Saga GEORGE LUCAS DIALOGUES

PART I. GEORGE LUCAS' DIALOGUE TECHNIQUE

“Lucas cannot write dialogues” - corrupt journalists, internet bots, OT fanboys, incompetent critics and stupid bloggers like to repeat this phrase. Lucas is turned into an example of a bad dialogue writer. If you cast doubt on it, you will be considered as a fool or a person with bad taste, who doesn't understand filmmaking. Red Letter Morons call Lucas an incompetent person and say that Star Wars was great only because of Kasdan. Movies written by Kasdan become box office bombs or look like bad plagiarism of Lucas's movies. They don't know why.

Actually, all of it is waste rubbish. Lucas has always known his weaknesses and struggled with them. His writing teacher was Francis Ford Coppola. Yes, Coppola is a great teacher and a great screenwriter. But he didn't write the Godfather - it is written by Mario Puzo, and the most memorable quote from the movie - “an offer he can't refuse” - is also written by Mario Puzo. Apocalypse Now is a Lucas's idea and co-written by other writers. But the most memorable quotes from Star Wars franchise are all written by Lucas - “May the Force be with you”, “I am your father”, “Good, good”, “Fear leads to anger”, “Truly wonderful the mind of a child is” or “So this is how liberty dies”. It is highly doubtful that an author of all these quotes cannot write dialogues.

Actually, memorable quotes don't mean that all the dialogues are good, of course. Dialogue writing is an ocean (like every aspect of filmmaking). This aspect of writing involves many techniques, but, as always, without talent and experience none of them can be used correctly. Paddy Chayefsky, one of the greatest playwrights ever, says that the dialogue comes from the character and from the situation (from the scene), and Lucas thinks so, too. This is the main principle of the dialogue writing.

Does objective quality of dialogues exist? Yes, it does. Firstly, dialogues in every style must be logical. But Lucas's logic was always strong and his dialogues always contained a lot of information (as it always supposed to be in a good movie). Aside from that, dialogues have techniques.

22 essential screenwriting tips
https://www.studiobinder.com/blog/6-essential-screenwriting-tips-for-writing-better-movie-dialogue/

Nevertheless, to know these rules is not enough. As always, you need a talent, skill and experience to apply them in different cases. You can't use the subtext or callbacks all the time, or remove all the adverbs. For example, look at rule #2 - “show, don't tell”. One of examples of using this rule are “great lines after kill” - to highlight action.



This rule was used many times, but also there are a lot of cases, when characters don't say anything after kill. For example, the Bride in “Kill Bill” doesn't say anything killing O-Ren Ishii or Vernita Green. Also, Obi-Wan doesn't say anything killing Darth Maul. Max Payne doesn't say anything killing Nicole Horne. Why? Because vengeance has too much emotions, the character cannot say anything except “die, mother****er, die!!”, and it isn't need. Phrases “after kill” are used to highlight action, if it hasn't too much emotions. All of it is technique. Lucas gives a good example how to use the line after the kill and where it shouldn't be used.

But what about the rest?

#1 Gather useful research (write about what you know)
In many interviews Lucas - for example, by Christopher Nolan - Lucas said that he did a lot of research, and there are many books in his home - even “Telling Lies”, as shown in the small video “All I Need Is An Idea”. But, aside from that, he has real sophistication. He studied anthropology; he was a racer and writes about the pod race; he had three children (in 1994) and writes about a boy and a girl; he is an owner of a big company and writes about the Trade Federation.

#2 Show, don't tell (highlight actions)
“I don't care what universe you're from. That's gotta hurt!” - the standard sport commentary.
“Everything's overheated!”
Also, the screen of the Anakin's pod is a good example of visual storytelling.

#3 Use an outsider for exposition
“These Federation types are cowards. The negotiations will be short.”
(Instead of: “I think the negotiations will be short.”)

#4 Write between the lines (the subtext)
“The queen will not approve.”
“Queen doesn't need to know.”
“Well, I don't approve.”

#5 Develop a complete character
“I shall do what I must, Obi-Wan.”

#6 Give characters a unique voice

Qui-Gon: “the father”
“Don't touch anything.”
“Your mother's right.”

Anakin: “youthful maximalism”
“Are you an angel?”
“No one can kill a Jedi.”

#5 & #6 (one of the best examples of Amidala's character development in the dialogue)
“Now, viceroy, you're going to have to go back to the senate and explain all this.”

Do other writers use these techniques? Yes, they do. Quentin Tarantino in his “Kill Bill” also gives his characters unique voices. For instance, Bride's voice is very different from Vernita Green's. Bride's voice is sharp as a knife, Vernita panics a bit - she constantly uses the word “bitch” and foul language.
Jim Thomas and John Thomas in the “Predator” also use unique voices. Dutch thinks, Hawkins tells erotic anecdotes, Billy is superstitious, Blain is a simple optimistic guy, etc.

#7. Avoid redundancy
We don't know the name of Anakin's mother even. Quentin Tarantino doesn't reveal the Bride's name during the whole first part of “Kill Bill”.

#8 Stretch important information
“Perhaps I killed the Jedi and took it from him?"
“Clouded this boy's future is."

#9 Show us the interesting stuff
“Master! Destroyers!”
“The Sith has been extinct for a millennium."

#10 Logical conflict is good
“The boy is dangerous. They all sense it. Why can't you?”
“His fate is uncertain. He's not dangerous.”

#11 Interrupt other conversations (to stretch important information)
“Wesa got a grand army. Dat's why you no liken us, mesa thinks.”
“Your Highness?”

#12 Take advantage of every role (Last appearence)
“Take him.”
“Train him.”

#6 & #12
“I think you can kiss your trade franchise good bye.”

#13 Don't be a basic bard
“You're bantha fooder!” (Also, this phrase is voiced in alien's language).

#14 Tell us more through narration
“The communication disrumption can mean only one thing - invasion.”
“It sounds like bait to establish a connection trace."

#5 & #14
“Since I was very little, 3, I think, my mom and I was sold to Gardulla the Hutt. But she lost us betting on the podracers...”

#15 Make your actors happy
“We are brave, Your Highness.”
“He knows nothing of greed.”

#5 & #15
“Thank you, Ambassador. But my place is with my people.”

#16 Make your speech count
“Honorable representatives of the Republic. I come to you under the gravest of circumstances. The Naboo system has been invaded by the droid armies...”

#17 Stay consistent (tone changes)
“You're slave?”
“I'm a person, and my name is Anakin.”

#18 Foreshadowing & Call Backs
“Qui-Gon told me to stay in this cockpit, so that's what I'm gonna do.”
“After her! This one's a decoy!”

#6 & # 18
“The negotiations were short.”

#14 & #18
"Gambling. Everything here revolves around betting on those awful races.”

#5 & #6 & #18
“I am Queen Amidala.”

#19 Relationships
“What will happen to me now?"
“You will be a Jedi, I promise.”

#5 & #19
“Qui-Gon, sir, I don't want to be a problem."
“You won't be, Ani."

#20 Inner rhymes (additional)
Example from ROTJ:
“Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design.”
Examples from TPM:
“He's catching Sebulba! - Inkabunga!"
“That little human being is out of his mind! They're side by side!”

This is a common trick, too.

Of course, Lucas cannot use the foul language (or the slang) in his space opera. But this is not need in space operas. Every style can be realized with good technique or not. It is important to use these tips in right cases. Also, dialogues (like every aspect of filmmaking) shouldn't exist for itself (with a lot of exceptions, of course). Mostly, the technique is need not to notice it.

PART II. HOW LUCAS ENHANCED HIS DIALOGUES

"If you can cut inside the speech, you're really cutting most effectively.
It's purifying, it's refining. Making it precise. Precision is one of the basic elements of poetry."
- Paddy Chayefsky

When Francis Ford Coppola taught Lucas how to write, he said: “Don't reread. Rewrite.” Woody Allen agrees: “I do rewrite a lot because it's much easier to rewrite than write.” But also he says: “The first draft is usually full of problems but the second draft is not... What I try not to do is reread my script too much. Once i finish it I try not to reread it because the stuff gets stale and you start to lose confidence in it and it doesn't seem fresh when in fact it is fresh.”
Lucas has always followed the advice. For example, the third draft of TPM screenplay was finished on the 6 June 1997, but in the featurette “One Day To Go” Lucas says that he finished the last draft a day before shooting (25 June 1997), so it's not the last draft (and it is confirmed in “The Cinema of George Lucas” by Marcus Hearn). As pointed in the “Making of the Revenge of the Sith”, Lucas's basic method to enhance his screenplay is rewriting, reshooting, in the film editing and sound editing. He used these standard methods in all his 6 Star Wars movies. Basic mistakes, which Lucas tried to avoid, were: unnecessary adverbs, repeats, character names and redundant information.

