With stale cigarette smoke being a smell nobody has enjoyed since 1995, smokers now have new ways to get their nicotine hit. E-cigarettes are the future of addiction. Who the hell are all these people standing around outside bars, and offices honking on their robot cocks (and hens)? What are these new sweet smelling clouds of intoxicating aroma in and around their person? The answer is e-liquid. No longer does the way these people ingest their drug have to leave them smelling like they’ve been feltching the marlboro man’s dead grandmother. ITT I will tell you which type of vape juice you would be. I will tell you which delicious flavour combinations I think you are, what your vegetable glycerin (VG) and propylene glycol (PG) ratios are, and your nicotine content. If you ask me. Hello
I see by that, you mean, which vape juice would I be - amirite? You are a gourmet quality e-liquid called “the milky bar kid”. You are white chocolate, with a back note of bergamot. You are 50/50 VG/PG giving a mellow, moorish hit. You are 3mg nicotine.
You are called “dirty stop-out”. You are a decadent combination of sweet pumpkin pie, with a graham cracker base. There are top notes of bavarian cream, and a hint of chocolate porter. You are 70/30 VG/PG, which wraps the vaper in a delicious hug of a cloud. You are 3mg nicotine.
You are called “crime brulee”. You have a delightful vanilla custard taste just below the surface, but there is a slightly bitter caramelised sugar top note the vaper initially has to break through first. What’s the crime element you ask? It is that you are 12mg nicotine, in order to tempt your countrymen from their beloved gauloises.
You are called “kicking tarte au citron”. You have a buttery biscuit base, with a lemon custard that has the perfect amount of acidity to cut through the sugar. The kick is that you contain cannabidiol (CBD), a derivative of hemp, giving a sweet head rush. You are 6mg nicotine.
You are called “the cohiba is on the lips”. You are a tobacco tasting vape. No ordinary tobacco though, it’s a primo cuban throat hit. There is back note of honey infused bourbon. What type of bourbon? Jack? Woodford Reserve? Nah man, Suntory. Japanese bourbon, what’s going on? Don’t know. 12 mg nic.
You are “jam roly-poly”. A raspberry sponge with a custard aftertaste that teleports you back to lunchtime in Ilford, on a Tuesday, in the 80’s. You are 100% vegetable glycerin, in honour of that school disco smoke machine when you had your first kiss. What was your teachers name again, and did he eventually go to prison?
I don't vape, but all my teenage son's friends do, apparently. He never would, obviously. That would be the last thing he would ever do. Trust him. He leaves the room whenever they vape. He doesnt feel peer pressure. Just rolls right off him like learning off a rainbow serpent's back.
You are called “Dam it feels good to be a gangsta”. You are equal parts coffee and stroopwafel, with a delicious hint of caramel. You are 70/30 VG/PG, with 3mg of nicotine. You are what they call an all-day vape (ADV).
