I've just realised how redneck my extended family is.

lol, the funniest thing happened today.

Some of the family were hanging out at my grandmother's house today, and I think I now have an excuse to blow off family reunions.

A few of my cousins and I were planning to go see a movie tonight, and we were trying to get my cousin Scott to come over. Keep in mind he's 24 years old, and still living in his parents' house just down the road.

I just got a cell phone and Scott hadn't been given my number yet. We were all hanging out on the porch, and I decided to send Scott a text, as he hadn't arrived yet.

Now, keep in mind we always joke like this and he's done it to me as well. The text read "Hey! Where my money!? You better have it by tomorrow before I cap you!"

It was absurd. I called about thirty minutes after the text was sent, and Scott's dad, Andrew, answered the phone. I explained with a chuckle how I had been messing with Scott, and I would like to talk to him. He replied "Don't be playin' no ****** ******* jokes, ***damnit. I will kick your ****** ******* ass next time you ******* pull something like this! Scott is shaking like a leaf!"

I apologised, still in a calm tone of voice (believe it or not, because if I hadn't my dad would have been upset had he found out) and told him I meant no harm and it wouldn't happen again.

He then proceeded to speed over, pull up in the driveway, nearly hitting two or three cars that were parked. Right about this time, my cousin Branden gets a call from Scott, he seemed rather calm and not shaken up at all by my little joke, but warned us that his dad was extremely pissed off.

With his shirt unbuttoned and his beer belly hanging out, he staggered through the yard and up the porch, and continued to threaten me. It was obvious he was either intoxicated, or on something.

Long story short my father calmed him down and sternly told him we didn't want him coming over and not to come back around. Long ago my dad vowed he would "...whip Andrew's ass one more time before he died." so I was surprised at his calm reaction. My dad also chased Andrew with an ax about 25 years ago, due to an unfortunate family conflict.

So he left, and last I heard he was notifying everyone in the family about what I did, telling the whole town, and even claimed he was going to take legal action and get me locked up for "attempted murder"

I'm not denying I did something stupid, but am I the only person who thinks he was slightly overreacting?

EDIT: It was actually Branden who got the call, and not Dustin Just a minor edit.

 

tl,dr

 

Um, what?

 

That's nothing. Many members of my cousin's family (thankfully I'm only "related" to most of them by marriage) got ****faced drunk at a 1-year-old's birthday party. It was the first time I could clearly see why my parents had given up on them long ago.

 

lol, yeah, my family's nuts.

I want to know what he thought he was doing to start with. I was on the porch with four other people, all in their early 20s, one of which is a 6'5", 280 pound monster. Did he really think he wasn't walking into a wasp's nest?

It's funny because as Andrew was staggering through the yard, my cousin Kendall, with not a smile on her face, asked "Hey, is this really happening?"

 

Hey, thanks for the insightful post. Please do that again.

 

You see, its funny, because SHE DIDN'T LIKE IT and in fact, doesn't want you to do it again.

 

I still don't know what tl,dr even means.

 

Wow, it's so hilarious how you used sarcasm to explain the previous post in a way that attempts to undercut ITS use of sarcasm.

 

At least its more interesting than my family.

 

Be thankful.

The upside is that I'm the black sheep of the family. You know, because I can read. And I brush my teeth. And I wear shirts with sleeves on them.

 

Every meal with my dad's family involves poop jokes.

 

My uncle constantly changes pre arranged plans at the very last minute.

 

Rednecks lead such intersting lives.

 

Jeezy creezy, I wish I could pick my family...

I hate being associated with white trash. And it's that way on both sides of my family.

 

Send that in to the Blue Collar Comedy guys and see what happens.

 

This is my favorite part:

You know. Like you do.

 

Believe it or not that's not that out of the ordinary for my dad.

 

nice

 

Kind of reminds me of my family. My mom was adopted, and she decided to find about her biological family, which was a mistake.

One instance my aunt and uncle got into a fight, and my aunt beat the hell out of my uncle and knocked some of his teeth out. He's over 6 feet tall and was about 200 pounds at the time and was known for fighting, so that tells you how crazy and tough my aunt is.

Another time my uncle was fighting with my other uncle, and their mother(I don't consider her my grandmother) was yelling at them to stop. Finally she had enough, and stabbed one in the hand with a fork, and hit the other with a frozen ham.