We know that Lucas used a lot of subtle screenwriting tips in his movies, but what if he did a lot of flaws?

https://writersrelief.com/2015/05/07/dialogue-technique-dos-donts/

We shall use rules from “Writer's relief”. Do you remember “give each speaker a subtle unique voice” from the first part? Yes, it is very important. But it is another story. Most rules are related to books and to the narrative voice ("she moaned" instead of “she said gloomily”), but adverbs are often redundant information, that's why we can define our first rule:

1. Don't use adverbs - they kill your dialogues.

The most famous dialogue, which is killed by an adverb, is the dialogue from “The Rise of Skywalker", which was said by Poe Dameron - “Somehow, Palpatine returned.”

2. Don't use repeats - they kill your dialogues.

An obvious rule - almost always repeats contain excess information. The most famous dialogue killed by repeat from the same movie you all know.

3. Don't use character names - they kill your dialogues. Kasdan likes to kill his dialogues using character names - when Finn repeats Rey's name, for example.

Additional rules by Paddy Chayefsky:

https://gointothestory.blcklst.com/how-they-write-a-script-paddy-chayefsky-2912eee0e9f7

4. Cut out the wisdom.

5. Cut out adjectives.

All these rules shouldn't be taken literally. If you really delete all adjectives (or all adverbs) from the screenplay, your dialogues will be very bad. For example, “All about Eve” has a memorable quote “It's going to be a bumpy night”. “The Wizard of Oz” contains “I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!” Even the screenplay, which is called “the greatest screenplay ever” by the Writers Guild - Casablanca - contains: “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship” (by the way, this quote is used by the amazing writer Sam Lake in “Max Payne”). Adverbs and adjectives have similar functions, that's why writers delete them. Writers simply pay special attention to adverbs, and Chayefsky pays special attention to adjectives, because it can be redundant information.

Read Chayefsky's “Network” screenplay (you can find its scan on “Screenplays and Scripts” website). You'll see that literally on first pages it contains wisdom and adjectives ("...he says - you're a young man - you got your whole life ahead of you...") Paddy contradicts himself? No, he's just knows how to apply his rules. If wisdom can improve your dialogue, it should be there, and adjectives too.

If we read Lucas's screenplays and watch his movies, we'll see that he often deleted all this things and avoided literally an ocean of flaws, which can kill all his dialogues.

Character names:

“...Obi-Wan, you're sure there isn't anything of value left on board?” (page 41)

Almost the whole Anakin/Jira dialogue (page 44) was removed. 3 character names are removed and we don't know Jira's name (because it is redundant information - #7. Avoid redundancy). Dialogue contains only one name (Ani) to be polite. Also, in the phrase “Gracious, my bones are aching...” the word is removed (Chayefsky).

Here is an example of removed adverb (page 51):
“Pod racing. Greed can be a powerful ally... if it's used properly.”

Adverbs can be used to improve the dialogue. For example: “He was skinned alive!” (instead of “flayed” - Predator) or “Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn” (Gone with the Wind). But they should be used carefully and fit to the situation. Lucas can do that:
“I actually saved the pod... mostly.” This adverb (the first is necessary) improved the dialogue. Because Lucas knows how children talk.

At all, adverbs are one of the most complex thing in dialogue writing. Even Quentin Tarantino sometimes has minor problems with them, and Lucas, too. But mostly they can handle this. Here is a subtle example how Lucas deleted unneccessary adverb from Amidala's speech (page 100):

“Our two great societies have always lived in peace... until now. The Trade Federation has destroyed...”

Another good example, how Lucas enhanced his dialogue with a subtle bad repeat (page 2):

“I have a bad feeling about this.”
“I don't feel sense anything.”

People often says “Empire is great because of Kasdan”, but it is wrong. At all, media constantly brainwashes people about Lucas's writing (and directing). Actually, in TESB we can found great examples of Lucas's dialogue writing and dialogue editing. Here is the part of the script:



“He said you killed him.”
“I am your father.”
“That's impossible.”
“It's not true.”
“Join me.”
“There's no escape.”
“No!!”

Almost all Lucas's phrases were used in the movie with small changes. Look at these changes. To make the dialogue better, Lucas connected Vader's phrase with Luke's phrase:
“No. I am your father.”
Another very technical example of the dialogue editing:
“Search your feelings, you already know it to be true.” (the word is removed)

Do other writers do the same thing? Yes, they do. Let's see how Quentin Tarantino enhances his dialogues. If you read his screenplay, you'll see, that like Lucas (and Coppola), Quentin rewrites his screenplays, removing redundant information, adverbs, repeats, etc. Here is a very good example. At your service, page 74.

https://static1.squarespace.com/sta...cede56/1537398233634/kill-bill-vol-1-2003.pdf

“Very funny. Your instrument is quite impressive.”

“Very funny” is deleted, because it can kill O-Ren's unique voice and dialogue. Quentin's skill of the dialogue editing is as impressive as the Bride's instrument. As we see, both writers use the same tricks.

Here is how Lucas edited his screenplay on the set:

“I fear afraid my mission to return with bring you to Alderaan has failed. I have fed information vital to the survival of all free planets the rebellion into the memory systems of this R-2 unit... You must Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.”

Sometimes he enhanced Kasdan's dialogues (the 5th draft, pages 118-119, both names are removed):

“Luke, you must not go.”
“This is a dangerous time for you, Luke.”

Did Lucas cut out any redundant wisdom from his dialogues? Yes, he did. For example, in the Attack of the Clones on the page 7 the only wisdom in dialogue is contained in Yoda's phrase, which is deleted:

“Too little about yourself you worry, Senator, and too much about politics...”

On the same page we can see how he cuts inside the speech:

“Do it for me, M'Lady, please. I will rest easier. We had a big scare today. The thought of losing you is unbearable.”

Removed adverbs (pages 11, 14 and 16):
“Anakin' you're focusing on the negative again.”
“Now, let's check the security here.”
“I don't know why I'm dreaming about her now.”
“He just doesn't understand.”

Removed adjectives:
“If you'd spent as much time working on your saber skills as you do on your wit, young Padawan, you would rival master Yoda as a swordsman.” (page 16)
“Easy... official Jedi business, go back to your drinks.” (Page 23)
“An interesting puzzle.” (Page 48)
“We felt the Jedi would be a perfect choice...” (Page 59)
“You're so bad!” (Page 58)

The word “really” usually is a parasite word. In the whole movie it is used only six (!) times. Moreover, half of them are Anakin's words, working for his “arrogant” trait (two of them are used in jokes). On page 16 you can find how Lucas removed a phrase with this word, which is repeated in Anakin's dialogue:
“...you know I had to get a really gonzo color..."

You know, dialogues in the AOTC are really technical.

Here is the screenplay of the Episode III. It is very different from the movie.
http://screenplaysandscripts.com/script_files/S/STAR WARS - EP III - REVENGE OF THE SITH (2005) George Lucas [2003-06][4th].pdf

Apart from deleting a lot of names and phrases with adverbs and adjectives (Chayefsky's rule!), which can kill all dialogues, for example: "You have been moody lately" (page 87), Lucas has done some very subtle dialogue changes. For example, he deleted this repeat (page 73):

“I don't know... I don't know what to say.”

Page 108:
“You old fool. The oppression of Sith will never return.” Small phrase “you old fool” can kill Master Windu's unique voice (it is “official”: he calls Anakin as “Skywalker”), but this phrase (with adjective!) is deleted.

Or this deleted repeat, which can kill the whole dialogue (page 168):
“Who?”

Judging for all these examples, Lucas was very careful in the dialogue editing.

PART III. CHARACTER TRAITS IN THE PHANTOM MENACE

“It's like a chess set. You have a certain set of main characters, you have secondary characters, you have sidekicks, you have villains and you have henchmen. And you kind of move these around to figure out how the story is gonna play itself out.”
- George Lucas

"You're the brains behind this operation. But these are people you've created. If they want to make a left turn, make the left with them. See where the story takes you. Be okay taking those chances."
- Paul Thomas Anderson

As we all know, dialogues are used for the storytelling. “The Phantom Menace” has a screenplay, which tells a story about several characters. Every character may have good development or bad development. Their development depends on their actions, importance for the plot and other techniques.
One of these techniques is unique voices, which reflect character traits. They are very important and mentioned in both articles about the dialogue writing. Unique voices are in connection with character's personality, traits and occupation. When the screenplay has several characters, unique voices can make your characters memorable.
Many technical writers like Dudley Nichols, Ben Hecht, George Lucas or Quentin Tarantino can highlight character traits with great skill.

