Saga Grief - short Anakin poem, AOTC

Title: Grief

Genre: Poetry, angst

Era: AOTC, after Shmi's death

Characters: Anakin Skywalker

Author's Note: My first shot at Star Wars poetry - be nice if at all possible, please

---

[b]DISCLAIMER:[/b] SW = George Lucas's.

[hr]

[i]Grief[/i]

In one swift stroke death washed my dreams away.
Coming for me from out of clear blue skies,
Night's ravaged dreams that did not flee by day
Cast shadows on my mind, and in such guise
Came defiance, anger, hatred, grief; and death,
Unasked and undeserved. I raged that night
With tearless sobs in every tortured breath;
I closed my eyes, hating the very sight
Of this world, with its false uncaring fate.
No comfort eased the pain. You cared for me,
My angel amongst demons, but too late!
You lift your face to mine; I only see
The scouring sand that drifts about the stone.
Go. Leave me. Let me shed my tears alone.

[hr]

Feedback much much appreciated :)

Nem ;)

 

Unasked and undeserved. I raged that night
With tearless sobs in every tortured breath;


That was beautiful!

 

I did like this lyrical little sonnet, and I think it was an interesting to use the sonnet form (such a traditional and structured poem) to write about such a passionate topic. I think it made the emotion seem more contained: as if the words/feelings were trying to escape the rigid order of the sonnet.

It also seemed a little bit subversive to use the traditional sonnet to write a fanfic piece: very post-modern.

I notice that there are lots of disrupted lines in the poem, that is, the rhythem is broken by the end of a sentence mid-line.

Unasked and undeserved. I raged that night
No comfort eased the pain. You cared for me,
Go. Leave me. Let me shed my tears alone.

Breaking the rhythm of the line disrupts the structure and suggests a general disruption of normality, or the structure of one's life, emphasising the broken nature of the emotions.

I also thought that you used some unique, beautiful imagery, which made the sentiments you are exploring seem fresh and genuine.

You lift your face to mine; I only see
The scouring sand that drifts about the stone.

Technically, the use of listing gives a strong sense of the overwhelming nature of the emotions described: each one accumulating on the other and leading to "death" and thus to grief "unasked and undeserved".

Cast shadows on my mind, and in such guise
Came defiance, anger, hatred, grief; and death,
Unasked and undeserved

I think this is a wonderful "first shot".

Well Done!

Myth.

 

Beautifully done!

 

That was beautiful. I'm very impressed, if you write any more keep me posted

 

That was incredibly lovely and very, very powerful!

 

Author's Note: My first shot at Star Wars poetry - be nice if at all possible, please

Would I be evil, Nem?

Night's ravaged dreams that did not flee by day
Cast shadows on my mind, and in such guise
Came defiance, anger, hatred, grief; and death,
Unasked and undeserved.

That was my favorite part. And I also like how Padme is refered to as an angel amongst Anakin's demons.

It's all fitting. Great as usual, Nem

And what's up with all these Anakin icons

 

Lovely imagery, Nem. I'm not a big poetry fan but I love your work so I thought I'd click. I think you captured his grief at what he had done quite well. I was slightly confused as to who had died until I looked at the era . Oops.

Well done.

 

For a first try at SW poetry, that was really awesome. It certainly got to the heart of Anankin's grief.

 

up!