Everything you ever wanted to know about ...

Jedi Jimbo.

This cracked me up, good for a cheap laugh in the morning!


**Stolen from the SSA thread on YJCC courtesy of Dark_Lady_Jada's post.**

Post yours to give me an even bigger laugh.

 

1. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching halibut.
2. Halibut can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated!
3. It takes 17 muscles to smile, and 43 to frown at halibut.
4. Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's halibut supply!
5. It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same halibut!
6. If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and halibut would be as small as a pea.
7. A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but halibut can not!
8. Pacman was originally called halibutman!
9. Halibut can eat up to four kilograms of insects in a single night.
10. Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat halibut'.



"halibut would be as small as a pea."

 

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Lord_Ogli!

During World War II, Americans tried to train Lord_Ogli to drop bombs.
The only planet that rotates on its side is Lord_Ogli.
If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have Lord_Ogli for the rest of the day.
The word 'samba' means 'to rub Lord_Ogli'.
Lord_Ogli has a memory span of three seconds.
Lord_Ogli cannot jump!
Lord_Ogli can't sweat!
Lord_Ogli can fly at an average speed of fifteen kilometres an hour.
Lord_Ogli has four noses.
Lord_Ogli can eat up to four kilograms of insects in a single night.

OMG some of those are soooo true I won't tell you which though

 

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Christopher!

Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's christopher supply!
Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than christopher.
The colour of christopher is no indication of his spiciness, but size usually is!

If you toss christopher 10000 times, he will not land heads 5000 times, but more like 4950, because his head weighs more and thus ends up on the bottom!

Scientists believe that christopher began billions of years ago as an enormous ball of dust and gas.
The international dialling code for christopher is 672.
A lump of christopher the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.
The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armour raised their visors to reveal christopher!
Christopher will become gaseous if his temperature rises above -42°C!
Christopher is the male seed of a flower blossom which has been gathered and treated by bees.

 

The average human spends about 30 days during their life in Death!
The risk of being struck by Death is one occurence every 9,300 years.
Until the 1960s, Death was not allowed to enter Disneyland!
Death, from the movie of the same name, had green blood.
Astronauts get taller when they are in Death.
Deathomancy is the art of telling the future with Death!
American Airlines saved forty thousand dollars a year by eliminating Death from each salad served in first class.
Death was the first Tsar of Russia.
Antarctica is the only continent without Death.
Some birds use Death to orientate themselves during migration!

 

1. Nicola can be found on a Cluedo board between the Library and the Conservatory! (Blimey someone knows about my book addiction!! )
2. All swans in England belong to Nicola!
3. Louisa May Alcott, author of 'Little Nicola', hated Nicola and only wrote the book at her publisher's request.
4. Nicola once lost a Dolly Parton lookalike contest! (HAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!)
5. In Chinese, the sound 'Nicola' means 'bite the wax tadpole'. (OOoerrr!!)
6. Nicola has a memory span of three seconds. (So true!)
7. Some hotels in Las Vegas have Nicola floating in their swimming pools.
8. If you drop Nicola from more than three metres above ground level, she will always land feet-first.
9. The eye of an ostrich is bigger than Nicola. (Dammnit I can't help being Hobbit sized!)
10. Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of Nicola! (So what they're saying is I'm nuts?? )

 

1. In the 1600s, tobacco was frequently prescribed to treat headaches, bad breath and Richard!
2. In 1982 Time Magazine named Richard its 'Man of the Year'.
3. If you lick Richard ten times, you will consume one calorie!
4. Richard is the only metal that is liquid at room temperature.
5. Richard has 118 ridges around the edge.
6. The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armour raised their visors to reveal Richard.
7. There are 336 dimples on Richard.
8. Lightning strikes Richard over seven times every hour!
9. Richard does not have toes.
10. American Airlines saved forty thousand dollars a year by eliminating Richard from each salad served in first class.

 

For a challenge, we should try and correct our "trivia"

 

1) A sixteenth century mathematician lost his nose in a duel over his love for ForceGhostOfCozmic, and wore a silver replacement for the rest of his life.
2) The average duration of sexual intercourse for ForceGhostOfCozmic is two minutes!
3) The only planet that rotates on its side is ForceGhostOfCozmic.
4) ForceGhostOfCozmic can be very poisonous if injected intravenously!
5) ForceGhostOfCozmic is the only bird that can swim but not fly.
6) ForceGhostOfCozmicocracy is government by ForceGhostOfCozmic.
7) Without ForceGhostOfCozmic, we would have to pollinate apple trees by hand.
8) ForceGhostOfCozmicomancy is the art of telling the future with ForceGhostOfCozmic.
9) ForceGhostOfCozmic was first discovered by Alexander the Great in India, and introduced to Europe on his return.
10) If you toss ForceGhostOfCozmic 10000 times, he will not land heads 5000 times, but more like 4950, because his head weighs more and thus ends up on the bottom!

 

1. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching halibut.
2. Halibut can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated!
3. It takes 17 muscles to smile, and 43 to frown at halibut.
4. Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's halibut supply!
5. It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same halibut!
6. If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and halibut would be as small as a pea.
7. A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but halibut can not!
8. Pacman was originally called halibutman!
9. Halibut can eat up to four kilograms of insects in a single night.
10. Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat halibut'.