“Stagecoach” (1939) has 9 characters, but they are all memorable. Because in the technical screenplay by Dudley Nichols (with some ideas of Ben Hecht) they all act and affect the plot: Dallas, Ringo Kid, drunken doctor, an officer's pregnant wife (Lucy Mallory), Hatfield and others. They all have unique voices. I can't consider all voices, but look at these phrases, which are said by Dallas and Lucy Mallory.
Dallas and Lucy are both brave, forthright, honest and strong, but Dallas's voice is painful and daring. The League offended her and expelled from the city, because she is forced to be a saloon girl (12.50):
“What are you trying to do, scare somebody? They put me in here, now let 'em try and put me out!”
Lucy's voice are simply brave, noble and honest (13.00):
“My husband is with his troops in Dry Fork. If he's in danger, I want to be with him."
Both phrases are pronounced very fast. This can be recognized in Leia's first dialogue (when she confronts Vader) and Padme's dialogue from AOTC:
“When they hear you've attacked a diplomatic...”
“I don't like this idea of hiding.”
Four dialogues are combined with similar acting/directing style. Both Lucas' phrases and Dallas' phrase also contain inner rhymes.
Though all four dialogues look like a machine gun, they look graceful. Not bad, right?
Lucas always used inner rhymes. In the screenplay of “A New Hope” Vader's phrase sounds: “Don't play games with me, Your Highness”. Later Lucas changed it and used an inner rhyme:
“Don't act so surprised, Your Highness.”
Hatfield is a gambler, he is risking his life for a lady, he is a maximalist (it reminds someone...) and his first phrases are:
“Like an angel in the jungle... a very wild jungle."
“You don't understand, cowboy. You've never seen an angel.”
Hatfield first condemns Doc Boon for his alcoholism, because he is an only doctor for Lucy Mallory:
"A fine member of the medical profession. Drunken beast!” (43.10)
Later, when Lucy Mallory is going to give birth, Hatfield rampages:
“Isn't that drunken swine sober yet!!” (43.55)

“The Phantom Menace” is a great example of unique voices. 7 protagonists/allies, including even two minor characters (!!), each of which has unique voice - they are all memorable.

Qui-Gon and Padme Amidala

Qui-Gon and Padme has many similar traits. Though Padme is only 14, they are both wise, calm, strong and brave, though Qui-Gon is more sophisticated. Both try to use diplomacy and conviction, communicating with other characters:

“There's something else behind this, Your Highness.” - Qui-Gon
“The battle is a diversion.” - Padme

Qui-Gon's unique trait is his compassion, which even applies to gungans:
“There is a possibility, with this diversion, many gungans will be killed.”

Combined with his age, this trait is expressed in an interesting way - he looks like a father to other characters: Anakin, Jar Jar Binks and even Obi-Wan. He always talks with them, trying to give them some good lessons.

Another unique trait of Qui-Gon is that his only true leader is the Force, not even the Jedi Council, that's why he confronts them:
“Finding him was the will of the Force.”
“He is the chosen one. You must see it.”
“I shall do what I must, Obi-Wan.”

He can convince Amidala:
“My feelings tell me they will destroy you.”

Amidala can be die-hard and fearless, when her people are in danger (almost all her scenes prove that):
“My fate will be no different than that of our people.”
Lucas can make her dialogue graceful with inner rhymes:
“I pray you will bring sanity and compassion back to the senate.”

Apart from this, her other two unique traits as Padme are both highlighted in the movie: “Queen Amidala is young and naive” and “She's curious about the planet.” These traits are reflected in her unique voice:
“I don't fully understand, this is a strange place to me.”
“You're slave?”

Anakin. Anakin's youthful maximalism is clear.
“I'm the only human who can do it.”
“I came back here and freed all the slaves.”
Anakin's personality and dialogues is very similar to Hatfield's (Stagecoach). He is an idealist and takes part in survival races, risking his life. Also, both can give their life for a lady (Padme Amidala/Lucy Mallory). Hatfield even has no exposition, but he is extremely memorable, like Anakin. Both act, make decisions, have unique voices and similar unique traits.
In the dialogue with Yoda, apart from Anakin's unique voice, you also can see a connection.
“What has that got to do with anything?” - “Everything!”

Qui-Gon's relationships with Anakin is very interesting. It contains one of the most technical dialogue in the whole saga (basic techniques are here).

“You're a Jedi Knight, aren't you?”
Qui-Gon isn't trying to deny anything or to hide from him, but Anakin must be responsible for his words:

#6 & #19
“What makes you think that?”

Anakin explains, but Qui-Gon gives him another lesson, stretching important information:

#6 & #8
“Perhaps I killed the Jedi and took it from him?”

#6
“I don't think so. No one can kill a Jedi.”

https://auralcrave.com/en/2018/08/01/what-is-suspense-the-definition-by-alfred-hitchcock/

Do you know why the next Qui-Gon's phrase is thrilling? Because right before this Lucas created a simple suspense scene: a very dangerous enemy - Darth Maul - goes to Tatooine to hunt the Queen. Darth Sidious says: “They will be no match for you.” (Suspense is when the spectator knows more than the characters in the movie). That's why the phrase contains subtext. The whole phrase is a combination of techniques.

#4 & #6 & #8
“I wish that were so.”

Obi-Wan. His unique trait is his humour, clear or hidden.
“The negotiations were short.”
“If they find us, they will crush us, grind us into tiny pieces and blast us into oblivion.”
“If you would just follow the code, you would be on the council."

Shmi Skywalker's unique trait is in her relationship with Anakin. She doesn't want him to leave her, but understands that cannot hold him in slavery. Let him better to crash on races trying to break free than to live without any hope. And when Anakin is free, she can let him go: it is the main thing in the whole saga.
“I die every time Watto makes you do it.”
“Ani, bedtime!”
“He knows nothing of greed.”
“He deserves better than a slave's life.”
“It's time for you to let go.”

Even minor characters has unique voices, which make them memorable. Here's Watto's phrase, when he talks about the republic credits, which are already mentioned (Watto is derisive and arrogant):

#6 & #18
“How can you do this? Not on the republic credits, I think.”
Or Captain Panaka's phrases, which reminds Leia's phrases from “A New Hope”, because they're both tough. Also, Panaka is very devoted to the queen.

#6 & #10 (logical conflict)
“You can't take Her Royal Highness here, the Hutts are gangsters.” Panaka himself looks like a gangster with golden heart on queen's service.

If you can recognize the character by his phrase, it means that an author's technique of dialogue writing is very impressive. Here are five such phrases.

“The ability to speak doesn't make you intelligent.”
“I can't beleive there's still slavery in the galaxy."
“I can help. I can fix anything.”
“Why do I sense we've picked up another pathetic life-form?”
“Now, be brave, and don't look back. Don't look back.”

The first phrase is Qui-Gon's ("father"), the second is Padme's ("naive"), the third is Anakin's ("anything"), the fourth is Obi-Wan's (humour), and the last phrase belongs to Shmi. This last phrase is one of the most memorable phrases in the whole saga: “don't look back” will be Anakin's (and Vader's) problem during all six movies (#4). These are Shmi's last words in the movie (#12) and highlight of her relationship with Anakin (#19). Such combination witnesses that Lucas is a very technical dialogue writer.

#4 & #6 & #12 & #19
“Now, be brave, and don't look back. Don't look back.”

Lucas enhanced this phrase using a repeat. Repeats can kill the dialogue, but if it used correctly, it can improve them. It's an example how an exception of the basic rule can enhance your dialogue. Vader's last words also contain repeat (which is clearly added by Lucas - there is no this repeat in the screenplay). Padme's last words contain repeat, Qui-Gon's last words contain repeat, too. It works, because every time a character says something very important. All of it is technique.

Of course, Lucas didn't think: "Here I should combine this, this and this..." or something. He knows motives of relationships between the mother and the son. "White Fang" by Jack London contains the same motive (more harsh) - chapter 14 "The Famine":

"She was without value to him. He had learned to get along without her. Her meaning was forgotten. There was no place for her in his scheme of things, as there was no place for him in hers."

Quentin Tarantino's “Kill Bill” is also a very good example of the movie with unique voices. Unlike the Bride, who has emotions (you can recall how she shouted at Buck, for example), O-Ren is more official and emotionless. (This her trait is a bit similar to Amidala, when she hides behind the makeup.) O-Ren is the only totally ruthless Viper (unlike Budd, Elle Driver, Vernita, Bill or the Bride herself). Bride's voice isn't cold, O-Ren's is extremely cold, she is ruthless even to herself - actually, she is the strongest enemy for the Bride.
“Where is it made?”

