History of the Jim: Part I

A long, long time ago in a quite desolate land far, far away -- well, not so far as it was desolate, aw, heck, it was Arkansas -- there lived a fair lady. And she was with child. And an angel (or grandparent, I'm not sure which) came to the lady and said, "Lady, you're gonna have a baby." And the lady said, "Wow, did the fact that I am ten times my normal size give it away?" And the angel/grandparent pondered this, considered leaving, then continued, "Nevertheless, you shall have this child and his name shall be called 'Michael'." The woman scowled at the angel/grandparent and said, "You're too late, his name's Jim." With that the angel/grandparent vanished, but often returned to remind the lady that she wasn't doing it right.

So, later that year, the child they called 'Jim' was born, to very little fanfare and the odd tornado (this was Arkansas after all). Through his early years he grew and learned like any other child, skinned his knees, rode bikes and survived a traumatic move to Tennessee (though it was a most definite move upward). He coasted through elementary and high school, relying on God-given abilities rather than homework and effort, all the while surviving another move intrastate.

Then came college.

The young man they still called 'Jim' said to himself "High school was easy, and I liked electronics class, so I think I'll major in Electrical Engineering." That young man was an idiot. About three years -- and many a bad grade -- later the young man said to himself "This sucks. They want me to do actual work! Maybe I'll try Computer Science." And so he tried, did well but was alas, bored. "Maybe Journalism is where I need to be." So, the not-as-young man that was named 'Jim' continued into the world of Mass Communication (yes, he knew at the time it wasn't a real major). After another year of toil -- along with an award for 'Best Sports Headline: Southeast Region at the College Newspaper Conference or some such -- he found that he was still bored.

"Perhaps I need a change of scenery," he said.

No more ominous words have ever been spoken, for the journey he embarked upon with the uttering of those words was one of fear, toil, intense excitement, snubs by beautiful women, snubs by ugly women, the rich, the famous, the rich, famous and talentless, utter boredom, 100 hour weeks and career threatening tape erasures. Those words did not take our really-not-young-anymore protagonist to the edge of the wild or careening into space or even fishing the Alaska King Crab, they took him to a far more dangerous and evil place...

...the Music Industry.

For the six years that have passed, sleep has been his enemy, along with overbearing managers, distrustful, controlling A&R reps and, yes, crybaby artists. It is a world of beautiful people with no talent and ugly people with no talent. His job was to make the world believe they had talent. Sometimes he would fail, but more often he would succeed, as technology is a loving and forgiving mistress.

But alas, it was technology and the twin Dragons named 'ProTools' and 'Cheap Record Producer' that betrayed our hero and forced him over the edge of the bluff into the abyss that is web design, and finally here. Yes, at times he still is able to have his heart's desire and record once again, but those times are few and much too far between. So for now, he bides his time -- and buys lottery tickets -- 'til the day arrives when he can once again roam free in the land of High-Priced Studios and SSL Consoles... a day that most assuredly will come.

To be continued...

Right...


...nnnnnow.

 

Well, that is an intresting story... Nicely written too. Nice to meet ya, Jim.

 

Right...so tell me about Peter Frampton.

 

He's nice and British.

And that Talk Box thing he does? It's real. He had it implanted.

 

//sigh

 

Man, I'm so glad Jim is here. That was great story. It brought a tear to my eye.

Tell us more!

 

A tear to your eye? It brought a cramp to my stomach.

//rimshot

 

No comment.

 

Great story Jim

 

Arkansas? What part of Arkansas did you grow up in? I used to live in Little Rock. In fact, you might say I grew up there. Maybe.

 

I only spent the first 5 years of my life in Arkansas, but it was in Jonesboro.