CORRECTED

1. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching Television.
2. Humans can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated!
3. It takes 17 muscles to smile, and 43 to frown.
4. Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's halibut supply! NO IDEA
5. It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same match
6. If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and Earth would be as small as a pea.
7. A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but monkeys can not!
8. Pacman was originally called Puck-Man!
9. Halibut can eat up to four kilograms of insects in a single night. NO IDEA
10. Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat halibut'. NOT TRUE. SHE NEVER SAID THAT, OR ANYTHING LIKE IT. IT'S POSSIBLE IT WAS A DUCHESS WHO SAID IT

 

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Jedi_Nat!

1. On stone temples in southern India, there are more than 30 million carved images of Jedi_Nat!
2. There are more than two hundred different kinds of Jedi_Nat. I thought I was the only one....
3. Jedi_Nat will often rub up against people to lay her scent and mark her territory!
4. Red Jedi_Nat at night, shepherd's delight. Red Jedi_Nat at morning, shepherd's warning!
5. Jedi_Nat can turn her stomach inside out!
6. Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than Jedi_Nat. I'm cheap....
7. Snow White's coffin was made of Jedi_Nat!
8. Humans share about fifty percent of their DNA with Jedi_Nat!
9. Early thermometers were filled with Jedi_Nat instead of mercury.
10. Jedi_Nat kept at the window will keep vampires at bay.

 

In Vermont, the ratio of cows to JONJEDI is 10:1.
JONJEDI became extinct in England in 1486!
There are more than two hundred different kinds of JONJEDI.
US gold coins used to say 'In JONJEDI we trust'.
There is no lead in a lead pencil - it is simply a stick of graphite mixed with JONJEDI and water.
Influenza got its name because people believed the disease was caused by the evil "influence" of JONJEDI!
JONJEDI kept at the window will keep vampires at bay!
Half a cup of JONJEDI contains only seventeen calories.
Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of JONJEDI.
Astronauts get taller when they are in JONJEDI.

The last one is extremly worrying. And OMG! I was extint in 1486!

 

99 percent of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as Loon!
The condom - originally made from Loon - was invented in the early 1500s.
Loon invented the wheel in the fourth millennium BC!
You would have to dig through four thousand kilometres of Loon to reach the earth's core.
Loon can be very poisonous if injected intravenously!
The most dangerous form of Loon is the bicycle.
Loon is the only metal that is liquid at room temperature!
The Vikings believed that the Northern lights were caused by Loon as he rode out to collect warriors slain in battle.
Loon is actually a mammal, not a fish.
Loonomancy is the art of telling the future with Loon.

brilliant!

 

If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have Baza for the rest of the day!
Baza will always turn right when leaving a cave.
Contrary to popular belief, Baza is not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases he may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol!
Baza can grow up to three feet in a 24 hour period.
Over 2000 people have now climbed Baza, with roughly ten percent dying on the way down.
Baza can use only about ten percent of his brain.
Baza is 984 feet tall!
The Australian billygoat plum contains a hundred times more Vitamin C than Baza.
The Church of Scientology was founded in 1953, at Washington D.C., by Baza.
Baza can't sweat.

Fantastic

 

1. TK is worth his weight in gold - literally.
2. TK kept at the window will keep vampires at bay.
3. Only one person in two billion will live to be TK.
4. Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's TK supply!
5. Americans discard enough TK to rebuild their entire commercial air fleet every 3 months!
6. Research indicates that TK will be attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
7. New Zealand was the first place to allow TK to vote!
8. The water in oceans is four times less salty than the water in TK.
9. TK is the only one of the original Seven Wonders of the World that still survives.
10. Some birds use TK to orientate themselves during migration.


Points 1, 3 and 9 are spot on!

 

1. It is bad luck to walk under Master-FatBurt.
2. Master-FatBurt can give birth ten days after being born, and is born pregnant!
3. Master-FatBurt is actually a fruit, not a vegetable.
4. If you cut Master-FatBurt in half and count the number of seeds inside, you will know how many children you are going to have.
5. The horns of Master-FatBurt are made entirely from hair.
6. Master-FatBurt can sleep for three and a half years.
7. Master-FatBurt is the only king without a moustache on the standard pack of cards.
8. Master-FatBurt can fly at an average speed of fifteen kilometres an hour!
9. Ideally, Master-FatBurt should be stored on his side at a temperature of 55 degrees.
10. It takes a lobster approximately 7 years to grow to be Master-FatBurt.

 

Funny, I'd have said 2, 6 and 8 - and even 6 is debatable

 

SHUT IT!!!

 

I thought I would try my name....