#3 & #6
“Swords however never get tired. I hope you've saved your energy."

#6 & #18
“I apologize for ridiculing you earlier.”

As you see, Tarantino's dialogues are technical. And when O-Ren says her last words - “That really is Hattori Hanzo's sword” - she is still emotionless and this is a callback (#6 & #12 & #18).

Even Sofie Fatale has unique voice. Like other servants, she is pathetic, coward and throws insults to the Bride.

That's how it works.

 

PART IV. A GRACEFUL LOVE STORY

"Don't write what you think people want to read.
Find your voice and write about what's in your heart."
- Quentin Tarantino

“There's no way to write without writing from yourself.”
- George Lucas

Love story is the most complex thing in writing.

Firstly, it is extremely individual. Secondly, you cannot write anything new. Love stories exist since times of Ancient Sumer. The first love story ever written (of those that have survived) - “The Love Song of Shu-Sin” - is 4000 years old. Also, we know very well only our own stories. That's why people write love stories from themselves since the times of Petrarca and Dante. There are 4 levels of writing - they can be skipped in other cases, but in the love story it is better to consider them all.
https://www.lynda.com/Writing-tutorials/rocket-science-writing/721926/745166-4.html

In the movies these levels can be differ. Let's consider them in this way: 1) story, 2) screenplay structure, 3) scenes, 4) dialogues. Dialogues are the least important part, but important.

Here we should recall the main principle of the playwriting: the behaviour of the character depends of his personality and traits and of the situation. This principle was reflected in Chayefsky's quote and Lucas's quote. So what do we have in the Episode II?

Anakin has grown up, being trained by Obi-Wan. Now he is 20. In this age guys, mostly, think about girls. Obi-Wan himself has become a Master, Padme has grown up too and become a senator. All these traits are reflected in their unique voices. In TPM Obi-Wan roasted everyone, now Anakin roasts everyone, including Padme:

“Oh, you know, Master, I couldn't find a speeder that I really like.”
“I like two or three, but I'm not really sure about one of them.”
“I am a slow-learner.”

Obi-Wan himself now doesn't roast anyone, his unique voice sounds more like Qui-Gon's, because he is a father figure for Anakin, which is reflected even in his only sarcasm “Good job”. In the next phrase he gives Anakin an advise again: “She seems to be on top of things” (take an example). Padme herself isn't young and naive, like in TPM, but still reasonable and convincing, as always. So, we see, how unique voices come from the situation, personalities and traits of the characters. But the love story is a more complex thing, all 4 levels of writing must be taken into account.

Story

How can the story of Skywalker parents look like? Of course, it should be old-fashioned and poetic - it is impossible to imagine modern manners in the love story of the former slave and the former queen in the space opera at its golden age. But it should contain something familiar. The balance of poetry and realism. “You know, I think it's important to keep balance in things” - said Thomas Angelo, main hero of the great game “Mafia”.

There is a real story about Dante and Beatrice. First time he had met her when he was only nine. According to the autobiographic “La Vita Nuova", Beatrice and Dante met only twice during their lives... it reminds something, doesn't it?

So, it turns out that Lucas was so great that he could find a very poetic and even realistic basis for his story? Yes, Padme and Anakin have met two times (before the love story) - when Anakin was almost 10 (!) and when he was 20, and, during these years, he couldn't forget her. You don't remember, I'll never forget...

Their love story itself is sincere. When Anakin behaves himself like a Sith, Padme cannot bear that: “It makes me feel uncomfortable.” When he is a simple Tatooine boy, she likes him. “You will always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine.” And when he acts like a Jedi - “Don't be afraid” - she declares that she loves him. It is from this principle that many dialogues flow. “With womankind, the less we love them, the easier they become to charm.” - A. Pushkin ("Eugene Onegin").

Do other traits affect their relationship? Yes, they do. Though Anakin saved Padme, it doesn't mean that everything is allowed to him (it makes her uncomfortable). But Padme will appreciate it later. When she leaves the capital and her handmaiden worries about her, she says: “Well, then my Jedi protector will have to prove how good he is.” Right after that Anakin can be modest and happy: “Don't worry, we have R2 with us”. It's interesting that in the beginning Lucas and Hales wrote this line for Padme, but eventually it has come to Anakin, which is better for their relationship.

Screenplay structure

Attack of the Clones has a very clear three-act structure with one feature: both stories (the basic story of the clones and the love story) has this scheme. An inciting incident (which disturbs the current situation) - Padme's second assassination attempt forces them to leave Coruscant. Second thoughts: “I do not like this idea of hiding...”, “He is not ready...”; the first plot point (the climax of the act I) - they do what they must: Obi-Wan goes to his friend (four-armed Dex) and Anakin escorts Padme to Naboo. The first culmination (the middle of the film) - Anakin's love confession (the love story) and Obi-Wan's fight with Jango Fett (the basic story). Then the midpoint (the big twist) happens: Anakin has a vision of his mother and Obi-Wan's second confrontation with Jango Fett in the asteroid field. A disaster and a crisis: Anakin's mother dies in his arms, Obi-Wan is captured. The climax of the act II: Padme's love confession and the reunion with Obi-Wan. The falling action - the execution and the battle on Geonosis.

Scenes

The soul of the movie. All acting and changing tones, when the actor changes his emotion, flow from the playwriting.

The story of the two completely good persons, if it is “true love”, can be only based on sincerity. No lies allowed, because it is always percieved as an insult. Characters don't try to deceive or seduce each other. Both, a man and a woman, must be ready to sacrifice everything. The slightest insult or ridicule - and all will be ruined. Here's the quote from the extremely dark sci-fi love drama of Kris Kelvin and Harey “Solaris”:

https://www.readhotbooks.com/solaris

“Kelvin, I'm sorry, but you're the one who brought up your private affairs. You don't love her. You do love her. She's prepared to give up her life. You, too. It's all very moving, very beautiful, sublime, whatever.”

If characters choose lies, it always takes them to the place they cannot go leads to the disaster.

Characters can have very strong feelings. In that case, losing his beloved, the character dies (Padme, Luthien) or wants to die (Max Payne, Mary Ann Lomax, Harey, Kevin Lomax) - even if they are strong-willed, male or female. This trait reflects in Padme's love confession in the climax of the act II: “I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life.”

So, we see, how dialogues flow from character's trait and from the scene (playwriting). As said, in general the love story is based on Padme's unique trait “intolerance to lies”. Anakin cannot behave like James Bond or Indiana Jones, because it is unacceptible for Padme. “Only truth”. If you have flaws, be honest. ("Oh, Anakin is not a Jedi yet.") Be brave, don't be afraid to be awkward, if you are awkward. Padme is a purely good hero, the truth is always acceptible for her, all the rest she won't evaluate. Also, Anakin's feelings are strong (as Luke's in ROTJ and Padme's), so, he is afraid to confess Padme (besides, he's never talked to women at all).

When Anakin and Padme come to the villa, their dialogue flows from the scene: “We used to come here for school retreat...” The dialogue itself is a standard realistic dialogue about Padme's idyllic childhood and Anakin's unhappy childhood (which he recalls slightly, because he don't want to turn it into the complain): “I love the water. We used to lie on the sand...” - “I don't like sand. It's coarse...” IRL such dialogues are usually perceived as something more than the friendship.

Do other writers write scenes in this way? Yes, they do. The scene with Dallas and Ringo Kid from “Stagecoach” is based on sincerity, too. Ringo is a guy with law problems, Dallas is a saloon girl, but they both have golden heart: Dallas takes care about a new-born child of an officer's wife Lucy Mallory, Ringo helps to protect them all from apaches and confronts murderers, who killed his father and brother. Ringo looks a bit awkward and says: “My father and brother were shot down by the Plummer boys. Guess you don't hot feels to lose your own folks that way.” - “I lost mine when I was a kid. There was a massacre in the Superstition Mountains.” Then Ringo talks about his home: “It's a nice place. A real nice place. Trees... grass... water... a cabin half-built...” These are examples of using right tones.

By the way, acting also flows from the playwriting. When Anakin cannot do anything with his feelings, Padme always notices that.


“There are things in life you cannot choose. How you feel.” - Max Payne

“I know.”


Natalie's performance is always impressive. This flowing acting is typical for Lucas, because he is a very soft person, and the director's style is always he himself.

