-WAN
I'm looking for a planet described to me by an authoritative source, but the system doesn't show up on the archive maps.

YODA
Lost a planet, Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing . . . how embarrassing. Liam, the shades. An interesting puzzle. Gather, Younglings, around the map reader. Clear your minds and find Obi-Wan's wayward planet, we will.

The reader is a small shaft with a hollow opening at the top. The children gather around it. Obi-Wan takes out a little glass ball and places it into the bowl. The window shades close. The reader lights up and projects the star map hologram into the room. The children laugh. Some of them reach up to try and touch the nebulae and stars. Obi-Wan walks into the display.

OBI-WAN
This is where it ought to be . . . but it isn't. Gravity is pulling all the stars in this area inward to this spot. There should be a star here . . . but there isn't.

YODA
Most interesting. Gravity's silhouette remains, but the star and all its planets have disappeared. How can this be? Now, Younglings, in your mind, what is the first thing you see? An answer? A thought? Anyone?

There is a brief pause. Then a child puts his hand up. YODA nods.

FIRST YOUNGLING
Master? Because someone erased it from the archive memory.

YOUNGLINGS
(overlapping)
That's right! / Yes! / That's what happened! / Someone erased it!

YODA
How do you know erased, it was? Blown up, the star could have.

A second child raises her hand.

SECOND YOUNGLING
If it blew up, we?d see the cloud.

OBI-WAN
Unless it became a black hole and consumed the cloud.

The children look at one another. Then, a third child raises his hand.

THIRD YOUNGLING
But then, we?d see rays from its gravity crushing things.

Obi-Wa

 

You're right. I actually think that's quite an important line. After watching the prequels for the zillionth time , it suddenly occured to me that Obi-Wan's crack about thinking droids might be more than comic relief, and might also be a foreshadowing of the clones (who are *droids* in a sense), and even more, Order 66... (because with the clones, the Jedi were no longer needed in more ways than one).

And yes, I can imagine R2 having some strong opinions on the subject.

Onto the story!

I like the Yoda/Mighty Bear clan scene. Nice. And yes, physics in the GFFA is a bit ... inconsistent.

Next up: A major departure from canon. All is not well in the Naberrie household.

Oooh!

 

Thanks. I don't remember if the name was in the film or not, but in case it wasn't, I can't take credit for "Mighty Bear Clan." It's from the Lucas script.


Now for my darker take on the Naberrie family scenes. Believe it or not, someone on another website actually said, about Padme in my ROTS rewrite, what her mother says to her toward the end of this sequence.

And, Katana_Geldar, I hope you don't mind. I stole a couple of your lines.


EXT. NABOO - THEED RESIDENTIAL AREA - AFTERNOON

Padmé, dressed informally for a change, walks with Anakin and R2-D2 along a traditional-looking street, where numerous PEOPLE are out and about. OLD MEN are sunning themselves. WOMEN are gossiping. KIDS are playing. The three turn onto a little side street. Anakin notices that Padmé is looking worried about something, but her expression brightens upon seeing one of several old houses. She stops in front of it, beaming.

PADMÉ
There it is!

She starts forward. Anakin hangs back.

PADMÉ (cont?d)
What? Don't say you're shy!

ANAKIN
(untruthfully)
No, but I . . .

Suddenly, there are shouts from two little girls, RYOO (age 6) and POOJA (age 4). They come running toward Padmé.

PADMÉ
Ryoo! Pooja!

She scoops them up and hugs them.

PADMÉ (cont?d)
Go wake up Artoo.

RYOO & POOJA
Artoo!!

As they reach the Droid, they hug him. R2 WHISTLES and BEEPS.

INT. NABERRIE HOUSE - MAIN ROOM - AFTERNOON

As Padmé enters the house with Anakin, her mother, JOBAL NABERRIE, rushes in from the kitchen, followed by her beautiful older sister, SOLA. Her father, RUWEE NABERRIE, comes in from another room.

JOBAL
Padmé!

They embrace.

JOBAL (cont?d)
(tearfully)
Thank the Maker you?re safe! When they reported you had been killed, our hearts sank!

PADMÉ
I?m okay, Mom.

Anakin looks on with a longing, as Sola and Ruwee join Jobal, and Padmé hugs each of them.

RUWEE
It?s good that you?re home, Padmé.

SOLA
(notices Anakin)
And she?s brought company!

PADMÉ
Sola, Mom, Dad . . . Anakin Skywalker.

SOLA
Anakin, well, this is exciting! Do you know you're the first boyfriend my sister's ever brought home?

ANAKIN
(embarrassed)
Well, I?m not exactly . . .

PADMÉ
(lightly)
He?s not my boyfriend, Sola. He's the Jedi who?s been assigned to protect me.

RUWEE
And not just any Jedi, I take it. It was a young boy named Skywalker who flew on board the Trade Federation command ship and blew it up, saving our world.

ANAKIN
Yes, Sir, that was me.

Ruwee approaches Anakin and shakes his hand.

RUWEE
It is I who should be calling you Sir. It?s an honor to finally meet the hero from Tatooine.

Anakin doesn?t know what to say. Padmé smiles.

INT. MAIN ROOM ? EVENING

Anakin and Padmé are eating dinner with the family, including Ryoo and Pooja who sit next to their mother, Sola.

SOLA
(to Padmé)
We heard about Sabé. I?m so sorry. We saw her as a member of our family, just as you did.

PADMÉ
Her funeral is tomorrow. If you could attend for me, that would be wonderful, since I?ve been advised not to. It would be too easy and open a target for an attack, if I?m there.

SOLA
Of course. We?ll do anything.

JOBAL
An attack, here on Naboo. Oh, Padmé! They didn't tell us it was that serious!

PADMÉ
It?s not, Mom. It?s just a precaution.

JOBAL
But it means you?re still in danger!

PADMÉ
Not very much.

RUWEE
(to Jobal)
Dear, I?m sure Padmé will be all right, as long as the Jedi are with her, and she takes the proper precautions.

JOBAL
Anakin, you?re a Jedi, known for truthfulness. Tell us. How much danger is our daughter in?

ANAKIN
Much danger . . . I?m sorry to say, M?am.

Padmé throws Anakin a dirty look. Then, her comlink BEEPS. She pulls it from her pocket and looks at the readout.

PADMÉ
Excuse me. I have to take this.

She stands and walks t