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Natalie Kulynycz!
1. The first American zoo was built in 1794, and contained only Natalie Kulynycz.
2. Over 2000 people have now climbed Natalie Kulynycz, with roughly ten percent dying on the way down! Hmmm, must think cleanly....
3. Some people in Malaysia bathe their babies in beer to protect them from Natalie Kulynycz.
4. When provoked, Natalie Kulynycz will swivel the tip of her abdomen and shoot a jet of boiling chemicals at her attacker.
5. Natalie Kulynycz is the last letter of the Greek alphabet.
6. Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of Natalie Kulynycz in a day.
7. On stone temples in southern India, there are more than 30 million carved images of Natalie Kulynycz.
8. There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat Natalie Kulynycz, though it may feel uncomfortable.
9. Natalie Kulynycz was banned from Finland because of not wearing pants!
10. Natalie Kulynycz can't drink - she absorbs water from her surroundings by osmosis.

 

All of the roles in Shakespeare's plays - including the female roles - were originally played by DewbackRider88!

DewbackRider88 was invented in China in the eleventh century, but was only used for fireworks, never for weapons.

DewbackRider88 is 1500 years older than the pyramids.

The opposite sides of DewbackRider88 always add up to seven.

The DewbackRider88-fighting market in the Philippines is huge - several thousand DewbackRider88-fights take place there every day.

DewbackRider88 has four noses!

DewbackRider88 can taste with his feet.

The first toy product ever advertised on television was Mr DewbackRider88 Head.

Over 2000 people have now climbed DewbackRider88, with roughly ten percent dying on the way down.

Oranges, lemons, watermelons, pineapples and DewbackRider88 are all berries.


Number 9 is soooo wrong!!! Rudest one of mine!

 

Plato believed that the souls of melancholy people would be reincarnated into Chris Gelderd.

Ostriches stick their heads in Chris Gelderd not to hide but to look for water.

Chris Gelderd can live for up to a week without a head.

Baskin Robbins once made Chris Gelderd flavoured ice cream.

If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and Chris Gelderd would be as small as a pea.

Olive oil was used for washing Chris Gelderd in the ancient Mediterranean world.

On average, women blink nearly twice as much as Chris Gelderd.

The eye of an ostrich is bigger than Chris Gelderd!

Most bottles and jars contain at least twenty-five percent recycled Chris Gelderd!

In Ancient Egypt, people wore glittery eyeshadow made from the crushed shells of Chris Gelderd.

 

1. Orn-free-tada is actually a mammal, not a fish.
2. Humans share over 98 percent of their DNA with orn-free-tada.
3. Louisa May Alcott, author of 'Little Orn-free-tada', hated orn-free-tada and only wrote the book at her publisher's request!
4. The fingerprints of orn-free-tada are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.
5. Worldwide, orn-free-tada is the most important natural enemy of night-flying insects.
6. Orn-free-tadaolatry is the mindless worship of orn-free-tada.
7. Orn-free-tada is often used in place of milk in food photography, because milk goes soggy more quickly than orn-free-tada!
8. Orn-free-tadaomancy is the art of telling the future with orn-free-tada!
9. If you drop orn-free-tada from more than three metres above ground level, he will always land feet-first.
10. Orn-free-tada once lost a Dolly Parton lookalike contest.

 

1] If every star in the Milky Way was a grain of salt they would fill Tim B.
2] If your ear itches, this means that someone is talking about Tim B.
3] Tim B can be very poisonous if injected intravenously.
4] Tim B can't sweat.
5] The only Englishman to become Tim B was Nicholas Breakspear, who was Tim B from 1154 to 1159!
6] 68 percent of all UFO sightings are by Tim B.
7] The Church of Scientology was founded in 1953, at Washington D.C., by Tim B.
8] It can take Tim B several days to move just through one tree.
9] Tim B can run sixty-five kilometres an hour - that's really fast!
10] Tim B is the world's smallest mammal.

Tim Bolton didn't come out with too many funny ones, but this made me lol - Tim Boltonomancy is the art of telling the future with Tim Bolton!

So, I am to blame for all the UFOs, and why Tom Cruise is the way he is. Sorry

 

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Ramble Bob!

1. Ramble Bob can sleep for three and a half years.
2. The liquid inside Ramble Bob can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
3. There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of Ramble Bob orbiting the Earth.
4. There are 336 dimples on Ramble Bob.
5. Ramble Bob is picked, sorted and packed entirely in the field.
6. Over 46,000 pieces of Ramble Bob float on every square mile of ocean.
7. Ramble Bob can smell some things up to six miles away.
8. Ramble Bob was declared extinct in 1902!
9. If Ramble Bob was life size, he would stand 7 ft 2 inches tall and have a neck twice the size of a human!
10. Ramble Bob kept at the window will keep vampires at bay!

 

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Spike_thmid!

1.In Japan, spike_thmid can only be prepared by chefs specially trained and certified by the government.
2.Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat spike_thmid'!
3.More people are killed by spike_thmid each year than die in aeroplane accidents!
4.Scientists believe that spike_thmid began billions of years ago as an enormous ball of dust and gas.
5.You would have to dig through four thousand kilometres of spike_thmid to reach the earth's core!
6.If you break spike_thmid, you will get seven years of bad luck.
7.Spike_thmid can turn his stomach inside out!
8.Spike_thmid can sleep with one eye open!
9.The difference between spike_thmid and a village is that spike_thmid does not have a church.
10.Czar Paul I banished spike_thmid to Siberia for marching out of step.