There is also a “mirror” of this scene - the scene with Kevin Lomax and Christabella Andreoli from “The Devil's Advocate”. Unlike Dallas, Ringo, Anakin and Padme, who act like completely good persons ("angels"), they act like demons - and they really are demons - a son and a daughter of John Milton (Satan). The scene of Anakin and Padme is based on sincerity, the scene of Kevin and Christabella is based on deception. Characters with opposite traits act in the opposite way.

Modern TV movies? Yes. The dialogue of Mike and Wiley (37.00)


Wiley: “Boy, I love the keys. Key Largo is my favourite movie. I want it to be about me.”
Mike: “Bacall?”
“Oh, she was my second choice.”
“How long have you lived here?”
“Since 89.”
“You got divorced? Any kids?"
“One. A teenage boy. Was with his mother in Atlanta.”
“My son's 8. Lives with his dad in Brussels. I guess that's the price we pay for the life we choose, isn't it?"
“No, lives choose us.” - Notice how Mike is trying to “hide” from Wiley's wisdom (but he can't):
Wiley: “The wound looks deep.”
“Just put a bandage on it.”
“You don't like to depend on anyone for anything, do you?”

Padme's intolerance to lies will show itself one more time, when Anakin shows his dark side not in his private affair but in his ideology: “Well, if it works...” - but this shadow fades away very fast. Though very subtle Natalie's performance with Lucas again shows that she notices something, the second part of the meadow scene is about happiness. People really say: “It hurts knowing he was this happy once”, but without this Darth Vader's redemption is impossible, because only those can be resurrected, who once lived.

“Darth Vader in heaven” is a great scene, for so many reasons. Nothing dark inside Anakin cannot hide from Padme. “Well, then they should be made to.” Her wisdom and intolerance to lies, especially from her beloved (and the face of a perfect dramatic actress Natalie Portman immediately becomes painful), allow her to notice the slightest shadow of the dark side. Moreover, as an experienced politician, she forces Anakin to be responsible for his words: “By whom, whose gonna make them?” If you are talking about this, you yourself must do it first. And therefore, even 23 years before the Battle of Yavin, she can foresee the terrible truth as nobody else.

All of it creates the greatest foreshadowing in the whole saga:

“You?”


Anakin doesn't want to offend Padme. When Padme says that she “shouldn't have done that”, he apologies. Later he will confess his love and say: “I will do anything that you ask.” And it won't be “an easy challenge” for him. Padme with her unique trait (conviction) says: “We'd be living a lie. I couldn't do that.” Anakin, sacrificing his feelings for her, looks really impressive - his previous quote wasn't empty words. His love is not a game for him but a real trial. Later he won't say a word about his feelings for Padme. Even when her mistake leads them to the execution, he won't blame her, and only after all of it Padme will say that she loves him.

When Anakin talks about killed sand people, he knows that he has done the wrong thing. Padme knows it too, but, as the wise woman, she knows that she cannot judge him. Sand people were cruel from the very beginning - they shooted at 10-year-old Anakin (and nobody treated that as something extraordinary), when he took part in the Pod Race, heavily injured Cliegg Lars, who told about them, killed 26 people and tortured his mother to death. As a politician, who knows about the war, about lifes and deaths of many people, and about “the lesser evil”, Padme cannot blame him. Let him solve his problem himself. That's why she says: “To be angry is to be human.” Besides, he told her the truth - he didn't try to hide something. (In the next episode he won't do that.)

There is a short story “Hop-Frog” by Edgar Allan Poe - about an ugly jester, whose beloved Trippetta was heavily insulted by the king. Hop-Frog has burnt alive eight people: the king and his 7 ministers, who accepted the humiliation. This is a far more harsh story than Anakin's. And Trippetta didn't judge Hop-Frog or even think that he is wrong. “The eight corpses swung in their chains, a fetid, blackened, hideous, and indistinguishable mess.” Not to mention Daсhau liberation reprisals, for example, which are also understandable.

Dialogues

As always, pure love is related with pain and suffering, which determines some dialogues or even the whole dialogue style. “You are in my very soul, tormenting me.” Did other writers write in that way? Yes, they did, for example, Mikhail Bulgakov in his “Master and Margarita” wrote: “Don't cry, Margot, don't torment me.” Though this style is not a panacea, it's pretty hard to imagine something else.

In these dialogues can be useful such things like the subtext (#4), stretching important information (#8) and foreshadowing/callbacks (#18). For example:

#4 & #19
“I like two or three, but I'm not really sure about one of them.”

#4 & #18
“Well, then they should be made to.” - “By whom?”

#4 & #18
“Well, if it works...”

#4 & #8
“I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life."

The same subtext and the same stretching important information were used in Max Payne's quote: “Without Mona's help I'd be a dead man. Suddenly, for the first time in I don't know how long, I realized, I didn't wish to be dead.” In both cases this subtext means the same thing: “I love you”. It's interesting that both phrases are related to death - in different ways.

And, at last, the final conclusion. Again, themes of lies and truth, Padme's conviction and sincerity.

Lucas's love story reminds Lucas himself - as he said in the interview to Carrie Fisher, his experience with women was painful. He wrote it from himself, as many writers do. To create the logical “basis” for it, he used the light and the dark side of the Force in the Anakin - a predictable creative decision. The other side of the story is Padme's unique trait. This is the key of the story. Not too complex playwriting, but... graceful.

PART V. WHICH DIALOGUES FLOW VERY WELL?

“I think of it as a sound effect, a rhythm, a vocal chorus in the overall soundtrack.”
- George Lucas

Dialogues can have different styles, they can be pronounced in different ways, and the same dialogue can sound differently due to the context. For example, Anakin's phrase “it's coarse, rough and irritating... and it gets everywhere” can be interpreted in a very funny way. Belial agrees: “Great! A desert! Sphinxes, mummies, sand in my crotch (Painkiller: Overdose). That's how the context can change the sense of the whole phrase and even its style.

Different styles can be used in different movies, and the same style can sound good or bad in different movies. The style of “Painkiller: Overdose" or “Deadpool” cannot be used in the AOTC or in the Gone with the Wind, you know. Though dialogues of “Deadpool” are very good. Just like you cannot take Max Payne's iconic narrative voice and put it into the ANH. It won't look good. As was said in the video “The Perfect Storytelling Clarity of Star Wars” by So Uncivilized, the final scene of ANH could be the cheesiest scene of all time, but instead of that it's iconic. Mae West's quotes (if they are really hers) “Is that a gun in your pocket, or if you just like to see me?” are the greatest of all time, of course, but how they can be used in Star Wars...

It's not a secret that the “Attack of the Clones” is made in old-fashioned 1930s style. You cannot use foul language, slang, or internet slang even more. But there are phrases, which can be used in every movie with every style. These are universal phrases. They can be used by different people in different times: nowadays or 100 years ago, by aristocrats or gangsters, in the movie with childish tone or with very dark tone.

There is a computer game with the greatest all-time dialogues: “Vampire: the Masquerade - Bloodlines”. Its dialogues can be a high standard of “unique voice” technique: there are very much unique voices. LaCroix, Jack, Beckett, Jeanette, Andrei, Bertram Tung, Nines, Skelter, Damsel, Pisha, Isaac Abrams, VV, Mercurio, Rosa, Mitnick, Gary Golden, Imalia and many others. Some unique voices are equivalent to other characters with similar personality and traits: for example, Strauss' voice is equivalent to Beckett and Therese's voice is equivalent to LaCroix. Aside from that, dialogues of Bloodlines contain such universal phrases. For example, in the beginning, when Jack teaches the main hero how to survive, and says that the Sabbat vampire is very green, the hero asks:

“What makes you think that?”

Later, talking with one of thin-bloods, Copper, the hero asks him:

“What are you talking about?”

In the second part of the game, in Downtown, Strauss says about Nines:

“He could be a powerful ally...”

“Well, that's not fair!” - cries Jeanette, complaining that her sister treatens her as a freak.

After the scout mission, LaCroix asks the main hero:

“What did you see?” - which remids Anakin's phrase “What did you say?” from the Episode III.

Other movies, books use universal manners or phrases. “Predator” contains this phrase:
“I woke up. Why don't you?”

“They all sense it. Why can't you?”

“Solaris”: “What do you mean?”

“Men in Black” contains the scene with Jeebs:
“Don't make me kill you.”

Interesting fact: the first variant of the screenplay didn't contain that phrase. It was added later, to make the dialogue more precise and familiar.

https://screenplaysandscripts.com/script_files/M/Men In Black.pdf

“It was going to be easy.” - Kill Bill
“It is going to be easy.” - ROTS

By the way, “Hello there” is a universal phrase and may have different context. (1:18:37)


Universal phrases doesn't make the dialogue more realistic but more familiar to everyone. One of the most common mistakes of dialogue writers is that they copy dialogues from the real life where they won't sound good. Because dialogues in the movie must match the whole tone of the movie, not be copied from the real life (aside from that in real life people make mistakes). But universal phrases are a very little part of the movie. What about the rest? How to make them flow very well?

