If someone accidentally gets pregnant, do I still tell them congratulations?

Serious question, guys.

My friend is a freshman in college and she might be pregnant with the spawn to her boyfriend of one year. I don't know if I should say congratulations, sorry, or "And how does that make you feel?"

 

This will end well.

 

You just look at your phone and pretend to be texting someone, for as long as necessary.

 

Prediction for the thread or suggestion of what I should tell her in response?

 

Get her a fruit basket.

 

I usually take my cues from the mother-to-be. Like if she's jumping up and down with joy I say "Congratulations." If she's weeping like her parents, only sibling, and dog just died, I say "I'm sorry."

Well okay, "I'm sorry to hear that." Because I'm not the one who knocked her up. I swear it.

 

Fruit baskets strike me more as a funeral gift.

The only problem with that ophelia is that she doesn't openly display emotion unless she's prompted for it.

 

Push her down the stairs.

 

You don't say any of those. You ask if she needs a drive to the abortion clinic.

 

I used to tell her whenever she told me she couldn't make up her mind about her viewpoint on abortion: "I bet you one unplanned pregnancy you're pro-choice".

If she wants help, I'll be more than glad to step in, but her boyfriend is extremely supportive. He's not the hit it and quit it type.

 

Nobody displays emotion without being prompted for it. If somebody's sitting around weeping and rending their garments for no reason, they need to be put away.

Also:

 

Hmm, it depends. If she's happy about it, then say "Congratulations." If she's not, just offer your emotional support. Only offer her a ride to the clinic if she asks for one.

 

I'm awaiting the OZK post.

 

Set a fire in its flesh.

 

Assume the child's father is an alien, or the Force.

 

Say "congratulations" with the rising sound of a "?" at the end. Covers all the bases.

 

Say, "Congratulations!" in as excited a tone you can muster.

One of my students got pregnant, and when she told me that was why she had missed class and I told her that, she said, "Thank you! Why does everyone always say, 'I'm sorry' when I tell them?" She was unmarried and unemployed.

So, yeah, tell her congratulations and if she is actually pregnant and having trouble dealing with it psychologically, then send her to a crisis pregnancy center. But don't act like her being pregnant is a disease of a bad thing. It's perfectly normal.

 

It's similar to waiting for a root canal, right?

 

EDIT: Nah, too easy.

 

Tell her she just signed up for 18 years of child support payments. Ka'ching (the boyfriend's super rich, right?)

 

Do not do this without informing her that the vast majority of crisis pregnancy centers are there for the purpose of preventing the mother from choosing abortion using any tactics necessary including telling them that if they have the baby, their abusive boyfriend might stop hitting them or saying they'll schedule an abortion, and then delaying until abortion is no longer a legal option in their jurisdiction.

 

I dunno about that. It's fine when you have the ability to support and care for a child, but it can be disastrous in situations like the one in the opening post or the one you described. If you can't financially support the kid then you're doing them a disservice, not to mention the emotional toll it could put on you as well.

Obviously not every teenage pregnancy is going to end up a catastrophe. I know a couple of girls who had kids in their teens or very shortly after who were single and in school, and they both do fine. Still, I think that's probably the exception rather than the rule.

My suggestion: wait until you get a definitive answer over whether or not she's pregnant, and then base your response on her reaction. I doubt finding out whether or not you're going to have a baby is something that she'd be able to display no emotion towards whatsoever; it's too big.

 

Hi Dani.

I never brought up abortion, but some criticism of CPC's is valid (I often have to correct people about incorrect medical or scientific information that is spread by local members of the pro-life community), but many of them are helpful and do offer options that single mothers often can use - such as counseling, community support, financial help, sometimes limited medical services, and adoption services.

As for abortion, I really don't have the time or the energy to discuss this with you, especially since it seems to me, and based upon our previous interactions on the issue, that you perceive me as either ignorant, severely misguided, unintelligent, or a combination of the three for my opinion on the issue. And honestly, I don't feel like you would actually listen to what I have to say for the sake of listening to it and understanding it, but only for rebuttal - something which I am often guilty of too. But on this issue, I really feel like it makes it impossible for us to discuss the issue, at least over the internet (but likely in person too).

 

I wasn't trying to start a discussion about abortion. I posted because I truly think that no one should go into a CPC without knowing what they are probably getting themselves into, so I was telling nostalgia not to send her friend to one without warning her that they may use some of those tactics on her and to be prepared for that. I would have added that caveat to any post about a CPC coming from anyone.

I don't think you are unintelligent or uninformed on the issue, and I'm sorry if I've given that impression, but I do think we don't agree and never will.

 

But believe me, I totally understand why CPC's frustrate you. Again, I think that they do good because of my beliefs concerning human life, but some people who work for them are devoted to the cause and will spread any myth for its sake.

For example, the less you ovulate, the less likely you are to get ovarian cancer. So, having lots of kids or using the birth control pill decreases your chances of getting ovarian cancer. If you have an abortion (whether performed or spontaneous), then you'll begin ovulating sooner and your chances of getting ovarian cancer goes up.

Someone at a CPC hears this and runs around saying, "Abortion causes ovarian cancer!" or worse, "If you have an abortion you will get ovarian cancer." Whereas the reality is that not being pregnant is what increases your risk of developing ovarian cancer. So now you have a good excuse to tamper with whatever Carmen uses for birth control.

These sort of things are frustrating. Also, many of the people who work there are volunteers and don't receive proper training, sadly. So yes, it really does depend on the crisis pregnancy center she goes to. So she should be warned to choose one that is decent - but it is better for her to have someone to talk to about it.