I believe the quickest way for me to make money in my dream profession is to write a trashy romance.

Or rather a parody of a trashy romance novel. The trashier the better!

I think the way to do it is to appeal to my source directly, thusly this plotline:

Lonely, overweight housewife Henrietta is trapped in what she percieves as a loveless marriage (with who is essentially a male version of herself although she's unaware of this) UNTIL *dun-dun-dun* she goes to get her casserole out of the oven and falls into a world of swarthy, mustachioed Mustachio, a count in 18th century France. In true TRF (trashy romance fasion) he kidnaps her and holds her hostage in the (oddly phallic) tall tower in his castle, where they have an affair steamier than her kitchen after she cooked pasta.

What say you?

 

In terms of sales:

Jurassic Park < Da Vinci Code < Harry Potter < The Bible < Your book, if written

 

I cannot imagine a world in which this book would not sell ten baskillion copies.

 

Moustachio

 

Fine then, his name can easily be changed to an equally manly name, such as Jose de la Muerte.

 

quoting for emphasis

 

That's actually where I got the name, and I thought, by gum, no one would notice! Ah well.

 

Petet Griffin also discovered this. Except it was porn.

 

The Moustachio thread needs to be unlocked, and we needs more volumes.

 

Is he swarthy with a virile manly musk,on the verge of B.O. and hot garbage?

 

Does he end up shutting her into her own oven? If not, I don't think I'd be too interested in your story.

I would suggest you dedicate four full chapters to describing the sight of her flesh burning to ash, but then I suppose that would make it too much like porn.

Oh well.

 

Once I read a book that had a lady in her underwear on the cover.

Then inside there were a lot more pictures of ladies in underwear, and then some pictures of men in their underwear, and then ladies in bathrobes, and children in pajamas, and men in polo shirts, and ladies in short pants and rubber clogs and big hats for working in the garden, and little boys and girls wearing party clothes, and then at the end there were pictures of door mats and boot-scrapers in the shape of hedgehogs, and little raincoats and hats you could put on a dog or a cat.

I thought it was a pretty good book, but the cats at the end ruined it.

I think maybe I wasn't supposed to read this book until I become more mature, but I am not sure.

 

Honestly, AJM, I once heard from a Popular Literature course in college that ANYONE can write a Romance novel. Hell, I've even kicked around the notion, as well. Except I'd have to stomach the fact that I would have to READ one first, to get an idea of what to write. (Except now I notice Romance novels are getting CRAZY with the vampire/ghost/werewolf stuff, so maybe it wouldn't be that hard.)

 

I heard somewhere that Harlequin is starting a line of NASCAR romance novels.. true story. So yeah, it takes all kinds. People's yanks are cranked by an enormously wide range of garbage. So I guess I support your idea of a ramance novel... chances are, I wouldn't read it though. I'd buy a copy so you could do you laundry at the washateria though.

 

Yay!

Then maybe I can work on the Kommunist Kat TV series!

 

I think you read a JC Penny's ad.

 

OMG . . . she ***** you not. I was looking for pictures to make fun of something else when I found this:

A NASCAR Holiday.

I believe the fine-print tagline on the bottom of the cover says, "There's snow on the track, but these drivers are just warming up!"

Studly men + driving around in circles = my last roadtrip with my ex-boyfriend!

And this is a fanifc author who has read All Kinds Of Wrong? slashfic, making fun of somebody else's . . . else's . . . paraphilia? And I do not do that ironically. No. Because even Obi-Wan/Darth Maul/Commander Riker slashfic is less weird than writing warm'n'fuzzy, Christmassy love stories about screeching around a track, running into other people, and having your pit crew hose your car down with fire extinguishers.

 

WWE romance novels are next..

 

and next will be novels about professional pool champions like the black widow Janet Lee.

 

Wait, wait! This is even worse!

Better!

I don't know!

[image=http://img119.imageshack.us/img119/3046/hissyfitbr1.gif]

I suggest that be awarded to the next JC male who develops a serious case of PMS.

There are a whole bunch of other . . . "improved" romance novel covers here. Some are better than others, but all are more fun than the real thing.

This lady also reports on romance novels you can have written about yourself, as well as bad romance novel opening lines:

AJM, I think all you need may be right here.

 

I think I may buy Plan 69 From Outer Space just for the sake of owning it.

Slaaaaaaash romaaaaaance....

[image=http://www.seventhwindow.com/images/covers/Discreet_Young_Gentleman.jpg]

 

So if I replace those guys' heads with Commander Riker's and Obi-Wan's, do I get teh baned? I'm fairly sure the one guy is Riker already.

Edit: Is that one dude wearing a Poet Shirt?

 

His pants are awfully tight.

 

I call dibs!