The answer is: the inner rhythm and inner rhymes, or pseudo rhymes. They are very important, and, mostly, they can help to make dialogues flow very well. If you play “Bloodlines”, you'll see that inner rhymes and rhythm are one of the main technique to make dialogues flow very well.

“My name is Beckett. I haven't been following you per se...” (Beckett)
“Tell me, have you by chance seen or felt anything strange since your Embrace?” (Beckett)
“Goodnight, young one. And be careful, you're very likely being hunted by the Sabbat.” (Beckett)
“What do we have here? Another scrumptious young plaything straight out of life and into my club?” (Jeanette)
“What all suede kittens do - on hands and knees, you lap up the milk of me.” (Jeanette)
“Take this knife. Give the paintings in the gallery a good slashing.” (Jeanette)
“I'm just a lonely, little girl on a rainy day. Know any games we can play?” (Jeanette)
“The Sabbat... geez you are green.” (Bertram Tung)
“But the Sabbat... they're also brainless and reckless; they have a life expectancy of a vampire fruit fly.” (Bertram Tung)
“Yes I can. Just tell me when you're ready...” (Bertram Tung)
“They got you too? I've got no excuse! A Nosferatu getting caught by a bunch of humans...” (Barabus)
“Sorry, baby, I'll explain everything later.” (Mike Durbin)
“Gee, that's original.” (Gary Golden)
“Comfort... is a custom.” (Andrei)
“Oh, yes... the ”tape". Merely a test." (Andrei)
“Ah! You see the truth of things, don't you, child of Malkav. Blessed with your beastly visions, you are shown that the Sabbat are the only true heirs to the legacy of our dark father.” (Andrei)
“To gouge out the eyes of the Camarilla. The sewers are clogged with my creations. I will kill or drive the Nosferatu from their pestilent nests. Without the sewer rats to guide them, the Camarilla will be blind to the Sabbat's designs.”

“Remember, wherever we go, it is the blood of Caine which makes our fate.
Farewell, vampire."

Such wide palette of inner rhymes can enhance unique voices or even draw different tones in dialogue. In last phrases, Andrei's voice is more soft in the beginning and more enraged in the end. When he says about his personality, he shows only his lazy superiority, he is differ than when he shows his beast, like other Sabbat vampires. By the way, he can remind the Emperor with his iconic phrase: “Everything that has transpired has done so accoring to my design.” Even Padme's rare angry quote is highlighted by the same sound: “I do not like this idea of hiding.”

Pisha's dialogues often contain the philosophy of death, because she has to eat flesh, not only to drink blood, as she herself says.

“Drinking blood to sustain your death, you're damned, yes? What if, besides the blood of the living, you have to eat pounds of their flesh to maintain this thin facade of life - what would you call it? Twice damned?”

“This thin facade of life" is a little jewel in the dialogue writing. Sometimes inner rhymes can be very clear:

“That party back there, with the guy in the suit and the Magilla Gorilla - the *******s that put your sire to death? That's the Camarilla.” (Jack)
“So, Bach killed Grout to draw me out.” (LaCroix)
“There's my locker, sucker!” (Gangster)

Pseudo rhymes can be used even in extremely brutal movies, like “Predator”:
“You are ugly mother****er.”

“Kill Bill”:
“As I layed on the back of the Buck's truck...”
“My Sofie. I'm so sorry.”
“They all soon be dead as O-Ren.”
“I am gonna kill Bill.”
“Only if I can sit in the bride's side.”
Not to mention “Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey” or “Even Steven”. Familiar, isn't it?

By the way, we can recall a bad dialogue from the other “Predator”, which looks like a parody: “Beautiful mother****er.”
No technique, no rhymes, wrong tones. Shortly, inner rhymes are used to draw the light tones or the dark tones. Let's see how Lucas and Hales used them in the Attack of the Clones. Inner rhymes can highlight Anakin's humour:

“Oh, you know, Master, I couldn't find a speeder that I really like, with an open cockpit and right speed capabilities..."

It can highlight his feelings:
“So have you. Grown more beautiful, I mean.”

His micro-speech:
“Easier. Jedi business, go back to your drinks.”

“I do not like this idea of hiding.” (Padme)

TPM:
“The Chancellor should never brought them into this. Kill them immediately.”
“They're the most beautiful creatures in the universe.”

Other examples in the AOTC:

“I would be very happy to arrange it for you.”

“We need a system where the politicians sit down and discuss the problem.”

“Jango, welcome back.”

“You're asking me to be rational.”

“We could keep it a secret.”

“It may be difficult to secure your release.”

"I'm not afraid to die.
I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life."

“I thought that we had decided not to fall in love. That we would be forced to live a lie. And that it would destroy our lives.”

Lucas didn't use rhymes as much as in Bloodlines. This is his handwriting: no one technique draws attention to itself. For him, the movies are complex art. Anyway, his main technique is the subtext, which, mostly, hits more than rhymes.

 

PART VI. WHY KASDAN CANNOT WRITE DIALOGUES

"Learning to make films is very easy.
Learning what to make films about is very hard."
- George Lucas

Alright, dialogues in the AOTC and TPM are technical, so what? What if every other movie is written like that and the whole story is wasted? Firstly, every other great movie is written like that, but it means that Lucas's dialogues are among great dialogues, not among “usual” dialogues, mediocre dialogues or bad dialogues. Great movies contain great dialogues, in all other movies dialogues are worse. Secondly, even the great movie can contain dialogues, which are less interesting (though the movie itself is better). In general, dialogues in the PT are more technical than in ANH. Though ANH contains enough jewels like “I felt the great disturbance in the Force...” and others. For example, dialogues in “The Chronicles of Narnia” are less interesting than in TPM (because there are no unique voices and other tricks), though both movies are about kids. Dialogues in “The Terminator” are less interesting than in TPM, too, though the movie itself is better. Dialogues in “The Predator” are equal to TPM.

Internet propaganda spreads the concept “Star Wars without Lucas”, you know: TESB and ROTJ have the best dialogues, because Lucas wasn't involved, Star Wars were great because of Kasdan, the perfect realization, etc. All of it is garbage. Firstly, the whole movie is based on Lucas's 2nd draft. Secondly, dialogues in TESB and ROTJ are objectively worse than in I-IV episodes. Unlike TPM with its unique voices (character traits), AOTC with its foreshadowing and ROTS with its subtext (for the intrigue), TESB doesn't contain interesting tricks at all. For example, in TPM Obi-Wan roasts everyone, but in TESB all characters (except Luke) roast each other (even Vader). The ridiculous attempt to create unique voice for Lando by one line “You look absolutely beautiful” is a failure, because this line is not need. The whole love story of Han and Leia can be described by one phrase “Han teases Leia”. Conflict dialogues look forced and worse than logical conflicts in TPM. Two dialogues “You don't have to do this to impress me” and “You love me because I'm a scoundrel” kill all intrigue. The most important quote “I am your father” belongs to Lucas.

And the whole myth about Kasdan as “the greatest Star Wars writer” goes to hell. Moreover, he makes mistakes, which can be made by aspiring writers. Even in his 5th draft of TESB he didn't remove Luke's name from his dialogue: “Luke, you must not go. There is a dangerous time for you, Luke” (they were removed by Lucas). He makes the same mistakes in the ROTJ. Do you remember Yoda's speech in the ROTJ, in which he repeats Luke's name five (!!) times? Don't use character names - they kill your dialogues! The speech itself is written pretty bad and contain just a set of phrases, which aren't connected with each other. Though, Lucas was still overseeing the production and fixed flaws which he could. For instance, he added the repeat “You were right” in Vader's dying words (there is no that repeat in the screenplay). But he was very tired and couldn't avoid all flaws. For example, he could make Luke's dialogue with Vader better - instead of “The Emperor hasn't driven it from you fully” he could write “The Emperor hasn't driven it from you” or even more sharp “The Emperor hasn't destroyed it”. Don't use adverbs - they kill your dialogues! And all these flaws happened when Kasdan wrote with Lucas. When he writes without Lucas...

