Is it wrong to stop 'liking' someone for phsyical/appearance reasons?

Well guys I'm ina bit of a tough spot. I started talking to a friend's friends online, which led to talking on the phone with plans to meet each other soon. Sounds great right? I really liked this girl from talking to her on the phone. She is sooooo sweet and I really loved talking to her, sometimes from late at night well into the morning. All this time she told me how much she liked me and wanted to meet me, but she always said that she was afraid I wouldn't like her when I met her. I said no taht I wasnt like that and that was nonsense. Afterall I had seen pictures of her (from the waist up) and I thought she was very pretty. So the day came and I met her and I realized what she was talking about. She was quite a bit overweight, she is what less sensitive people would call 'fat.' Now I'll be totally honest, it really turned me off. I mean I lover her shes a great person and all, but I don't know if I would want to seriously date her. I know beauty is only skin deep and all, but the weight problem really bothered me and I don't know what to do. I must sound like a horrible person for being so vain, am I? I guess Im just here looking for advice on what to do. Am I being a bad person for not liking her because of her weight?

 

No...its not wrong...you're human...

 

No because like it or not,as much as personality is important, I;m sure some of use would not like to walk around with someone that we don't find attractive.

I don't care whaty anyone says. I love personalities and all. I'm all for them, but there has to besome type of physical attractin between two people. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

As much as personalities are the most important thing, looks still has a little to do with it, and if your not attracted to her in that way, then it;s fine.

 

I give you one for being honest.

 

Preach on Obi




GO BUCKS

 

Maybe you could try and do physical stuff with her. Those pounds could melt away. Then you may have something REALLY special on your hands. You really like this girl's personality, looks pass, the personality stays there until you are a shrivelly old guy in a nursing home.

 

I don't think it's wrong. There has to be some physical attraction or I don't think a relationship could last. Of course, don't ask me, I've been on one date in my whole life!

 

Met her over the Internet huh? Figures.

 

I also agree. Nothing wrong with not being physically attracted...

 

There has to be some kind of physical attraction, but then there are sometimes that you really don't care what a person looks like, all you know is that you love them despite how they look.

Hell, there have been times for me that some women have seemed "ok" and over time, gone to "HOT" in my eyes when they really didn't do anything to change their looks.

 

Well I didn't say it's wrong not to be turned off by looks. But if you know for a fact that you really like someone, why spoil that because they look like something you're not into?

I've lost too many friends, and seen too many situations like this. I know when to value a good friend at least. You don't have to really get into serious dating, but try it, who knows, you may find that she has really pretty eyes, or you like to play with her hair or something like that. And in the mean time drop subtle hints to get her in shape.

 

it's not wrong. just shallow.

but let's be honest. shallow isn't wrong, it's just human.

however, you should try to get to know her in person, the same way you did in reality. even if it doesn't evolve romatically, it may evolve as friends. and even though someone may not seem as attractive when you first meet them, i've learned that personality has a lot to do with attractiveness. someone who seems really attractive may not seem so much once you get to know them and find out they're a jerk, and someone who you normally wouldn't find attractive gets really cute when you find out they're a good guy.

 

This is a question that only you can answer, my friend.

I will though, recommend the following psychological exercise: exchange positions. Really imagine that she now has the upper-hand in physical desirability, while you are lacking in that department. How would you feel in this circumstance? Would you feel the same as you do now or would your feelings change about physical desirability?

Edit: This exercise will not provide a sure-fire answer. But it will help you to see other sides of the equation and may help you to make a more balanced decision.

 

This happens all too often DJYoda, that is why the internet is a dangerous place.

The thing that hurts you in this case, is that you told her that you weren't that kind of guy.
You may want to figure out what you want to do. Are you looking for a girl or a friend?

 

DJYODA, beauty is only skin deep and this person obviously has a nice personality.

However, for a relationsip to work, there has to be an "in-person" chemistry. And from what you've said, it's lacking.

 

Get to know her a little better and perhaps you will stop seeing her physical faults. People automatically become more beautiful when you get to know them better. That's why internet friendships suck.

 

Just a Human Flaw, get to know her more, she could of been worse.