Horrendous childhood nicknames

Let us step into the Wayback machine and emerge in 1977. There is no prequel trilogy, and you have never heard the name "Anakin Skywalker." Darth Vader as you know him is a terrifying half robot, half evil wizard who is rapidly replacing Count Dracula and the Wolfman in the anxiety closets of neurotic children everywhere.

Now imagine your reaction to hearing that the Big DV went by the nickname "Ani" as a kid. Feel free to point and laugh. (You know Admiral Ozzel would, if only he wasn't turning blue and making those high-pitched wheezing noises.)

As if "Ani" wasn't bad enough, Luke got saddled with the name "Wormie." Now, that is a truly psychologically scarring nickname. Consider that these are just the names GL saw fit to tell us about. What excruciatingly embarrassing information is he keeping from us? "Ani" and "Wormie" can only be the tip of a horrendous nickname iceberg. However, until the true, bad nickname of every Star Wars character is revealed, we must make do with speculation:

TK421 -- During his childhood in the rural South, TK421 was known as "TK421-boy." It really ticked him off.

Chewbacca -- Chewie's parents used to call him "Teensy-Weensy Chubby-Tummy Widdle Chocolate-Colored Ball of Fluff." (Hey, it was a family name!)

Padmé -- Her rise to power as Queen Amidala was not as swift as everyone thinks. As a preschooler, she was known as Assistant Deputy Director of Housing and Urban Development Amidala.

Jar-Jar Binks -- In his high school math class he was known as "Jar Squared." He didn't get the joke.

Count Dooku -- At first I thought no name could possibly be as silly as "Count Dooku." Then I realized there was one name sillier: "Count 'Bunny' Dooku."

Can you guys think of anything worse?

 

Look. Those above examples are nothing. Wormie? Oooh thats not offensive in the slightest. Ani? Bah. When you put "THE FEROCIOUS" in front of it its very frightful.

Listen, the most horrendous childhood nickname was the one endowed to Emperor/Supreme Chancellor Palpatine.

One day at Kindergarten, when the teachers had their backs turned, Naughty Boy Jimmy dared Palpy to touch a girl (oooh! cooties! ). At this stage in his life, Palpsy-Walpsy was easily influenced.

So he snuck up behind Sweet Little Sally and tapped her on her shoulder. It was at this time that the new experience caused blue electricty to shoot out of Palpatine's outstretched fingers.

This new experience in turn caused him to loose control of the arm and question and he plunged into the chest of Poor Little Sally.

From the day on, Palpatine was involuntarily labelled...




PALPATATION!!!!!





What do you mean you don't get it? Don't tell me you don't know what it means...

 

ROTFLMAO [Nelson]Ha!Ha![/Nelson]

 

Indeed, dArTh_wenley, "The Ferocious Wormie" is a horrendous nickname. In fact, if Luke had gone to the Dark Side, I bet he would have chosen that as his Sith name. Darth The Ferocious Wormie.

Qui-Gon Jinn was known as "Qui Ganja" in high school. When Dooku demanded to know why, he pretended not to know.

Few people realize that "Grand Moff" is not a title, it is Tarkin's given name. Throughout his childhood he was called "Moffie." It drove him to a life of evil.

Due to a boyhood resemblence to Ron Howard, Obi-Wan was once known as "Opie-Wan." Anakin reminds him of this in Episode III, and bang! He gets the hot lava treatment.

One reason Yoda refuses to talk about his species is that they all used to call him "Gertie." Nobody knows why.

 

I once heard a rumor that while Leia was attending middle school in Detroit, she liked to play a lot of role playing games, specifically Dungeons and Dragons. As such, the boys started calling her "Leia, Leia the dragon slaya'." She didn't like that, but she liked the tactical side of the game and never gave it up. It's rumored that late at night, after the alliance is all tucked in, one can hear her playing solo games under her covers with a flashlight. (Get your minds out of the gutter!) Ah, the roll of the die, what sweet sounds you make!

About that same time on the outskirts of Atlanta, Lando was becoming a striking young man. He had just recently won his first game of Sabaac and kissed his first girl...or as he would say, she kissed him. Anyway, word of his smoothness got around, and the kids started referring to him as "Kenny Rogers"...the famed Gambler himself. Lando didn't necessarily embrace this nickname, and instead gave himself the alias of "The Turtle." To this day, not even Han knows why, but when he brings it up at picnics and parties, Lando just giggles like a school girl who isn't wearing panties.

 

Mike "Stoner" ......... kids are so mean to the ones who have bloodshot eyes and don't get any sleep......

 

In the Jedi Apprentice series, some of the bullies at the Temple call Obi-Wan "Oafy-Wan".

Mara Jade=Tang Stain.