Aside from that the whole plot of TFA just doesn't make any sense (the whole story is how to find Luke Skywalker; Luke wanted to hide, but someone has made a map; somehow the map is splitted; the First Order has a weapon 30 times more powerful that the Empire; the whole galaxy far far away doesn't give a **** about all of this; the First Order kidnaps children and still nobody cares... I have no words. Hunger Games, where all districts don't care about their children? Idiocracy? Not to mention the plagiarism. Alright, whatever...) and serious screenwriting flaws (Starkiller appears near to the end of the movie right before it was blown up, Poe is absent half of the movie), the character development in the movie is bad. For example, Finn. In the first half of the movie he is a dramatic character: refuses to shoot locals, saves Poe (for no reason - he killed his friend). Now the question: why in the second half of the movie he is a comic? For what have you decided to mix sugar and salt? Kylo Ren was ridiculous since the middle of the film. About Rey everything is already said. Poor Daisy.

Finn's dialogues ("RRRREEEEYYYY!!!") are so dumb that it's hard to believe that someone has written that. In the dialogue after landing on the Starkiller base Solo himself points at the stupidity 2 times in a row. Moreover, the style “That's not how the Force works” looks like the internet slang. Several minutes later he has another stupid dialogue “I'm in charge, Phasma", which is repeated three (!) times. Don't use repeats - they kill your dialogues! Also, he deceived Rebels, trying to save Rey, though earlier he wanted to leave her... whatever. The dialogue itself reminds nothing except Jay and Silent Bob with its “I am the master of the clit!" Shortly, the whole movie looks like a bad comedy or parody. For what have you turned a good character into an idiot?

Stupid dialogues are common in TFA. Do you remember an important moment, when Maz Kanata gives a lightsaber to Rey? “A good question... for another time.”

Looks like Kasdan has never heard about interruptions, subtext or simple explanations. “Pirates of the Caribbean” has two examples of correct dialogues. When Jack Sparrow asked Elisabeth Swan about her medallion, they were interrupted. When Will Turner asks Gibbs about Jack's escape, Jack gives a simple explanation (maybe it is a fiction, but he has it). That's how writers solve this problem, stretching important information.

And, eventually, look at this shame.

«Well, I ain't using it! FN, huh? Finn! I'm gonna call you Finn! That all right?»
«Finn. Yeah, Finn! I like that!»
«I'm Poe. Poe Dameron.»
«Good to meet you, Poe!»
«Good to meet you too, Finn!»

A manual “How to kill your dialogue by character names” from Lawrence Kasdan. Names of characters are used 8 (!!) times in 5 phrases, and nobody removed a single name! That's why Poe and Finn look like stupid children, not like soldiers. If you think that Kasdan doesn't make these mistakes in his other screenplays, you're wrong. Because even his AA nominated screenplay “The Grand Canyon” contains the same mistake:

http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/g/grand-canyon-script-transcript-kasdan.html

“Mack, look around you.” (...)
“Good night, Mack.”
“Good night, Vanessa.”

Again, the same two lines with a repeat and character names, which create “childish” effect. Even more ridiculous to compare all of this with Lucas. In the beginning, the dialogue of Padme and Anakin during their first meeting looked like that:

Padme: “I'm glad I met you..."
Anakin: “Anakin.”
Padme: “Anakin.”
Anakin: “Anakin Skywalker.”
Padme: “Padme Naberrie.”

In the movie it looks like:
“I'm glad I've met you, Anakin.”
“I was glad to meet you too!”

Padme's name isn't used at all. That's why 10-year-old Anakin and 14-year-old Padme look more mature than Poe and Finn. Because Lucas doesn't kill his dialogues by character names. “Precision is one of the basic elements of poetry”. And it doesn't mean that character names cannot be used at all. A meaningful reason to use first names to grab attention, as pointed in Writer's relief. “Chewie, we're home.” But Kasdan often uses character names, when they're not need:

«Careful, Ren.»
«I'm Rey.» — «Rey» (2 times in a row)
«C'mon BB-8.» — «BB-8, get off me».

Lucas's dialogue:
«Are you all right?»
«Uh-huh».
«We'd better get back to the forward command centre.»
«No. No. Gather what troops you can. We've got to get to that hangar. Get a transport. Hurry!»

No character names, adverb is necessary, Padme makes a decision.

Again, Kasdan's dialogues. Character names...

«FINN!» - «REY!» - «FINN! Finn!»
«No! Rey! No, no, no, no... REY!!!»
«Poe. Poe Dameron.» ("Bond. James Bond.")
«Han's right»... «Han, how?»
«Rey... Rey... Rey... Rey...»

…repeats...
«All right. All right».
«Bring it down. Bring it down.»
«Same jacket.» — «No, new jacket.»

...talking aloud...
«OK, stay calm, stay calm... I'm talking to myself.»

…and, of course, excess adverbs:
«Actually... the droid's not for sale».
«Listen carefully. You do exactly as I say».
«The droid's got a map that leads straight to Luke Skywalker!»

The last Kasdan's screenplay is even more ridiculous. While dialogues in TFA are just bad, it seems that dialogues for «Solo» were written by guppies: «I'm gonna be a pilot» is repeated 5 or 6 times. Lucas was great in writing characters, techniques and dialogue editing, Kasdan doesn't know how to make the dialogue interesting at all and makes bloopers, which use to be made by aspiring writers. Shortly, Star Wars were great only because of Lucas.

PART VII. SUBTEXT IN THE REVENGE OF THE SITH

“You have to try - in the structure of an hour-and-a-half movie - to arrange scenes
that appear to follow each other in what seems to be a natural way.”
- Paul Schrader

In the Revenge of the Sith characters again change their personalities. Anakin inherits some Padme's traits ("My fate will be no different than that of our people." - “His fate will be the same as ours.”) His bravery and audacity from the Episode II ("I hate it when he does that") reflects in Padme's words: ("There were whispers that you'd been killed.") Padme herself is still calm, reasonable and discerning: “What if the democracy we were serving no longer exists? And the Republic has become the very evil we've been fighting to destroy?” Also, with pregnancy Padme gets a new trait: “to think about the future”. ("This baby will change our lives. I doubt the queen will continue to allow me to serve in the senate...") Obi-Wan is joking, like in the Episode I: “Not to worry. We're still flying half a ship.”

But mostly this movie is about the intrigue, and therefore its dialogues contain a lot of subtext. The subtext works for the suspense and for the whole tone of the movie: the elusive dark side, which surrounds everything, Palpatine's plan, hiding the truth. The subtext, foreshadowing, bad omens - all of it works for the dark tone of the movie.

According to Alfred Hitchcock, suspense is “when the spectator knows more than the characters in the movie.” Writing the screenplay of the Revenge of the Sith, George Lucas created the suspense by the sequence of scenes, and this suspense is reflected in his dialogues. The main trait of Palpatine's dialogues is his subtext, which starts from his first scene as the Emperor and continues until the Order 66 - his revenge. “Soon I will have a new apprentice...” This suspense, when the spectator knows how the dark side begins to surround Anakin, is one of the main instruments in the Revenge of the Sith. The spectator knows more than Anakin. “The terror is in the anticipation, not in the bang", - says Hitchcock. Lucas created the suspense exactly in this way.

When Palpatine tells Anakin the legend of Darth Plagueis, it isn't a legend but the real episode from his biography. Without exaggeration we can say that this is the greatest subtext in the whole saga. The Emperor also has the subtext in his other dialogues. When he forces Anakin to be his personal Jedi in the Jedi Council, he doesn't tell him the whole truth. After the death of Windu he says: “When the Jedi learn what has transpired here, they will kill us. Along with all the senators.” Padme is a senator. And though that's a lie, the manipulation works. This is his main unique trait - not to say everything, like he is a mob boss (Ian McDiarmid at that moment looks exactly like a ruthless mob boss).

Though the subtext is only Palpatine's trait, it is used by all characters, because this story is about the intrigue. For example, Padme says: “This war represents a failure to listen.” Of course: Palpatine isn't going to stop the war, and Padme begins to suspend something. Moreover, Padme with her intolerance to lies is the most dangerous enemy for him, and eventually his reign will be defeated by the Jedi with Padme's traits - Luke. But Padme herself doesn't have the Force to defeat the powerful Sith.

Even more important aspect of Lucas's writing is how he arranges his scenes. Lucas's scenes are always arranged as a “continuous chain”, when every new scene comes from the previous scene and in context of the previous scene. This context affects dialogues in the next scene and the subtext of these dialogues. Also, Lucas's dialogues have another feature - they are multipurpose.

When Padme talks to Anakin about their children and says: “I want to have our baby back home on Naboo”, she thinks about the future. Unlike her, Anakin only becomes greedy: “You're so... beautiful.” Which reminds an iconic Gollum's phrase “My precious”. And again, like in the previous movie, Padme notices something evil and asks: “So love has blinded you?” But after that his greed becomes enough strong to turn him to the dark side, and the next scene begins from his nightmare. Because his turn to the dark side will kill Padme. “But not at the expense of the moment”, as Qui-Gon Jinn would say. Anakin goes to Yoda. And again, Lucas's dialogues not only show how the right advice can be misunderstood, but also work for the difference between the Sith and the Jedi. Yoda won't try to read Anakin's thoughts. The tyrant Palpatine will do. Every scene has a connection with the next scene and the previous scene. This flowing storytelling is typical for Lucas, whose movies stand out for their clarity.

When Obi-Wan goes to Padme to find out where Anakin is, this scene happens after Palpatine's speech and Padme's iconic quote “So this is how liberty dies...” Now the Jedi are enemies of the Republic, and Padme as a senator must deal with it. Also, right before that Yoda says: “Destroy the Sith we must.” Even more important that Obi-Wan must face his final trial - to fix his own mistake. “You'll reap the harvest you have sown” (Pink Floyd “Dogs”). “I thought I could instruct him just as well as Yoda. I was wrong”, as he himself said in the Return of the Jedi. All of it leads to the scene when Obi-Wan and Padme tell lies the first and the last time in their lives. “Do you know where he is now?” - “No.” (Padme really doesn't know where he is, but she knows that Anakin went to Mustafar.) Obi-Wan doesn't want to tell Padme the whole truth: “Padme, I must find him.” As always, Padme notices everything: “You're going to kill him, aren't you?” And later, in spite of all this, Obi-Wan understands that she is innocent, when he touches her face on Mustafar and refuses to tell her what he has done with Anakin.

And this subtext is everywhere. Yoda uses it: “Use your feelings, Obi-Wan, and find him you will”. Obi-Wan is afraid to face the trial and wants to go to a sucide mission: “Send me to kill the Emperor”, though in the beginning of the movie Dooku defeated him easily. Only in the final, when everything is revealed, characters use the truth as a weapon: “You have done that youself”. And the Emperor's words “It seems, in your anger, you killed her” are really nothing but the terrible truth, because he killed Padme by his cruelty, after which her pain and suffering become absolutely unbearable.

The sequence of scenes works for Anakin's turn. When Windu tells him to report the Chancellor, he says: “The Jedi Council would have to take control of the Senate in order to secure a peaceful transition.” Unfortunatelly, for Anakin, who is confused, this looks too much like Sith. Aside from Windu's phrase “He is too dangerous to be left alive”, Yoda's advice “Train yourself to let go” and Obi-Wan's refusal to help the Clone pilots ("No, they are doing their job so we can do ours") - all of it creates an impression that the Jedi are no different from the Sith, as Palpatine said in the opera. Later, when the bridges are already burnt, the Emperor sends Anakin to a massacre mission to wipe out Viceroy Gunray, who attacked Naboo in the Episode I and went unpunished. Eventually, his ambitions “I had a dream I was a Jedi. I came back here and freed all the slaves” were used against him in the most ugly way and his transition was complete. All of it is highlighted in his phrase “I have brought peace to the Republic” and a minute later turns into “I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new empire”.

The foreshadowing also works for the tension and continues until the end of the movie. When Obi-Wan says to Anakin “Goodbye, old friend”, it really hurts, because this indeed is their last scene together as friends. Yoda: “Faith in your new apprentice misplaced may be.”

Lucas's dialogues can work differently in different stories. We can see that in TPM they work for the character traits, in AOTC for the love story and in the ROTS for the atmosphere. As always, dialogues don't exist for themselves.

PART VIII. GEORGE LUCAS VS. PATRICK MARBER

In great movies dialogues only a tip of the iceberg, and even there only several lines can represent some great ideas, which are understandable to everyone. Moreover, the idea doesn't exist itself but only in context, or it becomes “captain obvious” and should be removed from the script like Chayefsky did. All of it means that if you have no idea for your movie, your dialogue just have nothing to express. That's why Lucas's iconic dialogues “Be brave, and don't look back..." or “So this is how liberty dies...” will live forever. And that's why Lucas's real quote “All I need is an idea” is also great - it represents the essence of the storytelling. “Terminator 2” represents the great idea ("no fate"), “The Dark Knight” represents the great idea ("the world needs a hero").

Bad writers usually have no their own ideas. Therefore, they have no idea how to write characters, scenes and eventually they cannot write good dialogue. Because the dialogue always comes from the 1-3 levels of writing.

There are many bad screenplays, for example, “No Strings Attached” (2011). Elisabeth Meriwether, who wrote the script, has all traits of a bad writer: her script reminds a fanfic written by a girl, who just wants to have sex and then wants to be loved without any achievements. The writer doesn't know what to do with three-act structures, characters and their traits, cannot use standard techniques and constantly kills her dialogues by adverbs and repeats (only a parasite word “really” is used 30 times). Though, sometimes such movies can be popular.

But Lucas can be compared with a solid writer - for instance, Patrick Marber. His “Closer” was released in 2004, 2 years after the AOTC - so let's compare their dialogues.

The idea of “Closer” is rather simple - four people get bored and try to do something with it cheating on each other. Something else? They do not know what they want. All of it leads to... suffering, like hate leads to suffering. All characters have flaws and make each other suffer. They are not perfect, calls themselves disgusting and make mistakes. Alright.

But, the main idea and the whole story are not too interesting.

Patrick Marber, unlike many other screenwriters, doesn't make mistakes - adverbs, names, excess information. Also, his dialogues, like Lucas's, work for the storytelling. Do they create enough tension? Yes. For example, when Alice cries and wants to leave Dan, because he cheated on her, they have dialogue:

Alice: “I'm going.”
“It's not safe out there.”
“And it's safe in here?”
“What about your things?”
“I don't need things.”
“Where will you go?”
“Disappear.”

And suddenly it is spoiled by repeats. For what?

Sometimes, Marber writes “memorable” dialogue on purpose.
“Don't eat fish.”
“Why not?”
“Fish piss in the sea.”
“So do children.”
“Don't eat children, either.”

Unfortunately, the dialogue is stupid, because nobody eats children. If it isn't a new album by Lordi “Babies for breakfast”, of course.

When Larry finds out that Anna cheated on him, they have an extremely memorable dialogue about her sex in detail. Is it good? Yes. But it is just porn dialogue.

Does the script have any iconic quotes? Yes, it does. Alice says:
“Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off.”

Another sharp dialogue? Yes. When Larry comes to Alice and she strips, he tries to seduce her, but she refuses him. (And somehow later he agrees.) She wants to tease him and says: “I'm not your revenge ****.” Cool? Yes. Shortly, dialogues are good.

But Lucas's dialogues are better. He cannot write dialogues about sex, because he writes a space opera. To make his dialogues sharp, he has to use more cunning tricks. But in action movies there are not too many dialogues, like in the play, and Lucas has opportunities to use these tricks. He also doesn't like to exploit his actors, though he gives them a lot of direction. And he can make his actors happy. For instance, the scene with a pear in the AOTC is an improvisation. Lucas thought that dialogue in that scene was better than his, and later decided to highlight that.

Because if you take the dialogue from the improvisation scene, which can make your actors happy (#15), create a callback, which fit the situation (#18), and use it for relationships (#19), you will have an absolutely technical dialogue:

#15 & #18 & #19
“You call this a diplomatic solution?”
“No. I call it aggressive negotiations.”

That's how Lucas can write better dialogues without using the foul language or slang. Most other writers cannot do that. That's why Lucas wins this competition.

So what does it all mean?

As the conclusion of the whole research, we should realize that Lucas's dialogues are not what corrupt journalists claim to be. They are realistic and technical. Does it mean that Lucas wrote the greatest dialogues of all time in his original screenplays? No, it doesn't. There are very few writers, whose dialogues are their handwriting and draw attention to themselves. Their dialogues are greater then Lucas's (not far), when the dialogue becomes the main instrument to create the tension (Quentin Tarantino) or if this is complex playwriting (Woody Allen, Paul Schrader, Paddy Chayefsky). Unlike them, Lucas's dialogues don't draw attention to themselves. But they work for the storytelling, and work very good. The dialogue itself is nothing and makes sense only in context, and Lucas wrote in that way, just as I myself used quotes from other great screenwriters not to seem smart but to show how they work. The thing isn't in that Lucas's dialogues are the greatest dialogues ever but in that they are correctly made. In other words, it's an optimal choice for Star Wars.

So, the representation of that “Lucas cannot write dialogues” is a fantasy, which was created by stupid journalists and the corrupt critics. The reality is very different from empty words.

 

maybe it was born from Harrisons famous quip... you can type it George m. but you can't say it
. (edited)